Today, I did a 3 hour long assignment for school. I was bored... - FML

By BadStuden - 5/10/2009 01:47 - Canada

Today, I did a 3 hour long assignment for school. I was bored so I gave it the title "F***ing Assignment for a F***ing Teacher." I went downstairs only to discover that the printer was out of ink. So I sent it to her email, then I realized that I didn't change the title. FML

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Understandable

Thanks, I'm cured!

Toxic parents

By ForeverAlone - 15/10/2014 00:13 - United States - Watertown

Today, before work, I was quickly cleaning when I tripped and the side of my neck hit the countertop, causing a dark bruise. During work, people wouldn't stop giving me high fives for getting laid and I was too embarrassed to tell them truth that I'm not desirable, just clumsy. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2010 10:00 - Australia

Today, I was expecting a call from my friend. The phone rang and I answered with "WANK!!" as a joke. It wasn't my friend on the phone, it was my boss. FML

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By AJL - 4/7/2014 01:30 - United States

Today, I parked my motorcycle in a parking spot. When I came back, my bike had been moved and was laying on its side with a note saying, "Sorry I dropped your motorcycle I was trying to move it forward so I could park my car because there weren't any other spots." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2015 05:24 - France

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's scared because her period is late, and that they're usually on time. Five hours late apparently. FML

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By Wtfbruhimmovingout - 28/11/2015 02:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my mom tried to burn my arm with a hot spatula, all because I got a tattoo against her wishes. FML

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By loo - 6/7/2019 07:00

Today, I had to go claim benefits for the first time since working and paying taxes from the age of 16. I’m 50. They offered me an emergency payment of £1200, and I said no because I was too embarrassed to accept “charity.” FML

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By workerbee - 9/8/2019 12:00

Today, because of a miscommunication with my boss, the furniture I was renting during my summer job was taken back by the movers. I still have a week of work left and nothing to eat with, and nothing to sit or sleep on. FML

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By busmanhoe - 14/12/2009 11:19 - Norway

Today, I was sitting on the bus to the gym. I saw that an old woman needed help to get off the bus, so I got up, and helped her off. When I had finally got her down the stairs the bus closed the doors and drove away. I was in the middle of nowhere and the bus drove away with all my things. FML

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By newswithabitofbite - 28/8/2014 10:31 - Australia - Richmond

Today, while walking to work, I found out what it feels like to be hit in the face by a rolled up newspaper thrown from the window of a moving car by a paper boy doing his rounds. It hit hard enough to give me a black eye. FML

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By windsoffate - 9/6/2016 16:46 - United States - Portland

Today, as I was getting ready for work, I heard a noise almost like someone was puking all over the bathroom floor. When I went to check, my 14-year-old son was puking all over the bathroom floor. The toilet, however, was pristine. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

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By pixiebubz - 6/10/2011 03:59 - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend I had an appointment for laser hair removal. He responded by making "pew pew" noises and pretending to shoot my underarms. He's 28. FML

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By Noname - 14/2/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I bought some flowers. As I was checking out, the cashier asked, "Aww, these for your mom? How sweet." I responded they were for a girl I liked. She laughed and said, "Sorry..." FML

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By ShitHappens2016 - 16/4/2017 18:00

Today, my mother-in-law texted to wish me a happy birthday. She spelled my name wrong and it's not my birthday. FML

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By Becky - 11/5/2015 20:54 - United Kingdom - Dorchester

Today, I stood up in front of the class and dropped my pen. As I bent over to pick it up, a boy in the front row loudly broke wind. I will forever be known as "that teacher who farted". FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2016 02:45 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I was threatened to be held back because of the lack of teacher-parent communication. My parents refuse to sign my report card because of my one mark below ninety percent. My teacher was dead serious about failing me. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2012 23:49 - United States - Eudora

Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend has a three day break from work. This would be great if he hadn't just told me he's having a Guild Wars 2 marathon. Now all I have to look forward to is slow wifi and anguished screams every time his character dies. FML

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By PrincessOhNo - 12/12/2016 06:10 - United States - Bronx

Today, I dyed my hair back to pastel pink, which it hasn't been in over a year. It goes well with my skin and I was super excited about it so I decided to Snapchat my friend about it. Her response? "You were thinner last time your hair looked like that." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2013 07:11 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I had a dream about marrying Hitler. I've had this same dream three times now. My subconscious is starting to scare me. FML

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By caseyj - 25/3/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party. A half hour in, a girl started showing me pictures of her cat. That was the high point of the night. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2010 08:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to pull cheese out of my PS3's disc tray because my younger brother assumed all PS3's could grill stuff because "Youtube told him." FML

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By dumb4$$0rz - 23/12/2010 21:01 - United States

Today, the grades for one of my courses were released. The class average was higher than that which the department allowed, so the professor had to scale everyone's marks down to meet the policy. I ended up failing because my class was too smart. FML

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By x_o - 4/8/2013 20:51 - Hungary - ?ttev?ny

Today, it was my first day at my new job. I had to break up two fistfights, then leave work early with a black eye. This is not what I had in mind when I applied to work at a retirement home. FML

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By ouch - 2/3/2014 08:44 - United States - Sioux City

Today, I found out that my lover and boyfriend of over 5 years has me listed in his contacts as "Vagina". FML

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By BrewPack - 14/7/2014 02:22 - United States - Slinger

Today, the couple who had written the offer we had accepted for our house withdrew it because apparently when they came by for the home inspection, my next door neighbor's teenage son tried to sell them heroin. FML

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By Dgama - 17/11/2018 16:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I went to see my new boyfriend play in a band. I found out that groupies don't like even bass players having girlfriends. I was attacked by one because he smiled at me from the stage. FML

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By BadassRumbleroar - 20/1/2012 03:46 - Canada

Today, I found out that when you are sitting on a full bench at a bus stop, some crazy person will come sit on you. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2014 22:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out one of my girlfriend's recent Google searches was, "should I admit to cheating or just dump him?" FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2017 23:15

Today, I was blaring the radio to drown out the sound of the kids in the apartment upstairs. They then started jumping in time with the music. FML

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By embarassed_chick - 24/8/2009 19:59 - United States

Today, I got my first period. My dad bought me a card and had everyone in my family sign it. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 11:38 - United States

Today, I learned that when the power goes out at my house, my family thinks you can no longer flush the toilet. FML

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By NotThatButton - 11/9/2015 01:59 - United States - Missoula

Today, I accidentally deleted my landlord's pictures of his child's graduation, girlfriend, daughter and vacation when he asked me to delete a video off his phone. FML

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By Monkeyless - 2/5/2012 03:59 - United States - Providence

Today, it was confirmed that the "no pet rule" in my apartment complex is so strict that I'm not even allowed to have sea monkeys. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2013 06:19 - United States - Avon

Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML

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By interphaseprophasemetaphase - 4/9/2013 11:18 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML

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By welptbh - 4/4/2018 16:30 - United States - San Pablo

Today, I came out to my parents as trans. They immediately took my remaining college savings, canceled my credit card, and began plotting to abduct me and "wean me of hormones like a heroin addict". FML

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By embarrassed - 8/10/2012 09:12 - Australia - Morphett Vale

Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML

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By christian9294 - 8/2/2010 20:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML

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By catlover - 16/6/2011 16:14 - China

Today, our new cat, which my mum was hesitant about letting us keep because she believes they're diseased, gave us all ringworm. FML

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By mockable - 6/4/2012 11:09 - United States

Today, I was informed that one of my store managers does a "great" impression of me. No one will tell me what it is, but apparently it's really funny. FML

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Top comments

By mFormyself | 0

#604509 - Monday 5 October 2009 9:53

Tell her it's a typo?

By Poppycorn22 | 0

#604502 - Monday 5 October 2009 9:48

Haha, I've given projects funny names before but YDI for giving a file on your computer that vile of a name.

COMMENTS

By Poppycorn22 | 0

#604502 - Monday 5 October 2009 9:48

Haha, I've given projects funny names before but YDI for giving a file on your computer that vile of a name.

By PlasmaWafflez | 0

#604503 - Monday 5 October 2009 9:49

YDI. Enough said.

By fred1rav | 0

#604505 - Monday 5 October 2009 9:49

did you died?

Reply

Pandachewchew12 | 0

#605251 - Monday 5 October 2009 20:54

no comment on that -.-

Reply

DaDezza244 | 31

#5133749 - Saturday 10 November 2012 3:30

That makes no sense at all #4.

Reply

lkhardin | 13

#5365718 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 1:27

RIP Grammar.

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#604507 - Monday 5 October 2009 9:53

awwww, you used asterisks! you're so hardcore and cool!!1!

Wook at da big boii wif his widdle astewisks in pwace of fuck! awwww

Reply

JaneDoe_71 | 0

#604525 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:13

hum... he didn't... I did!

Reply

sublime93 | 0

#604797 - Monday 5 October 2009 15:11

Awkward turtle...

Reply

iceman05 | 0

#604850 - Monday 5 October 2009 15:54

Wow you are gay midnight

Reply

scarlett361 | 0

#606785 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 19:00

hahaha!

Reply

8_wow_11 | 0

#608473 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 15:39

haha, fml staff ftw!! :P

Reply

chameleon724 | 8

#2618767 - Saturday 4 June 2011 18:08

Umm.... if he hadn't put asterisks, this wouldn't have been posted.

Reply

FUUUandyourmom | 16

#3556460 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 1:51

There has been an FML without asterisks, you know.

Reply

bogan35 | 0

#4499552 - Wednesday 30 May 2012 18:24

awww wook at dis wittle asshole making fun of people who are trying to be not so white trash:)

Reply

Wingman527 | 22

#6059734 - Monday 8 September 2014 4:40

Boom shacka lacka

By mFormyself | 0

#604509 - Monday 5 October 2009 9:53

Tell her it's a typo?

Reply

blackscent | 0

#604666 - Monday 5 October 2009 12:56

lol nice comment
"tell her its a typo?"

Reply

f_u_u_f_f | 0

#604985 - Monday 5 October 2009 17:17

Actually "it's" was correct.

Reply

Jernau_Gurgeh | 0

#605901 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 4:05

The keys are like right next to eachother...

http://bash.org/?5300

By thatSucks7 | 0

#604516 - Monday 5 October 2009 9:59

oh boo hoo . . a 3hr assignment is nothing. YTDI

Reply

DoomJeff91 | 2

#605061 - Monday 5 October 2009 18:11

Pretty sure the FML part of the FML isn't about him having to doing a 3 hour assignment.

By drmoocow | 0

#604522 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:07

Anything you don't want someone to see should never make it into a document... even as a joke. YDI.

By IndigoKitty | 3

#604541 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:30

you deserve it. quit bitching about your school work, yes, you have to do it, its a fact of life. some people never get the chance.

Reply

IndigoFuckYou | 9

#2733838 - Wednesday 22 June 2011 1:56

he's not bitching about his schoolwork. he's bitching about sending his teacher a document entitled "fucking assignment for a fucking teacher."

By MissNat_fml | 0

#604549 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:36

lol i feel sorry for u but also think u deserve it for giving it a name like that

By WonderBlunder | 0

#604552 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:38

You must be blind for not seeing the title when you attach the file. And most teachers won't accept soft copies when they requested printed copy. It's either one or the other..