Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML
Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML
Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML
Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Today, my normally very modest and prissy mom came home, pissed off about something. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't say, and snapped at me to "fuck off." She then grounded me for "making" her use that kind of "vile language." FML
Today, I woke up with a hangover from last night. Last night, I snuck out and went to a party at a club. To hide my hangover, I cleaned myself up and walked into the kitchen to get a drink. My mother looked at me and said, "What's that on your wrist?" I'd forgotten I'd left the wristband on from the club. I'm already grounded. FML
Today, I went to the kitchen to grab some cereal. I guess my mum didn't hear me, because as I entered, I heard her ranting to herself about her, "goddamn fucking Cheerios". I started to slowly back out, but I tripped over my own feet. She heard and yelled at me for "sneaking around". FML
Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML
Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Dblocker 18
Are you sure she was only hungover?
gracehi 33
Wait! You mean New Zealand has alcohol? And alcohol in New Zealand ***** you up like anywhere else? And it's just as addictive??? NO WAY!!!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (68)
Dblocker 18
Are you sure she was only hungover?
TurtleSmile 14
Sounds like she was still drunk. You should ground her for being under the influence.
opendoorclosed 8
Or using something else... I'm sorry to hear that
jetsown08 21
So sounds like OPs mon was downing the tequila at 6:15 a.m. Good way to wake up, and it's a great way to stay in shape. (+100 internetz to whoever gets that Family Guy reference)
GirlYouNasty 11
19- Mr. Rides-a-ten-speed-everywhere guy!
TheFuckerofShit 16
1, I love your profile picture.
jezane 9
?
TheThuglife_fml 2
Thuglife.
rsunshine2020 13
Most likely she won't even remember she grounded you... Hopefully :)
Kiyda 11
You should stop trying to **** with your mother's head. It's not very nice, and the kettle doesn't want to be brought into the middle of it.
Cyanide03 7
Someone needs to see a therapist. sorry, OP :/
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Well if it isn't the pot calling the kettle black..
Dixbfloppin 11
More like a rehabilitation center.
MormonPornstar 7
When that word is used, all I see is 'the rapist'. Analyst + therapist = Analrapist Making 23k a year, but what a title!
maosquare 18
Psychotherapist = Psycho the rapist.
daliagrande 17
Well that escalated quickly...
calipop99 0
The FML had nothing to escalate from... Your point is invalid
Jaxx66 21
17- Tell me how you came to this conclusion? It did indeed 'escalate'. From mom yelling at the kettle, to her brain suddenly deciding that she needs to be paranoid and blame someone for her misfortune. And then basically attacking OP for no reason. It was terrible! Stupid kettle. I say she needs a stove top one for backup. Those electric ones can be pesky sometimes.
untamable_mare 4
Lmao. Anchorman is an awesome movie. Anyone making an "invalid" comment about your comment, should obviously be smack in the mouth for just being dumb. Just saying.
DatRealAssTruth 3
Why do idiots say they deserved it jus because jus because they can? it doesnt make sense.
emeraldisle 30
Your comment doesn't make sense.
deegeebee 10
Well, a little thing called democracy. But yes, in general, people are jerks.
SoMuchSnailGame 3
40, please expand on democracy's impact on ydi.
coastiepat 0
Haha alcoholics live in new Zealand?
gracehi 33
Wait! You mean New Zealand has alcohol? And alcohol in New Zealand ***** you up like anywhere else? And it's just as addictive??? NO WAY!!!
onlychildFTW 34
Who would have guessed New Zealand has that?!?!?! Thanks for teaching me something new!...
silverstream20 20
Wait everyone didn't you know? New Zealand is a actual country and guess what, it has people who wait for it drink!!! Amazing.
nightslayer 6
Sounds like someone woke up on the crazy end of the bed
zandalee 20
I love the wording of this FML. Go the Kiwi's in the Test-match tonight against the Ausi's!!
mollysticks 10
Make her breakfast with soft gooey boiled eggs and sausage. Revenge.
trippythehippy 6
Nah a greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray
gracehi 33
If she was that ****** up, she probably won't remember grounding you.
olpally 33
She's ****** up in her own head... Yikes...seems like she's had more than just alcohol in her system...
lmaouloser 5
What did you do to the kettle?! How could you?! Plus you should have had coffee ready... Kind thing to do. Not saying I'd do it, but you wouldn't be grounded!