By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 11:01

Keeping warm

Today, thanks to my habit of peeing in the shower, I accidentally peed in the bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

228

You deserved it

1165

Favorite

Health

Gross

BO Central

Poker Face

Bunch of bankers, the lot of them

By biscuit - United Kingdom

Today, I had to walk three miles home from work. Both my parents were at home. The reason they wouldn't collect me is apparently because I've "gotten so fat, your grandma cried after she saw you". FML

I agree, your life sucks

22370

You deserved it

25758

Favorite

By Fired

We could be heroes…

Today, I stepped outside my office building for a smoke break and I witnessed a mugging so I ran over to stop it. I succeeded in getting mugged instead of the original target. I then couldn't get into my building until a coworker left an hour later. My boss was mad and still doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31976

You deserved it

5652

Favorite

By besviken - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44304

You deserved it

6292

Favorite

By rhcpgurl - United States - San Jose

Today, after 2 months of searching, I finally found a good, stable job. How does the universe reward me upon waking up on my very first day? With a burning yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26756

You deserved it

2646

Favorite

By :( - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23250

You deserved it

62223

Favorite

By fingerfuckd - Canada

Today, I was fingering my girlfriend. When suddenly she started crying at the peak of her orgasm, when I asked what was wrong, she replied. "I-I-I MISS HIM!" She was crying about her ex boyfriend. While I was inside her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

166230

You deserved it

13625

Favorite

By Peter - 30/6/2021 18:01

What did I say, Roy?

Today, my wife said I was being difficult and unreasonable, and called my mother to talk to me about my behaviour. What did I do you ask? I dared to share my opinion on something I happen to feel strongly about, instead of just mindlessly agreeing with her opinion like I have for the past 22 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

825

You deserved it

184

Favorite

By French - Australia - Saint Kilda

Today, I taught my girlfriend some French. She then used her newfound language to break up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44647

You deserved it

4664

Favorite

By unhappy wifey - United States - Portland

Today, my husband and I are still having a dumb fight over remodeling. He's decided to take an immature route and pretends to be asleep whenever I walk into a room so he doesn't have to talk about it. Earlier, he pretended to fall asleep at the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25299

You deserved it

3983

Favorite

By anon - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, my father got out of rehab for his alcoholism. This would be great if he hadn't started drinking the moment he got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11824

You deserved it

686

Favorite

By welpwelpwelp - Australia - Canberra

Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26854

You deserved it

1934

Favorite

By larry_richard - United States

April Fool

Today, I was told an assignment that was supposed to be due in a week and a half is due today. I crammed all night and ended up getting 3 hours of sleep. Turns out it was an April Fool's prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4206

You deserved it

710

Favorite

By anonymous

Today, while I was walking along the sidewalk, someone passed by and said, "Tuck that nose in." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1666

You deserved it

142

Favorite

By shyshy96679 - United States

Today, I was using the restroom when a little girl tried to open my stall. It was locked, so she slid under the door and tried to have a conversation with me while I was pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46011

You deserved it

3858

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though; he's not a rapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38183

You deserved it

2443

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/5/2021 13:57

Blood is thicker…

Today, it's been a dozen years since I had sex, as my husband is mentally dealing with molestation as a kid by his uncle. Meanwhile, his mother is on vacation with the molester. Yes, she knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1388

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous

Unrequited and stuck

Today, I'm crushing so hard on my male roommate that I've basically become a doormat for him. Meanwhile, he's on the phone for hours with the pretty girl he met over Tinder. I feel pathetic, stupid and jealous, which I have no right to be. Worst part, we're still quarantined together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1576

You deserved it

705

Favorite

By Anonymous - Russian Federation

Today, I got home from my 6-week vacation. Apparently, my mum cleaned my room for me while I was gone because my vibrator was neatly tucked into my blanket, next to my pillow instead of being hidden under my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31335

You deserved it

9275

Favorite

By Eric Forrest - United States

Today, while at a work meeting, I finally summoned up the courage to share and express my opinions about unprofessionalism in the office. After the meeting, I went to clean up, only to notice in the bathroom mirror that I'd had a booger pasted across my forehead throughout the meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22097

You deserved it

23914

Favorite

By NeverCampingAgain - United States

Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74533

You deserved it

7782

Favorite

By getmeoutofthiscountry - United States

Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my neighbor for the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off their balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my neighbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61039

You deserved it

4071

Favorite

By Snurkles - Canada

Today, it's my birthday. I got a phone call from my high school bully, to remind me that he'll always be able to find me and do whatever he wants to me. He does this every year. I turn 34 today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48008

You deserved it

7061

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Three hours later, he called me to tell me he was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43156

You deserved it

2563

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/1/2021 07:01 - United States - Fort Worth

UTI

Today, while studying in the library, I felt a sudden urge to pass gas. There were not too many people around, so I let it go while in my seat and it went unnoticed. What caught the attention of everybody was the puddle slowly forming under my seat. Turns out, I farted so hard I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

450

You deserved it

908

Favorite

By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, my husband's car was stolen from our driveway while he was out jogging. We'd recently had a huge fight, and he accused me of having done this to get revenge. I was at work all day, but it seems this doesn't make any difference to his dumb, paranoid ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32299

You deserved it

6484

Favorite

By Laura - United States

Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32457

You deserved it

4595

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46645

You deserved it

4166

Favorite

By Anonymous - Netherlands - Delft

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36587

You deserved it

8349

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, it was my first ever live piano performance. It went all great until the end, when I stood up, slipped, and smashed face-first into the keys. I've lost half a tooth and all my dignity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47767

You deserved it

3862

Favorite

By nosexforthee - United States - Katy

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43531

You deserved it

7937

Favorite

By UpAllNight - Palestinian Territory

Today, I had to sleep at my in-laws' house. My in-laws' bedroom is directly above the one we’re sleeping in. For the last 20 minutes, all I can hear is the bed going, “Thud, thud, thud.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

2003

You deserved it

279

Favorite

By lildale92

Today, I asked my husband to watch our kids while I cooked food for him. Apparently I asked in the wrong tone, because now he's pouting and won't eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2783

You deserved it

354

Favorite

By whyme

Help

Today, feeling so depressed to the point of having suicidal thoughts, I texted a girl I had a crush on. Her response? "Can you please delete my number, you're getting annoying." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35432

You deserved it

19725

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32489

You deserved it

8745

Favorite

By Casdmo

Today, the person who is supposed to train me at my new job left the country for a week due to a family emergency. I can't start until they return. This pushes my first paycheck back a pay period, two weeks later than expected. I'm already broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4044

You deserved it

314

Favorite

By Anonymous

Confinement's gonna be fun

Today, I left the house to get groceries. My parents asked me where I was going and how long I would be gone for. Thinking they were just being inquisitive parents, I ignored them. I got home 20 minutes later to them having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

776

You deserved it

2159

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44529

You deserved it

11228

Favorite

By kryssa - 9/10/2020 23:01

Spread the news

Today, my boyfriend of six years is in the hospital after having a stroke. While being transferred to another hospital, I came to our home to get his phone to call his family, but instead was treated to text messages and voicemails from his other girlfriends. At least 4 of them so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1631

You deserved it

104

Favorite

By thebickster - United States

Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17535

You deserved it

49638

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went out on a date with an ex boyfriend that I hadn't seen since college. He took me to a bar, where he was oddly quiet, but drank heavily. When the bartender asked us if we were ok, he replied, "This is my ex girlfriend. Can you believe she used to be skinny?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

39012

You deserved it

7955

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 32

#7966518 - Saturday 23 January 2021 3:17

You're just a regular whiz-kid.

By Ambrily | 27

#7966461 - Friday 22 January 2021 20:33

Yeah, that's what I think they meant.

COMMENTS

By tounces7 | 27

#7966437 - Friday 22 January 2021 19:26

Same difference, so who cares?

Or did you actually pee in bathwater that you were currently sitting in? Because that would be pretty dumb.

Ambrily | 27

#7966461 - Friday 22 January 2021 20:33

Yeah, that's what I think they meant.

By Charlie Given | 24

#7966460 - Friday 22 January 2021 20:32

it's actually harmless and your own natural urea will be a hell of a great skin softener

By Chazzster | 21

#7966482 - Friday 22 January 2021 22:00

Harmless but disgusting...

By BurnInDemonFire | 32

#7966518 - Saturday 23 January 2021 3:17

You're just a regular whiz-kid.