Miscellaneous: Today, I'm on holiday, but my alarm clock isn't. It rang at 6...

By Fsd - France

Today, I'm on holiday, but my alarm clock isn't. It rang at 6 o'clock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14303

You deserved it

46960

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Family values

BO Central

Ideal first date

By dsbass09 - United States

Today, after 8 years in exceptionally difficult veterinarian classes which put me $200,000 in debt, and 7 months of job searching, I finally got a job. I will be inspecting feces for worms while making minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38777

You deserved it

5552

Favorite

By John - United States

Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30038

You deserved it

50448

Favorite

By OutOfMyMind - United States - Port Richey

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35801

You deserved it

12024

Favorite

By jeanstein

Today, I got a call from this drunk man, asking for Celeste. Since I don't know any Celestes, I told him that he had the wrong number. He kept calling for her. Apparently he can't take a hint that she didn't give him her real number, and I get to deal with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34444

You deserved it

3181

Favorite

By Seanzy - United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on forever asked me why the pin on my Letterman jacket had two guys doing it. I told her it was for participating in a wrestling tournament. And she responded, "Oh I thought you were finally coming out of the closet!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

64863

You deserved it

6831

Favorite

By megaladon - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around. When he slipped his hand down my pants, he scratched my pubic hair and said "scruffy, scruffy, scruffy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34738

You deserved it

37315

Favorite

By uselessdad - Singapore

Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58913

You deserved it

8496

Favorite

By - France

Today, I scratched my cornea and have to wear a large bandage covering my eye. I'm off today, but I'll probably have to wear it to school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27975

You deserved it

5946

Favorite

By KalaKa - United States

Today, I sent my girlfriend a long-overdue message telling her I feel like she doesn't really care about me any more, that it seems like she only ever calls me when she needs money, and that I'm even starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. 14 hours later, she replied: "TL;DR". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31858

You deserved it

3766

Favorite

By thanks a lot mom - United States - Sloughhouse

Today, my mom and I went to exchange a massive stuffed animal, which was meant for my niece. I was carrying it when I saw a really hot guy looking at me funny. My mom snickered and told him that I never go anywhere without "George". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35050

You deserved it

3389

Favorite

By Deweyboy

Today, since I needed someone to talk to about it, I told my girlfriend how my dad was recently diagnosed with diabetes. My girlfriend's mother then told me, in graphic detail, how her father's diabetes led to his toes being hacked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9675

You deserved it

714

Favorite

By lonely - United Kingdom

Today, I was excited about being set up on a blind date by one of my new co-workers. It turns out the guy she thought would be a "totally perfect match" for me is the ex who cheated on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39588

You deserved it

3546

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Congleton

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house at 9am to surprise him on our 1 year anniversary. In the process, I gatecrashed another celebration he was having with his second girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63743

You deserved it

4564

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to chase my dog all the way down the street, watching in horror as she proudly showed all of my neighbors my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32749

You deserved it

5919

Favorite

By AllergyRidden - United States

Today, my Mom and I found out that we're allergic to the wood my Dad has been making fires with. She can't see, I can't breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29566

You deserved it

2287

Favorite

By shit - United States

Today, I found my drunken roommate asleep in my bed, naked, after he'd peed himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29119

You deserved it

1892

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was fitting an elderly gentleman for a suit, he muttered all too loudly that he'd give his left nut for a reacharound. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19913

You deserved it

1412

Favorite

By seamonkeys - United States

Today, a pregnant friend who is due in 2 weeks posted a picture of a baby on Facebook. I commented congratulations. She's still pregnant. It was a picture of her baby who died 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55222

You deserved it

13040

Favorite

Fact of scratching

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3246

You deserved it

278

Favorite

By Lord Buttfuck IV - France

Today, my mum took away my laptop and my phone and won't let me call, text, or go out with friends for one month. Why? I left the toilet seat up. I'm writing this from a public library. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26663

You deserved it

3737

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Sounds healthy

Today, a girl that I've been falling for told me that she's married. But not to worry, that "won't get in the way of 'us'." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1632

You deserved it

131

Favorite

By surprise - United States

Today, I was getting ready to go to a surprise party I'd planned for my best friend. All was going well on the discretion part until I logged onto Facebook. I saw that my sister had set her status to, "At Natalie's surprise party! BBL!" Natalie had liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34055

You deserved it

3272

Favorite

By finalfantasy - United States - Aurora

Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3735

You deserved it

245

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/1/2021 13:59

Check these out, guys!

Today, instead of forwarding my male boss my Covid screening results, I sent him and the entire leadership team an email offer for testosterone boosters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

312

You deserved it

663

Favorite

By Anonymous

Worth it.

Today, my now ex-boyfriend told me the only reason he has stayed with me for the last 6 months is because of the Netflix account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3861

You deserved it

360

Favorite

By murphy - United States

Today, though I'm normally unperturbed by my single-ness, I walked by some squirrels engaged in mating rituals and felt a pang of jealousy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34335

You deserved it

4093

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Bellingham

Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen for my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7538

You deserved it

58869

Favorite

By cogu - France

Today, I realized my girlfriend has more hair on her abdomen than I have on mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30123

You deserved it

6511

Favorite

By lisa - United States

Today, my recently married friend took off her wedding ring to make bread. Being single and pathetic, I tried it on to see what it would look like. It got stuck on my finger. The ER doctor had to cut it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12434

You deserved it

51575

Favorite

By Hreyes - United States

Today, I overheard my boss stressing out over finding a replacement for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29400

You deserved it

2135

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Cloquet

Today, my shitburglar of an ex asked me to take him back. He said dumping me was a huge mistake. He dumped me because I was bed-ridden for several weeks and was in no condition to have sex. If his social media is anything to go by, he only wants me back because he couldn't get laid elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23189

You deserved it

1549

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/9/2020 14:01

America's Funniest Home Videos

Today, I found out that a guy who works overnights had secretly been videotaping me singing and dancing to my favorite songs while I worked my own graveyard shift. My new nickname at work is 'Prancy'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1122

You deserved it

248

Favorite

By omfgnooo - United States

Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17785

You deserved it

54635

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, I was on the internet with my Dad looking up information about allergies. I began to type 'allergies' into the Google Search Box and as I typed 'a', the phrase 'amazing sex positions' popped up as a search I had already looked up. My Dad asked me if any of the positions worked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15811

You deserved it

48511

Favorite

By jace17 - United States

Today, my parents threw out the beautiful birthday cake my aunt made me, and served celery sticks at my party because I need to "watch my weight." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39878

You deserved it

6280

Favorite

By unfucked - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, my girlfriend and I reconciled after having a huge fight last week. We went out drinking, and things got pretty intense, so we went back to my place. We made it to the bedroom, but somewhere between her taking off my shirt and me taking off her pants, we both passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24854

You deserved it

13671

Favorite

By cleb

Today, I found out that the seeds of the Cherimoya fruit are toxic. I found out by eating the entire fruit, including all seeds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3333

You deserved it

986

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I was walking to the store when I ran into one of my friends. He said he heard about my bike being stolen the day before, and that whoever took it was a heartless dick. I hadn't told anyone about the theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47167

You deserved it

3205

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got a reply to my Valentine's Day card that I sent to my girlfriend. I'll get the address right next time because her neighbor is really creeping me out now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11027

You deserved it

23606

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, like every other day at work, I had to listen to people talk about being addicted to sex. I have to treat people for addiction to something I've never even had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34237

You deserved it

5304

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By _John_ | 0

#20530 - Sunday 8 March 2009 2:17

I actually sometimes do that deliberately, I love being able to turn my alarm clock off and just go back to sleep, it's the best feeling ever!

By 4st4nd4rd4th | 0

#46267 - Saturday 21 March 2009 0:45

Today, I wanted to wake up my favorite master in the world by alarming at 6 o' clock this morning. He hit me and I shut up. FML

COMMENTS

By Lotus_Eater | 0

#8576 - Friday 27 February 2009 13:08

Sucks, bro. Happened to me last vacation, lol.

By member0987654321 | 0

#13978 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 6:40

pshh happens to me like everyday, but my alarm clock is my fourteen year old sister.

By _John_ | 0

#20530 - Sunday 8 March 2009 2:17

I actually sometimes do that deliberately, I love being able to turn my alarm clock off and just go back to sleep, it's the best feeling ever!

jessicaislameee | 0

#521071 - Friday 28 August 2009 6:01

i know, i love waking up like at 2 and realizing i have a lot more time left to sleep :D

izzie321 | 27

#5708539 - Tuesday 8 October 2013 21:05

I thought I was the only one!!!

By bubblez77825 | 0

#32139 - Sunday 15 March 2009 1:56

so turn it off ? ...
but it happens sumtimes to me 2.

By 4st4nd4rd4th | 0

#46267 - Saturday 21 March 2009 0:45

Today, I wanted to wake up my favorite master in the world by alarming at 6 o' clock this morning. He hit me and I shut up. FML

jazzyjada10 | 6

#2599224 - Wednesday 1 June 2011 11:20

what r u a dog

By arienh4 | 0

#54620 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 5:58

Am I the only one that gets up early on weekends?

cheyAnn | 0

#2453368 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 19:31

apparently.

tencalories | 3

#2486603 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 3:18

no I just can't sleep
in anymore.

DEATHLORD_fml | 16

#6366748 - Friday 31 July 2015 0:57

Nope

By ilybaby1616 | 0

#67744 - Sunday 29 March 2009 20:20

so turn it off....?? not really the end of the world there

By xMooMoox | 0

#72823 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 19:57

Wow FYL you got woken up because YOU forgot to turn your alarm off. Gee its not your fault.

By SiLveRStaRLIGHT | 0

#77768 - Thursday 2 April 2009 21:49

I wake up at 9:30AM on weekends, 5:30AM for school days.
You really should have shut your alarm off if you intended to sleep in.

By rxxk | 0

#84992 - Sunday 5 April 2009 21:53

Did you know you have the power to turn off alarms?