Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front...

By Anonymous - 5/12/2015 03:55 - United States - Portland

Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

Please like me

Mr Sensitivity

By hahahaha090114 - 30/1/2010 18:59 - United States

Today, I found out I was getting a divorce. My wife is leaving me for my brother, saying that now that he has money there is nothing that can stand in their way. I recently decided to send him money to help him get back on his feet. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2012 01:55 - United States - Darien

Today, I was walking down the street, when an aging lady bumped into me and fell over. I helped her up and she thanked me for being "such a nice young man". It was only an hour later as I was in line at the store that I realized she had pickpocketed me of my wallet. FML

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By cloud7 - 27/12/2011 03:40

Today, after finally dropping my weight from an overweight 200 to a slim 135, my skin is now loose everywhere, and stretches about two inches out on my stomach. FML

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By Quendolin - 9/11/2015 14:07 - Germany

Today, I put one of those checkout dividers in front of my groceries on the conveyor belt in the supermarket. The guy standing in front of me turned around, looked me straight in the eye and said "I don't trust you." as he put a second divider between our groceries. FML

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By Dothy - 17/11/2008 09:54 - France

Today, I had an important appointment for a job. During the interview, my cellphone rang. My ringtone is "Denver, the last Dinosaur". FML

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By lalararara - 4/3/2010 15:48 - United States

Today, I got a 95 on my term project. To congratulate me, my boyfriend said we're having sex tonight. I only get laid if I get good grades. FML

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By Joey - 24/7/2012 05:04 - United States - Tampa

Today, on my way to work, I noticed a woman on the side of the road waving for help, her car appearing to be broken down. I pulled over, stepped out of my car, went over to her car, lifted the hood, and checked it. When I looked up to tell her what was wrong, she and my car were gone. FML

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By Single - 4/12/2012 16:17 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, my girlfriend showed me a print of a Banksy that she'd just bought, telling me it was an original. When I tried to argue that it wasn't, she broke up with me for "implying she was a moron." FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 05:07 - New Zealand

Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2013 16:27 - United States - Spanaway

Today, at my wedding, the minister forgot to skip the "does anyone object?" part. My mother stood up and gave a lengthy reason, which caused my future in-laws to start shouting. It turned into a small riot, and no, we're not married now. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2020 17:00

Indifference

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me having phone sex with another guy. He either didn't notice or didn't care. FML

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By Foosa801 - 25/12/2016 23:08 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I woke up my friend and had him take me to the ER. I had trouble breathing and my chest hurt, so the doctor put me on an EKG and took X-rays. I had strained my chest lifting weights at the gym earlier that day and pulled a muscle, and now thanks to my massive anxiety I have a $700 hospital bill. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2014 03:29 - United States - University Park

Today, I was walking around my college campus when someone asked me if I had gotten separated from my tour group. He didn't believe me when I said I was a student there. This happens all the time. FML

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By Appelflap - 29/3/2013 22:18 - Belgium - Sint-niklaas

Today, I was feeling down following a recent breakup. My dad tried to comfort me by patting me on the back and saying everyone goes through ups and downs, "Like when I found out your mum and I were having a boy." I'm their only son. FML

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By hell - 14/11/2015 21:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got called into work on my day off. I ended up being written up for being 15 minutes late to a shift I didn't even have. FML

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By Anna - 2/7/2016 21:08 - United States - Lake City

Today, I was looking at dating profiles with my single friend, trying to find a guy for her, and we found my husband's profile. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2010 20:49 - United States

Today, my family and I went Christmas tree shopping. My husband and I were walking around when I saw the perfect tree. Excited, we immediately bought it. When we got home and set it up, I realized it came with a present: termites. FML

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By bannana0zoom - 3/3/2012 08:06 - Canada

Today, it's my birthday. My mom got me a gym membership and a bunch of clothes that are a few sizes too small. FML

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By wtfjusthappened - 31/1/2014 15:29 - United States - Redmond

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2013 20:17 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, half-way through my trip to Florida, I received a call from my friend of six years. "I sort of had sex with your girlfriend while you were gone." He said it "just sort of happened." FML

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By Jon - 23/5/2011 18:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2009 07:22 - United States

Today, while I was at the beach I decided to go into the ocean even though the waves looked rough. While I was in the water, I got caught by the riptide and needed to be saved. The reason I was at the beach? I'm a lifeguard. Now all my co-workers won't stop laughing at me. FML

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By sigsigsignify - 6/12/2018 14:00

Today, my 3 year old future niece was combing my hair while I was watching a movie with the future in-laws. She kept leaving saying she was going to "go get the comb wet". I assumed she meant in the bathroom sink. Turns out she was just going around behind the couch and licking it. FML

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By will - 14/8/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, my 6-year-old son apparently decided to make a game out of clogging the toilet with toilet paper. He won, and now the whole basement is flooded. FML

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By aloneagainnaturally - 28/11/2015 11:35 - Denmark - S?borg

Today, we were all put in groups to make a presentation together. And by "together" I mean I pulled an all nighter to finish it by myself. My group criticized my work. FML

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By bballer4_life - 14/12/2016 23:22 - United States - Erie

Today, I made dozens of cookies just in time for Christmas. When I went to take out the last pan from the oven, I slipped. In a desperate attempt to catch the pan I grabbed it with my bare hand. My hand is striped like a candy cane. FML

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By greeneyedpothead - 29/3/2012 06:33 - United States - Hanford

Today, I got my foot stuck in the car seat belt. I kept pulling to loosen it up but it just kept getting tighter till my foot was in the air, so I started panicking and eventually started crying. My boyfriend had to pull over and save me from a seat belt. FML

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By Suckered - 4/12/2015 21:47 - United States - Hialeah

Today, I found out my son was never accepted into the local university 2 years ago. He actually went out and got a job, and only lied about it so he could keep living in my house rent-free. The conniving bastard makes more than I do at my minimum-wage job. FML

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By SenescentSouthernBoy - 17/8/2009 08:42 - United States

Today, I borrowed a roommate's car to get groceries. I came out to find the car stolen. I called the cops, and the responding officer took the info and drove me home to give the roomie the bad news in person. 15 minutes later, they found the car. I'd parked it on the opposite side of the lot. FML

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By notagoodtime - 6/2/2016 20:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML

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By misspukesalot - 14/7/2020 14:02

Two-way street

Today, at 7 months pregnant, I have come to accept the morning sickness isn’t going to ease off. It’s so severe that I don’t make my meal choices based on calories or even cravings, rather on how bad it’ll taste when it comes back up. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2014 16:04 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML

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By hobbled - 17/6/2015 19:18 - United States

Today, from across the parking lot, I saw a woman break into my car and steal my "Handicapped parking" placard. Guess why I couldn't stop her. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2018 18:30

Today, I finally had sex with my live-in boyfriend after a long dry spell. It was passionate and great, until I hurt my back changing positions. Now he refuses to touch me, going as far as sleeping on the couch to give me "enough space". Hello new dry spell. FML

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By fifthtimesacharm - 26/4/2011 15:03

Today, it's hot and sunny, and a customer asked me how I was, I responded by saying "It's a hot sunny day. Who doesn't love the sun?" He responded by telling me he had just had three melanomas cut out. I guess I did find someone who doesn't like the sun. FML

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By UpAllNight - 9/2/2019 13:00 - Palestinian Territory

Today, I had to sleep at my in-laws' house. My in-laws' bedroom is directly above the one we’re sleeping in. For the last 20 minutes, all I can hear is the bed going, “Thud, thud, thud.” FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2009 10:26 - United States

Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer, who for ten minutes blamed the incident of shifting weather patterns that signaled the return of Jesus, who was as she explained, upset about the abortion rates in America and President Obama. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2019 04:04

Today, while at work, I was trying to locate the source of the really bad BO wafting around, when I realized I'd forgotten to put on deodorant this morning. I have 5 hours of shame left to go. FML

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By leeceetaylor99 - 15/7/2013 16:47 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and my best friend making out. She claimed he was just tasting her lipstick. FML

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By Sadasian - 14/8/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, my mom and dad were arguing. It started getting really heated, so I tried to go break it up. But within a couple of minutes, my mom wanted to make a statement by throwing a plate to the ground, forgetting I was beside her. I now have a throbbing foot with shards of glass in it. FML

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Top comments

By swampbaby985 | 30

#6478167 - Sunday 6 December 2015 0:05

He must be the brother of the guy who thought his brothers semen in the sink was toothpaste.

By Cadeth | 13

#6478175 - Sunday 6 December 2015 0:12

You say FML, but can you imagine how much it must have sucked for him, having you walk in on him while he's peacefully trying to masturbate?

COMMENTS

By thaqueen_fml | 15

#6478159 - Sunday 6 December 2015 0:01

Well that's just unsanitary.

I_Like_Dogs | 28

#6478168 - Sunday 6 December 2015 0:05

I think it's a *bit* more than just unsanitary

cole_tyler42 | 21

#6478259 - Sunday 6 December 2015 2:02

It's much more than unsanitary, it's extremely fun.

By SoulEaterSE | 23

#6478162 - Sunday 6 December 2015 0:04

He should at least have the class to do it in his dorm room

By C00kiesNcream | 24

#6478163 - Sunday 6 December 2015 0:04

I honestly wish people would respect others and morales by taking their personal business somewhere private.

By DMDiaz | 15

#6478164 - Sunday 6 December 2015 0:04

Did you join him?

XxDanno316xX | 27

#6478214 - Sunday 6 December 2015 0:58

What's the matter with you, exactly?

syki | 22

#6478274 - Sunday 6 December 2015 2:35

I love how your respective facial expressions match your comments.

dutchy86 | 20

#6478435 - Sunday 6 December 2015 7:40

joining doubles the fun...

By swampbaby985 | 30

#6478167 - Sunday 6 December 2015 0:05

He must be the brother of the guy who thought his brothers semen in the sink was toothpaste.

BoxFullOfLazy | 25

#6478284 - Sunday 6 December 2015 2:53

Lol I thought the same thing

pjsr | 32

#6479297 - Monday 7 December 2015 16:44

Yeah, if he told little bro, 'Don't do it in our sink anymore', he must have had to find a different sink'

By Cadeth | 13

#6478175 - Sunday 6 December 2015 0:12

You say FML, but can you imagine how much it must have sucked for him, having you walk in on him while he's peacefully trying to masturbate?

townailz | 16

#6478478 - Sunday 6 December 2015 8:31

He was masturbating in a public bathroom. I really don't think he cares what other people think lol

dabaerju | 23

#6478544 - Sunday 6 December 2015 12:43

"Today, I went to masturbate on the public toilet sink in my college. Someone came. FML"

NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#6478606 - Sunday 6 December 2015 15:33

If that were made instead of this FML, I would hit You Deserved It faster than a speeding bullet.

By mds9986 | 24

#6478177 - Sunday 6 December 2015 0:13

Wel-cum to college.

By beeferjay | 34

#6478183 - Sunday 6 December 2015 0:22

fapmaster 5000, New nick name for that guy

By fatal4life | 10

#6478185 - Sunday 6 December 2015 0:23

College makes people do some crazy shit

By 8Dirty1 | 24

#6478188 - Sunday 6 December 2015 0:24

if you can't beat them, join them ;) haha

BiGTiMeNeRD | 29

#6478239 - Sunday 6 December 2015 1:22

Uhh... He's already beating it...

8Dirty1 | 24

#6478338 - Sunday 6 December 2015 4:45

duhh reread it with that in mind my comment will sound dirty haha