Work: Today, I found out that I have to work Christmas Day. There's...

By Barstaff - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I have to work Christmas Day. There's no public transport running and taxis are triple fare. It'll cost me more getting to work than I'll actually earn during the shift. FML

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31695

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Work

Who's a good boy?

F*** my overweight life

On yer bike

By Queso Dog - Japan

Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15193

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By Fire_Crotch - Canada

Today, I turned the shower on the hottest setting so it would warm up quickly. I started to sing and dance around the bathroom. I got too carried away and pelvic thrusted the water, which I hadn't turned back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8830

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By Confusedblonde - United States - Canton

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me, all because he thought I was a communist, a sinner, and a terrorist, simply because I think the gay rights are OK, because I agree with some feminists, and because I got blonde highlights in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35750

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By satanworshipper - United States - Hollywood

Today, I received another death threat for teaching evolution in college. I'm a geology teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30066

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2722

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By Catherine - United States

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with vision problems. The nurse was helping my mom fill out the paperwork. When asked for her employer, my mom started trying to sell the nurse Aflac, and got into a serious 10 minute conversation about it, all while I'm going blind in my left eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36376

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3179

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By gjh - Australia

Today, my girlfriend offered a blow job, but my hair got stuck in her braces so instead we tried to pull them all out. And no, I didn't get any. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32747

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13290

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By "jonnybones223"

Today, I was awakened by my father saying how proud he was of his little boy. I assumed he meant me, since I landed an apprenticeship in the same union he's worked in for 25 years. Turns out he was speaking about his cat, who left a dead squirrel next to my bed. I stepped on the damn thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2137

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196

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By curseyousuperman - United States - Conway

Today, my self-esteem issues got me jealous of Superman's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23762

You deserved it

6641

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By GyroUpgraded - United States - Portland

Today, after driving to three drug testing clinics that were approved for my job, each one declined me saying they dont do testing anymore. Now I have to drive another 25 miles to see if someone will say, "You're clean." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11776

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920

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By Jeremy - 20/12/2020 23:00

Christmas is treacherous

Today, I decided to take my girlfriend out to look at Christmas lights and get hot chocolate. While cleaning my snow-covered truck, I slipped and broke three bones in my ankle, and now need surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

999

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By kb - United States

Today, my mother gave me a bottle of stool softeners as a gift at my baby shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36606

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4018

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By baddaughter - Canada

Today, I called my mother who is vacationing in Florida with my dad and sister. Before they left I told them I would be very responsible and that they could trust me. The first thing she asked me is if all the animals were still alive. I said yes. I lied. Her favourite cat drowned in the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11176

You deserved it

41421

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By Anon - United States - Stony Point

Broke

Today, I spotted a $100 bill on the ground. Being a little strapped for cash, I excitedly picked it up. I discovered it was one of those religious tract papers made to look like a folded bill, with a message scolding me for being greedy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31927

You deserved it

4811

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my daughter came home in tears, completely distraught. It took half an hour to convince her to tell me what was wrong. What horrific thing happened to her? One of her friends wore the same outfit as her to the movies, and apparently that's a betrayal of their friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40740

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By grosssss - Australia

Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31641

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3403

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter and husband decided to surprise me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumps back from the hug and says "ewwww smells like fish." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44625

You deserved it

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By Olorin - Germany

Today, I was installing TVs in a hospital. When I knocked on a door, a female voice asked me to come in. I opened the door to see an 80 year old woman standing in front of me, naked. She then complained when I hesitated to help her to put some clothes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30327

You deserved it

2715

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By FriendlessLoser - United States - Bristow

Today, it's again one of many times my mom dropped me off at the mall to hang out with friends. Since I have no friends, I shop by myself and always tell her I had "so much fun". FML

I agree, your life sucks

16556

You deserved it

2695

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By Eh.. - Israel

Today I learned that just because the cute barista at the train station smiles at smiles, waves at me each time I arrive, and develops small talk probably means she's trying to sell me pastries. The smile she had when I asked for her number and she said "nah" still haunts me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2225

You deserved it

1303

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By milkybear - United States

Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44757

You deserved it

15830

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By GiraffeLover - Australia

Today, my 17 year old boyfriend's mother bought him a giraffe onesie. He refused to take it off and insisted on wearing it everywhere we go. We live in Australia and it's our summer now. So far he has passed out 3 times in public because he over heated, but he still won't take it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45173

You deserved it

6992

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By 123literateABC - United States - Grand Haven

Today, at work, the janitor would not stop telling me how good I looked. This was after he told me he was fired for sexual harassment at his last job. He clearly learned that lesson. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22416

You deserved it

1514

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By Anonymous

Today, I returned home from my honeymoon and met my dad for coffee. He told me he's been seeing someone and he's so happy. It's my new mother-in-law. They moved in together during my wedding weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4524

You deserved it

334

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By Miss_Whipped - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I just received the king-sized bed I'd ordered. My boyfriend moved out two days ago when we broke up. FML

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11141

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By sadandmad - United States - Bonita Springs

Today, my husband took a pill to make him last longer in bed. He did last longer. He went from 5 minutes to 7. FML

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21969

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By wow - United States - Cape Coral

Today, my mother told me that I was "made" in the bathroom of the store I work at now. She even pointed out which stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60856

You deserved it

5414

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By Notre_Dame_714 - United States

Today, I went to the gun range for a birthday and got shot in the foot by my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33365

You deserved it

4408

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By lifeguardfuckup - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I received six prank phone calls on the official pool phone. When it rang again, I picked it up, told them to go fuck themselves, hung up, and then left the phone off the hook. A second later, my cellphone rang. It was my boss, telling me to get a sense of humor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44619

You deserved it

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By scaredtosleep - United Kingdom

Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML

I agree, your life sucks

67715

You deserved it

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By Tragics - Canada

Today, my date sent me a text saying "I'm sorry we're running late, we will be there shortly." I replied asking what she meant by "we". She said her parents, who were coming along to chaperone. I laughed about two 27 year olds having chaperones, until she walked in with her parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40360

You deserved it

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By ThatCery - United Kingdom

Today, I rang my dad to tell him and my half-sister that I'm finally engaged. I then asked my half-sister to tell my stepmother. Still on speaker, I heard her run upstairs and pass the good news on. My stepmother responded with 'Cery who?', followed by 'So what? I can't stand her'. I'm Cery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33422

You deserved it

2501

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By Carrie - United States

Today, I was on a date with a guy I met online. After 30 minutes, he abruptly stands up and says he has to leave. He practically ran out of Starbucks to get away from me. FML

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27138

You deserved it

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By Anonymousse - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML

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23666

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

82282

You deserved it

7540

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By planking champion - United States

Today, I was given an entire week of detention for planking on my school desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17056

You deserved it

80188

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By notwhatithought - Germany - Erlangen

Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11201

You deserved it

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By okeythen - United States - Orlando

Today, I heard my husband telling his friend that I used to be a skank and was "easier than 1 plus 1" when we first met. I was still a virgin when we got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56126

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in my car and a cute guy pulled up next to me. He looked at me and smiled, but in order to be cool, I pretended not to notice. I also pretended that I was listening to music and was completely absorbed in it, singing passionately. I wasn't even listening to music and my window was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7992

You deserved it

82507

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By LLCK - United States - Owatonna

Today, a lady on the bus came up to me and asked if she could sit down. Thinking she meant the seat next to me, I said sure. She meant my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26460

You deserved it

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By Noname - France

Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing the hairs from my stomach. I'm a girl. FML

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24811

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Top comments

By josh78 | 0

#734815 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:06

sick days???

By Flamersplamer | 0

#734869 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:30

fake your own death.

COMMENTS

By WhiteDelight | 4

#734810 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:05

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Starchild21 | 3

#734889 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:42

Either call a friend to come get you or find out if anyone else is coming in to work so you can carpool.

And muffin? Really??

__________________________________
www.myspace.com/rapid99

Malinkrot | 3

#734974 - Thursday 24 December 2009 21:46

is muffin any more lame than advertising your myspace on every comment you make

mahnukka321 | 0

#735156 - Thursday 24 December 2009 23:49

Did no one else realize that he said "I'll cost me more to get to work than I'll actually earn during the shift"?? I'll cost me more? no

Mustardnight | 3

#735362 - Friday 25 December 2009 2:04

I noticed it but since im not an english teacher, and i understood the point of the fml, i kept my fucking mouth shut about it. Well, until i saw your stupid comment that is.

bailo | 0

#735490 - Friday 25 December 2009 4:18

agree with #53. #44, no one cares.

153rdTrooper | 0

#850903 - Saturday 13 February 2010 5:41

I fuckin' hate Grammar Nazis, especially on the Internet because I can't punch them in the face.

reyemrein | 0

#879761 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:55

OPs name should be Tiny Tim

bfrench95 | 0

#1087800 - Wednesday 14 July 2010 7:54

fuck ur boss. no seriously fuck him and u can probably talk him into not making u work on christmas day.

notmrfreakster | 0

#1839925 - Monday 13 December 2010 21:49

Op fixed it.

By josh78 | 0

#734815 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:06

sick days???

By Bumlove89 | 0

#734819 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:07

Is there anyway you can talk to your manager about changing it? Surely, they're not that heartless. Or perhaps they are... happy holidays anyways. I'm working christmas as well. FML

By blalien | 0

#734829 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:10

What kind of boss informs you one day in advance that you'll be working on effing Christmas? You gotta quit that job, man.

By truth215 | 0

#734849 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:22

hey maybe you can call a friend to take you in

By nvenomous | 0

#734851 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:23

what the hell.
skip the days' work. :D

By monbon6788 | 0

#734860 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:26

dude, that just sucks. no way you deserved that.

By ensemble_coeur | 0

#734861 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:27

Isn't there some kind of law that says that you don't have to work on Christmas Day? I would look into that if I were you.

skylarbee | 8

#1693845 - Saturday 13 November 2010 15:17

you have to volunteer to work Christmas

By evangldbrg | 0

#734863 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:27

Yea, I've had to work Thanksgiving, Working today and tomorrow, New Years Eve, and New Years Day...luckily I got my sick days on handy for the remaining holidays.