By DogStew - 25/9/2019 00:01

Objects in the rear-view mirror

Today, my obsession with my mean ex-girlfriend returned. It ended 9 years ago. It happened when I started researching self-help. Now, I can’t stop thinking about that selfish piece of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1226

You deserved it

449

Favorite

This is us

Honesty is the best policy

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By vstan - 25/8/2010 00:48 - United States

Today, I swerved off the road and hit a tree in order to avoid hitting a dog that came out of nowhere. Don't worry, I didn't hit him. The person behind me did, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39332

You deserved it

5100

Favorite

By Sarah - 18/7/2019 12:00

Today, I had the mole on my neck removed. By my pet bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1588

You deserved it

163

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/12/2015 00:40 - United States - Portland

Today, I came home to my mentally unhinged roommate jacking off to a frozen TV frame of Peggy Hill from King of the Hill. When he saw me, he threw an ash tray at me and told me to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24654

You deserved it

2168

Favorite

By ouch - 16/4/2013 16:17 - United States - Nashville

Today, for the fifth time since my parents got divorced, my father has decided he doesn't want to pick me up for his weekend because I'm "too responsible to have fun with." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45079

You deserved it

6064

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/4/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The TV was on with the volume low, as we had been too preoccupied to turn it off. All of the sudden, my boyfriend stopped mid-thrust. He was watching the TV. House was on. My boyfriend stopped to watch the differential diagnosis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69135

You deserved it

15205

Favorite

By mama75 - 17/3/2010 14:18 - United States

Today, I tried an herbal tea that is supposed to increase your milk supply (I'm a breastfeeding mom). Well, it worked, and it kicked in at my office, but only on one side. So when I went into the bathroom, I noticed I had one boob WAY higher and bigger than the other. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32143

You deserved it

5087

Favorite

By kellyem2 - 3/3/2016 18:21

Today, I found out that when my boss said she was considering bumping me up to full time, she actually meant she was planning on letting me go. Everyone in the office except me knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20639

You deserved it

1332

Favorite

By zoe777 - 9/11/2013 02:54 - United States

Today, my mother not only told me that my ex-husband will be spending Thanksgiving with her and my dad, but that I'm also no longer invited to spend the holiday with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52693

You deserved it

4329

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 06:37 - United States - Conover

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

I agree, your life sucks

17808

You deserved it

40078

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/12/2015 15:22 - United States

Today, I told a customer to have a nice day. Little did I know it'd make her have an emotional breakdown and nearly cause me to lose my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22528

You deserved it

1374

Favorite

By nick - 18/10/2009 13:39 - Canada

Today, working my pizza delivery job, I got a $45 parking ticket for parking in a no stopping zone. I argued with the bylaw enforcement officer, but no luck. I was so pissed, I yelled at him: "You have the worst job in the world", to which he replied: " Buddy, you deliver pizza!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

11044

You deserved it

54521

Favorite

By everyonehatesme - 2/5/2010 08:37 - Malaysia

Today, I signed in my msn messenger. Everyone in my friends list apparently changed their status to 'busy' or 'away' when they saw me online, including my crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32981

You deserved it

9314

Favorite

By Arizonagirl - 6/11/2016 07:31 - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed because hers is ,"reserved for sleeping only". FML

I agree, your life sucks

13120

You deserved it

817

Favorite

By modprobs - 3/8/2018 01:30

Perfect timing...

Today, my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in months because we live in different countries, is coming to stay with me. I've been the picture of health for months, but today I woke up with my period, a terrible cold, and tooth pain from that root canal my dentist told me I didn't need a few years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3571

You deserved it

249

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/11/2010 00:49 - United States

Today, I was running the track at my school. My crush of two years was running in front of me, so I decided to catch up and finally talk to her. When I caught up, the only thing I could think to say was, "What's your name?" even though I already knew. She replied, "Natalie". Her name is Melissa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35091

You deserved it

7346

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/3/2011 22:26 - United States

Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14723

You deserved it

73659

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/12/2014 22:42 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my 7-year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of the supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

34034

You deserved it

3873

Favorite

By PrestonW - 9/2/2011 15:53

Today, I finally got a reply to the letter to a celebrity that I had to write for my English class. It was a restraining order. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35247

You deserved it

7733

Favorite

By FMLFMLFMLFML - 29/5/2009 17:52 - United States

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65966

You deserved it

14806

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/8/2014 16:17 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, after finally getting rid of an extremely rude, abusive customer, I muttered that I could kill people like her. I didn't know my manager had heard me, until a pair of police officers arrived. He'd reported me for "threatening to murder a customer". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40862

You deserved it

11072

Favorite

By ohtheirony - 10/12/2015 19:49 - United States - Reno

Today, while trying to explain to my friends what an anxiety attack is like, I had an anxiety attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22942

You deserved it

2134

Favorite

By CBM2012 - 7/2/2009 04:58 - United States

Today, My roommate texted me and warned me to be careful on the stairs leading to our place because they were icy. I got the message. After I fell down an entire flight of stone stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29413

You deserved it

3604

Favorite

By dirtythief - 18/7/2013 16:01 - Philippines - San Juan

Today, I placed an order at a fast food joint, when the elderly lady behind me cussed me out for ordering the same thing she wanted. She ranted that I was a "dirty thief", while everyone else glared at me as if I was holding up the line. What the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks

49453

You deserved it

3044

Favorite

By anon - 26/7/2010 04:22 - United States

Today, I was fired from the restaurant I work at because I missed my shift. I missed it because I was in the hospital for food poisoning from the meal I ate at work last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42957

You deserved it

3202

Favorite

By bit - 30/7/2009 10:01 - United States

Today, me and my girls went to get revenge on a girl who slept with my boyfriend by egging her house. Her house was too far away so we decided to get her truck. We wasted a carton of eggs on her driveway because we all have terrible aim and look incredibly stupid for missing so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8455

You deserved it

64216

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 04:31 - United States

Today, my girlfriend donated most of my book collection because she got me a Kindle for Christmas. Some were signed, including my Harry Potters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62862

You deserved it

4446

Favorite

By Burp - 19/4/2012 12:37 - United States

Today, I traveled by plane for the first time. Once in the air, I was absolutely terrorized by the whole experience. Luckily, they had free booze on board, so I necked some to steady my nerves. Unfortunately, the vodka mixed with air turbulence made me spurt some vomit into my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10413

You deserved it

24794

Favorite

By DogStew - 25/9/2019 00:01

Objects in the rear-view mirror

Today, my obsession with my mean ex-girlfriend returned. It ended 9 years ago. It happened when I started researching self-help. Now, I can’t stop thinking about that selfish piece of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1226

You deserved it

449

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/8/2014 06:44 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I almost got lucky with a girl from my course. We've been flirting since we met. After removing her top and moving downwards with my tongue, whilst moaning my name she decided to mention she has a boyfriend and that we needed to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55575

You deserved it

6234

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/1/2012 03:30 - Canada

Today, as an important meeting with clients was drawing to a close, we all stood up and they bid their farewells. My response was to blurt out, "Hello!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

22540

You deserved it

7767

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/6/2016 04:57 - United States - Frisco

Today, for the first time ever, one of my birthday wishes came true. I wished for my crush to come hang out with me, and she did. I wasted my birthday wish on an awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12418

You deserved it

3143

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/2/2011 07:35 - Canada

Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45682

You deserved it

4813

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 22:01

The Gush

Today, I had planned to do a twenty-minute colon cleanse enema for weight loss. Instead, I woke up in the middle of the night with uncontrollable diarrhea that’s still going strong. Eight hours and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

710

You deserved it

1882

Favorite

By crazybiotch - 28/5/2009 18:09 - Canada

Today, I sent a forward to the ladies at my office. When I scrolled down I noticed my personal emails from my best friend were attached. They go into great detail about the sex I had last night, when I was planning on dumping my boyfriend and that I suspected I had an anal fissure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11678

You deserved it

60963

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/9/2010 02:00 - United States

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42726

You deserved it

4951

Favorite

By Upset Mommy - 14/7/2013 04:32 - United States

Today, my water broke. I called my mom, who had agreed to watch my other two kids while I went to the hospital. When I asked her to come over, she just said, "Sorry, now isn't a good time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52805

You deserved it

3676

Favorite

By RayneSong - 20/11/2012 23:25 - United States - Lansing

Today, I'm in the hospital and it's been 44 hours since I've eaten anything. My doctors won't let me eat and my parents are sitting across the room, eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26926

You deserved it

1798

Favorite

By mistickfae - 29/10/2012 18:42 - United States

Today, I was complimented for having amazingly lifelike warts as part of my witch costume, and was asked how I achieved the effect so well. I didn't have the heart to admit they were just my pimples under green makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23816

You deserved it

2235

Favorite

By tacoboy27 - 21/12/2011 17:39 - United States

Today, I found out that my father has taken my copy of Modern Warfare 3, and re-wrapped it as a Christmas present. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31591

You deserved it

3532

Favorite

By BikerGuy - 24/2/2016 06:31 - Canada - Alhambra

Today, the girl who likes me incredibly much asked me if she could come for a ride with me on my motorcycle. Normally this isn't a problem as I take lots of people out for rides for fun, but this time I had no choice but to tell her she couldn't because she's just too heavy for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21708

You deserved it

2164

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By E2dav | 5

#7846168 - Wednesday 25 September 2019 0:08

We all have that ex gf or bf we look back on and think wtf was I thinking?!?!

By RichardPencil | 28

#7846170 - Wednesday 25 September 2019 0:13

Ironic, huh?

Listen to "Self-Esteem" by Offspring. It's the complete playbook on how to be a doormat for a selfish piece of shit.

Comments

By E2dav | 5

#7846168 - Wednesday 25 September 2019 0:08

We all have that ex gf or bf we look back on and think wtf was I thinking?!?!

By RichardPencil | 28

#7846170 - Wednesday 25 September 2019 0:13

Ironic, huh?

Listen to "Self-Esteem" by Offspring. It's the complete playbook on how to be a doormat for a selfish piece of shit.

By Sinshine | 27

#7846200 - Wednesday 25 September 2019 5:59

Wait what? 9 years after you were done obsessing over her, you decided to look for a self help group?

DogStew | 19

#7846211 - Wednesday 25 September 2019 6:45

I was researching overcoming narcissistic abuse because of my family. I realized my ex is just like my shitty family. Which probably explains why I fell so hard for such a piece of shit.

By JuliaKay14 | 31

#7846541 - Thursday 26 September 2019 15:30

You might want to consider talking to a counselor to find out and address why you feel the need to think about her 9 years later.