Work: Today, I found out that I have to work Christmas Day. There's...

By Barstaff - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I have to work Christmas Day. There's no public transport running and taxis are triple fare. It'll cost me more getting to work than I'll actually earn during the shift. FML

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31706

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Work

Mother of the year

And today, on Dr Phil…

Mystery

By fmyhabit - United States

Today, I accidentally pocket dialed my sister while I was masturbating. FML

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23804

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By Anonymous - United States - Buffalo

Thanks.

Today, I asked a guy if I could finally meet his mom after we’ve been exclusive for almost a year now. He goes, "You’re special, but you’re not THAT special." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4380

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By yogapants - Switzerland

Today, I let out the most horrific, loudest, and most vile smelling fart I have ever had in my life while in the middle of yoga class. Out of embarrassment, I tried to lessen the tension in the silent room by giggling, but no one saw the funny side. I was given looks of horror, and avoided by everyone else for the rest of the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29177

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2021 16:00 - Australia - Croydon

Works with podcasts as well

Today, I realised I get really attached to characters in long-running TV shows, because I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

681

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125

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By Caz

Today, I got on the Megabus for a 6-hour journey from London to Plymouth. I then realised I'd forgotten to fill up my water bottle and charge my iPod. It's a fully packed, sweaty hot loud coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2274

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By Anonymous

Today, our building owner, who lives just below, had a great idea to make her life easier. When something gets on her nerves, she puts it in the stairwell. Including two dozen shoes, her toddler, her screaming baby, her barking dog and her cat who loves to shit in my flower pots and piss in my basement room, which she is well aware of. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1620

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100

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By lukey101 - 25/6/2020 17:02

Running commentary

Today, the Snapchat that I was taking of my car being washed, including my commentary like, "Oooh yeah, get into it baby," was replayed loudly through my car via Bluetooth while the workers were inside and all around washing it. FML

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480

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By tooflufoschool - United States

Today, I was in bed sick from pneumonia. I asked my boyfriend to nuke a can of soup for me. He said "in a sec, let me finish this game" and continued to play on his Xbox for an hour. Starving, I crawled out to make soup. When I sat down to eat, he paused the game and asked "you didn't make me any?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44694

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By countrygirl8846 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I went to pick up some pictures I took on a family trip, but the person at the counter said someone else had already picked them up. Now not only am I out $20, some random creep has pictures of me and my whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22245

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By grannysmack - United States

Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML

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49762

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By LadyLou - Australia

Today, at work, a customer told me that my teeth would make a very pretty necklace. FML

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25230

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1960

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By anonymous - France

Today, I told my best friend I was breaking up with my girlfriend of 3 years. He thought it would be funny to tell her I was going to propose to her that night. She showed up telling me how much she loves me and that when we get married how great it will be. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38015

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7075

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By Mark Allan - United States - Alexandria

Today, I finally got the guts to text this cute girl at school. I started sending flirtatious texts, only to find out the hard way that she'd given me her boyfriend's number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29162

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By alittlepersonal - United States - Lewis Center

Today, my mom decided to subtly bring up her desire for grandchildren. "You really need a girlfriend. I'm surprised you don't have a crippling case of Carpal Tunnel by now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22045

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By Gen - France

Today, I was telling off one of my friends, a fellow student of medicine, who was spending his evenings watching "House" instead of revising for our important exam, as I was. The topic mentioned in the episode came up in the exam. He got 4 points more than I did. FML

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31455

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By awesome

Today, my friends thought it would be hilarious to show me Marley and Me the day right after I had to put down my dog. I had my dog for 11 years. FML

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60378

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By rie - Ireland

Today, I found out my college friends are going to attack me after Christmas and attempt to tickle me to death. All because they know that I hate to be tickled. They are also going to make a Facebook group dedicated to the matter so people can join in if they wish. FML

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26357

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2020 05:01

Let down

Today, after having spent 2 weeks planning my husband's surprise birthday party with his friends and family, we get in the car on the way to "dinner" and he says, "I really hope it's just the two of us tonight." FML

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1430

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By Chad - 6/11/2020 07:54 - United States - San Diego

Fire hydrant

Today, I was sleeping after having worked 76 hours over the last week on night shift, only to be woken up by a fire alarm in the hotel I'm staying in. I rushed to put on some clothes and head out, but couldn't hide my morning wood, which would not go away. People took pictures as we were waiting to be let back inside. FML

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1065

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By anonymous

Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML

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4398

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414

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By unluckybirthdaykid

Today, my birthday, was going great until my boyfriend received a text from a girl saying he gave her chlamydia. Now I have no boyfriend, but at least I have the chlamydia keeping me company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5417

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390

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend decided to fart in our bathtub to see if it would echo. It wasn’t a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4391

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383

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By nobodyreadsmyemails - Canada

Today, I noticed that I've been spelling my company's name wrong in my email signature for over a year. FML

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8907

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43983

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By air - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML

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23592

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By hushed - Canada - Leduc

Everyone's A Critic

Today, I was hushed in a theatre during a play. I would normally appreciate a discreet silencing in the audience, but I was saying my lines. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3791

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233

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By zitgirl - United States

Today, after 22 years of perfect skin, I woke up with a bunch of angry zits on my nose. I used a clay face mask that was supposed to dry them out. Instead, they were bigger and green. Today is Valentine's day, I finally have a guy to go out with, and my nose looks like it's rotting off. FML

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33740

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5541

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By Tooyoungforthis - United States - Arvada

Dad, no, enough!

Today, I had to download a parental block so my dad would stop watching porn on my laptop. FML

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32337

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

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59141

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By ZombieGirl0417 - United States - Jupiter

Today, my aunt asked to see my new airsoft pistol. Not thinking anything of it, I handed it to her. She shot me in the leg. I was standing next to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22119

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By imscrewed - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going out tonight to celebrate his ex-but-still-friends-girlfriend's birthday at a local club and hopes I wasn't offended that I wasn't invited. I sure am offended; we have the same birthday. FML

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83238

You deserved it

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By "catty_13"

Today, my boss installed a comment box for anonymous suggestions on how to improve the workplace. So far, I've received 5 notes from my employees requesting that I be fired or replaced by a hotter woman as it's the best way to improve the company. FML

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3287

You deserved it

237

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By Does this thought count? - Canada - Toronto

Today, my ex-boyfriend surprised me with a gorgeous, giant stuffed tiger as a belated birthday gift. I thought it was a lovely gesture until a friend told me she had thrown it in the dumpster behind our building this morning. FML

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39758

You deserved it

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By rick - United States - Roanoke

Today, I held the door for an elderly woman. As she walked through, she looked at me and told me I was a very handsome man and that I should meet her grandson. The woman was my grandmother, and yes, I'm straight. FML

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47036

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By Anonymous - United States - Oakland

Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML

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16578

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By nick - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42332

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3798

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By Unloving - United States

Today, a man proposed to me in classic style on one knee. Unfortunately, I have been telling this man for the last two months that I don't even want to date him. He thinks I'm playing hard to get and is not giving up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35925

You deserved it

5000

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By ohwell - Sweden - Tullinge

Today, I met my best friend's girlfriend for the first time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If you ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42800

You deserved it

3274

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By Lala - United States - Denver

Today, a guy for whom I did a design job told me he would only be able to pay me in 3 weeks. I told him that it was OK, as long as I didn't have to follow him around to collect my money. "Don't worry, I know the feeling," he said, "I used to run an illegal business." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22419

You deserved it

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By crudofalife - United States

Today, while working as a cashier at McDonald's, a man came in telling me that he had not received his hamburger. I looked at his receipt and the date said 11/17/09. FML

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37424

You deserved it

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By allergies - United States - New York

Today, I sneezed while my ID photo was being taken. I look like a total moron in it. The photographer refused to retake the photo because I "clearly" faked the sneeze just to be funny. FML

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24964

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Top comments

By josh78 | 0

#734815 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:06

sick days???

By Flamersplamer | 0

#734869 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:30

fake your own death.

COMMENTS

By WhiteDelight | 4

#734810 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:05

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Starchild21 | 3

#734889 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:42

Either call a friend to come get you or find out if anyone else is coming in to work so you can carpool.

And muffin? Really??

__________________________________
www.myspace.com/rapid99

Malinkrot | 3

#734974 - Thursday 24 December 2009 21:46

is muffin any more lame than advertising your myspace on every comment you make

mahnukka321 | 0

#735156 - Thursday 24 December 2009 23:49

Did no one else realize that he said "I'll cost me more to get to work than I'll actually earn during the shift"?? I'll cost me more? no

Mustardnight | 3

#735362 - Friday 25 December 2009 2:04

I noticed it but since im not an english teacher, and i understood the point of the fml, i kept my fucking mouth shut about it. Well, until i saw your stupid comment that is.

bailo | 0

#735490 - Friday 25 December 2009 4:18

agree with #53. #44, no one cares.

153rdTrooper | 0

#850903 - Saturday 13 February 2010 5:41

I fuckin' hate Grammar Nazis, especially on the Internet because I can't punch them in the face.

reyemrein | 0

#879761 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:55

OPs name should be Tiny Tim

bfrench95 | 0

#1087800 - Wednesday 14 July 2010 7:54

fuck ur boss. no seriously fuck him and u can probably talk him into not making u work on christmas day.

notmrfreakster | 0

#1839925 - Monday 13 December 2010 21:49

Op fixed it.

By josh78 | 0

#734815 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:06

sick days???

By Bumlove89 | 0

#734819 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:07

Is there anyway you can talk to your manager about changing it? Surely, they're not that heartless. Or perhaps they are... happy holidays anyways. I'm working christmas as well. FML

By blalien | 0

#734829 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:10

What kind of boss informs you one day in advance that you'll be working on effing Christmas? You gotta quit that job, man.

By truth215 | 0

#734849 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:22

hey maybe you can call a friend to take you in

By nvenomous | 0

#734851 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:23

what the hell.
skip the days' work. :D

By monbon6788 | 0

#734860 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:26

dude, that just sucks. no way you deserved that.

By ensemble_coeur | 0

#734861 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:27

Isn't there some kind of law that says that you don't have to work on Christmas Day? I would look into that if I were you.

skylarbee | 8

#1693845 - Saturday 13 November 2010 15:17

you have to volunteer to work Christmas

By evangldbrg | 0

#734863 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:27

Yea, I've had to work Thanksgiving, Working today and tomorrow, New Years Eve, and New Years Day...luckily I got my sick days on handy for the remaining holidays.