By Tiny_Nerd - 08/03/2016 15:00 - United States - Westwego

Today, my mother-in-law told me that God won't allow me to have a baby with my husband because we're both agnostic. Yet it seems God thinks her druggie daughter can have two just because she's a Christian. FML
I agree, your life sucks 19 062
You deserved it 1 439

Tiny_Nerd tells us more.

OP here. To clarify my husband and I have been trying to conceive for a year and three months. I had reasons prior to starting (inconsistent cycle, family history) to believe I might be infertile, but we wanted to wait a year and see. We're currently about to get checked out and tested to see what's what. This particular incident I was talking to my mother in law about the fact we haven't managed to conceive yet and her advise was to "pray to the Lord with all our hearts" for a baby. She knows very well that my husband and I are agnostic, so I reiterated to her (as I've had to do since I was in the dating stages with my husband) that we are agnostic and not inclined toward Christianity at all. Her immediate response was "that's why God won't give you(my husband and I) a baby". To be fair to her, I will say I've heard about her background and it was pretty abusive so this is a learned behavior (though it's no excuse). From what I've seen while she's not as bad as her parents, but she has some pretty abusive tendencies which has more than once resulted in bad fall-outs and drama; more often than not with women (males are not exempt) who are either in the family or connected by familial ties. She tends to be quite controlling and doesn't react well when people don't do what she wants. It's been suggested before that she get therapy, but she refuses as she thinks there's nothing wrong with her behavior. Everyone knows she's like this, no one likes it. As for this particular incident it was pointed out by my husband that this was her way of aggressively trying to convert us because that's her "Christian" way of loving; in her mentality it's for our own good. My husband did stand up for me when he found out. Her response was less than stellar. My husband loves his family (his mother too, even if he doesn't like her) and unfortunately you can't avoid his mother without avoiding the family as well. I do my best to avoid drama while still standing my ground and not letting myself get walked all over which isn't easy as you can see. As for my sister in law I won't go into specifics, but her children are going through a bad time (because of both their parents) and we can see how it's affecting them. My husband and I have been trying to think of ways we can convince their parents to allow us to have temporary custody till at least one of them can give them a stable environment (though to be frank I wouldn't mind if it was permanent). One last clarification: I have nothing against Christians. I'm actually a theology nerd (amongst many other nerdoms). I actually consider this type of "Christian" behavior an affront to what the religion is supposed to be. My husband and I had a discussion and we've decided due to this incident when we DO have children one way or the other (whether it be natural, from fertility treatments, fostering, or adoption) we will absolutely forbid his parents to talk about religion with them or around them at all nor will they be left alone with the children unless it can't be avoided (like if we had an emergency). If they try to do so anyway visits will be limited or cut off. We had already decided that it would be in our wills when we have children that his parents (among others in both our families) under no circumstances are to get custody if something happens to us.

Top comments

You should point out how while you are seemingly successful, her daughter is using "the Devils powder" or some bs like that

MikaykayUnicorn 36

Sadly that is how many Christians seem to be. I say this coming from a Christian family. If I ever decided to stop following the Christian religion, I would be shunned by my family.


MikaykayUnicorn 36

Sadly that is how many Christians seem to be. I say this coming from a Christian family. If I ever decided to stop following the Christian religion, I would be shunned by my family.

Now imagine what they would do if they knew you were a hunter. I see you, Dean.

ChristianH39 30

Things like that are why I have no respect for religion anymore.

Christianity seems to be the least understanding religion of all. At least any atheists and agnostics are okay with you being religious.

That is a broad stroke there #39. Religious, Agnostic or Atheist; you'll always run into those who aren't understanding of anything other than what they believe in or don't, for that matter.

I agree with you completely 44, just want to point out that you'll likely never see an atheist or agnostic wage war on behalf of their beliefs.

#45 Have you ever heard the joke "A vegan, an atheist and a CrossFitter walk into a bar, I know because they told everyone within 2 minutes." I know several atheists and agnostics, they have all waged war against religion on multiple accounts. It doesn't matter what the belief is, it matters who the person is. There's some really great Christians out there, some really great feminists, some really great cops, some really great Muslims, but all we hear about are the horrible things that a group of people do that just so happen to identify with a specific title. It shouldn't give that entire group a bad name because of a few awful extremists.

On the other hand I know many people of different religions who could care less what your religion is. People should judge based on their actions rather than what they believe...

The least understanding religion is the ******* Muslims okay let's get this straight here.

Well people do take eternity seriously

You should point out how while you are seemingly successful, her daughter is using "the Devils powder" or some bs like that

i believe the term is "the Devil's dandruff"

Please, please tell me this comment didn't come after you told her you were having issues conceiving...

Or after telling her you discovered you or your husband is infertile..

blueyes909 24

Crazy religion nut. Exactly why I'm an atheist-religion absorbs people.

Yo I'm not religious or anything but you can't assume that all religious people are this insane. First of all these people are extremists, not the regular religious people. Don't assume that all religious people are insane; there are plenty of religious people who choose to have their own opinions. Second, its mainly christians (not hating on christianity) that are like this. I'm not saying that you only find religious nut heads in christianity or that you don't find any religious nut heads in other religions; I'm just saying that its mostly christians. So don't hate on other religions for the mistakes of one religion. Again I'm atheist as well, but I still respect all faiths.

Are you using a roller, #4? Or do you just brush with ridiculously broad strokes all the time? Get a grip, man.

4, I have a friend who (like me) is an atheist. She will routinely insult and belittle people (to their face) for going to church, mentioning God, or wearing crosses. When another friend was planning for his grandma's funeral, she told him that she wouldn't be attending because she didn't want to "be around that prayer shit". She once berated me for teaching an excerpt of Genesis in a unit I teach on creation mythology, because I was apparently brainwashing young minds (interestingly enough, none of the other creation myths I taught seemed to bother her—go figure). People don't need religion to be judgmental assholes. Judgmental assholes, though, do tend to use their beliefs to justify their behavior. It's not just religious people who do this.

And you're still friends with her because...?

Actually, I don't really talk to her anymore. The funeral thing was the final straw…

Alup132 22

There's also a higher amount of Christians than anything else, so that's probably part of the reason.

@#24 Yep, I have a friend who is exactly like that. He constantly tells our group of friends about how religion is dumb and stuff like that, but our group of friends is very mixed religion wise. He berates people who are Christian because he believes it's stupid, but he claims to be a follower of a religion that was formed on the Internet. Dude needs to grow the hell up and realize that people can follow a religion and not be idiots.

TAntobella 14

Most religious people do #24, as they base their beliefs on the judgmental opinions of thousands years old sheep herders, and on their personal fears of course. You can't expect rationality and actual compassion from those people, they are too busy with their biases. There are exceptions, but they are the minority, and typically they are those who are not observant.

I hope you have a baby and I hope it's an amazing kind calm child and she hates that.

That sounds like a kid that we all would want

Doesn't she know that non-religious people manage to have kids all the time?

football98_fml 20

Tell her that if God can allow someone as stupid as her to have babies, he can allow anyone!

Also there's actually proven science behind fertility or lack thereof

Sorry OP. That's definitely not the reason you haven't been lucky yet. You should go see a doctor, and they will tell you why you haven't conceived a child, and how to fix it. Good luck!

Dude **** her advice. Get an awesome kid and make sure that he isn't stupid. Make sure that you teach him that there's nothing wrong with religion but there is everything wrong with being extremist.

Because we all get a say on how fortunate we get to be when we play the genetics lottery.

Unfortunately, according to a lot of Christians, that's how things work. To a lot of them God loves only some, not all. I'm sorry you have this kind of Christian to deal with.