The Top

1. my roommates a girl 2. My old roommate and I both bought the bong and split the price but when she transferred colleges she let me keep it 3. my roommate does drink usually 5 nights a week and she is 19 so she isn't exactly law abiding either

Kids and their wacky crazes

By tclwj - 07/09/2020 05:01 - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Today, I bought a used SUV that had fairly dirty carpets, that got even more dirty as I drove my two daughters around. I got it professionally cleaned and detailed and it looks brand new, but now my daughters cry and scream as I put them in the clean car, because their favorite stain is not there anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 217

By whatajerk - 03/01/2015 03:11 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my dad rejected my birthday present to him because it was "Made in China." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 210

You deserved it 4 693

By notfatanymore - 13/11/2011 20:50 - Germany

Today, the guy I've recently started seeing confided that he's relieved I'm on the heavier side, and that he has a thing for watching chubby women eat. I just reached my ideal weight after losing 40 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 413

You deserved it 4 113

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents and everything was going perfectly. He and I even had some time alone upstairs, where I gave him a blowjob. After dinner, his mom helpfully pointed out something stuck in my braces and inspected it for me. It was a pube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 511

You deserved it 5 405

Today, my wife admitted she's upset with me because she can see I'm unhappy in our marriage. We've been married for over two months and we still haven't had penetrative sex because she's scared of the pain. I cook and care for the house alone (I work remotely), I make 6 times as much money as her, but she's mad I'm sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 228

Random

Today, after hearing the doctor saying my girlfriend can never be pregnant, I got a bit too excited. I'm currently on the 5th hour of the silent treatment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 719

You deserved it 42 940

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 759

You deserved it 6 153

Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 155

You deserved it 47 355

Today, I woke up feeling awesome. I turned to face the sunrise in the window, and as I stretched and let out a big yawn. Only for my boyfriend to say "Baby, turn back over. Your breath smells like turds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 835

You deserved it 10 443

Today, I had a food allergy test done because of an ugly acne upswing, and after over a year of vegetarianism, I find out that I'm allergic to soy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 203

You deserved it 22 432

Today I got back to work after the holiday break to find out all my hard work on background illustrations for the company are progressively being replaced by piss-poor AI monstrosities. This sucks donkey dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 97