Today, I'm on holiday, but my alarm clock isn't. It rang at 6...

By Fsd - 5/11/2008 07:35 - France

Today, I'm on holiday, but my alarm clock isn't. It rang at 6 o'clock. FML

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Miscellaneous

White line fever

Relationships sink

Ghosted

By Anonymous - 30/8/2014 23:11 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend was entertaining himself by shoving tampons up his nose and seeing how far across the bed he could blow them. This man is the father of my son. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 13:17 - United States - Gadsden

Today, I accidentally Googled "best types of incest" instead of "best types of incense" on the family computer. The parental controls went nuts. I'm now grounded, and my parents are convinced I need psychiatric help. FML

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By 20singleandproudish - 23/10/2014 05:18 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, my younger brother helpfully pointed out that I'm the only one in my family of five who is single. He's twelve. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2016 21:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to my roommate's friend rustling in the attic without permission to be there. When I asked how he got in with all doors and windows locked, he simply said, "It's a secret." FML

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By lonely - 31/7/2019 02:00

Today, not only can I not get a real boyfriend, I can't even get one on the Sims. FML

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By Jokkim - 20/6/2016 18:24 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I found out I got a 97 on my physics final exam. I was curious about the question I missed, so I went up to my teacher and asked. He was very confused and checked my grade again before telling me, "Oh my bad, it was meant to be a 79." FML

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By Female - 22/1/2013 23:16 - Australia - Elsternwick

Today, the police arrived at my door, telling me my child had been caught vandalizing. A boy who looked about 15 hugged me and said, "Hey, mum". I'm only 26 years old and had never seen this boy in my life. FML

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By blah - 1/2/2010 06:43 - France

Today, it's officially been two weeks since I found out I have mono. It's also been two weeks since anyone has visited me, called me, or even emailed me. The real kicker? I'm now fired from my job because they can't believe I can have mono twice in one year. I guess I'm just lucky that way. FML

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By that violates the Geneva conventions - 5/8/2016 09:33 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my boss ordered me to read the Twilight series in order to determine if they are "appropriate" for his daughter to read. I'm a 25-year-old bank teller, and I definitely don't remember this in my job description. FML

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By xomelodygervais - 8/11/2013 14:00 - Canada - Timmins

Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML

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By ziatenaj - 15/10/2010 10:52 - United States

Today, at work, I was trying to repeat an order back to this guy, when his drunk girlfriend started to interrupt me. Whenever I would open my mouth, she would say "Blah blah blah." Literally. Eventually, I gave up. I got his order wrong, and got yelled at by my manager for not repeating his order. FML

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By stupidteacher - 5/7/2016 15:02 - China - Guiyang

Today, I gave a presentation in class. I felt pretty good about it, until afterwards when I was told I lost points for communication because I'd been chewing gum. I wasn't, I just have a speech impediment. FML

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By catgirl911 - 13/10/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML

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By jobless - 1/12/2015 04:01 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, HR sent a review email to me asking me to anonymously tell them about my boss. I decided to use this opportunity to tell them what a dick he was. I printed off the review, filled it out, then scanned and emailed it to myself. Or so I thought. Turns out I'd sent the review to my boss. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2009 20:54 - United Kingdom

Today, my dog died. I spent ages digging him a grave and buried him in the garden so that my dad wouldn't have to deal with the stress when he got home from work. When my dad got home he told me that he had wanted the dog to be cremated. I have just had to dig up my dog's body. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 01:31 - United States

Today, there was an animal rummaging around in my trashcan, so I kicked the trashcan to see what it was. The fox then chased me for three blocks to find out what I was. FML

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By Joel_28 - 1/3/2010 00:33 - Canada

Today, I went to the physician to check my rear because it was hurting. My usual doctor wasn't available, so he was replaced by a gorgeous woman with big cleavage. when she asked me to pull down my pants, she saw that I had a huge hard on. FML

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By cul8erqtpie20 - 3/1/2012 16:35 - United States

Today, I found out my roomie has lost her only source of income. This means I'm responsible for all the bills and the rent. I would kick her out and get someone else, but she's my mother. FML

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By helosthisshit - 1/11/2014 14:26 - United Kingdom - Linlithgow

Today, I went to a Halloween party with people from work. As the night passed, my boss got hammered and started throwing food at people. It was fun and games until I accidentally spilled his 10th beer. His response? To slam a hollowed out pumpkin full of chocolate mousse over my head. FML

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By Danana - 26/1/2009 21:08 - Canada

Today, one of the kids I was babysitting tried to hard boil eggs using the microwave. You cannot hard boil eggs using the microwave. It makes a mess. This we have learned. FML

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By IceMage - 18/1/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML

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By sacked - 22/2/2010 19:51 - United States

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

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By GrandmaShakers - 2/6/2010 23:00 - United States

Today, my grandmother bought a Shakeweight, an exercise tool which, basically, simulates a hand-job to tone arm fat. I get to watch my Grandmother do this motion for 6 minutes every day. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2011 19:55 - United States

Today, I accidentally said, "Bye, love you," to a co-worker as I clocked out. Before I made it home, I had six missed calls and a long text from my co-worker professing her love to me. FML

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By ninja_blasphemer - 25/7/2011 19:24 - Ireland

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy I met online. He was drunk when I got there. Within the first 10 minutes, he had told me I was "like Hitler but with boobs", and I was "offensive to the ninja community." Then he said I just wasn't all he had hoped for and left. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2013 18:39 - United States - Noblesville

Today, I ran out of clean boxers. Thinking nobody would find out, I snatched a pair of my wife's panties. Later, we had a cook out for my birthday, where some of my old pals thought it would be funny to pants me. FML

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By ChocoMilkManG - 3/7/2009 01:37 - United States

Today, I found some Nesquick Chocolate Milk mix in my pantry which sounded good. While making a glass, I got angry because not all of the mix would disolve. Frustrated, I downed the drink. When I finished I looked in the glass and realized the mix that wouldn't disolve was actually tiny ants. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2015 03:25 - United States - Waterford

Today, my friend offered to make me a playlist for the gym. I thought it was really thoughtful, until I started listening to it during my workout and realized that every single song was "Supersize Me" with the title changed. FML

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By skrumpp - 20/3/2014 16:15

Today, I had a text message when I woke up. I was excited as I usually don't get texts from people. Turns out it was from T-Mobile. They text me more than actual people do. FML

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By Planes, Trains and Automobiles - 15/6/2017 16:00

Today, my boss selected me to be the company representative at an important meeting in Portland with one of our biggest clients. I was thrilled, until I realized he hadn't said anything about my plane ticket or hotel reservation. He later told me that I'll need to acquire those things myself. FML

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By chickenshit4 - 15/5/2016 00:57 - United States - Pine Ridge

Today, my 43 year old mother came home covered in hickeys. FML

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By None - 8/2/2009 17:18 - United States

Today, I auditioned for the musical at my school. Before I sang my song, I gave my music to the director. She said "Oh, I love this song!". After I sang it, she told me, "Its okay, I still like the song." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2012 20:38 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's senior employees. The moment I stood up, I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart that lasted a good two or three seconds. When I tried to utter an apology, I clammed up and let out a whiny grunt. They were not amused. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 17:31 - United States

Today, I camped outside of a Best Buy to guarantee I'd get a cheap Blu Ray player. My friend who got there five minutes after they opened also managed to get one. FML

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By jojo - 6/5/2009 19:11 - United States

Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad. I decided to speed to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML

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By Sudoc - 3/12/2017 05:00

Working too hard!

Today, after spending 6 hours straight working on a project at school, I decided to call it a night. The instant I set foot out of the lab, the building started screaming. The maintenance guy had set the alarm without telling me. The police had to let me out. FML

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By Sarahfizzeller - 26/5/2010 20:13 - United States

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is moving out to California to be with a girl he met while on Chatroulette. We broke up because he thought we were moving too fast. FML

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By GoldenTornado11 - 10/5/2017 14:00

Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML

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By chynna - 6/8/2014 21:35 - United States - Evansville

Today, I paid $325 to have the vet tell me that my 19-year-old cat ISN'T dying, she just had anxiety shits because we were gone on vacation for so long. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2009 19:03 - United States

Today, I was turned down for a job as a cashier at Best Buy. I worked like hell to get into and then graduate from one of the top Telecommunication schools in the country. I spent all my time with extracurriculars to help my resume instead of partying like my friends. I can't even be a cashier. FML

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Top comments

By _John_ | 0

#20530 - Sunday 8 March 2009 2:17

I actually sometimes do that deliberately, I love being able to turn my alarm clock off and just go back to sleep, it's the best feeling ever!

By 4st4nd4rd4th | 0

#46267 - Saturday 21 March 2009 0:45

Today, I wanted to wake up my favorite master in the world by alarming at 6 o' clock this morning. He hit me and I shut up. FML

Comments

By Lotus_Eater | 0

#8576 - Friday 27 February 2009 13:08

Sucks, bro. Happened to me last vacation, lol.

By member0987654321 | 0

#13978 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 6:40

pshh happens to me like everyday, but my alarm clock is my fourteen year old sister.

By _John_ | 0

#20530 - Sunday 8 March 2009 2:17

I actually sometimes do that deliberately, I love being able to turn my alarm clock off and just go back to sleep, it's the best feeling ever!

jessicaislameee | 0

#521071 - Friday 28 August 2009 6:01

i know, i love waking up like at 2 and realizing i have a lot more time left to sleep :D

izzie321 | 27

#5708539 - Tuesday 8 October 2013 21:05

I thought I was the only one!!!

By bubblez77825 | 0

#32139 - Sunday 15 March 2009 1:56

so turn it off ? ...
but it happens sumtimes to me 2.

By 4st4nd4rd4th | 0

#46267 - Saturday 21 March 2009 0:45

Today, I wanted to wake up my favorite master in the world by alarming at 6 o' clock this morning. He hit me and I shut up. FML

jazzyjada10 | 6

#2599224 - Wednesday 1 June 2011 11:20

what r u a dog

By arienh4 | 0

#54620 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 5:58

Am I the only one that gets up early on weekends?

cheyAnn | 0

#2453368 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 19:31

apparently.

tencalories | 3

#2486603 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 3:18

no I just can't sleep
in anymore.

DEATHLORD_fml | 16

#6366748 - Friday 31 July 2015 0:57

Nope

By ilybaby1616 | 0

#67744 - Sunday 29 March 2009 20:20

so turn it off....?? not really the end of the world there

By xMooMoox | 0

#72823 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 19:57

Wow FYL you got woken up because YOU forgot to turn your alarm off. Gee its not your fault.

By SiLveRStaRLIGHT | 0

#77768 - Thursday 2 April 2009 21:49

I wake up at 9:30AM on weekends, 5:30AM for school days.
You really should have shut your alarm off if you intended to sleep in.

By rxxk | 0

#84992 - Sunday 5 April 2009 21:53

Did you know you have the power to turn off alarms?