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By Anonymous - 13/12/2013 03:47 - United States

Today, I was in the middle of an interview; it was going great until I started coughing. That coughing led to an asthma attack, which led to nonstop gagging. I couldn't even answer his final question, "Are you okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 344

You deserved it 2 847

By not jacked - 20/04/2016 11:35 - United States - East Hartford

Today, my friend spotted for me while I was lifting a barbell. He thought it would be hilarious to tickle my armpits as I lifted it all the way up. I can still taste vomit in my mouth and it hurts to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 176

You deserved it 1 569

By Anonymous - 15/11/2013 09:45 - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I made eye contact with a cute guy from across a packed train. He then yelled out, in front of everyone, "You've got foam on your nose!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 436

You deserved it 4 048

By insomnia - 22/12/2011 15:23 - United States

Today, I was at work handling the cash register. It wasn't working correctly, so I apologized to the woman I was waiting on for the delay and explained, "The cash register's being a little retarded today." Then I noticed her clearly "special" adult son standing behind her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 246

You deserved it 69 086

By anonymous - 11/02/2011 09:54

Today, I was posted with a very lonely gate-guard. From the second I arrived, I had to listen to him drone on and on, and now I know his entire life story. I was there for four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 243

You deserved it 4 155

By shadowfigure - 23/01/2011 05:47 - United States

Today, I was doing karaoke with my girlfriend's family, when the 5 year old came over and shut off my microphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 533

You deserved it 8 340

By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 08:03 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was sad I'd forgotten to bake him the cookies that I was planning to send to him for Christmas. His response was "Good, you suck at cooking anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 187

You deserved it 6 885

Directions

By jay-frey96 - 02/11/2014 15:36 - United States - San Diego

Spicy

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 681

You deserved it 14 038

Coming through

By hellogoodbye - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, at work my arms were full. I needed to get the door open, so instead of pushing the swing door open with my shoulder, I kicked it open with my foot. Right into my manager's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 101

You deserved it 12 720

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 17:32 - United States - San Dimas

Today, I met my neighbors for the first time, as they helped me carry my dead cat off the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 190

You deserved it 3 157

Happy America Day Mofos!

By Your ass... Grab it... - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I was out on a leisurely jog. Out of nowhere, a car slowed down in the street, and a passenger screamed "HAPPY 4TH OF JULY, MOTHERFUCKER," before tossing a lit Roman Candle at my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 537

You deserved it 4 449

By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I saw a my neighbor being mugged on the street. I wanted to help, so I tried to yank her purse from the mugger's hands. I guess my neighbor didn't see me clearly, because she thought I was another mugger and kicked my directly in the happy sacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 650

You deserved it 3 605

Good

By fistpumpin4life - 10/10/2010 00:51 - France

Today, at work, I asked a lady how she was doing. When she replied, I didn't understand her, and instead of asking her what she'd said, I just replied with, "Oh, that's good." What she'd said that I didn't understand was that her husband had just died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 598

You deserved it 33 439

By Jololol - 17/05/2013 09:25 - United States

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 223

You deserved it 3 336

Remember me

By laxguy23 - 21/04/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, I got a email from my boss. He said he was going to have to let me go for missing so much work over the last week. I was laid off two months ago. I don't know what is more depressing, getting fired from a job twice or the fact it took two months for them to notice I wasn't there anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 993

You deserved it 3 497

Mission accomplished

By Lovestupid - 03/11/2009 09:25 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I woke up extremely hungover next to a guy I have been in love with for a while but hadn't seen for ages. Turns out he had a bet going with his mates. He bet he could get me to sleep with him straight away even after not calling me for a month. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 120

You deserved it 29 321

By Brightbulb - 08/08/2017 00:12

Today, I was sent to the ER from work after sharp stomach pains made me double over in pain and nearly faint. They were so severe the Ketamine only took the edge off. After several expensive tests I found out that I will experience these every month for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 330

You deserved it 463

Brightbulb tells us more.

Brightbulb 40

Sunday 6 August 2017 17:08

ummm WOW hi, OP here, that gender indicator is messed up (good one FML staff, still need some work there) I am infact 100% FEMALE. Now that we have my gender clarified, thank you for the knowledge that removal is an option, as I have been told that it was not being as young as I am. It was a severe cyst in my ovary and I was told to essentially "get used to it" because it's going to happen every month until Menopause comes.for me, at which point I can get a hysterectomy. Knowing that it may be an option now I am going to approach my Dr about that. I did not know ketamine was supposed to make me not feel anything, because it did not work that way. When I went to the Urgent Care they rushed me to the ER, who then started looking for infections or appendicitis, but alas it was deemed "severe cramps" and "female issues" by several techs, before I even got the PCOS answer.

By jealousgirl - 16/07/2015 21:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, after having to spend over an hour yesterday giving the man I'm in love with advice on how to impress his date yesterday evening, I got to spend another hour listening to how great their sex was last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 477

You deserved it 8 144

By sarad206 - 19/02/2014 21:09 - United States

Today, I was cleaning the bathrooms at work. An older gentlemen came in and needed to use it. He said to me "Oh no, PLEASE stay, just don't look." I don't get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 468

You deserved it 3 839

By dani0810 - 22/01/2013 11:39 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 220

You deserved it 5 508

Going medieval

By hurley - 27/02/2011 10:10 - Australia

Today, I had my friends help me put on a suit of full plate armor for a medieval re-enactment. After the battle, my friends left. I can't get the armor off by myself and will probably have to sleep in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 072

You deserved it 9 942

By EMTGirl'sLife - 10/02/2015 03:15 - United States - Basking Ridge

Today, I responded to an emergency call for an intoxicated 83-year-old man with chest pains. As I leaned forward to check his lung sounds, he groped my chest and said, "Nice rack". I just wanted to see if he had difficulty breathing. I don't even get paid for this, I'm a volunteer for the town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 594

You deserved it 2 829

Coming through!

By SBT1030 - 23/07/2009 11:45 - United States

Today, I was helping my sister by getting some old boxes down from her attic. Too bad I didn't realize the piece of plywood I was standing on doesn't extend all over the attic floor. Of course, I did realize it when I went through the ceiling onto the concrete floor of her garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 554

You deserved it 5 652

By Anonymous - 15/07/2009 15:57 - United States

Today, I went to see a movie. After getting my seat, I went out to get food. Coming back, I saw the security guard. Thinking he would ask me for my ticket, I moved all the food to one hand to get the ticket in my pocket. I spilled it all. He didn't ask to see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 156

You deserved it 16 622

By gothicvamp93 - 04/01/2015 06:46 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my boss called and yelled at me because he said I was "spotted" out after I called off sick. I was out getting the medicine the doctor had just prescribed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 187

You deserved it 2 385

By shadowsonicstar - 14/01/2011 01:17 - United States

Today, I had to do 40 squats with a medicine ball. I always made fun of medicine balls my whole life because they looked so easy that even senior citizens did them. I passed out in the middle of the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 805

You deserved it 40 704

Facebook drama

By fistycunt4 - 06/12/2014 20:22 - United States - Belmont

Today, I posted a picture of me without makeup on Facebook. A "friend" commented, "fuk me thts hideus!!" My dad replied, "Hideous, yes, just like your godawful spelling!" My mom yelled at my dad for agreeing with the guy, and they're still fighting. Meanwhile, my self-esteem is in the gutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 337

You deserved it 3 791

By Anonymous - 19/09/2014 08:58 - Belgium

Today, in a rush to get out of my house to go to a doctor's appointment, I closed the door behind me without having my house or car keys on me. Sadly, it took me less than a minute to break into my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 097

You deserved it 6 042

By Anonymous - 29/06/2013 16:52 - United States

Today, a drunk driver drove his car through my mailbox. He got pissed, started yelling, and threatened to sue me for "putting the mailbox in the middle of the road". If my front lawn is a road, I'm going to have some serious issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 405

You deserved it 2 765

By Anonymous - 25/08/2015 18:31 - United States - Springfield

Today, I went on a blind date with a friend of a friend. It went okay, so we exchanged numbers. An hour later, he started messaging me, asking for pictures of my poop. What.. the... hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 882

You deserved it 1 905

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Today, my five year old son decided to move all my stuffed animals I have around the house, into sex positions and massive orgies. What have I been teaching my son lately? FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 488

You deserved it 46 337

Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 019

You deserved it 2 370

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend that, yes, I can get pregnant even if I don't actually have an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 084

You deserved it 4 246

Today, I left hospital after a three-night stay. Whilst waiting for my taxi to arrive, my mother called me in hysterics wanting to know where I was, because the police had called her and told her I had gone missing. Turns out my doctor "forgot" to tell anyone that I was discharged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 597

You deserved it 3 292

Today, my roommate eavesdropped on me singing. When I realized he was there, he said I was "fucking incredible" and asked me to do another song. There's just one issue: I only sing well when I'm alone. The result was predictably bad. If it was possible to literally die of embarrassment, I wouldn't be writing this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 173

Today, I would understand if my mom left the stove a bit greasy after cooking, because it’s too hot to wipe down right away. What she actually does is she leaves the stove HAIRY. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 87