Miscellaneous: Today, I was riding my bike with my parents. They make me wear...

By dinosawerr - United States

Today, I was riding my bike with my parents. They make me wear a helmet when I'm with them. Some college age kids drove past and yelled, "Nice helmet!" My mother then told me, "They like you!" I'm sixteen and my helmet is blue. With flowers. FML

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Miscellaneous

Walk on the wild side

Stir crazy, part 16

*Friends theme music plays*

By Anonymous

Today, I now have been dumped by 4 serious girlfriends in the last 5 years, each of them for the same reason: Being with me would have meant dealing with my mother who, without fail, asked each of them when we planned on marrying and having kids, every single week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2011

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514

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By stuckonrepeat - United Kingdom

Today, I received the results of the exams that I re-took in order to improve my grades. I got exactly the same grades as before in all four exams. Point for point identical. FML

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17343

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By acab93 - United States

Today, I learned that ham is part of a pig, and not a completely different animal. I'm eighteen. FML

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9143

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64456

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss asked me how my parents' divorce affected me as a child. This is a sensitive subject, but I thought he was trying to connect with me so I told him how much it hurt. Turns out he wants to leave his wife and wanted to know if his kids would turn out "messed up" because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42608

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By Anon - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I learned that while most people drunk text, I drunk clean. And by drunk clean I mean put my things away where I won't be able to find them, like my car keys. FML

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21248

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By disboydanielx

Today, I went to school without knowing that all my math books had been peed on by my cousin's cat. FML

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2490

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211

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By Men '86 - Canada

Today, I went skinny dipping with my friends. A security man drove up the dock we were on with his bike. After informing us that the dock was closed, and noticing all of our swimsuits on the dock, he refused to move his flashlight beam from us in the water. FML

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16959

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML

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69997

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after getting a pat of appreciation from my girlfriend's father for taking it slow, he found me later, in her room, with my head between her thighs. FML

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By panos016 - United Kingdom

Today, after 14 rice-filled days in China, I came back home. What's for lunch? Rice. FML

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32487

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By BrokeAndSad - United States - Columbus

Today, I lost hundreds of dollars in gift cards. Robbed? No. Mugged? Don't think so. My roommate threw them away after he got water on them, thinking that it rendered them unusable. FML

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32385

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML

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69008

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By JesusLaidAnEgg

Alexa, play "A Forest" by The Cure

Today, I was driving around my campsite at dark in the middle of a forest. My father thought it would be funny to run up to my window, put his face against the glass and scream. I drove into a tree. FML

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1482

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213

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By Mr.Incognito-san - 19/11/2020 02:02

Are you ready to ruuuuuumbbbbbble?

Today, I heard my sisters fighting downstairs, so I went down to see what all the commotion was about. As I entered the room, one of them picked me up and threw me at the other one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

892

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1152

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By nixwolfwood

Today, I woke up to a fog. Literally. A pipe burst in my apartment and scalding water was everywhere. To make matters worse, when I called maintenance he told me he'd come by later, hung up on me, and turned his phone off. He did eventually show up, but it was 5 hours later, well after I'd paid a plumber $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7395

You deserved it

512

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting in the living room with my husband when we heard a baby coo. This would have been adorable, if we had a baby. FML

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20672

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By - France

Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML

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28226

You deserved it

3601

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By Ford

Today, a child that was born due to my donation to a sperm bank in 1995 contacted me. My current wife, who I met in 2003, is convinced I cheated on her and is filing for a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5556

You deserved it

512

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By AmericanDream - United States

Today, after recently moving to America as I've always dreamt of, I saw my first, majestic deer. My boyfriend slammed it with the rental car. FML

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32140

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By Anonymous - United States - Pomona

Today, my mom took me to a bar to cheer me up after being dumped. Two cute guys around my age kept looking over at us the whole night. When I told my mom, she said she was going to get them to come talk to me. Instead, she ended up leaving with both of them. FML

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60881

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By midwesternpetclerk - United States

Today, I got yelled at by my boss for being insensitive to a customer. I'd told her I never heard of the requested item even existing. She walked off shouting, screaming and throwing stuff from the shelf. She wanted to order a bird feeder with heated perches so the bird's feet won't get cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34747

You deserved it

2710

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By RS - United States - Delray Beach

Today, I tried a new hairstyle to impress a guy I like. I was pretty confident, until he took one look at me and said, "Uh... why's there an onion on your head?" So much for that. FML

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27144

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By Anonymous - United States - Naples

Today, my mom called and casually let me know she'd wrecked my iPad after putting it in the dryer with my bed sheets. FML

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34689

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4615

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By unsuccessful popping - United States - Tappan

Today, a woman bitched me out at the grocery store, saying that since I'm not Indian, I shouldn't be wearing a bindi - a red dot on my forehead - because it's "cultural appropriation". I was too embarrassed to tell her it was actually a pimple I'd been trying to pop on my forehead. FML

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32188

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By duCOQUELICOT - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, after being told two weeks ago that my contract would be renewed, my boss managed to tell me that actually he had other applicants for the job. I will be let go, but he offered me two months extra so I could finish the projects he had me working on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11738

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729

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By Anonymous - United States - Fremont

Today, I left my daughter with a babysitter for the first time. When I came home, my microwave was ruined because they had attempted to heat cans of Play-Doh as a science experiment. FML

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20165

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1931

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2020 14:00

Nice neighborhood

Today, after my ex broke up with me, I threw out all the clothes he’d bought me before, which was basically my entire wardrobe. Anyway, this creepy guy who lives a few blocks away seems to be wearing my old clothes and waves my bras and panties at me. It’s gross and creepy. FML

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1596

You deserved it

1132

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By aquagoddess

Today, I used the last of my money to buy a bag of vending machine chips for dinner. It got stuck. A passerby saw and generously offered to buy another bag of the same chips to dislodge it. Gratefully, I accepted his offer. It stayed stuck. FML

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3619

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "It's disturbing how good you are at that." FML

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30351

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By Anonymous

Not so ready to rumble

Today, my pro wrestling training class had come to a close and I was gathering my things outside of the ring. One of my fellow trainees got out of the ring on the side where there was nothing but giant stage lights. He knocked them over onto me, giving me my first pro wrestling injury. I’d always thought that would happen in the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1235

You deserved it

134

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By power corrupts... - Czech Republic

Today, at my job as a movie theater attendant, my boss finally eased up and let me sit in on one of the movies. One woman kept laughing out loud every other line. After ten minutes of her braying like a dying horse, I got up and had her ejected from the theater. I'm a terrible person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33970

You deserved it

12015

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By qyx3lmnop24 - United States - Napa

Today, while hanging out with this guy I'm interested in, we turned and made eye contact. We were face to face and I thought he was finally going to kiss me. He decided to lick my face from chin to forehead instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38286

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5039

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By OL2R - United States - Somerville

Today, my best friend texted me saying she is determined to find out what skank her brother is sneaking around with. I've been secretly dating her brother for months; apparently I'm the skank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13048

You deserved it

39145

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By Ramis182 - United States - Auburn

Today, I thought it would be to a good idea to introduce my indoor cat to my dog. The pee stains, multiple scratches, and puncture wounds to my face prove otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35915

You deserved it

10173

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By longlostkid556 - United States

Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56102

You deserved it

5788

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By Anyonehiring - United States - Tempe

Today, I had the great pleasure of meeting my replacement, who was sitting at my desk in my office. My boss must've forgotten to mention to me that I've been fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12795

You deserved it

690

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By Wet Britches - United States - Portland

Today, on my rush to get home from work to use the bathroom, I hit a deer. It startled me so badly that I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8592

You deserved it

1548

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By Anonymous - United States - Wailuku

Today, concerned about my daughter's recent behavior, I looked through her web browser history. I found web searches for information on how to make a bomb to blow up a "horse". I'm not sure if she's illiterate, but either way it seems I need to get her some help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44037

You deserved it

4270

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By eww - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30763

You deserved it

2580

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By smooth - United States

Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML

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Top comments

By autumnshivaree | 0

#172076 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:47

As much as I personally would like a blue helmet with flowers, I understand. I'm a college kid, and I'm willing to risk brain injury than be seen using a helmet on campus.

By mintfreshpinesol | 0

#172083 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:49

At least you are being safe...

I had a friend die because he wasn't wearing a helmet.

your parents are smart.

COMMENTS

By autumnshivaree | 0

#172076 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:47

As much as I personally would like a blue helmet with flowers, I understand. I'm a college kid, and I'm willing to risk brain injury than be seen using a helmet on campus.

hunter989 | 0

#850090 - Saturday 13 February 2010 1:16

I feel the same. Actually I wouldn't even ride a bike with my parents in the first place!

blank314 | 0

#1422912 - Saturday 18 September 2010 15:56

3rd

rhcpalex93 | 0

#1461827 - Monday 27 September 2010 0:40

massive fml

Palirose | 22

#3289889 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 22:24

Actually it's better if you wear a helmet. Much safer. If you are that worried about it. Buy a new helmet. Blue If you want. But minus the flowers.

fleur_de_fevrier_fml | 22

#5878352 - Friday 7 March 2014 15:49

Well you are an idiot who clearly is shallow and immature enough to value looks more than maybe ending up your days in a wheelchair or as a vegetable...

cwl727 | 32

#5890957 - Thursday 20 March 2014 19:26

It is true. It is much safer to wear a helmet. Buy a new one if you don't like the one you have now.

By YLS | 0

#172077 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:48

Why don't you buy yourself a new helmet?

YDI imho.

BlueEyed1019 | 12

#3859385 - Tuesday 10 January 2012 6:17

I think I have the same helmet as OP, lol

By mintfreshpinesol | 0

#172083 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:49

At least you are being safe...

I had a friend die because he wasn't wearing a helmet.

your parents are smart.

blankaex | 0

#900540 - Sunday 28 February 2010 15:40

theyd be smarter if they spent a few extra insignificant dollars to save the embarrasment though

alakomonus | 0

#1796359 - Sunday 5 December 2010 9:39

By alex_vik | 0

#172103 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:52

Buy a helmet you like then.

By Tehalon | 0

#172106 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:52

ROFL!! YDI for wearing a helmet, they look retarded. And YDI even more for not being able to stand up against your parents.

By Hummingbird114 | 0

#172111 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:52

Apparently your mother fails to understand the concept of sarcasm. I'm sorry. FYL.

By ogg25 | 0

#172112 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:53

you deserve that one get a new helmet. I ride my bike all the time and i would not risk my head and possibly never riding again just to try and look cool to other people.

By effyourlife_ | 0

#172113 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:53

i'm too scared to ride without a helmet

By lm_wfc | 0

#172117 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:53

hit them on the head

By musicloverr | 0

#172120 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 22:53

..maybe..they actually liked your helmet..?

yeah, FYL. it doesn't seem like a big deal, but i kinda understand this, i would've been soo embarrassed.