Today, I was riding my bike with my parents. They make me wear...

By dinosawerr - 5/5/2009 12:42 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike with my parents. They make me wear a helmet when I'm with them. Some college age kids drove past and yelled, "Nice helmet!" My mother then told me, "They like you!" I'm sixteen and my helmet is blue. With flowers. FML

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

All in the family

Nice neighborhood

By tannarox - 28/1/2012 15:46 - United States

Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2012 17:57 - Germany - Hagen

Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML

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By Noname - 16/3/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came to have a beer with us, and I knew my best friend would think he was gorgeous. I wanted to take a picture of him without knowing, so i tried to hold up my phone and pretend to be texting. The flash went off. FML

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By annoymous - 7/2/2017 06:00 - Australia - Glenroy

Today, it was the first time I was meeting my guy's parents. Turns out he forgot it was his mum's birthday and I ended up having to meet his whole family. FML

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By Julian - 22/12/2008 07:45 - France

Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answer: 'Well, you don't kiss me often either!". So now she keeps kissing me. FML

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By Stupid - 18/9/2013 08:46 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I thought that an ingenious way to protest against high tuition prices would be to steal a box of soymilk from my university dining hall. The box exploded in my backpack. Not only did I lose all my soymilk, I now have replace my $120 calculator. FML

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By seriously_CAT - 21/10/2015 02:26

Today, I had to try to convince my roommate that, yes, you do need to use dish soap when you hand wash dishes because of bacteria in old food. She still won't believe me, insisting that, "there's no such thing as bacteria in food". FML

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By DramaticSigh - 15/8/2011 05:00 - United States

Today, at work, a customer came in. Since I was behind the counter, I asked if she needed help with anything. I've worked there for five years, and I didn't recognize my own boss. FML

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By jadalaheart - 28/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Citrus Heights

Distant love

Today, for the first time in more than two years, a guy asked me out. Too bad he lives halfway around the world. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2017 00:30 - Italy - Verona

Today, as I woke up, the first thing I saw was a bee on my hand. I tried not to make the slightest move, waiting for it to fly away without stinging me. The second thing I saw was my cat jumping at it. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2011 13:30 - United States

Today, my fiancé suggested we bring his elderly mother with us on our honeymoon. FML

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By AvengdSevenfold - 24/8/2009 14:22 - United States

Today, I was playing Ultimate Frisbee and trying to make new friends since I'm new at my college. I was running after an overthrown frisbee for a touchdown. Everyone cheered me on to keep going. I ran full speed into a fence. FML

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By redmethod87 - 8/4/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, I took my dog to the puppy park to meet girls. I met one very attractive girl, she loved my puppy, and she asked for my number. As she took out her phone, my dog defecated on her feet. She was wearing sandals. FML

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By for fuck's sake, gran - 25/7/2015 05:30 - United States - Bainbridge

Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML

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By babygurl69 - 20/1/2009 21:38 - Canada

Today, I woke up with a hangover, but went to school anyway without showering, applying makeup, and still wearing my pajama bottoms. While taking the subway, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend who I hadn't seen a year. His new girlfriend looked at me and said, "You look... tired." FML

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By some explaining to do - 25/12/2016 08:34 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to my uncle's house to celebrate Christmas. His kids don't have their own phones so I let them play with mine. They sent all my contacts messages saying I love them, including two of my ex-girlfriends who both immediately wanted to make up and started to frantically call me. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2015 20:42 - United States - Boulder

Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML

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By Isoneedtomove - 9/11/2018 16:00 - United States

Today, I received an email from a shipping company telling me they had dropped off a package of expensive electronics at the front door. Too bad someone stole it before I made it to the door. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2010 06:50 - United States

Today, my older brother and I were teasing our mom about her age. When we jokingly told her it was hard for us to watch our parents get old, she responded by saying "yeah, well, it's hard for me to watch my kids grow up and not have anyone who wants to marry them". FML

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By Blazouta - 11/11/2008 08:32 - France

Today, I'm 20 and I'm going bald. FML

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By missalexa - 3/8/2010 18:13 - United States

Today, upon getting out of the shower, I discovered the towel I grabbed off the rack had dried poop on it. Apparently, during my sister's birthday party yesterday, we'd run out of toilet paper. FML

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By broke - 17/1/2012 16:08 - Canada

Today, I started my new job as a dishwasher, and was very excited since I've been broke for weeks. A few people dined and dashed, apparently for the first time in the restaurant's history. My boss is superstitious. She fired me. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2018 15:00

Today, I was verbally harassed by a customer because I wouldn’t give her special treatment after her meal was incorrect. I offered her a refund and a coupon for a free meal, which she refused before calling me a stupid kid who wouldn’t do anything to help her. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2017 20:00

Today, I was crying after a bad day at work. As I walked down the street, a young boy in a minivan tried to get my attention. He kept saying, "Hi, hi, please wave!" in a sad voice. When I politely waved at him, I saw a group of kids in the van giggling hysterically and taking pictures of me. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my crush and wanted to see what he thought of me. Instead of asking him straight, I tugged at my shirt, saying ''I don't know why I wear this top. I always look awful in it." He said, "Are you fishing for a fat joke?" FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2011 02:54 - United States

Today, my car got keyed because I was parked in a handicapped parking spot. I'm handicapped. FML

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By ThrewItOntheGrooooooound - 7/4/2016 09:48 - Denmark - Odense

Today, a kind cyclist rode up next to me to inform me that my bag of groceries was about to fall off. Exceedingly careful, I slowly brought my bike to a halt. Only at the very second I stood still did I hear the dreaded "twang" as my carrier broke, and my stuff smashed to the ground. FML

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By Singapore - 6/6/2012 02:59 - United States - Shortsville

Today, my uncle gave me a lecture on how I eat too much "unhealthy" junk food, and that it can be very harmful for me. All the while smoking a cigarette. FML

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By catlover - 16/6/2011 16:14 - China

Today, our new cat, which my mum was hesitant about letting us keep because she believes they're diseased, gave us all ringworm. FML

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By dramaqueen - 14/4/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he dates me. He immediately responded, "Well, TV shows are boring and predictable, so you're a good source of fresh and interesting drama." FML

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By porkers gonna pork :\ - 12/3/2016 15:09 - Australia - Elsternwick

Today, I met one of my fiancé's coworkers. Normally I'd never ask how far along someone's pregnancy is without being 100% sure they're not just fat, but she seemed fit. Well, I now know that virtually all the fat in some people's bodies can go straight to their gut and nowhere else. FML

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By This_Is_Me1982 - 3/1/2011 17:51 - Canada

Today, I found out that my friend makes more money than I do. She's a high school dropout and working at a retail job at the mall. I went to college for four years to get my job. FML

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By pervert - 9/1/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML

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By jamalinho - 11/5/2011 17:51 - Bangladesh

Today, I worked 12 long hours cooped up in my office. Before leaving, my boss asked me whether I'll ever take my job seriously. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2011 07:16 - United States

Today, I discovered the reason my favorite stick of deodorant hasn't smelled right for the past two weeks. My dad uses it on his butt crack and balls "to clean up the stank". FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2016 03:49 - United States - Rockford

Today, my car broke down. The good news is I can afford to have it fixed. The bad news is paying for the fix will wipe out my savings, which I need to get certified for a non-minimum-wage job. FML

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By thefuckedupbunny - 18/8/2019 20:00

Today, while on the train with my dad, my boyfriend sent me a message. It was a nude, and when I looked, my dad saw. FML

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By T-Shain - 31/5/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I rear-ended a car. While we were waiting for the police, we made small talk, at which time I learned he was an attorney. FML

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By coop42 - 15/1/2014 19:22 - United States - Hortonville

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2013 18:56 - India - Pune

Today, I decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. My dad just looked him dead in the eyes and said, "How much did she pay you? I doubt it was enough." FML

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Top comments

By autumnshivaree | 0

#172076 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:47

As much as I personally would like a blue helmet with flowers, I understand. I'm a college kid, and I'm willing to risk brain injury than be seen using a helmet on campus.

By mintfreshpinesol | 0

#172083 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:49

At least you are being safe...

I had a friend die because he wasn't wearing a helmet.

your parents are smart.

Comments

By autumnshivaree | 0

#172076 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:47

As much as I personally would like a blue helmet with flowers, I understand. I'm a college kid, and I'm willing to risk brain injury than be seen using a helmet on campus.

hunter989 | 0

#850090 - Saturday 13 February 2010 1:16

I feel the same. Actually I wouldn't even ride a bike with my parents in the first place!

blank314 | 0

#1422912 - Saturday 18 September 2010 15:56

3rd

rhcpalex93 | 0

#1461827 - Monday 27 September 2010 0:40

massive fml

Palirose | 22

#3289889 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 22:24

Actually it's better if you wear a helmet. Much safer. If you are that worried about it. Buy a new helmet. Blue If you want. But minus the flowers.

fleur_de_fevrier_fml | 22

#5878352 - Friday 7 March 2014 15:49

Well you are an idiot who clearly is shallow and immature enough to value looks more than maybe ending up your days in a wheelchair or as a vegetable...

cwl727 | 32

#5890957 - Thursday 20 March 2014 19:26

It is true. It is much safer to wear a helmet. Buy a new one if you don't like the one you have now.

By YLS | 0

#172077 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:48

Why don't you buy yourself a new helmet?

YDI imho.

BlueEyed1019 | 12

#3859385 - Tuesday 10 January 2012 6:17

I think I have the same helmet as OP, lol

By mintfreshpinesol | 0

#172083 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:49

At least you are being safe...

I had a friend die because he wasn't wearing a helmet.

your parents are smart.

blankaex | 0

#900540 - Sunday 28 February 2010 15:40

theyd be smarter if they spent a few extra insignificant dollars to save the embarrasment though

alakomonus | 0

#1796359 - Sunday 5 December 2010 9:39

Ifuckedthefeartu | 30

#7393710 - Saturday 21 January 2017 15:17

But what exactly was he doing? Lots of sports use helmets. And honestly if they're just going on a slow and relaxed ride, they are not at risk of death unless they get hit by a car....but a helmet wouldn't help that

By alex_vik | 0

#172103 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:52

Buy a helmet you like then.

By Tehalon | 0

#172106 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:52

ROFL!! YDI for wearing a helmet, they look retarded. And YDI even more for not being able to stand up against your parents.

By Hummingbird114 | 0

#172111 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:52

Apparently your mother fails to understand the concept of sarcasm. I'm sorry. FYL.

By ogg25 | 0

#172112 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:53

you deserve that one get a new helmet. I ride my bike all the time and i would not risk my head and possibly never riding again just to try and look cool to other people.

By effyourlife_ | 0

#172113 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:53

i'm too scared to ride without a helmet

By lm_wfc | 0

#172117 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:53

hit them on the head

By musicloverr | 0

#172120 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:53

..maybe..they actually liked your helmet..?

yeah, FYL. it doesn't seem like a big deal, but i kinda understand this, i would've been soo embarrassed.