Miscellaneous: Today, I was riding my bike with my parents. They make me wear...

By dinosawerr - United States

Today, I was riding my bike with my parents. They make me wear a helmet when I'm with them. Some college age kids drove past and yelled, "Nice helmet!" My mother then told me, "They like you!" I'm sixteen and my helmet is blue. With flowers. FML

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Miscellaneous

This Charming Man

Triage

Out of it

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I am still coughing. I was diagnosed with whooping cough last week, which apparently cannot be treated. Basically, it appears I'm a 19th century English peasant. FML

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By my bravado's gonna kill me one day

Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML

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1219

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By TordNorski - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, I finally had a day off in two weeks and I was excited about getting to sleep in. At 5am, my mom came in and knocked loudly. When I asked her what she wanted, she said she was checking to see if I was asleep. FML

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13794

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By Anonymous - United States - Clemmons

Today, I had to explain to my pregnant friend that her plan to get drunk and get a tattoo needed to wait at least 8 months. She then went out for a smoke to calm down. FML

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55552

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By RatQuiRit

Today, I arrived at the station at 7:30pm sharp for the train... which was cancelled. FML

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57683

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15875

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By sauce - United States

Today, after months of looking, my fiancé and I finally signed a lease. We are using my savings to pay for it. This apparently poses a "moral dilemma" for my in-laws who think we should wait to be married. I'm paying for an apartment I'm not allowed to live in. FML

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28345

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By buddy - United States

Today, I woke up and it was Monday. FML

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49436

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By :-O

Today, I came home from work early only to find my naked roommate in the living room with his ass in the air. Apparently, he was doing an experiment to see if you can launch a ball of tissue paper into the air by placing it on your bare anus and farting. FML

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1987

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By Anonymous

Today, a very attractive man asked me out on a date, and I said yes. He is tall, charming and a very good kisser. I'm sure the woman he heavily made out with after I left would agree. FML

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12688

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By blaaargh - United States - Seymour

Today, my dad uttered the words, "You gotta admit, your mother's got one hell of an ass." FML

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By disapointed girl - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a month and I had sex for the first time. We started in the shower and then moved to his bedroom. He then feel asleep when I was on top. FML

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By donny31459 - United States

Today, I got a ticket from a cop for not riding my bike in the bike lane. I wasn't riding in the bike lane because I was avoiding construction work. FML

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36987

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By Liav

Today, I took my "girlfriend" to a nice restaurant to celebrate our first month anniversary, only to find out she didn't even know we're dating, but only "friends who have sex sometimes." FML

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5781

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML

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89863

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By hatelittleboys - United States

Today, I was playing FarmTown and got into a fight with a 14 year old boy. I threatened him with physical violence, and he reported me. I'm 23 years old and got banned from a virtual farming game for threatening children. FML

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8962

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a food allergy test done because of an ugly acne upswing. And after over a year of vegetarianism, I find out that I'm allergic to soy. FML

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48101

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By roadbikemama - United States

Today, I was cooking. I leaned over the stove to preheat the oven, and burned my nipple on a pot of boiling water. I also have a teething son who is breastfeeding. FML

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43178

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By Anonymous

Today, after being a few minutes late to work a few times this week, I left the house super early this morning. When I got to work, security hadn’t unlocked the doors yet, so I waited in my car, where I ended up falling asleep and sleeping through most of my entire morning shift. FML

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952

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By MY CAR - United States

Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML

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24824

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By NeedALittleRoomToBreathe

Today, after having set up a date with a wonderful guy who seems to really like me, I caught a cold. I have also lost most of my voice because of it, so I now sound like an angry, deranged goose when I talk. This will be the first time he meets me in person. So much for a good first impression. FML

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4581

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348

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By notsoonenufdeparted - United States

Today, my four-year-old asked me when I was going to die. I replied "Not for a long time, why?" He looked at me and stated "Because I only want to live with Daddy." FML

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46186

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a creepy old guy kept hitting on me in line at Subway. I got scared and told him to back off because my dad was waiting for me outside. He replied that he wouldn't object to a three-way. FML

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37834

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By steph - United States

Cropped Out

Today, my cousins cropped me out of a picture of all 6 of us at a wedding, then captioned it, "We have such a good-looking family!" FML

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3806

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By rybread - United States

Today, I was on a crowded el train listening to my iPod touch. As I stepped off the train, my headphones got caught on a man's jacket and my iPod fell on the floor. The doors shut. I then watched the train pull away. With my iPod on it. FML

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33134

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By tenniemo

Today, I caught one of my students checking out my butt while I was helping another student at his table. I teach 8th grade. FML

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1393

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380

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By Ben - United States - Lansing

Time to grow a beard?

Today, my girlfriend told me she won't have sex with me anymore. When I asked her why, she said I've lost too much weight and I look like her son. Her son is 4 feet tall & 9 years old. I'm 6 feet tall & 30 years old. She said having sex with me feel like having sex with her son. FML

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4838

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449

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By Tuffgunsmoke - France

Today, I was at the gym and saw an old friend. I have put on a lot of muscle in the past few months, and she said to me "Wow, you've really gotten big." Just by habit I said "You too." Turns out she's gained 45 lbs since I'd last seen her. Oops. FML

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12702

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By Loveless

Today, I discovered my girlfriend's secret blog, where all she does is vent about how much she cheats on me and hates me, but will never leave me because she can’t afford to. Her followers love and support these actions. FML

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3149

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By Blie

Today, I was so drunk that I pissed myself in a hotel hallway while wearing a dress. My shoes squished all the way back to the room. FML

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1018

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4007

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to light a candle in my room. Since fire intrigues me, I put an old brochure into it. Paper burns fast, and now my carpet has a big, black burn mark. FML

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7273

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I pretended to go for a run to impress someone on AIM. FML

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10180

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By windthroughmyflab - United States

Today, I stuck my hand out the car window and noticed my arm fat flapping in the wind. FML

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25660

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By booksandshadows - United States - San Diego

Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML

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44608

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By Anonymous

When you lie on your resume to get the job

Today, my boyfriend and I are devastated to return our newly adopted "cat friendly" dog to the shelter. He's perfect other than the fact that he clearly wants to eat our cats. FML

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3225

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317

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By smeeagain - United States

Today, I was chaperoning at my local high school's Homecoming dance. Outside the gym, I saw some kids drinking, so I walked over to stop them. One of them promptly spun around and punched me in the mouth. I had my ass handed to by a drunk 9th grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29442

You deserved it

6347

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By bobjope

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

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29138

You deserved it

2726

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By rachaaaaeul - United States

Today, I was texting my boyfriend about yesterday, where he told me how much he loved me, and he wishes we lived closer. I asked him if he really meant it. Turns out he was drunk, and had no idea what he was talking about. FML

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30980

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4003

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to choose between living with my over protective dad who only uses me for free childcare, or my pot smoking mom who always needs to borrow money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41633

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2993

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By gooddaydude - United States - Omaha

Today, my mom called 5 times and I didn't pick up due to being in class at college. I was later called to the front desk, where my mom was crying. She said she was worried about me because I didn't say "I love you" to her after she dropped me off at college. FML

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35285

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By Useless Key

Today, my sister couldn't find the spare key I gave her for my apartment, so I had to pay a $50 fee to the leasing office. Not 30 minutes after paying, she found the key. In her purse. On her keychain. FML

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Top comments

By autumnshivaree | 0

#172076 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:47

As much as I personally would like a blue helmet with flowers, I understand. I'm a college kid, and I'm willing to risk brain injury than be seen using a helmet on campus.

By mintfreshpinesol | 0

#172083 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:49

At least you are being safe...

I had a friend die because he wasn't wearing a helmet.

your parents are smart.

COMMENTS

By autumnshivaree | 0

#172076 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:47

As much as I personally would like a blue helmet with flowers, I understand. I'm a college kid, and I'm willing to risk brain injury than be seen using a helmet on campus.

hunter989 | 0

#850090 - Saturday 13 February 2010 1:16

I feel the same. Actually I wouldn't even ride a bike with my parents in the first place!

blank314 | 0

#1422912 - Saturday 18 September 2010 15:56

3rd

rhcpalex93 | 0

#1461827 - Monday 27 September 2010 0:40

massive fml

Palirose | 22

#3289889 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 22:24

Actually it's better if you wear a helmet. Much safer. If you are that worried about it. Buy a new helmet. Blue If you want. But minus the flowers.

fleur_de_fevrier_fml | 22

#5878352 - Friday 7 March 2014 15:49

Well you are an idiot who clearly is shallow and immature enough to value looks more than maybe ending up your days in a wheelchair or as a vegetable...

cwl727 | 32

#5890957 - Thursday 20 March 2014 19:26

It is true. It is much safer to wear a helmet. Buy a new one if you don't like the one you have now.

By YLS | 0

#172077 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:48

Why don't you buy yourself a new helmet?

YDI imho.

BlueEyed1019 | 12

#3859385 - Tuesday 10 January 2012 6:17

I think I have the same helmet as OP, lol

By mintfreshpinesol | 0

#172083 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:49

At least you are being safe...

I had a friend die because he wasn't wearing a helmet.

your parents are smart.

blankaex | 0

#900540 - Sunday 28 February 2010 15:40

theyd be smarter if they spent a few extra insignificant dollars to save the embarrasment though

alakomonus | 0

#1796359 - Sunday 5 December 2010 9:39

By alex_vik | 0

#172103 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:52

Buy a helmet you like then.

By Tehalon | 0

#172106 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:52

ROFL!! YDI for wearing a helmet, they look retarded. And YDI even more for not being able to stand up against your parents.

By Hummingbird114 | 0

#172111 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:52

Apparently your mother fails to understand the concept of sarcasm. I'm sorry. FYL.

By ogg25 | 0

#172112 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:53

you deserve that one get a new helmet. I ride my bike all the time and i would not risk my head and possibly never riding again just to try and look cool to other people.

By effyourlife_ | 0

#172113 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:53

i'm too scared to ride without a helmet

By lm_wfc | 0

#172117 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:53

hit them on the head

By musicloverr | 0

#172120 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:53

..maybe..they actually liked your helmet..?

yeah, FYL. it doesn't seem like a big deal, but i kinda understand this, i would've been soo embarrassed.