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Hey this is my post! They've actually been working on the fire alarm system for a few months, but this is the first time I needed to use the elevators when they were out. I needed to pee really badly so I ran up the stairs (in business attire) only for them to start working as soon as I got to my floor!

By Panda_Bearr - 03/09/2011 04:33 - United States

Today, it was my last day at my dad's. I thought he'd want to say goodbye, instead he told me, "Hope you've got all your shit. Anything you leave, I'm burning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 722

You deserved it 2 733

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 21:40 - Denmark

Today, the weather man announced that today's forecast will include heavy rain and hail in my city. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal. However, my house has no roof at the moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 210

You deserved it 4 621

By musiclover - 06/12/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, my friend and I went to see our favorite band in concert. We walked at least a mile from our parking space and stood in line for two hours. My friend was supposed to have the tickets in her purse. She actually had, but she left her purse in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 781

You deserved it 5 133

Red circle gang

By lala - 11/11/2010 02:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were flipping through magazines and got on the topic of how airbrushed the girls were. My boyfriend then pointed out all of the flaws on my body that would need to be airbrushed away if I was in a magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 743

You deserved it 4 741

Pants on fire

By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 14:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I was told by my sister over the dinner table that some guy is telling people I’ve had sex with him; that’s not even the worst part. He’s telling people my sister walked in. One, I haven’t talked to him in years; two, he’s really not my type, three, I’m in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 217

You deserved it 112

By Robin - 12/03/2012 11:57 - Russia

Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or widthwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 83

By Anonymous - 10/01/2021 02:04 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I found out the first person I was able to open up to in nearly ten years is already in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 165

By girlsx2mom - 31/08/2011 06:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't have sex with me because he doesn't want his mom "watching from heaven." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 771

You deserved it 7 870

Not today, thank you

By Anonymous - 02/03/2022 00:01

Today, I tried reaching out to a girl on Facebook I thought I ended on good terms with after three dates. Not only did she not accept my friend request, she also disabled all friend requests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 356

Shame! Shame! Shame!

By Telinaa - 08/11/2010 02:25 - Australia

Today, I was holding on to a shirt that I planned on buying, when an elderly man bumped into me. The shirt fell out of my hand, and slid just out the door. I went to the counter to explain what happened. Everyone accused me of trying to steal it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 230

You deserved it 3 076

Typecasting

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I got my first acting part. I played the role of a bad boy who has to grab the leading lady's ass, who then slaps me in the face. The ass grab was done in one take. The slap required 14 takes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 994

You deserved it 5 111

Get better jokes

By nosy ass bitch! - 30/03/2022 16:00

Today, my classmate overheard me on the phone making an appointment at the women’s health center. The dumb bitch told everyone I was going to the clinic for STD treatment. I was scheduling my biopsy for a lump in my breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 330

You deserved it 108

By anonymous - 06/11/2010 21:08 - Canada

Today, I found out that a street performer makes more money than I do. I have a full time job at the bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 450

You deserved it 4 042

Got money to throw around? Get into real estate

By Anonymous - 05/03/2022 02:00

Today, I found out the sole reason my son insisted on buying the house he did is because he was told on the grapevine that one of his new neighbours is a hot 20-something who never closes her curtains to undress at night. I raised a perverted idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 307

Doggy dog world

By gagus123 - 24/03/2022 22:00 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I agreed to care for my girlfriend’s sister's dog. She assured us that the dog was housetrained, but when I got home from work at 07:00 AM my girlfriend was sleeping and there was not only one “accident” but five. This is going to be a fun weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 136

By Thanderska - 04/03/2008 01:02

Today, while playing golf, someone broke my nose. The clubhouse calls an ambulance, and I go to hospital. I call my girlfriend to come and pick me up downstairs; she runs over my foot with her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 55

By lostforlife - 13/07/2012 00:52 - United States - Camden

Today, I asked my teenage daughter to read off directions from my iPhone while I drove. She went on Instagram instead. We missed the turn by 32 miles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 872

You deserved it 6 927

By Username - 27/08/2011 00:20 - United States

Today, while waiting for a doctors appointment, my husband started playing angry birds. Continually losing the game ended up raising his blood pressure to the point where he now has to have his medication changed. The new medication is $100 copay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 752

You deserved it 3 288

Matchmakers

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 06:53 - United States

Today, my very traditional parents told me that I should start a savings account for my marriage. I told them that I wouldn't get married until much later because I don't even have a boyfriend yet. They said, "Don't worry we already found a boy for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 503

You deserved it 3 834

Teacher X

By Anonymous - 22/03/2022 14:00 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, some guy punched me square in the face for bullying him through high school. I had no idea who he was, and he was angrily yelling for what I once did to him in teacher X's class. I never had teacher X. Then he realised we didn’t even go to the same school. Mistaken identity = my busted nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 282

You deserved it 108

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The Top

Today, I looked my boyfriend in the eyes and said, "I love y-" He cut me off with, "Babe, a blowjob's worth a thousand words" and held eye contact until I awkwardly excused myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 122

You deserved it 5 188

Today, my mom blew her top when I casually mentioned that it's pretty well known that the story of Jesus is a retelling of older Persian and Egyptian stories. She then went on to yell at me that I wasted my money on college and "book learning". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 404

You deserved it 10 731

Today, I was told that I was an idiot by a little girl because I didn't deliver a pizza to her house fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 755

You deserved it 8 863

Today, I finally hit rock bottom when I broke down in tears because I forgot to feed my cats in Neko Atsume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 701

Today, I found out when meeting her that my uncle has a girlfriend who is half his age. She's worse than a toddler; she started begging and crying for chocolate in the middle of a car ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 88

Today, I called in a refill for a vital medication that I've been on since a couple of decades ago. No big deal since I called a week in advance. I then received a notification that the specific medication is out of stock at the moment, and they won't have another set ready for four days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 53