FML : Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me...

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Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous / Friday 26 August 2011 17:49 / United States

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Top comments

By irollup | 4

#3184329 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:10

This was wonderfully written. I've never read an FML so descriptive.

By gunmania0 | 12

#3184337 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:10

That was a good hard metaphor.

Comments

By dancefan0220 | 0

#3184318 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:08

Hats sad D:

Reply

TipsfromSips | 3

#3184366 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:13

if the dog was very old/in pain you did the right thing OP

Reply

futtbuck101 | 1

#3184374 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:13

Rape is a serious crime. Don't be afraid to tell someone.

Reply

genesisnirvana | 11

#3184402 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:14

Definitely loving OP's way of describing the irony.

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fanceh | 10

#3184413 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:15

that wasn't the only hard shaft going up your ass that day, was it?

Reply

ripgeorgecarl1n | 7

#3184977 - Saturday 27 August 2011 0:29

It's kinda like rapists who feel the cold, hard shaft of irony up the ass in prison. Metaphorically speaking of course.

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lilmisslovely13 | 15

#3185107 - Saturday 27 August 2011 0:44

This is very poetic. I was a little surprised, but pleased :)

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emmaa3451 | 11

#3185265 - Saturday 27 August 2011 1:09

Damn those raping shafts of irony!! Hahaha

Reply

FFPulley | 9

#3185472 - Saturday 27 August 2011 1:55

Did you go take a scalding hot shower afterwards to wash away the shame of this visit to the vet that you were apparently raped at?

Reply

nadyy14 | 8

#3186188 - Saturday 27 August 2011 4:56

I know how it feels to have your pet put asleep...its sad :'( you know what makes me feel better, hanging around with people you love!

Reply

sciencekidster1 | 8

#3186340 - Saturday 27 August 2011 5:37

The Sorting Hat is the nicest hat of all. It somehow finds something nice to say about Slytherin.

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xcarxcrashx | 9

#3186418 - Saturday 27 August 2011 5:52

176 LMAO!!!

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Winnerz4life | 0

#3186464 - Saturday 27 August 2011 6:05

lm

Reply

Iheartfunny | 1

#3187261 - Saturday 27 August 2011 7:41

If I had stoped reading at "cold hard shaft of irony slid up my ass" I still would have laughfed like helk but the ending really didit for me (thats what she said) But seriously OP sorry about your dog

Reply

ChucklesTheClown | 4

#3187794 - Saturday 27 August 2011 9:03

There's a national dog day? Why?

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JoHire | 0

#3188759 - Saturday 27 August 2011 13:56

Because dogs are awesome^

Reply

Friaza | 29

#3190473 - Saturday 27 August 2011 19:03

@9 You don't kill living creatures because they're old...

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captn_fml | 0

#3191606 - Sunday 28 August 2011 0:47

Fucking win.

Reply

abbey321 | 8

#3753054 - Monday 19 December 2011 4:55

My cat shadow died on my lap. I miss him so much! He wasn't in pain but he was old he died healthy and in my arms. ;(

By lancer3044 | 0

#3184321 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:09

:/

Reply

snowdrift | 6

#3185226 - Saturday 27 August 2011 1:04

Ahah what a metaphor....:// sorry about yo dawgi op

By irollup | 4

#3184329 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:10

This was wonderfully written. I've never read an FML so descriptive.

Reply

sovietkiwi | 0

#3184347 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:11

Hahaha I know right

Reply

sovietkiwi | 0

#3184349 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:11

Hahaha I know right

Reply

Laurenlou | 24

#3184404 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:15

OP must have a ton of great analogies like this!

Reply

gunmania0 | 12

#3184463 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:20

15 - analogy is such a dirty word, and it correctly matches the FML... You get a +1.

Reply

Laurenlou | 24

#3184523 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:26

24- Analogy is not a dirty word. But thanks!

Reply

mazochyst | 10

#3184577 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:32

30, ANALogy is what I think they were getting at.

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ollierobs | 0

#3184606 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:35

Ow. I could feel it. So cold... So cold...

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Laurenlou | 24

#3184622 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:37

39- Oh I see that now!
Sorry I don't keep my mind in the gutter. Haha

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#3184655 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:42

45- You should. It's this new trend...

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rawrface22 | 10

#3184729 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:51

'twas beautifully composed

Reply

tj4234 | 35

#3184791 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:59

If OP managed to write like this in 200 characters or less, I'd love to have a conversation with him/her in real life.

Reply

ihasbrains | 10

#3185045 - Saturday 27 August 2011 0:37

This reminds me of the FML about Satan's ass gas. Wonderful descriptions, eh?

Reply

xX_LilSammie_Xx | 4

#3185321 - Saturday 27 August 2011 1:21

It's like I was actually there.

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mgon93 | 0

#3186233 - Saturday 27 August 2011 5:11

Very true

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itouchuser77 | 8

#3187946 - Saturday 27 August 2011 9:33

Poetry my good man

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aftertheriot | 0

#3190072 - Saturday 27 August 2011 17:46

this gives a whole new meaning to f your life

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jdawg2010 | 0

#3190176 - Saturday 27 August 2011 18:08

i know right!

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geoffnel10 | 0

#3191976 - Sunday 28 August 2011 2:35

sucks if it's a guy...

Reply

FML102938 | 8

#3543918 - Saturday 5 November 2011 5:25

I am so turned on by this

Reply

HelloHolaBonjour_fml | 11

#6427770 - Monday 5 October 2015 22:14

1,000 likes thanks to me

By FunnyGuy5051 | 7

#3184334 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:10

sorry to hear that op, I never knew there was a national dog day tho

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ugottaluvme | 0

#3187076 - Saturday 27 August 2011 7:24

Ahh, your a funny guy ehh?

Reply

xNephilim | 18

#3473049 - Saturday 22 October 2011 22:13

There is a national day for everything.

By gunmania0 | 12

#3184337 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:10

That was a good hard metaphor.

Reply

Midnightpearls | 13

#3185344 - Saturday 27 August 2011 1:26

Oh god lmao

By cre8or99 | 0

#3184344 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:11

That's ruff

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santasadiekins | 0

#3184383 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:13

that, my friend, was so bad I giggled

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gunmania0 | 12

#3184389 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:14

I see what you did there! For those that don't get it, dogs go 'ruff'.

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minnymouse20 | 13

#3184410 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:15

Aha that's smart

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gunmania0 | 12

#3184432 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:17

Are you not going to thank me for point that out 17? :(

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AdriTheCutie | 0

#3184683 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:47

Lol "ruff" dog!! Haha

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KiddNYC1O | 20

#3184726 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:51

13- OMFG! How in the hell did you figure that out, champ?

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gunmania0 | 12

#3184871 - Saturday 27 August 2011 0:11

62 - are you a dick in real life or just whilst behind your computer in your mums basement?

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#3184924 - Saturday 27 August 2011 0:21

81- Thanks for playing, kid.

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#3185025 - Saturday 27 August 2011 0:35

I may have insulted you but make no mistake about it, I'm sure you insulted everyone on FML with comment #13.

Reply

gunmania0 | 12

#3185234 - Saturday 27 August 2011 1:05

90 - Did you read 60's comment...?

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gunmania0 | 12

#3185253 - Saturday 27 August 2011 1:07

93*

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KiddNYC1O | 20

#3185422 - Saturday 27 August 2011 1:42

Okay, don't take it personal. I saw your comment first.

Reply

I_Hate_Tpyos | 0

#3186676 - Saturday 27 August 2011 6:55

13- he may be on his iPod instead of a computer.

Reply

ugottaluvme | 0

#3193154 - Sunday 28 August 2011 5:43

Lol 17 in gonba text you k?

Reply

ichikibobivopula | 0

#3197497 - Monday 29 August 2011 2:07

Oh I get it now.

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mylifesucks12345_fml | 0

#3232127 - Sunday 4 September 2011 6:19

The guy just lost his dog man.
Really?

By sariannacanna | 6

#3184375 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:13

I almost cried at the crude beauty of your metaphor *claps* bravo my friend, bravo. Sorry about your dog.

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#3185703 - Saturday 27 August 2011 2:48

Do you mean "cruel" beauty? 'cause I don't think the beauty was crude at all.

By Btreasure | 8

#3184417 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:15

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By aichd13 | 4

#3184437 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:18

You win the game.

Reply

ironwords | 8

#3185754 - Saturday 27 August 2011 2:59

I lost it

By wilsontws | 18

#3184439 - Friday 26 August 2011 23:18

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

lidsthesquid | 4

#3185349 - Saturday 27 August 2011 1:27

Not the time -_-

Reply

ripjohnlennon | 5

#3185847 - Saturday 27 August 2011 3:26

Asian power!!!!!

Reply

HomeAl0ne | 20

#3203841 - Tuesday 30 August 2011 7:46

Irony - possessing the quality of ironness, made of iron.

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