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By Anonymous - 20/12/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was on a first date with this girl I've been talking to. I met her and she came with me so I could park my car in the student lot. On the way back, I saw a beat up car with its window duct taped up and exclaimed "Haha! Look at that piece of junk." It was her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 646

You deserved it 39 101

By fuckina - 29/11/2010 17:34 - United States

Today, I was speeding a little on the highway. I thought I saw a police car, so I slammed on my brakes, causing the person behind me to rear end me. The "police car" I saw was just a broken down car on the side of the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 901

You deserved it 49 604

Long term commitment

By Jules - 27/11/2020 07:56 - Germany

Today, while tidying up my grandmother's fridge, I got to play expiration-date-bingo. The winner was some type of concentrated apple sauce supposed to be used for salad dressings. It expired in 1986. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 91

A fool and his money are soon parted

By blondie - 20/02/2022 12:00

Today, I was scammed by con artists, using a business to send out fraudulent checks for a fake "stay at home" job. Now not only do I have to try job hunting again, I'm also $2,000 in the hole with my bank account. You scam artist losers need to get off your ass and get a real job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 1 044

Pay me!

By Fat - 27/09/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, if I had a dollar for every person who told me that I couldn't possibly have an eating disorder because I'm overweight, I would have enough to pay for therapy to deal with my very real eating disorder and insecurities about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 147

Parents of the year

By lordoftheweird - 30/04/2026 09:00 - Canada - Cranbrook

Today, I found out that I have been secretly paying the bills. All the psych treatments and medication tryouts I took as a kid was paid research. My parents spent all the money on themselves and they still wanted me to do the research. They also lied to my school and told them I was autistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 67

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother found out that I'm three months pregnant. She told my boyfriend to put it up for adoption, and now wants a paternity test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 879

You deserved it 5 606

By what have i done with my life - 21/07/2013 17:46 - United States - Akron

Today, I jokingly told my friend that when a tree seems to sway in the wind, it's really just having an orgasm. Not only did she believe me, she's been smugly informing everyone we know. She's 26. I seem to be friends with an absolute idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 659

You deserved it 6 040

Read the room, lady

By Athsmatic and Angry - 30/11/2020 05:30 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I got bitched at by an old lady in Walmart for not wearing a mask. I had lowered my mask to use my inhaler, because I was having an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 128

Homeschooling sucks

By jj. - 10/03/2022 16:00

Today, it’s the hundredth day of me being homeschooled. It’s also the hundredth day in a row where my dad has assigned a five-page essay. I told my him I’m feeling burnt out. He said, “That’s not a real thing. Stop whining like a little baby and write the essay.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 187

ATM FML

By ATMDad - 05/05/2023 00:00

Today, my stepdaughter wants her biological father, a man who abandoned her as a child, drinks to the point of puking and acting violent, and hasn’t held a real job in years to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. I feel like an ATM at this point because I paid for 80% of her wedding expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 203

By Chansus10 - 20/10/2014 15:03 - United States - Greendale

Today, my boss drove past me while I was walking to work, and splashing mud over my uniform. When I got to work, he criticized me for showing up in unpresentable condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 576

You deserved it 2 960

Sad and lonely

By yikes78 - 31/05/2009 13:04 - United States

Today, I went to Macy's to buy some bras. After I paid, the old lady cashier noticed there was pen on one of the bras. By accident, I blurted out, "It's alright. No one's seeing them." The old lady nodded back in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 823

You deserved it 10 524

Teaching moment

By Anonymous - 03/10/2024 09:00 - Canada - Vernon

Today, I tried to show my little cousin how to ride a bike without training wheels. Not only did I crash into a bush, but the handlebars hit me in the nuts, and I ended up rolling around like a Labrador in shit in front of the neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 383

This is mine now

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 255

You deserved it 6 822

By banana2894 - 10/08/2012 04:40 - United States - Eugene

Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 593

You deserved it 3 510

Have a baby they said, it'll be fun they said

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 103

You deserved it 3 971

Damned if you do…

By ritualdevice - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I have to train people overseas to do my job. If I succeed in teaching them what they need to know, then they get my job, and I get fired. If they don't perform well, then as the trainer I get blamed, and get fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 495

You deserved it 2 329

By Anonymous - 15/10/2014 04:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my brother and I were talking about Ebola, when he says he would love to have the disease because of how famous it would make him. Plus, his college essays about him "fighting through the disease" would be "phenomenal". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 194

You deserved it 3 632

Dungeons and dragons drama

By Anonymous - 17/05/2023 10:00 - Australia - Taren Point

Today, I found out why DnD is recommended for ages 13 and up. I ran a kids' session supposed to be for ages 12-16, but a few younger ones turned up. It took them an hour and a half to kill 3 zombies, and then they wanted to go on a murder rampage through the town. I'm secretly hoping they don't turn up next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 304

Sir! Sir!

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, I was taking calls at the helpdesk I work at. The caller was a man, and while helping him with his issue he suddenly stopped to tell me I had a nice soothing voice. Then he told me to say something else. As I continued to help him, he started making moaning noises. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 396

You deserved it 3 541

Bing bong beep

By Anonymous - 12/10/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our son fell asleep with his iPad playing some sort of annoying beeping noise from one of his games. We can hear it in our room and it’s just annoying enough that neither of us can sleep. The iPad is under his body, so if I try to get it he WILL wake up and WON’T go back to sleep tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 672

By housewiththinwalls - 10/10/2014 23:22 - Sweden

Today, after getting stressed out by my parents having a serious fight for hours, I'm now listening to their make-up sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 976

You deserved it 3 974

By stillkindahorny - 13/09/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been seeing. It took him longer to put the condom on than it did to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 864

You deserved it 4 746

Yikes

By fashionista1787 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a creepy old guy with awful body odor in my salon. As I was washing his hair, he brought up how he wants to start a garden, and how a woman's monthly flow weirdly helps to make it grow. Then he asked me if I could save up my used tampons for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 516

You deserved it 2 575

By Anonymous - 19/11/2010 21:20 - United States

Today, stood in line for hours to see the new Harry Potter. Unfortunately, once inside the theater, I was stuck in the bathroom with the runs for the entire length of the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 962

You deserved it 7 035

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, it's my birthday and my friends and I went to our favorite pub to celebrate. As I'm a little broke at the moment, they all offered to buy me birthday drinks. Which I later learned meant that they would order them for me and bring them to the table, but put everything on my tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 588

You deserved it 2 935

By mac_miller55 - 31/07/2012 16:47 - United States - Lansdowne

Today, I was swimming with my friends at the local pool. My friend pushed me under, and as I came up for air, my hand stroked a hairy leg. It turns out I had caressed the leg of an old man who had been swimming laps. He spent the next half hour creepily smiling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 652

You deserved it 2 252

mac_miller55 tells us more.

mac_miller55 2

Wednesday 1 August 2012 4:47

I posted this and I am a girl

Tough road ahead

By grossedout - 08/09/2011 06:34 - Reserved

Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9-inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 326

You deserved it 2 588

Overcrowded

By Anonymous - 01/06/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, my marriage of only a month is falling apart because my wife is furious that I allowed my daughter to move in with my mother, who lives just a few houses down. My daughter wanted to go live with her grandma and I agreed because my wife brought in four kids and my daughter had virtually no space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 197

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The Top

Today, I got to drop off my boyfriend at his newest place of residence: jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 271

You deserved it 5 179

Today, a co-worker gave me a couple of CDs he said he wanted me to listen to. I got excited, thinking that they were playlists he'd made for me. They were self-help tracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 531

You deserved it 2 554

Today, I found out that my overprotective brother is going to move in with me when he gets out of jail. My chances of ever being in a relationship are now next to zero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 434

You deserved it 4 676

Today, I was out with friends, A girl approached me out of nowhere and gave me a peck on the cheek, then yelled to my friend, "I kissed him, where's that drink you promised?" only for him to equally loudly reply, "I said I'd buy you a drink to TALK to him." Apparently, even bribery isn't enough for a woman to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 113

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask out the girl I like. After nervously fumbling through my words, I asked, "Want to grab a cup of water sometime?" She looked at me confused, then asked if I meant coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 141

Today, I was ordering a new vape for my Grandma online, since she refuses to use the internet. When I told her that the type of vape she uses wasn't available anymore, she screamed, "WELL THEN, I'LL JUST GET A CARTON OF CIGARETTES, AND SMOKE THEM UNTIL I GET CANCER!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 93