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OP here. The person that told me that is was 'strange' is a friend of mine, so I dont think it was him. I didnt switch pockets because of his comment, but I just wanted to change it up a bit. Another friend found my wallet and returned it. I'm 15, so I don't have any money anyways...

By Anonymous - 10/05/2009 20:36 - United States

Today, I got stopped for shoplifting at a department store. They took me back to the security room and showed me the tapes. I was taking my own designer lipgloss that I had bought a month before out of my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 268

You deserved it 4 348

By really? - 28/05/2013 08:09 - United States - Highland

Today, I was stuck home with a cold when my boyfriend's best friend sent me a text saying, "You doing alright?" I replied, thinking he was talking about my health. He replied, "I'm surprised you're taking the breakup so well." What breakup? Mine. He was ten minutes too soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 797

You deserved it 3 460

Foul

By cdubb27 - 11/10/2010 06:00 - United States

Today, while at the gym, I noticed a foul smell while on elliptical machine. I figured it was the little old lady on the machine next to me. It was so bad I had to leave. When I got in my truck, I realized the smell had followed me. It was me. My cat had pissed on my workout clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 142

You deserved it 9 052

By good husband - 30/04/2013 16:03 - Canada

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 875

You deserved it 4 634

By ineedaraise - 15/07/2015 01:04 - Canada - London

Today, after nearly two months of working at my new job, one of my co-workers finally explained to me that the list of tasks that our boss gives me every day are actually HER duties, and as I complete them, she just sits in her office and watches Netflix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 723

You deserved it 2 321

By SadFace - 21/02/2013 13:04 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I realized my acne is so bad that the Facebook face recognition could recognize all of my friends in a group photo except me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 856

You deserved it 3 964

By You Are My Sunshine - 24/02/2014 04:18 - United States - Moreno Valley

Today, a guy from work that I barely know gave me sunflowers for my birthday. He told me, "You mentioned they were your favorite." I mentioned it to my family at home a few days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 220

You deserved it 4 571

Please don't!

By Alone - 28/12/2012 05:24 - United States

Today, a girl mistook me for her boyfriend and broke up with me because I'm "a liar and a cheating bastard." I've never seen her in my life, but I'm so lonely that I tried to convince her to give me another chance and stay with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 537

You deserved it 8 938

Emo phase

By Anizzaf - 27/01/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I picked up my cat and he went wild because I didn't know he was sleeping. I ended with with several cuts, and one on my wrist. Later, a kid in my high school saw my wrist and told my guidance counselor, who told my parents. Now everyone thinks I'm either a liar, attention whore, or emo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 272

You deserved it 3 148

By ... - 02/01/2012 06:45 - United States

Today, I found out that, after offering to fill out my student aid application for me, my mother sent all of my personal information to a scam site instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 952

You deserved it 4 433

By lifelike - 29/10/2012 04:23 - United States - Oroville

Today, after weeks of wondering if my cat has a fetish for licking my bed covers, I finally witnessed him licking up an ant off of the covers. Turns out that my bed is infested with ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 879

You deserved it 5 387

By kewlcat - 16/07/2009 06:30 - Canada

Today, my friend put a bunch of cheetos all over me at the beach while I was taking a nap. Next thing I know I'm being woken up by a bunch of seagulls attacking me. One pooped in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 695

You deserved it 4 988

kewlcat tells us more.

kewlcat 0

Thursday 16 July 2009 22:35

ok , first of all, its not fake. second of all, i was actually sleeping, more just like, resting, with my eyes closed. also, i live in vancouver which is just above seattle, so we have beaches and we dont get snow. aaand yes it is really funny to see, just make sure you don't let them get you back ;)

You tried

By briiiiiiii123 - 12/01/2015 07:56 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 508

You deserved it 7 765

By mandie - 13/11/2011 17:10 - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend of six months over to meet my family. When my grandpa saw her, he said, "What a waste of good breeding stock." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 473

You deserved it 2 543

Understanding

By Chia - 10/05/2013 22:58 - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I cancelled our date tonight. I cancelled because I had a seizure and was taken to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 058

You deserved it 3 675

Don't do this at work

By Lastsecondstand - 06/04/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I jokingly went over to a an attractive female co-worker and said, "You look like you need a hug". She told me she wasn't feeling well and didn't want to be touched. No more than 30 seconds after our encounter, she ran to give one of our more attractive male co-workers a hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 397

You deserved it 11 287

By Matt - 29/08/2010 04:53 - Canada

Today, I took my date out for dinner to a seafood restaurant and she ordered expensive prawns. Later, when we had sex, she started to complain about her stomach hurting and then had diarrhea for hours. Great job prawns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 825

You deserved it 5 051

By full moon - 08/09/2016 02:37 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, it was the first day of school, and I split my pants. In a full class. While on a stage. I'm the teacher, and I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 997

You deserved it 9 043

By IMayBeAFool - 13/10/2009 06:38 - United States

Today, after I'd spent $3,000 dollars in preparations to move in with my girlfriend of 2 and 1/2 years, she confessed she's a mental patient who stole someone else's identity. She was telling the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 288

You deserved it 3 815

By anniemonkat - 13/07/2015 06:22 - United States - Bucyrus

Today, I finally got up the courage to quit my first job. I spent hours determining the most professional way; the method, and the wording I would use. In the middle of the phone call, my manager hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 367

You deserved it 3 589

anniemonkat tells us more.

anniemonkat 6

Tuesday 14 July 2015 0:46

OP here. Yes, a letter would have been better, but I was scheduled for a shift that I couldn't make it to, due to having two jobs and time was of the essence. If I called off of my shift, I was afraid I would be fired. Furthermore, they would not let me find someone else to cover my shift, believe me, I tried. The shifts would not have coincided if either place would give me a schedule. But they wouldn't. Work was also closed, so I couldn't go in person to explain. I gave as much notice to my manager as I possibly could by calling. I had no contact information other than the store's phone number that I found online. At the time of the phone call, I was TRYING to give my 2 weeks notice but the manager hung up before I could. Oh well.

By CoalRose - 11/07/2015 07:56 - United States

Today, I got a nose piercing. I was asleep at the time in my backyard, and the piercer was a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 716

You deserved it 2 976

CoalRose tells us more.

CoalRose 16

Sunday 12 July 2015 20:21

Hey guys! OP here. Wasn't expecting this to post, so this was a pleasant surprise! Just made an account to give the follow up. :) The weather was really nice so I had decided to go out in the back to read and get some sun. Somewhere between reading and laying down I fell asleep. I'm not sure what really happened, but I'm assuming I startled it with a snore or batted at it in my sleep, because the next think I knew I woke up with searing pain in my nose and staring face to face with a snake. I'm fine, luckily, as the snake was just your household garden/garter snake! Unfortunately the piercing, bite, whatever you would like to call it is too off center to wear. :( But yeah! All your comments & puns have been his hilarious so far.