By joco4 - 15/01/2016 18:00 - United States - Mobile

Today, after being in a committed relationship for five years, I just found out that my girlfriend's parents have no idea that we are together. She says she "forgot" to tell them. FML
I agree, your life sucks 23 024
You deserved it 1 928

joco4 tells us more.

joco4 27

OP here. First of all, thanks everyone for commenting and everything, a lot of your comments were very helpful! Some clarification, we have talked about it before, and yes, I have met her parents as well as a lot of her family. Also, she has met my parents and family, and they know that we are together. The reason she has not told them has nothing to do with religion or because she is embarrassed by me. When we first started dating, she asked her parents what they would think if we started dating, and they effectively said "it would disgrace their family," so she just told them that we would not date, and since then, it seems that the topic hasn't come up with them again. The reason this whole topic came up is because, when her parents would call her, they would always talk about one of her exes, and how he was doing, (basically hinting that they wanted that relationship to happen again). After that happened a few times, I asked her about it, and she informed me that they actually didn't know about us being together. Her parents always comment on how nice I am, and how I am a good person. The problem with her parents is that they live in the past. Even though it is currently 2016, her parents can't accept a relationship where I happen to be black, and she happens to be white. As far as her parents are concerned, I am just her friend that happens to hang out with her a lot, as for everyone else, we are very happily in a relationship. Her parents and some of her family are the only people who are out of the loop. So, at this point, we are just not worrying about them and they will find out on a later date. I would like them to know eventually, but it just seems like that wont happen anytime soon. Feel free to leave comments if you want to know anything else!

Top comments

That's weird. I wonder how it took you 5 years to find out tho.

As a rule, if either person is embarrassed to show off the other, it's not a healthy relationship. Sorry you found out that way OP.


As long as you love her and she loves you then leave it

If she really loved him, she wouldn't have "forgotten" to tell her parents. Unless her parents are extremely strict about who she sees. That's just something OP will have to talk with her about.

joco4 27

I'm not sure why this got so many negative votes... this is actually pretty good advice

Ramos808 29

Don't be with someone who deliberately refuses to tell her parents about her significant other! She may very well be embarrassed by you. You don't deserve that, OP

there is no way she has forgotten for 5 years OP. boyfriends/girlfriends come up randomly in conversations. she was trying to hide you from her parents.

As a rule, if either person is embarrassed to show off the other, it's not a healthy relationship. Sorry you found out that way OP.

I'd have to say it's different with parents... Some just don't get along well with their parents. It's like telling your enemies this is my weakness. If they can't tell their friends then it becomes unhealthy.

zeffra13 31

I have to agree with #15. Parents can be incredibly judgmental and controlling, and simply knowing you're seeing someone can cause them to criticize your choices even if they know next to nothing about the person you're dating. It could even be a conflict of religion.

I'm calling B.S. You deserve better, get someone who isn't embarrassed about you. Good luck OP

No way she forgot that. Maybe you can ask her why she didn't tell her parents, she might have a good reason for it.

That's weird. I wonder how it took you 5 years to find out tho.

I was thinking the same thing. I'd find it weird if I didn't meet my other's parents within 5 years of dating. I suppose she could have said that she doesn't want him to meet them because of something understandable like a bad past or something of the sort.

Does it matter? If it's that committed, I'm sure they'll find out, or maybe she "forgot" because they don't like you and she wants to keep you.

@8: Or, more likely, she finds him embarrassing and isn't all that committed.

joco4 27

I guess, in a way, they don't like me? There's more in my follow up, but yeah, they'll find out eventually.

zebra3_fml 7

it's easy to let things snowball and get nervous as things go on. I'm not saying you should just forgive that, but have a serious conversation with her and don't get heated. figure things out, if you both love each other. don't give up on her if she's the one for you. it might not be that she is embarrassed by you, there are other reasons, even if they aren't good ones.

Do they happen to think she is in a relationship with someone else? If no then your good. But come on man you never tried to meet her parents in the 5 years of your committed relationship?

zebra3_fml 7

that is a good example of how there are many scenarios that could exist. it's a good question why he didn't try or try hard. everyone has a right to have their relationship the way they want it to be but after five years they both need to have a conversation about what they like and don't like about their relationship.