Miscellaneous: Today, I was naked in bed. I was eating vanilla yogurt and it... - FML

By stellarshaun - United States

Today, I was naked in bed. I was eating vanilla yogurt and it spilt. My dad walked in and then apologized that he had walked in on me while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25191

You deserved it

10828

Tweet

Share

The smell detective is on the case

Innocent

Mr. Burns

By tommyboy783 - United States

Today, this weird girl started texting me. I really didn't want to talk to her, so I texted back, "This message could not be delivered because of a temporery network setup error. Error 2128-226110." She replied, "You spelt temporary wrong." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12044

You deserved it

66182

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I got my septum piercing stuck in a bag of cinnamon pine cones at Target. My boyfriend was wearing a red shirt with khaki pants, so all the other shoppers thought I had to call a Target employee over to "cut" me out of the bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2665

You deserved it

1471

Tweet

Share

By M - United Kingdom

Today, I went back to the key cutter for the second time because apartment key I gave to my boyfriend didn't work. The man cut me another key and apologised profusely. When I got home and tried the key, it didn't work. I realised I'd asked him to copy the wrong key. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9046

You deserved it

43265

Tweet

Share

By loser - United States

Today, my fiancée broke up with me. Via a myspace message. While we were in the same apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

367533

You deserved it

32595

Tweet

Share

By

Today, my bird learned how to mimic the fire alarm after my dad has been testing them for the last few months. He now enjoys sounding like a fire alarm anytime I turn the lights off with the other bird joining in. They live in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1921

You deserved it

256

Tweet

Share

By tortureromoretorture - United States - West Islip

Today, after twelve straight hours of work, my fourteen year old son surprised me with a broken window and a cracked TV. He said, "I was swatting away a fly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23190

You deserved it

1663

Tweet

Share

By whyme - United States

Today, my mother screamed and swore at me because I said I was looking to move out soon. Apparently, the idea of me moving out at 27 and her getting a job to pay her own way is devastating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32254

You deserved it

2956

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while emailing my very young, attractive teacher to ask a question, my hand slipped. Too bad you can't unsend emails that say "Can we meet after school some time? I have some thongs I'd like to discuss with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42246

You deserved it

11467

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - El Cajon

Today, before leaving my house, I OCD-checked all of my doors 16 times to make sure that they were locked. When I got home, my house had been broken into. Turns out I accidentally unlocked my front door when trying to lock it for the last time. This is why I have OCD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25821

You deserved it

10535

Tweet

Share

By Minabee - United States

Today, I am meeting my boyfriend's very conservative parents for the first time, so I decided to dress appropriately and curl my hair to match. In so doing, I accidentally touched the iron to my neck, and now I have a burn there that closely resembles a hickey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31899

You deserved it

4866

Tweet

Share

By Anon - Australia - Perth

Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46537

You deserved it

20192

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I helped a nice middle-aged lady pick out a sweater. She then opened her changing room door to ask for my opinion. I still don't understand why she had to take everything else off to try on a sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54074

You deserved it

4850

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Hungary - Budapest

Today, my mom heard on TV that teens need at least ten hours of sleep a day. Now she makes me go to bed at 7pm. I told her I can't finish my homework in time, and my grades will suffer. She wouldn't listen. Last week, she threatened to punish me if I don't get straight As this semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29679

You deserved it

1972

Tweet

Share

By "Noelle Diane Irwin"

Today, I just found out that my sister slept with the guy that I have had a crush on for years and that she may or may not be pregnant with his child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2245

You deserved it

259

Tweet

Share

By deliveryboy - China

Today, I was told that I was an idiot by a little girl because I didn't deliver a pizza to her house fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29638

You deserved it

8837

Tweet

Share

By Satan'sChildren - United States - Oak Creek

Kids…

Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45488

You deserved it

3243

Tweet

Share

By fmlsrslyahhh - Singapore

Today, I picked up a lady's dropped wallet and chased after her despite my sprained ankle. When I finally caught up with her, she smashed her chili sauce filled hotdog across my face and kicked me in the groin, accusing me of stealing her wallet. I was kept at the police station for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39431

You deserved it

3005

Tweet

Share

By CC - Sweden

Today, I met an old friend, with whom I have a complicated history and we hooked up. He came before we even started. In his sleep, he pushed me out of the bed. When I woke up, he had peed himself in his sleep. Glad I let that ship sail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20747

You deserved it

24889

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was hot out, so I opted to stay cool and wear my bathing suit all day. My mom took it as me rubbing in the fact that I'm thinner than her and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40772

You deserved it

5633

Tweet

Share

By Shitsuo01 - United States - Douglasville

Today, I noticed a small bite on my arm. I couldn't figure out what it came from until I saw a small insect crawling out of my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4311

You deserved it

363

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/10/2020 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

Anonymous's next job could be in cyber (she just doesn't know it yet)

Today, my doctor told me the severe hearing damage from my car accident is permanent. I just graduated with a degree for Interpreting and Translating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1537

You deserved it

104

Tweet

Share

By cerulean

Today, a nurse berated me for not being able to lift my leg myself so she could put a cast on. My leg is broken in two places. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4340

You deserved it

267

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Freak out!

Today, I woke up with a high fever. My two year-old decided today was the day she would have one of the largest tantrums she’s ever had and threw yogurt all over the newly-refinished floor, my fiancé, myself and our cat Sebastian. Sebastian was not impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1389

You deserved it

170

Tweet

Share

By CreepedOut - United States

Today, I decided to try something new and sign up for an online dating service, since I can't meet a decent guy in person. The first guy I talked to told me he used to be in a mental hospital for obsessing over a girl, then told me he would be dreaming of me that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35514

You deserved it

7904

Tweet

Share

By idontwanttoknow - United States

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66938

You deserved it

6874

Tweet

Share

By wheezy - United States - Bay Springs

Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42827

You deserved it

4195

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Bend

Today, feeling too lazy to cook dinner, I bought a bagged salad from a low-end store. I dumped the contents into a bowl; the first thing that fell out was a dead mouse. Bon appetit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47411

You deserved it

6828

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's work to surprise him by speaking in Spanish, his first language. I've been taking classes secretly. He smiled, kissed me, and then finished telling his friend, in Spanish, that I'm boring and ugly but he's got nothing better going on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

119000

You deserved it

6399

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at work in the service department of a car dealership, I sat in the driver seat of an old man's car to get the mileage. He'd just pissed in the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31338

You deserved it

2640

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that her mom doesn't give us any privacy when we're at their place. I suggested that we go to my place for a change, and she agreed. Her mom called my house three times to see what we were doing. We're well beyond teenagers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48809

You deserved it

3907

Tweet

Share

By ddll - Singapore

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She responded by sitting on the floor, crying like a baby and screaming "WHY?" at strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32211

You deserved it

12290

Tweet

Share

By nicholascageonyourface - United States - Papillion

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62312

You deserved it

5128

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/2/2021 00:30

Backstabbing

Today, I was chilling with my best friend and suddenly I got a text from my ex saying he wanted me back. My best friend saw the text and said, "Don't go back with him, you deserve better." I wanted to go back with him but I didn't. Later, I saw them hanging out and turns out they're dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1130

You deserved it

107

Tweet

Share

By BobbyHutchinson - Australia

Today, some thug tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves and told a cop that I did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59750

You deserved it

2825

Tweet

Share

By DDubs - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that I have fallen for the most amazing girl. She's good looking, has a great personality, she's funny and is a hit with all my friends but she doesn't seem to realise she has a body odor problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31787

You deserved it

6152

Tweet

Share

By _sourdiesel7 - United States - Vienna

Today, I was at work training for a new position. The girl who's been training me since I started decided to share about one of her tribe's proud, sacred traditions of eating raw, human flesh. I have another month shadowing her before I can work independently. I'm beyond disturbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9351

You deserved it

815

Tweet

Share

By SkeetinKeaton - United States

Today, I let my step-father know exactly what I thought of him. After a few moments of awkward silence, he leaned towards me and quietly whispered, "Well you're adopted. Your parents never loved you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

58936

You deserved it

14474

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Weaponised chocolate

Today, I was doing photography, and decided to climb onto the roof of a building to photograph the city. I dropped a square of chocolate over the edge just to appreciate the height. Apparently, somebody saw me. I was arrested and am now being charged for trespassing and firing missiles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18053

You deserved it

28083

Tweet

Share

By booksandshadows - United States - San Diego

Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44608

You deserved it

12598

Tweet

Share

By tahneee

Today, I went to a function with my dad for a football team. Handing my dad the camera, I finally worked up the courage to ask for a photo with my favourite player. The guy was looking at my boobs in all three photo attempts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1654

You deserved it

206

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By alpuppy | 0

#35 - Tuesday 3 February 2009 13:34

It could've been worse, you could have been wiped it off with your finger and put it in your mouth as he walked in.

By Haelous | 0

#1315 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 15:41

In the future, do not have your schwarz out while eating yogurt.

COMMENTS

By alpuppy | 0

#35 - Tuesday 3 February 2009 13:34

It could've been worse, you could have been wiped it off with your finger and put it in your mouth as he walked in.

Reply

rwac07 | 0

#968522 - Friday 26 March 2010 12:30

WTF wat were u doin naked if ur parents are around the house? and don't u have any covers?

Reply

wintamint101 | 7

#1024520 - Wednesday 9 June 2010 3:40

ya but that would've been worse...lying in bed naked sticking a finger in your mouth...im sorry but it doedn't seem any better

Reply

ronton | 4

#1027033 - Friday 11 June 2010 4:13

he was caught wanking and this is just a lame cover up lol

Reply

AbnormalAshley | 0

#1039145 - Tuesday 22 June 2010 15:10

LOLOLOL
This must be fake.

Reply

MrNewOrleans | 0

#1638355 - Tuesday 2 November 2010 4:00

hey I've eating plenty things naked... it's fun
it feels the best when u go to a restaurant and everyone stares at you :)

Reply

crazykidd15 | 0

#1904882 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 18:59

Lolololol

Reply

mkcempa | 0

#1951889 - Monday 10 January 2011 18:27

win!

Reply

thethingthatshou | 4

#2710324 - Saturday 18 June 2011 19:21

you lost you fuckhead.....

fuckin mother fucker

Reply

RageWolf16 | 31

#5893319 - Saturday 22 March 2014 23:30

I walk around my room naked all the time

Reply

Boomi | 38

#6687508 - Sunday 11 September 2016 9:01

Oh god, that's so true!

By Haelous | 0

#1315 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 15:41

In the future, do not have your schwarz out while eating yogurt.

Reply

ekdfml | 20

#1740931 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 19:01

great movie reference

Reply

thisguyintheusa | 11

#5925272 - Friday 25 April 2014 4:39

Eyyyy 59 got it !!!

By samisalsa | 0

#12218 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 6:38

Nice excuse.

By pinkfrenchrose | 5

#33654 - Monday 16 March 2009 1:53

Yeah, EVERYONE eats yogurt naked. *Sarcasm*
LMAO, dumb ass.

By heheirock | 0

#36900 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 6:28

why did not you have a blanket over your self?

Reply

Jezlovespink | 5

#4192512 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 22:58

Bcuz then it wud b pointless to b naked!!!

By lilymoose | 0

#42333 - Thursday 19 March 2009 8:07

this is just silly. i don't think it's real.
why in the world would you be eating yogurt naked?

Reply

iceicebaby24 | 0

#1281521 - Saturday 21 August 2010 23:56

dude. why WOULDN'T you eat yogurt naked! better yet, why would you eat yogurt with clothes on? insanity!

By monkeys488 | 0

#45809 - Friday 20 March 2009 21:30

thats a fake story

By giffinator | 0

#79060 - Friday 3 April 2009 7:26

your dad actually said "I'm sorry for walking on you masturbating"?

Reply

xiaoxaio | 5

#3690586 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 7:47

no he said " can i join you"?

Reply

uhhSavage | 22

#5494266 - Thursday 16 May 2013 13:58

Back to back?

By MizzHollywood | 0

#80137 - Friday 3 April 2009 21:46

Eating yogurt in bed is the real FML here. Who does that!??!?!

By Nottooeffed | 0

#101580 - Saturday 11 April 2009 8:15

I like to feel a nice breeze around my privates while enjoying tasty snack food

Reply

alexxss_fml | 10

#1022314 - Monday 7 June 2010 5:11

lmfaoooo!!!! good one!!! XD