Today, I'm on holiday, but my alarm clock isn't. It rang at 6...

By Fsd - France

Today, I'm on holiday, but my alarm clock isn't. It rang at 6 o'clock. FML

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Miscellaneous

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Messed up

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

By Bir - 8/12/2019 14:00 - Nepal

Early wake-up

Today, my nephew grabbed my balls to wake me up at 4 AM. FML

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By xxteenhearts - United States

Today, I seemingly misplaced my cell phone but didn't have time to look for it before work. This evening, my cell phone company calls me to tell me I have six hundred dollars worth of calls to El Salvador that I have to pay for. My cell phone was not misplaced, it was stolen. FML

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By pianoplayer - Canada - Mackenzie

Today, my neighbors called the police and said that they saw, through the window, a suspicious person in my house doing something to my piano. The "suspicious person" was me, in my own house, playing my own piano. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, while on the bus, a small child asked me if I was having a baby, and I replied "Yes." I'm not. I was just too ashamed to admit I was fat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking through the park eating fries. There was an old woman feeding a few pigeons. They didn't seem too interested, so I threw some fries down as I walked by to try and help her out. About 2 minutes later, I heard screaming. A huge group of pigeons were attacking the old woman. FML

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By the attention seeker - United States - North Miami Beach

Today my mother met my in-laws for the first time. She had been an alcoholic and had us sent to foster care 15 years ago. My husband told his parents this behind my back a while ago. When they asked her about it, she denied everything. His entire family now thinks I lie for attention. FML

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By angryman

Today, I was playing what became an extremely intense game of hide-and-seek with my best friend's sister. I finally found the perfect place, so I slid down into the bath and began to cover myself. She popped up out of nowhere and said, "FOUND YOU!" I got so scared that I punched her in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML

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By problems - Thailand - Phuket

Today, on my holiday in Thailand I was using the ATM to withdraw $500 worth of Baht. While doing this the ATM crashed and decided to restart. After 5 minutes it spat my card out and nothing else. When I returned to the hotel to use the Wifi, the ATM had deducted the money from my account. FML

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By Allabouttheporn

Today, at dinner, I was talking to my parents about a movie quote. I couldn't remember what movie it was from. Then I remembered. It was a porno. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the man of my dreams turned out to be the worst kisser I've ever encountered. I now have a huge hickey on my chin to remember the experience by. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mount Laurel

Today, I realized why I never hear my voice echoing when I sing to my boyfriend on Skype; he just mutes me. FML

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By Jason

Today, I found out that my best friend's dad used my internet connection to make threats online. I'm going to have to go to court for it. FML

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By blumaster04 - United States

Today, in an effort to repair our fake Christmas tree, my girlfriend succeeded in gluing it to the floor. I can't get it loose. FML

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By help - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was reading a newspaper at a bus stop when a creepy guy rested his chin on my shoulder and said, "I miss the good old days, when people would read newspapers together and it wasn't classed as weird." Then he walked away. FML

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By SaggyBoy135 - United States

Today, my dad thought it would be OK to make sound effects for everything he did, in a public park, with me tagging along behind. FML

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By Nastiaa - Estonia

Today, I was a host during kids' event. I did my job and started to do some funny moves to entertain the kids. I was wearing a top with a really low cut. Then noticed that all the children were pointing at me happily and adults looked surprised. Then I noticed that both my boobs had popped out. FML

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By yeah hun i think insects arent animals too - Germany - Leipzig

Today, I yet again had to pretend to be a dumb bimbo so that my boyfriend wouldn't get upset over the fact that, in some cases, I might be smarter than him. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you used black magic to fix their computer. Then don't tell the story to your boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML

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By razordot - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after complaining all my life that no one makes a decent can opener, I have realised that I have been using them the wrong way. I finally figured out that the cutting blade goes on the SIDE of the can not the TOP. I'm 57 years old. FML

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By huntbluntz95 - 18/11/2020 11:01

Cheapskate on the run

Today, I was at work at a coffee shop. We charge 50 cents every 15 minutes of use of our computers. An old man tried sneaking out without paying after being at a computer. As I was telling him to pay for his time, he threw a bagel at me and ran to his car. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, my kitchen is flooded, and according to my landlord, this is normal, because it rained last night. Funny, I thought the purpose of a roof was to stop water from getting in. Guess I was wrong. Silly me. FML

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47291

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By Nikki - United States

Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was hanging out with my brother and his friends. While we were walking to the store, there was a loud snap. Everyone jumped. My bra had snapped, and I had to hold back tears of pain and pretend I was just as confused as they were, while they searched for the source of the sound. FML

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By ronz

Today, I sneaked off work early. As I was in the elevator on the way down to leave, it stopped at my boss's floor, and he got in. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my family and I went Christmas tree shopping. My husband and I were walking around when I saw the perfect tree. Excited, we immediately bought it. When we got home and set it up, I realized it came with a present: termites. FML

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By laurenh211 - 17/11/2020 17:02 - United Kingdom

It was the painkillers, I swear

Today, my husband came home from the hospital after having painful surgery, so I decided to make him a nice big breakfast. As I was taking it up to him, I heard a message on the phone. It was from one of his nurses. She was accepting his offer of a date. FML

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By Lola

Today, my boyfriend bought us three kittens. Today, I also discovered that I am allergic to cats. My boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted the cats more than me. FML

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32688

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By food critic - Australia - Ryde

Today, I saw my girlfriend's mother tagged at a restaurant, the same one I had suggested we try earlier in the week. At the time, she quickly shut me down because "that place sounds terrible". I guess she forgot that she finally added me on Facebook. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while bringing boxes up from the basement, I noticed a few spider egg sacs had stuck to my shirt. As I desperately tried to remove them, they hatched. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents insisted that despite the fact I've just turned sixteen, I have to save them money by ordering from the children's menu, because I "still look like a twelve year old". FML

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33628

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By Alexea Luton

The eye of the beholder

Today, my boyfriend compared me to an unattractive actress. When I said it was sort of messed up to say that to me since she's not pretty, he said, "She's not as bad as you." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Drumheller

Today, while arguing with my newly ex-girlfriend over how she cheated on me with a mutual friend, she tried to wash her hands of any guilt, saying that I was "selfish" and "just slut-shaming, really". FML

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47004

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By Anonymous

Today, I was sick, and decided to work from home. After coding for a few hours, I took a break, and being home alone, I watched porn. A few minutes later, I received messages from my colleagues telling me to shut it down. I had forgotten I was working on teamviewer. FML

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2015

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By girlfromnowhere - United Arab Emirates

Today, my boss asked me to work over the entire weekend. That would be fine if I didn't already work a 60 hour week. He also said the extra hours on the weekend wouldn't be paid. FML

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23618

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By FromNL - Netherlands

Today, I got 2 creams for a skin condition. The one for my face says "Don't expose skin to sun after use of this product". The one for the rest of my body says "This product relies on exposure to the sun". In other words, I have to be outside as much as I can, naked and with a box on my head. FML

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By Krit - United States

Today, my drunk mother got into a fight with the lady at Krystal burger. Why? "Because the bitch said they aren't making special orders." FML

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By Anonymous - Portugal

Today, my demented little sister walked up to me and kicked me between the legs. I told my parents, but they just accusingly asked me what I did to provoke her. When I said "nothing", they accused me of lying. There is no justice. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

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Top comments

By _John_ | 0

#20530 - Sunday 8 March 2009 2:17

I actually sometimes do that deliberately, I love being able to turn my alarm clock off and just go back to sleep, it's the best feeling ever!

By 4st4nd4rd4th | 0

#46267 - Saturday 21 March 2009 0:45

Today, I wanted to wake up my favorite master in the world by alarming at 6 o' clock this morning. He hit me and I shut up. FML

COMMENTS

By Lotus_Eater | 0

#8576 - Friday 27 February 2009 13:08

Sucks, bro. Happened to me last vacation, lol.

By member0987654321 | 0

#13978 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 6:40

pshh happens to me like everyday, but my alarm clock is my fourteen year old sister.

By _John_ | 0

#20530 - Sunday 8 March 2009 2:17

I actually sometimes do that deliberately, I love being able to turn my alarm clock off and just go back to sleep, it's the best feeling ever!

jessicaislameee | 0

#521071 - Friday 28 August 2009 6:01

i know, i love waking up like at 2 and realizing i have a lot more time left to sleep :D

izzie321 | 27

#5708539 - Tuesday 8 October 2013 21:05

I thought I was the only one!!!

By bubblez77825 | 0

#32139 - Sunday 15 March 2009 1:56

so turn it off ? ...
but it happens sumtimes to me 2.

By 4st4nd4rd4th | 0

#46267 - Saturday 21 March 2009 0:45

Today, I wanted to wake up my favorite master in the world by alarming at 6 o' clock this morning. He hit me and I shut up. FML

jazzyjada10 | 6

#2599224 - Wednesday 1 June 2011 11:20

what r u a dog

By arienh4 | 0

#54620 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 5:58

Am I the only one that gets up early on weekends?

cheyAnn | 0

#2453368 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 19:31

apparently.

tencalories | 3

#2486603 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 3:18

no I just can't sleep
in anymore.

DEATHLORD_fml | 16

#6366748 - Friday 31 July 2015 0:57

Nope

By ilybaby1616 | 0

#67744 - Sunday 29 March 2009 20:20

so turn it off....?? not really the end of the world there

By xMooMoox | 0

#72823 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 19:57

Wow FYL you got woken up because YOU forgot to turn your alarm off. Gee its not your fault.

By SiLveRStaRLIGHT | 0

#77768 - Thursday 2 April 2009 21:49

I wake up at 9:30AM on weekends, 5:30AM for school days.
You really should have shut your alarm off if you intended to sleep in.

By rxxk | 0

#84992 - Sunday 5 April 2009 21:53

Did you know you have the power to turn off alarms?