Love: Today, I realized my daughter has been in longer relationships... - FML

By Amber C - 07/04/2012 03:41 - United States

Today, I realized my daughter has been in longer relationships than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 945

You deserved it 22 880

This Charming Man

Triage

The wrong end of the stick

By Anonymous - 08/06/2015 14:11 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 924

You deserved it 2 210

Patience

By lovehaterelationship - 10/03/2014 18:43 - Austria - Graz

Today, I had to study for an important test but I could barely focus because my roommate had his music blasting at full volume. Since we get along well, I decided to put up with it. I just found out he forgot to turn it off and left over 6 hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 778

You deserved it 12 874

By nalathelionqueen - 10/08/2012 22:44 - United States - North Hills

Today, the summer camp I work at had its annual scavenger hunt, wherein the counselors hide and the kids look for us. It was my first year there, so some of my colleagues showed me the "best hiding spot." Two hours later, still undiscovered, I realized they just wanted to get rid of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 464

You deserved it 3 066

By Ophelia - 22/11/2012 05:44 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was so bored with my job at McDonald's that I actually hoped someone would come in and make a huge mess for me to clean. No one did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 341

You deserved it 4 101

By sketchball - 05/10/2012 14:56 - United States

Today, my landlord informed me that from now on, she'd prefer if I paid my rent in cash each month. Apparently, I "look sketchy" and she didn't "ever want to deal with the hassle of a bounced check." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 515

You deserved it 2 267

By ... - 27/11/2008 05:30 - France

Today, I was in India. At the airport, the men and women were being searched separately. The guy welcoming us pointed me towards the women's area. I had to explain to him that I was a guy. It took 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 032

You deserved it 3 859

By piratequeen - 07/08/2009 17:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 027

You deserved it 7 051

TW: Gross

By mpfrost153 - 01/11/2021 12:00 - United States

Today, as if having diarrhea at work wasn’t bad enough, my office’s aggressively flushing toilet sprayed me with my own liquid shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 95

By jdsksoapy - 30/03/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing. I'm almost 19. I said the word "hell". FML

I agree, your life sucks 210 747

You deserved it 34 931

Get on with it!

By not sexy anymore - 28/07/2020 05:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked why I’ve been so grumpy lately. When I told him it’s because our relationship has been severely lacking in intimacy, he sighed heavily and said, “Ugh, fine, let’s just get it over with!” Gee, thanks babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 783

You deserved it 298

Love is a battlefield

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 05:01 - United States - Tilton

Today, after I finally got up the courage to open myself up to someone new after going through a brutal divorce, it was going great until he went back to his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 346

Rejection erection

By paidback - 25/12/2009 01:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 612

You deserved it 82 895

By cryface - 07/02/2014 04:48 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend he was like an animal in bed. He responded saying I was like a dead animal in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 891

You deserved it 17 726

By whatgoesaround - 15/08/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, being a big believer in karma, I found it fitting that a girl that was always a bitch to me in high school is now fat and ugly. After sending one of her recent pictures with a mean caption to a few of my friends, I tripped and sprained my wrist falling up the stairs. Karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 524

You deserved it 56 272

By wife - 22/02/2015 03:47 - United States - Oceanside

Today, my husband again lost his keys. It's a daily struggle to find them. This time they were in an ice cube, literally. He said he must have accidentally put them in there when making ice. He's going to be the father of my future children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 278

You deserved it 8 668

Caught

By fuck - 09/11/2013 23:30 - United States - Hubert

Spicy

Today, I got a call from my husband asking me to bail him out from jail. He was arrested after being caught having sex with a waitress in a restaurant bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 264

You deserved it 5 250

By Anonymous - 11/12/2012 18:16 - United States

Today, I had to get to class at 9:00 to take a test. I woke up at 6:00, and figured I could wait a few minutes before getting ready. The next thing I knew, it was 10:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 073

You deserved it 25 229

Great birthday

By Anonymous - 11/10/2021 23:00 - United States - Cicero

Today, I bought my boyfriend two concert tickets for his birthday to see our favorite band, and he told me he doesn't feel he loves me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 69

By Anonymous - 24/11/2009 12:53 - United States

Today, I woke up after taking a sleep pill for the first time. I started in on a number of chores including paying bills when I noticed a new charge on my online credit card bill from 1am. I bought $120 worth of meat from an infomercial. It's non-refundable. I'm vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 049

You deserved it 12 113

By altocrm - 24/10/2010 04:11 - France

Today, my girlfriend came over to me, like she was going to kiss me, and instead rubbed her chin all over my face, exclaiming, "Can you feel my beard coming in?" Yes, yes I could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 261

You deserved it 4 217

By Tinker-Bell - 21/11/2008 03:41 - France

Spicy

Today, when I woke up, my husband was already up. Thinking I hear him in the hall I shout out "come on, don't be shy, bring that cock in here right now!". A voice replies: "he's gone out to get some bread". It was my mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 080

You deserved it 17 920

By HadToApologize - 03/11/2009 05:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering around, gathering my clothes when I noticed my girl doing her hair in the other room. She looked sort of peculiar, so I stood there, studying her. Half naked. I then realized it wasn't my girlfriend, but her roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 316

You deserved it 22 889

Go vegan

By Done - 24/11/2020 05:02 - Italy

Today, my roommate decided to go vegan and threw all of MY meats, cheeses, chocolates and even beans for some reason in the trash, because he "doesn't need that kind of toxic waste" in his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 67

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 16:56 - Canada

Today, my boss walked up and smacked my butt. I am a 19 year old guy. My boss is a 50 year old woman. I desperately need this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 215

You deserved it 3 765

By valarmorgoolies - 06/02/2015 18:51 - United States - Binghamton

Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 739

You deserved it 3 010

By speechless - 07/12/2018 11:30 - United States

Today, I have laryngitis and can’t speak at all. I went to make myself some breakfast and my mom kept asking me questions, to which I replied with nods and head shakes. She said, in a condescending voice, that I need to use my “big girl words” and will keep using her “baby voice” until I do so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 828

You deserved it 190

By bonehead69 - 31/05/2015 07:06 - United States - Taylorville

Spicy

Today, I'm so deprived of intimacy that I got a raging boner when a waitress called me "hun". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 578

You deserved it 5 364

By unemployed - 09/11/2018 15:30

Today, after months of job searching, I finally got a call for an interview. Right in the middle of the call, my phone hung up so the music app could open. I tried calling them back and got no response. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 700

You deserved it 368

By coral - 08/07/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 537

You deserved it 12 361

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 08:12 - United States

Today, after telling my parents just exactly what I thought of them and that I was moving out, the person I was supposed to move in with called to say they'd decided they would rather live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 846

You deserved it 33 654

By Anonymous - 02/03/2018 19:30 - United States

Today, I woke up after being sick from the flu and tried to get out of bed. I forgot I was in a bunk bed and broke my ankle in the fall down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 254

You deserved it 825

Dogs > Landlords

By Anonymous - 25/11/2021 13:58

Today, our landlord has begun eviction proceedings because he’s received over 100 complaints about our dog, who barks constantly, and who my wife has stubbornly refused to get rid of. My wife has basically forced us to choose between that fucking mutt and being homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 548

Time to scramble

By BellaBabii32 - 27/04/2021 02:01

Today, I went to get coffee. While I was at the drive-thru window, I went to pay with my card but dropped it right out the window. It went under my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 148

By Hipnog - 07/11/2015 14:33 - Czech Republic

Today, I realised how damn creepy I am because I get nervous and smile when someone looks at me, and no it's not one of those smiles you'd love looking at, it's a smile straight out of a horror movie. I made a bunch of children run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 441

You deserved it 2 675

By jc2011 - 25/09/2011 07:23 - Australia

Today, after months of grueling training and countless early mornings, I finally began the race I had been preparing for over the past year, only to slip and break my leg in the first 450 meters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 217

You deserved it 3 026

By Twomanybananas - 23/01/2017 16:00

Today, I found a banana on my bed. It was black and shriveled because I accidentally left it there after I thought I finished the whole bushel I bought last week. I've been sleeping in my bed all week and didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 577

You deserved it 3 812

Banished

By NicoleNoone - 01/08/2020 05:01

Today, my older sister told me about their table plan at their wedding. She is one of my best friends too, so I was shocked that I had been placed far away, and separated from my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 131

Jammed

By stinky car - 16/08/2013 03:18 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I went on a new medicine. One of the listed side-effects was "anal seepage" and I spent the better part of the day laughing with my coworkers about how it's "not a real side-effect". I found out that it really is while stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 978

You deserved it 10 393

By awkwardpanda - 27/01/2017 20:00

Today, I performed for the first time at someone's wedding. When the music started, I heard a click. Slowly, I felt my strapless bra drop lower and lower due to my non-existent breasts. The hook on my bra had broken at that very moment on stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 778

You deserved it 711

By ashamed father - 09/03/2014 22:32 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I found out that my 15-year-old son is a prolific creator of My Little Pony themed hentai. I'm not a judgmental man, but he's probably going to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 777

You deserved it 8 600

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Saturday 7 April 2012 12:29

Longer doesn't mean better.

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Saturday 7 April 2012 14:13

23- yes it definitely "would have"

Comments

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Saturday 7 April 2012 12:17

stone

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Saturday 7 April 2012 12:25

^Uuuhhh, okay? Thanks bro...

Cad6 24

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Saturday 7 April 2012 15:01

Rock.

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Saturday 7 April 2012 15:13

...Paper....Scissors...Shoot! Oh sorry, is this a bad time? I'll just come back later...

notsorandomguy 18

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Saturday 7 April 2012 12:18

The question is: yours and who's daughter?

PeteyPablo12308 20

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Saturday 7 April 2012 13:10

The question is: What? That comment made no sense.

GVirdi 11

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Saturday 7 April 2012 13:25

"Yours and who's daughter?" "yours" referring to OP "who's" referring to the other parent It's a team effort you know.

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Saturday 7 April 2012 14:00

It would of made sense if they used the right form of 'whose'

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Saturday 7 April 2012 14:05

Bang. Epic win 23

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Saturday 7 April 2012 14:13

23- yes it definitely "would have"

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Saturday 7 April 2012 14:18

25, just for that, I'm going to thumb you up, thank you :)

mk58 31

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Saturday 7 April 2012 16:54

I smell some fellow grammar nazis...

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Saturday 7 April 2012 21:52

You don't say?

TurnpikeTwister 0

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Sunday 8 April 2012 2:07

Who cares you tools? The issue isn't about grammar, it's about unwed single mothers who can't get a commitment from a decent man. Try to keep the conversation on track, that is if it wouldn't be too much trouble. God damn it, where's the mods when you actually need them?

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Saturday 7 April 2012 12:22

. Hey, at least she's learning from you. I'd be proud of her if I was you

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Sunday 8 April 2012 13:12

I did mean from the mother's mistakes. Not sure why this got thumbed down

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Sunday 8 April 2012 18:08

I'm not sure either. A mother should be happy if their children surpasses them in any sort of way. It means that she raised them well.

ShadowlessSpear 21

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Saturday 20 September 2014 21:31

Not really

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Saturday 7 April 2012 12:25

well you had a daughter out of one of those relationships so its kinda ok. morover its not much of your fault..maybe you havent met the right person yet.

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Saturday 7 April 2012 12:25

Well I'd assume you would have to have been in a longer relationship than a child would be in to have a daughter, but maybe that's just me.

c8750 2

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Saturday 7 April 2012 13:30

You don't need to be in a relationship to have a kid

ohmandapants 16

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Saturday 7 April 2012 14:14

One night stand gone wrong? A relationship that didn't last more than a few months? Rape? Sperm donation? Adoption? So many possibilities, you really don't need to be in a long-term relationship to have a child.

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Saturday 7 April 2012 15:15

I don't get it... Why are you assuming this when OP even admits the daughter has been in longer relationships? I'm pretty sure OP knows better than you...

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Saturday 7 April 2012 12:26

Ouch, sorry OP. look at it this way you got more game than she does... Lol

ohmandapants 16

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Saturday 7 April 2012 22:01

...how?

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Saturday 7 April 2012 12:29

Longer doesn't mean better.

hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14

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Saturday 7 April 2012 18:03

congrats on the first decent comment! :)

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Saturday 7 April 2012 20:02

I'm NOT one of those perverted people who constantly say "That's what she said!" but that's totally what I thought when I read your comment... I am so ashamed, lol.

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Saturday 7 April 2012 20:46

That's what she said! *sobs*

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Saturday 7 April 2012 21:41

Wow, I didn't think everyone ahead of me would get so negg'd that I'd be first by default. Small win! (._/.). * *+ (.( ^ • ^ )/.) ( " )__( " ) YAY! throw confetti!

False_Stupidity 41

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Sunday 8 April 2012 8:32

That's right, everyone knows its the thickness that counts, not length...

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Saturday 7 April 2012 12:31

Never lose hope on this generation

HopeLoveMusic 0

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Sunday 8 April 2012 1:58

Thank you!

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Saturday 7 April 2012 12:32

Somebody is suffering from jealously.

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Saturday 7 April 2012 12:45

What do you mean by this? You haven't had many relationships or your daughter has had a lot of relationships?

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Saturday 7 April 2012 12:56

Edit: Ignore this comment, I misread longer with "lots."

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 8

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 124

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 85