The Top

Hey it's the op, My dad loves to embarrass me and challenge my manhood because I'm his only son of 6 kids. He's done this all my life. He used to yell at me on the field during my football games calling me a pussy. He even told my senior drill instructor at my basic combat training graduation ceremony that he hoped my drill sergeant put hit foot up my ass every day that I was there. No I'm not gay. My dad just likes to mess with me. I've gotten used to it and I actually find it funny now.

By Anonymous - 04/11/2010 06:41 - United States

Today, I called a guy who had requested a free marketing consultation for his funeral home through the internet a couple of days ago. When I got through, the receptionist seemed a little taken back by me wanting to talk to him. He had died and was buried yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 524

You deserved it 2 647

By you ripped them off ages ago - 17/08/2014 06:15 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 080

You deserved it 16 344

Menace to society

By scared - 04/08/2014 00:47 - Canada

Today, my elderly mother explained that, "I don't need my glasses to drive, I just need them to see." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 120

You deserved it 3 071

Cough up

By Anonymous - 13/11/2009 22:29 - United States

Today, I learned I have over $10,000 in debt, despite never owning a credit card. Apparently, my ex-roommate had been replying to the credit card offers I was receiving in the mail. That also explains my missing driver's license a few months back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 489

You deserved it 3 081

Well done

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 20:00 - United States

Today, my husband told me the reason he'd been meeting his high school sweetheart behind my back, and lying about where he was was, out of respect for me. He thinks I'm ungrateful for not appreciating the lengths he's gone to to hide this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 278

You deserved it 3 151

By Anonymous - 25/06/2014 23:38 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, my boyfriend informed me of how I had really hurt his feelings. Apparently, not wanting to be sent a photo of his poop is hurtful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 018

You deserved it 5 899

Red flags all over the place

By DumpedHisAss - 14/10/2009 15:19 - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 311

You deserved it 3 779

By oil300 - 23/07/2015 02:34 - Australia - Hawker

Today, while I was at home watching Netflix, my parents drunkenly stumbled through the door making out the whole time. I thought that the situation couldn't get worse, but then my Dad asked me if I had a condom they could use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 175

You deserved it 2 508

oil300 tells us more.

oil300 17

Thursday 23 July 2015 12:29

Ahahah some of the comments here are pretty funny...but some are pretty off...you weirdos

By Anonymous - 02/10/2009 08:37 - Australia

Today, I sent my long-distance girlfriend the first photo of me I'd sent her in a while. It was a photo of me with some of my friends. She didn't know which one I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 387

You deserved it 11 575

It's getting hott in here

By Burning Love - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 639

You deserved it 5 469

By patient_mom - 14/06/2015 01:27 - Australia - Surrey Hills

Today, I had to wait for my daughter's pet python to finish taking a bath before I could take a shower and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 083

You deserved it 3 985

This is my annoyed face

By beccaj_ilh - 06/09/2009 15:04 - United Kingdom

Today, while I was working in a bar, a very fat drunk guy kept flirting with me. He assumed I liked him because I kept blushing. I didn’t. It’s just been so long since anyone flirted with me that I apparently now cannot control my reactions if a man talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 720

You deserved it 6 820

By -_- - 13/05/2015 16:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandpa told me he was going to be eating out tonight, and I asked at which restaurant. He replied "Your gran's room." and winked. I didn't need that mental image, at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 185

You deserved it 3 206

Slam dunk

By Anonymous - 18/01/2014 19:49 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, at work, a kid rushed into the bathroom to vomit. Understandable, except he threw up into the sinks. Sinks plural, whose drain holes are so small that only liquid can really pass through. Guess who had to clean up vomit chunks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 523

You deserved it 3 825

By neonstarr - 30/10/2013 10:41 - New Zealand

Today, I could think of more 'pros' than 'cons' for why I should start drinking again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 212

You deserved it 7 147

neonstarr tells us more.

neonstarr 15

Thursday 31 October 2013 9:31

Op here. Surprised this got posted. Sorry to burst some the bubbles but I'm not an alcoholic, I stopped drinking because of medical reasons, turns out I have gluten intolerance which caused damage to my gut, and by association killed my stomach lining and throat. Wasn't pleasant. Also I'm a chick. And since I'm better, I was weighing out pros and cons at 330am. If I ever do have a drinking problem Ill use some of the advice :)