Miscellaneous: Today, my roommate woke me up during afternoon nap to tell me...

By NowHomeless - 31/08/2010 23:13 - United States

Today, my roommate woke me up during afternoon nap to tell me that I need to move out. His reason: "Our political differences will likely escalate to violence." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 712

You deserved it 3 279

Miscellaneous

Compromises

Am I the asshole?

Be more specific

Call the police

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 22:00 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I was looking at my pictures and there are none of me and my boyfriend together. The only photographic evidence of our relationship are pictures of bruises he has given me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 211

By no_leather_of_any_kind - 07/04/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, I went on a date with this girl I met online. The conversation drifted and we were talking about how we'd prefer to die, if we had a choice. I said, "I want to skydive over the ocean without a parachute." She said she wants to be made into a wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 363

You deserved it 9 640

By Anonymous - 07/07/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 3 years. I got reservations for a romantic dinner, and at the end, fireworks would spell out my proposal. The whole thing had taken weeks to plan out and had cost me a lot of money. She proposed to me at a subway station first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 774

You deserved it 8 980

By jill - 08/05/2011 18:25 - United States

Today, after weeks of money slowly disappearing from the stash in my bedroom, I confronted my son about it. I'm not sure which is worse: that my son is a thief or that he actually blamed his father for it. We've been divorced and haven't spoken for eight years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 229

You deserved it 4 429

Timing is important

By effingdoucher - 30/01/2011 06:07 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met at my friend's party. He stopped mid-thrust, climbed off, and started talking about how nervous he is about buying his first car next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 709

You deserved it 10 985

By .. - 13/09/2011 14:48 - United States

Today, I was in a hurry to get something out of the oven, so I quickly grabbed my roommate's only oven mitt and grabbed the pan in the oven. It didn't take long to figure out there was a hole in it when my thumb hit the hot pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 176

You deserved it 4 102

By Michelle - 17/10/2013 11:51 - Australia - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend told me that I have the bad habit of not doing the dishes before he has his daily piss in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 636

You deserved it 5 605

By youmothERFUCKErs - 13/08/2012 17:50 - United States

Today, yet again, I had to dye my hair brown in advance of the new school year, because my school doesn't allow "unapproved" colors, even if they're natural. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 087

You deserved it 2 356

By Username - 13/12/2010 18:10 - United States

Today, while taking a shower, I was enthusiastically singing one of my favorite songs. When I got out, I noticed a bunch of things missing, and a note on my desk saying "shut the f*ck up, you suck." I was robbed and judged by a thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 993

You deserved it 4 277

By Boltz719 - 23/08/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 502

You deserved it 3 853

By creeped - 29/12/2009 00:50 - United States

Today, I was talking to the guy that has been in love with me for two years. He said "There is a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. It would be a shame to lose yours." He then creepily looked at me and said "It's true." Thanks, Princess Bride, for supplying creepers with material. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 659

You deserved it 4 528

By Anonymous - 07/10/2010 13:55 - Canada

Today, I spent a hundred dollars on new "business casual" clothes and took two hours to get ready for my interview with a government agency. My interviewer was blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 845

You deserved it 7 363

Good morning to you too

By sllaggy - 18/04/2011 09:34

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's house. I had a shower while he went downstairs. As I went to say goodbye to him, his mother muttered, "Slut" while pouring him orange juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 430

You deserved it 22 062

By sfabsits - 17/07/2011 07:00 - United States

Today, while I was waitressing, two girls ran up a tab of $60 in drinks. They ended up not paying the bill and walking out. My boss told me it won't be the first time or last, as he made me pay their bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 840

You deserved it 3 288

By fuckered519 - 06/12/2014 19:53 - United States - Du Quoin

Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 117

You deserved it 12 530

By Anonymous - 02/02/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that my husband’s crazy ex girlfriend has not only moved to our area, but has also landed herself on his patient list. He’s a gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 406

You deserved it 362

By Emily27 - 20/01/2012 11:56 - United Kingdom

Today, like every other day, my boss referred to my breasts as pillows he needs to nap on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 223

You deserved it 4 928

Baked

By Ooops - 12/09/2019 22:02 - Canada

Today, I kept smelling the pleasant odor of baking bread while driving around. Tonight, I realized that the smell of yeast was actually coming from a cup of moldy smoothie that got missed and left in a cup holder in the back of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 548

By fatass - 20/04/2015 17:01 - United States - Kearney

Today, I received several pairs of panties in the mail that I'd ordered online. When I opened the box, I was shocked because every pair was basically huge granny-panties. I was sure none would fit properly, but I tried them on to be sure. They fit perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 449

You deserved it 7 857

By jaded_woman - 27/12/2009 06:58 - Australia

Today, I backed out of the driveway of our newly built home. Being unfamiliar with the driveway, I ended up getting bogged in the mud and slid halfway down the steep slope of the front yard, trying free myself. I haven't met my neighbours yet. They stood in their front lawns watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 073

You deserved it 4 219

By Anonymous - 20/11/2017 06:00

Today, I found out that, while not exactly probable, it is definitely possible to squirt yourself in the eye with breast milk. It burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 138

You deserved it 508

Double standards

By onlywantuanyway - 05/09/2014 22:59

Today, my boyfriend again told me how he wants to have an open relationship. Of course, this means he can do what he likes with anyone, but if I so much as kiss someone else, I'm a cheating slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 805

You deserved it 8 266

By Forever alone Guy - 19/02/2013 23:07 - Australia - Narre Warren

Today, I've been single for so long my grandmother had to ask if I actually like women or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 072

You deserved it 3 813

By nixwolfwood - 19/12/2016 21:14

Today, I woke up to a fog. Literally. A pipe burst in my apartment and scalding water was everywhere. To make matters worse, when I called maintenance he told me he'd come by later, hung up on me, and turned his phone off. He did eventually show up, but it was 5 hours later, well after I'd paid a plumber $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 422

You deserved it 512

By daddy'sgirl - 21/06/2012 04:11 - United States - Memphis

Today, I was lecturing my high school students on the importance of a good education. I pointed out the janitor in the hall and told them if they didn't stay in school, they'd end up like him. Then one of my students raised her hand and reminded me that the janitor I pointed to was her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 172

You deserved it 75 237

By Sally256 - 03/05/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I was with my kids. We saw a tiny little bug and they started freaking out. Trying to show them that bugs are not scary, I picked it up. It bit me and now I have to go to the doctor because my hand is the size of a balloon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 601

You deserved it 26 974

By arknvl - 07/03/2013 18:12 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, my boss yelled at me for visiting Facebook on my work computer. He says that since I can't be trusted, I'll be supervised from now on. I was uploading pictures to the company's Facebook page, which I have to do once a week as part of my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 107

You deserved it 2 684

Sneaky Bitch

By RescuePups - 30/04/2018 09:00 - United States - Waterford

Today, my 8-week-old foster puppy pooped on my backpack as I was getting ready to go to work. In the 10 seconds it took to grab cleaning supplies, another foster dog ate my homemade breakfast sandwich off the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 262

You deserved it 779

By Anonymous - 12/04/2012 04:18 - United States - Burnsville

Today, my son had to call me from his school's principal's office because he was disrupting his health class by laughing whenever the teacher said "sex". My son is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 254

You deserved it 4 214

By anon - 22/05/2015 02:22 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 243

You deserved it 2 151

By really - 13/11/2014 18:17 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my teacher "busted" me for writing down answers on my arm for a test. The so called "answers" was just a duck my little nephew had drawn on my hand the night before. She's actually trying to get me suspended over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 677

You deserved it 2 566

Acrophobia

By Matthew Smith - 21/06/2021 21:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my new drone got stuck on the neighbour's roof. I'd bought the drone to look at my roof because I don’t like going up on ladders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 562

Bed move

By wellokthen - 26/11/2019 18:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, my friend sent me a link to a porn video. The guy in it was my boyfriend, the girl in it wasn't me, but they were in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 943

You deserved it 257

Do as you're told

By ugh1234 - 21/06/2021 02:01

Today, I was demoted at work to a much harder and more time-consuming position because, I quote, "You have more experience." My boss is now telling the others I volunteered to be moved to the lower position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 61

By Username - 14/10/2010 19:02 - France

Today, I was called up about a job I'd recently applied for. I was overly excited to tell them I'd be there on Monday. Then I remembered I canceled my car insurance due to financial difficulties. I have no way of getting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 351

You deserved it 8 377

By llmd - 10/08/2010 04:30 - Canada

Today, I called my boyfriend just to hear his voice since I haven't seen him in a while. His mom picked up and said "Chris isn't here right now, he's with his girlfriend. Do you want to leave him a message." We've been dating for 4 and a half months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 551

You deserved it 3 964

By TanjinaRubbaiyat - 15/01/2010 08:49 - Bangladesh

Today, I was dumped at the surprise party I threw for my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 995

You deserved it 2 993

Thin blue line

By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 05:07 - United States - San Diego

Today, I called the cops on my elderly neighbor for blaring loud war music yet again. They chatted and laughed with him on his lawn for a good half hour. As they left, he slapped the female officer's ass, only for her to just giggle about it. After they drove off, he fired up his music again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 086

You deserved it 2 621

Make your mind up

By fuck you, boss - 21/12/2013 00:30 - United States

Today, my boss scolded me for being too friendly to our customers and told me to back off and let them do their thing. Less than an hour after doing as he said, he scolded me again, this time for slacking off and not asking them if they needed help finding stuff. There goes my bonus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 411

You deserved it 3 147

By anonymous - 09/05/2013 00:07 - United States - Casper

Today, I let my dad put my dollar in the slot machine for me because I'm not old enough to gamble. I won $200 but he kept it because he "put the dollar in the slot machine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 502

You deserved it 10 269

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Top comments

schwancy 2

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 9:07

Well at least he gave you the oportunity to escape before he released his crazy on you.

FarSide 22

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 9:12

To avoid a political argument, next time just change the subject to religion.

yuhimjesus 0

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 9:04

wow. fail

marinus_fml 19

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 9:07

politics is politics right?

mooimafish 0

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 9:08

go roomate

SoundnVasion 0

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 9:13

are you black? and does he think slavery should be reinstated?

black_knight402 0

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 9:14

This was an argument about who make hotter president wasn't it?

omgimdabest 0

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 10:32

who make hotter president?...you're probably not arguing politics much these days eh 17?

madarchod 0

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 10:34

maybe that's just a pretext

Jessi_the_sexii 0

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 10:40

politic talk always results in a fight :/

omgimdabest 0

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 10:40

25 is right, you probably slept with his sister and is too much of a pussy to kick you in the nuts and bury you alive so he kicks you out on the pretext that your political differences will lead to violence...really?...only people who take politics to that extreme are Muslims...ftw!

twist_of_fame93 0

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 11:06

I really want to say you two are idiots. but I'm ignorant so we' let it slide

bigredmonkeybutt 25

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 12:20

You should've kicked his ass. Problem solved.

Imsosexayyy 0

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 13:11

let me guess, he was a republican, right?

allenrotstein 0

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 13:30

He sounds like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory.. haha

RedPillSucks 31

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 15:02

@29 Really, Muslims are arguing about religion more than politics? I didn't know that Timothy McVey, or the UniBomber were Muslim. And the people who shoot abortion doctors or bomb clinics will be really surprised. I'm sure the "Christian Identity" and the KKK and other neo-nazi groups will be shocked as well.

sexyscooter 0

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 15:43

democrats...nuff said

LaUruguaya 11

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 15:57

woke you "during afternoon nap"? what are you, a toddler? ydi.

gervat 0

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 16:19

this is why capitalism suck

twinmum_fml 6

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 9:05

sounds like a very good reason to me. it's also the funniest reason I have heard in a very long time

azhein 0

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 9:05

it probably will especially if he is that in to it. almost every time I talk about politics it becomes an argument.

FarSide 22

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 9:12

To avoid a political argument, next time just change the subject to religion.

Wtfmlib 0

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 10:21

yeah cause no one ever argues about religion

triggerit 5

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 15:35

change subject to sex...

strikeeagle 3

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 9:06

just wow! well u are better off without him

mama2b3 20

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 9:07

during "afternoon nap"? lol

Robby41169 0

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 9:15

haha good one

SoundnVasion 0

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 9:15

He's probably Russian.

schwancy 2

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 9:07

Well at least he gave you the oportunity to escape before he released his crazy on you.

unidentified_sta 5

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 10:57

Fightin' crazy with crazier

Tequila_Hilton 3

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 9:10

ahahaha. you deserved it, for moving in with a nerd.

Spastastic 6

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 15:34

1. Being a nerd isn't a bad thing. 2. Being interested in politics makes you a nerd? Really? EDIT: Although in this case, "interested" may be an understatement, this person sounds nuts.