By Anonymous - 22/12/2020 05:02 - United States - Gainesville

Go away, creep

Today, I learned that my stalker is still trying to weasel their way into my life even after they doxxed me, cyberstalked me, harassed me, threatened me, and attempted blackmail on me. All this just because I told them that their boyfriend groomed me when I was a minor. FML

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This Charming Man

Late term

Hello Alanis ? We've got something for you.

By ggbhghggg - United States

Today, I missed my bus. I had to ride my bike 2 miles. Once I left, some jerk nearly hit me. I flipped him off and shouted obsceneties. It was my dad, offering me a ride. He left. FML

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By Diesel - Belgium

Today, my motorcycle was stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, the thief drove past me. Twice. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2020 03:02 - Mexico - Mexico

Backwards world

Today, my life is so messed up that when I got pulled over, the officer asked about my life and not only did I not receive a ticket, he made me write down his personal number, patrol number and to call if I ever needed a favor or to talk, telling me that I had a friend in him. FML

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By j

Today, I found out that the co-worker I have been dating and falling for is the same co-worker that had been spreading rumors about me and getting me in trouble with my boss. FML

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By Queso Dog - Japan

Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Piscataway

Today, I asked a traffic cop if it was okay to park my car briefly in a Monday to Friday only parking spot, since it's Saturday. She politely replied I could. I came back less than ten minutes later, only to find a parking ticket stuck to my windshield. FML

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By Snowin2007 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved his flaming red hair. He told me that he loved the fuzz on my butt. FML

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By NoRespect - United States

Today, I spent an hour setting up a delicate display stand at work. Not five minutes later, a woman barged in with her little kid, who immediately went up to the display and tipped the whole thing over. When I called attention to the mother, she just scoffed, "Isn't this your job?" and left. FML

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By mike4444 - France

Today, I bought myself a flower for Valentine's Day to be delivered to myself from "Anonymous". FML

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By ineedaraise - Canada - London

Today, after nearly two months of working at my new job, one of my co-workers finally explained to me that the list of tasks that our boss gives me every day are actually HER duties, and as I complete them, she just sits in her office and watches Netflix. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I realized cigarettes are my cure for boredom. I bore myself out of $2000-plus a year. FML

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By ThanksMum - United Kingdom

Today, the only card I got for Valentine's Day was in my mother's handwriting, and she posted it through the front door herself. She still won't admit it's from her. FML

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By Lilo4life - United States - San Francisco

Today, I discovered that I am just tall enough and my hair is just long enough, to get caught in the ceiling fan if I flip it over to dry it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. I hope my charm and smile was enough for them to forgive me for not wearing pants. FML

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By thelunarwolf

Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to give up going to a therapist because it was too expensive and my parents couldn't afford it. Meanwhile, a girl in my class is getting a therapist for her dog. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked for permission to marry the girl I love. Her father not only said no, he said "HELL no!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, I was called into the office by my supervisor, on whom I have a massive crush. He called me in to get my password to make some adjustments on my work account and asked me what my password was. I had to hold eye contact with him and tell him my password is his full name. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, after being in love with one of my best friends for ages, he took me on a date. We then went back to his place and we made love. Afterwards, he told me he wanted to show me something and led me outside. He ran back in and locked the door. It's a two hour walk home. FML

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By lonelygirl - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me on a romantic weekend away at a hotel. What is he doing now? On his computer looking up stuff on Craigslist while I am watching t.v. alone. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got told that I have a dainty sneeze. It was the closest thing I've had to a compliment I've had in months. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML

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By that was mine - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, my mom cleaned out my bank account, saying my "no-good dad" owes her child support and that she'll get it one way or another. FML

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By finalfantasy - United States - Aurora

Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML

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By violatedbuttcrack - Australia - Sydney

Today, while on an escalator, instead of just telling me my underwear label was hanging out of my jeans, a woman behind me decided to tuck the label in herself. You should never have to feel a stranger's finger on your butt crack. FML

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By Stigmamma

Today, I asked a hairdresser for an A-line bob. I was left with wavy bangs and hair, which is not A-line at all, it's 1 cm shorter on one side. She says she did my hair right, I just need to "style it properly." Not only is it fucked up, I later realised it's the EXACT same haircut as my mother-in-law's. FML

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By hell! - France

Today, I discovered that my 15 year old girl had hidden a disgusting porn film in the "future career" folder. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was celebrating my birthday when my friend gave me a chocolate as a gift. I wasn't suspecting anything and ate about half of it before I noticed something strange. It turned out there were some kind of worms living in it and the chocolate was about a year after the expiration date. I got sick. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/9/2020 11:02 - United States - Orlando

Compassion

Today, I found out the reason my mom took over 9 months to get me a therapist and much needed help after I told her how I had been depressed and suicidal for over two months. It wasn't because it was hard to find one, but actually because she thought I was making it up to cushion the fact that I got a C in a class. FML

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By lesousterre - United States - Lees Summit

Today, my grandpa still receives more mail than me. He's been dead for three years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Compton

Today, I was at a pool party with my friends. I really had to pass gas so I moved a bit from the group and let it rip. Instead of bubbles surfacing a brown cloud of poo rose instead. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By Anonymous - France - Bourges

Today, my boyfriend still won't talk to me, after I caused him the "worst embarrassment" of his life in front of his friends. What did I do wrong? I joined their conversation and ended up confusing the fictional characters of Gollum and Yoda with one another. FML

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By polkadotpinup - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got a call from my employers wanting to ask why I had a no call, no show for today. My supervisor reported me for not showing up to work. It's my day off, and also my birthday. FML

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By poolboy - United States

Today, I was working as a swim instructor for kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water, I put my face in the water and blew bubbles. I asked them to try it. All of them did, except for one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said to me, "but I just peed in that water." FML

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By scared shitless - 24/6/2020 08:02

Night terrors

Today, I learned the hard way that my girlfriend’s young daughter sleepwalks. I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water, only to be greeted in the dimly lit hallway by her creepy silhouette. I yelped like a bitch and dropped the glass on my foot, breaking two toes. FML

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By iliketurtles - United States

Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML

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By Space†Witch

Today, I'm working a photography gig for a very prominent metal band. The doorman asked me for my I.D, which I happily obliged. I am 27, however I look like I'm still in my mid to late teens. He will not let me in, even with my I.D, and the band that hired me won't answer their phones. FML

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By WTF - Australia

Today, I found a folder on my boyfriend's computer called "Facebook". It turned out to be a collection of thousands of photos from his female friends' accounts. It was all sorted into folders like "Big Tits", "Blonde", "Cameltoe", "Feet", and "Jailbait". FML

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By Timv86 - Australia

Today, I went to the shops with my little sister. We had to walk through the lingerie section of the store to get to another part. My sister then yells at the top of her voice 'stop following me you freak'. I had security escort me out of the store, and got many dirty looks. She thought it was hilarious. FML

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Top comments

By Warp1978 | 13

#7959537 - Tuesday 22 December 2020 17:14

Time to get a restraining order and when they breach it you take then to court and don't back down. Its tough emotionally draining but stand your ground and you'll finally get some peace

By Yummi_913 | 15

#7959573 - Tuesday 22 December 2020 20:14

Who would have guessed that two sick minded and disgusting individuals would end up together huh. What a match.

COMMENTS

By Warp1978 | 13

#7959537 - Tuesday 22 December 2020 17:14

Time to get a restraining order and when they breach it you take then to court and don't back down. Its tough emotionally draining but stand your ground and you'll finally get some peace

By Yummi_913 | 15

#7959573 - Tuesday 22 December 2020 20:14

Who would have guessed that two sick minded and disgusting individuals would end up together huh. What a match.