Today, I found out that I have to work Christmas Day. There's...

By Barstaff - 24/12/2009 11:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I have to work Christmas Day. There's no public transport running and taxis are triple fare. It'll cost me more getting to work than I'll actually earn during the shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31678

You deserved it

2366

Favorite

Work

Reliable

Property law

Billy no-mates

By nametag - 9/6/2009 02:07 - Canada

Today, I finally got my nametag. I had been using other people's names like Maria and Caie for a week, so I was happy to be called my own name. I put it on and got to work. Ten minutes later, I was called into the office. I got laid off. I got to wear my nametag for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50752

You deserved it

3908

Favorite

By R_Horsefeet - 29/3/2016 23:10 - Netherlands

Today, the guy I was seeing texted me a photo back of myself I had sent him earlier, saying I'm such a beautiful woman, suggesting that I set it as my profile pic. Too bad he doesn't think I'm pretty enough without a lot of enhancements, because he photoshopped the hell out of that thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18904

You deserved it

1727

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 01:43 - United States

Today, my husband was looking at a bariatric surgery website and asked him what he was reading. He said, "Oh, your anniversary gift. Surprise!" He wasn't kidding. He got mad when I politely declined his gift, then angrily said "You know, it really hurts when you don't like the things I get you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24432

You deserved it

4546

Favorite

By s0728 - 1/9/2014 21:37 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I work at a bakery. As I was putting out some cakes with fruit on top of them, a customer asked me how we get the little hairs to stay on the raspberries, and if we glue them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37459

You deserved it

3288

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/8/2011 08:32 - Australia

Today, I found out why my cups of tea have been tasting a bit funny. It turns out my kettle is full of ants, so every time I boil water to make tea, the ants get re-boiled along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35458

You deserved it

17488

Favorite

By KKimrae_ness - 28/5/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, I found some oversized-strawberry-spree candies in my pantry. They were delicious and I munched on them through out the day. I ended up in and out, but mostly in, the bathroom in the dead hours of the night experiencing the wonders and effectiveness of Fruit Flavored Fiber pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15421

You deserved it

47152

Favorite

By saintmichi - 1/2/2010 00:21 - Poland

Today, after a 9 hour train journey through the Polish mountains, I mistook a small black and white cat for a penguin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8080

You deserved it

27200

Favorite

By Dontworryaboutit - 28/12/2010 10:16 - United States

Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11360

You deserved it

38637

Favorite

By oh for f*cks sake - 20/3/2017 12:00 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, my baby brother learned to remove his nappy. He immediately used this new skill to shit all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4716

You deserved it

386

Favorite

By dumper - 5/11/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37033

You deserved it

5481

Favorite

By bobafett892 - 2/10/2016 17:32 - United States - Atlanta

Today, while working at a cell phone store, I helped an older woman learn how to use her newly updated phone. After trying to help her for over 20 minutes, she threatened to throw her phone at my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11029

You deserved it

828

Favorite

By BlueBirdWings - 31/5/2019 02:30

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1406

You deserved it

263

Favorite

By ihatemylife - 20/8/2009 17:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked her why she did, she said that the psychic that she was texting (one of those 44644 numbers) said we have a 2% compatibility rating. How does that explain 4 years of happy dating? FML

I agree, your life sucks

56488

You deserved it

4396

Favorite

By madgf - 30/1/2010 20:55 - France

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to skip school with him. His mom came home early. I had to hide in his closet and wait 6 hours for her to go to her book club meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12335

You deserved it

38321

Favorite

By - 20/11/2019 03:00

The vigil

Today, my boyfriend came to visit from another state. My mom didn't want me to go to his hotel and I did. When she asked about it, I lied to her and said I didn't go, and she showed me a Pic of my car outside his hotel... FML

I agree, your life sucks

896

You deserved it

2414

Favorite

By atleastshelldiefirst - 13/10/2012 00:18 - United States

Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26839

You deserved it

1777

Favorite

By Brook363 - 27/5/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, I witnessed the homeless man that visits my neighborhood placing bags containing his own poop in my trash cans. I later received a notice stating that the garbage company will not provide my residence with garbage service until I “refrain from placing bags of my own feces in the trash.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

54639

You deserved it

3084

Favorite

By Shauna - 10/11/2012 09:02 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, it was my birthday. I finally got the PS3 I've been asking for, for a long time. When I opened the box, I didn't find a PS3, but a bunch of clothes that my mom put in my brother's PS3 box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28901

You deserved it

4163

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/8/2011 06:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31868

You deserved it

6336

Favorite

By - 26/12/2018 06:00 - Australia

Today, As I walked out of the clubs, I slipped in my new shoes and spilt my chicken chips and gravy on my brand new white dress. Not only did people witness this, but my dress is ruined.. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1905

You deserved it

702

Favorite

By Iarla_ceapaire93 - 16/6/2015 17:27 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I went to the gym to try to get into shape. While I was running on the treadmill, my beer belly pushed against the emergency stop button, twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28397

You deserved it

5535

Favorite

By sucks4me - 18/6/2011 04:45 - United States

Today, I got in my sister's car outside the movie theater and started talking about the movie. When I realized she wasn't saying anything, I looked up to see my ex-boyfriend sitting in the drivers seat. I got in the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33187

You deserved it

16076

Favorite

By Nick Nameous - 1/1/2009 06:22 - United States

Today, I celebrated the new year. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24141

You deserved it

5260

Favorite

By future walmart employee - 21/5/2013 04:10 - United States - Clarendon Hills

Today, I had my first job as a wedding planner. I'd spent a year making sure everything was right. After the wedding my friend comforted me by saying, "You had to have known it wasn't going to be perfect." I knew that it wouldn't be perfect, but I had expected the groom to at least show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47339

You deserved it

3153

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/2/2010 07:22 - United States

Today, I switched cell phone carriers and got the plan where you can call or text any five people for free. The employee asked for my five, I could only come up with one, my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27953

You deserved it

5046

Favorite

By jessefonsexy. - 7/12/2010 11:08 - United States

Today, I was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later to see my sister squatting in my dresser drawer. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm peeing." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34047

You deserved it

2757

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/8/2015 14:06 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26831

You deserved it

4966

Favorite

By Username - 17/5/2011 04:05

Today, I updated my facebook status as "lost all contacts, need numbers". My mom commented saying "her phone didn't get reset, she just doesn't have any friends". Her comment got 32 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49951

You deserved it

8658

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/9/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Slumming it

Today, my mum and I were moving the last of  my stuff into my new flat when I heard some creaking. The sound was  coming from the bathroom, so I went to check it out. As I stepped  through the door, the floor collapsed and the bathtub and I fell  right through. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1770

You deserved it

Favorite

By j0j0 - 15/1/2009 16:00 - France

Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24621

You deserved it

3806

Favorite

By Corn-ed-Teeth - 30/4/2019 18:00

Today, I bit into a barbecue-ed corn cob, forgetting I had a filling on my chipped front tooth. I re-chipped it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1409

You deserved it

713

Favorite

By pooped - 12/4/2020 23:00

Not all heroes…

Today, at work, the only toilet in the building was so clogged that it was overflowing. We didn't have a plunger, so basically the only way to stop it was to try and reach in and remove the blockage. I was nominated to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1690

You deserved it

152

Favorite

By Twinner - 20/10/2009 19:03 - Canada

Today, I learned that being a twin really isn't that cool. After laughing at my twin brother for getting a speeding ticket he turns to me and says "It's not mine." Confused, I look at the ticket and see my name. He used my license. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50028

You deserved it

4671

Favorite

By Tights2Tight - 19/12/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I was at the local theatre watching "The Nutcracker" ballet with my mother. When the prince made his appearance in his tights my mother leans over to me and says, "Those are some well defined butt cheeks!" loud enough for everyone around us to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27280

You deserved it

3254

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/3/2011 18:33 - United States

Today, I noticed my new neighbor had taken the liberty of putting up signs all around their lawn overnight. There are at least a dozen signs detailing the various reasons everyone on the planet is condemned to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30293

You deserved it

3100

Favorite

By -1 Pair of Pants - 30/5/2016 19:49 - United States - Westborough

Today, I leaned over to pick something up and heard a loud "pop" from my waistline, followed by a "clink" on the other side of the room. My pants button had popped off my pants. Time to lose some weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10659

You deserved it

2642

Favorite

By fuck my liBLARGHSLJNAdlajdSzxz - 5/9/2013 16:39 - Sweden - Solna

Today, after my grandma did some early Halloween costume shopping, I witnessed her modeling a "sexy nurse" outfit. After seeing her bare thighs and most of her ass, I don't think I can eat cottage cheese ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52342

You deserved it

5012

Favorite

By ButItWasRareDad! - 3/8/2016 22:21 - United States - Chicago

Today, my 15-year-old son was waiting in the car for me after driving around to build up hours for his permit. He then decided it was a good idea to quickly drive over to catch a Pokemon nearby. He didn't count on getting pulled over for texting and driving while underage without an adult though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14404

You deserved it

2091

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/3/2012 00:49 - United States - Dansville

Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28860

You deserved it

4077

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/9/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I had my 3 year old son in the doctors office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42122

You deserved it

8546

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By josh78 | 0

#734815 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:06

sick days???

By Flamersplamer | 0

#734869 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:30

fake your own death.

COMMENTS

By WhiteDelight | 4

#734810 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:05

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Starchild21 | 3

#734889 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:42

Either call a friend to come get you or find out if anyone else is coming in to work so you can carpool.

And muffin? Really??

__________________________________
www.myspace.com/rapid99

Malinkrot | 3

#734974 - Thursday 24 December 2009 21:46

is muffin any more lame than advertising your myspace on every comment you make

mahnukka321 | 0

#735156 - Thursday 24 December 2009 23:49

Did no one else realize that he said "I'll cost me more to get to work than I'll actually earn during the shift"?? I'll cost me more? no

Mustardnight | 3

#735362 - Friday 25 December 2009 2:04

I noticed it but since im not an english teacher, and i understood the point of the fml, i kept my fucking mouth shut about it. Well, until i saw your stupid comment that is.

bailo | 0

#735490 - Friday 25 December 2009 4:18

agree with #53. #44, no one cares.

153rdTrooper | 0

#850903 - Saturday 13 February 2010 5:41

I fuckin' hate Grammar Nazis, especially on the Internet because I can't punch them in the face.

reyemrein | 0

#879761 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:55

OPs name should be Tiny Tim

bfrench95 | 0

#1087800 - Wednesday 14 July 2010 7:54

fuck ur boss. no seriously fuck him and u can probably talk him into not making u work on christmas day.

notmrfreakster | 0

#1839925 - Monday 13 December 2010 21:49

Op fixed it.

By josh78 | 0

#734815 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:06

sick days???

By Bumlove89 | 0

#734819 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:07

Is there anyway you can talk to your manager about changing it? Surely, they're not that heartless. Or perhaps they are... happy holidays anyways. I'm working christmas as well. FML

By blalien | 0

#734829 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:10

What kind of boss informs you one day in advance that you'll be working on effing Christmas? You gotta quit that job, man.

By truth215 | 0

#734849 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:22

hey maybe you can call a friend to take you in

By nvenomous | 0

#734851 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:23

what the hell.
skip the days' work. :D

By monbon6788 | 0

#734860 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:26

dude, that just sucks. no way you deserved that.

By ensemble_coeur | 0

#734861 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:27

Isn't there some kind of law that says that you don't have to work on Christmas Day? I would look into that if I were you.

skylarbee | 8

#1693845 - Saturday 13 November 2010 15:17

you have to volunteer to work Christmas

By evangldbrg | 0

#734863 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:27

Yea, I've had to work Thanksgiving, Working today and tomorrow, New Years Eve, and New Years Day...luckily I got my sick days on handy for the remaining holidays.