Love: Today, I made my mom cookies for Mother's Day. My brother took...

By CryoSpectre - United States - San Francisco

Today, I made my mom cookies for Mother's Day. My brother took all the cookies to work as a snack, because I didn't specifically tell him that the homemade "MOM" hearts weren't meant for him. FML

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Love

Rock, hard place

Our house, in the middle of our street

Expanding universe

By Anonymous

Curiosity!

Today, I got curious and decided to look for my ex's social media after he blocked me off everything. I found him on LinkedIn and it is only after I click on his profile that I remembered, he will be notified that I looked him up. FML

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By fatty - United States - Gloucester

Today, my parents gave me fat burner pills for my birthday. FML

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By publicenemy - United States

Today, I was first in line at a stoplight. After five minutes, with a line of cars behind me, the light was still red. People behind me started honking, so I decided to just go. Halfway across the way, I was greeted by a camera flash. Nobody else went. FML

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By kat99 - 15/3/2021 21:30

Great parenting, mom

Today, as always, I have autism and it is physically painful for me to make eye contact. I read that you can solve this by looking at the person’s ears or nose. Except my mom can somehow tell when I’m doing this, and she yells and screams at me for not looking her in the eye. FML

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By 2k16 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I came home to find that my dog had figured out how to open the fridge again. He'd helped himself to raw eggs and crab. FML

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By tgstreaks - United States

Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband and I, for a laugh, did our first dance to LMFAO's "I'm sexy and I know it" with stupid moves and everything. 200 guests. Nobody laughed. FML

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By grossedout - United States - Newport News

Today, I witnessed a man masturbate into a public urinal, miss, fart, and then leave without washing his hands. FML

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By tommy - United States

Today, I called my friend in Australia to have a nice long chat, what I did not know was that my dad had removed my international calling plan, I talked to my friend for 5 hours, and ran up a huge phone bill, which I have to take out of the money I saved up to go see her. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I went on my first date in months. My mum had invited friends over, and when I told them I was going out on a date, my mum said "No you're not, don't lie. Who would go out with you?" FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class during a boring economics lecture. I heard a whisper say "Rise and shine sleeping beauty." I thought it was my boyfriend, so i responded "Baby, what time is it? When is this F*ing class going to be over!?" it wasnt my boyfriend talking, it was my teacher. FML

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By kermudgen - United States

Today, I was directing a video shoot of a big Christmas show with 750 people attending. After the first half of the show recorded; during intermission, I accidentally deleted the show as people were signing up to buy the DVD. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML

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By ThisGuy97 - United States

Today, I pulled a muscle. Not in any kind of sport or exercise, but while reaching for my computer mouse. FML

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By Devil's Pigeon

Today, on vacation, I had my first encounter with a macaw parrot, who promptly bit my ear and shat on me while amused tourists laughed and took pictures. FML

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By snowman - United States

Today, my city got almost a foot of snow. When I went out to my car, it was covered in snow with a layer of ice underneath. I went to open the trunk to get the window scraper, when the snow that had collected on the top of my back window slid into my trunk. My laptop was the recipient of most of the snow. FML

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By hahahano - United States

Today, I was running late and rushing to a waiting bus. I made it to the doors just as they closed. I knocked desperately, hoping the driver would let me in. He hovered his hand over the button for a few seconds, then flipped me off and drove away laughing. FML

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By fatty - Canada - Calgary

Today, I yet again purposely avoided the 'Health and Fitness' section on Pinterest to keep my self-esteem up. FML

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By why?! - United States

Today, my mom baked cupcakes for my visiting grandparents. Later, I saw my grandpa chowing down on them. Even later, my mom demanded to know why there were a dozen cupcake wrappers on my bed. I've essentially been framed by my own grandpa, and am now grounded for a month. FML

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By bananaman - United Kingdom

Today, I've been on the same train for two hours at a standstill due to "signal problems". We can't get off because it's "unsafe". I'm on my way home from work and I can see my house through the window. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Redding

Today, I found out that someone I once babysat got a girlfriend before I did. FML

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By pimpdaddyX - Malaysia - Shah Alam

Today, trying to be smooth, I slipped the girl I like a piece of paper with my phone number written on it. A while later, she slipped it back to me and left the room. FML

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By bs_happens - United States

Today, I found out that a water pipe at my work had burst over the weekend. There is absolutely no water in the building, including the bathrooms. It's a 9 hour day, and I took a laxative this morning before I came in. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I posted that I'm having a yard sale and listed a bunch of stuff I'm selling. People started messaging, asking me to send pictures and prices. That's why I'm having the yard sale, so I don't have to post pictures and prices! FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Peoria

Today, my mom asked my siblings and me for help cleaning the kitchen. After working for a half hour while all my siblings sat on the couch, I pointed out that I was the only one working. My mom thanked my siblings for not having attitudes like mine and sent me to my room. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark - Frederiksberg

Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 14:02 - Singapore - Singapore

No Gods, No Masters

Today, it's been 3 weeks of being sick with gastritis and constantly feeling pain and weak. I've been pushing myself to work, and despite doing 150+ files, my boss said it’s not good enough for the company and hinted I might be let go. I got my job during the pandemic and might be losing it after 3 months. FML

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By devil neighbours - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I'm living in a house share with a passive-aggressive middle-aged couple who leave rude notes around the house and yet pretend I don't exist when they happen to be in the same room as me. I'm in no position to get rid of them or move myself. FML

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By heymacie - United States - Lubbock

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

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By crapped on - United States

Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, she said she was too busy to talk to me. My sister asked who was on the phone, she replied "the dog sitter." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was meeting my girlfriend at the airport after studying abroad for a year. She ran to hug me, and I wanted to pick her up and spin her around, like they do in those romantic movies. I tried to do that, but instead I dropped her. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was bet 100 dollars that I couldn't break a piece off a brick with my head. I couldn't, and I have 2 gashes in my head now. FML

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By GrannyAt22 - Canada

Today, I had to buy a wrist brace for a repetitive strain injury. I got the injury because I was knitting too much. I'm 22. FML

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By quitfuckingalready! - 4/9/2020 08:00 - United States

Let me go

Today, my request to move apartments was once again denied. My next door neighbor’s constant marijuana smoke wafts over every day, and the woman upstairs is pregnant with her sixth child. It’s like a herd of elephants living above me. They won’t let me out of my lease unless I pay a huge amount. FML

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By amberrenee91 - United States - Ellwood City

Today, a cute guy who works at the mall winked at me. When I met up with my boyfriend, I bragged to him about it. His response was, "Don't flatter yourself, he winked at me too." FML

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By VeeDubDisaster - United States

Today, I went to start my just bought '79 VW bus. I put my key in but stopped due to the strong gasoline smell. I went to check. Found puddle of gas. The previous owner figured duct taping a cracked tank was the same as fixing it. And didn't bother to share that tidbit with me. FML

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By clewie - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad showed up to my birthday dinner wasted, was loud and obnoxious the whole time, sexually harassed our waitress, then invited my annoying, bratty nephews to come home and spend the night with us. They're sleeping in my room. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/4/2021 08:00

Hack it off

Today, I managed to shave a single stripe out of the right side of my beard before the trimmer sparked and caught fire. I have a job interview in twenty minutes. FML

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By lifelike - United States - Oroville

Today, after weeks of wondering if my cat has a fetish for licking my bed covers, I finally witnessed him licking up an ant off of the covers. Turns out that my bed is infested with ants. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at the airport, a lady bitched me out for changing her departure gate. She called me incompetent and accused me of "messing with people's lives" by "making them walk." I didn't change the gate, and the other gate was less than 10 feet away. FML

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Top comments

By lulinator | 40

#6288095 - Monday 11 May 2015 16:27

He probably read them upside down and they said "wow." I'd take Wow cookies to work.

By wtffml1979 | 22

#6288106 - Monday 11 May 2015 16:38

Cookies laying around are always up for grabs! It's too tempting to pass up. I'm sure the thought still made your mom happy and a laugh for later years.

COMMENTS

By CM707 | 14

#6288093 - Monday 11 May 2015 16:26

Well.... Did they taste good?

By senor_octubre | 24

#6288094 - Monday 11 May 2015 16:26

That sucks OP:( but a hug and a card will work the same:)

By lulinator | 40

#6288095 - Monday 11 May 2015 16:27

He probably read them upside down and they said "wow." I'd take Wow cookies to work.

DogeDogeDoge | 13

#6288144 - Monday 11 May 2015 17:05

OPs father is probably a doge!

KingBobtheThird | 16

#6288682 - Tuesday 12 May 2015 5:36

Wow. Much cookie. Many steal.

By BoxFullOfLazy | 25

#6288096 - Monday 11 May 2015 16:27

Well that's just common sense. He could have at least asked.

nix1993 | 41

#6288183 - Monday 11 May 2015 18:01

If you ask you always risk being told you can't have them. If you don't ask, you can play dumb AND eat cookies.

By kavyashahs | 16

#6288097 - Monday 11 May 2015 16:28

I hope they were made with love

Myo_fml | 20

#6288272 - Monday 11 May 2015 19:40

Apparently it doesn't matter if cookies were made with love. I made my mom cookies and all she did was complain about how her wash cloth was chocolatey and how they weren't the same as the boxed kind.

By RogueThirteen | 20

#6288098 - Monday 11 May 2015 16:28

maybe he is secretly a mom? just tell your mom what happened, she will understand

Patriots21 | 14

#6288120 - Monday 11 May 2015 16:52

What the fuck are you hypothesizing?

getfokinrektm8 | 9

#6288128 - Monday 11 May 2015 16:54

wtf...

RogueThirteen | 20

#6288881 - Tuesday 12 May 2015 13:47

in my defense, it made more sense in my head. I now realize I embarrassed myself

By heirofhope | 38

#6288099 - Monday 11 May 2015 16:30

I'm sure if you explain the situation to your mom she'll be just as happy knowing how you thought about her! I'm sure she also knows that mistakes happen and that siblings can be a pain!