Intimacy, Transportation, Weird and Cars: Whatever floats your boat

Whatever floats your boat

By RainbowD4PowerNozzle - 02/01/2023 21:00

Today, while cleaning my vehicle at the car wash, the vacuum cleaner found a new purpose. As I twisted around, the mouth of the hose made its way down to my crotch and latched on. It definitely wasn’t painful, but I’ve now been sucked off by a vacuum. Best yet weirdest blow job ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 1 235

Intimacy Transportation Weird Cars

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

That sucks

By funnyERstory - 23/11/2016 04:31 - United States - Houston

Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 949

You deserved it 1 552

By anonymous - 17/07/2012 04:54 - Canada - Boucherville

Today, while I was volunteering at the homeless shelter, one of them "accidentally" kissed me. It felt like my face was being sucked by a vacuum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 795

You deserved it 2 176

Poor Henry

By SierraCheyenne - 26/03/2020 23:09 - United States - Denver

Today, I came home to my boyfriend standing in the living room with his dick in the vacuum cleaner hose. Instead of being embarrassed, he simply said, "The vacuum does it better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 114

You deserved it 540

By allalone - 14/07/2010 00:33 - United States

Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 316

You deserved it 45 430

By Anonymous - 25/07/2015 04:20 - United States - Tempe

Today, after vacuuming, I struggled to pull the nozzle attachment out. I yanked it too hard and it flew out, hitting me in the face and causing my head to jerk back into the wall behind me. My girlfriend had to drive me to the hospital for my concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 289

You deserved it 3 301

Close but no BJ

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 628

You deserved it 12 187

By IHateMyJob - 14/09/2010 02:00 - United States

Today, while scrubbing my car with the foam brush at a car wash, the hose for the brush came whipping around and smacked me hard in the side of the head, knocking off my glasses. I got disoriented from the blow and stepped on my glasses, completely smashing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 708

You deserved it 3 391

By Anonymous - 25/11/2017 06:00

Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 965

You deserved it 1 749

Proper job

By So so close to clean - 08/02/2017 10:00 - United States - Warren

Today, with words of encouragement from my mom, I vacuumed my room. After finishing and admiring my job well done, I went to put the vacuum away. It caught on the plug for my electric razor which was dangling below the dresser and yanked that and everything else that was on top of it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 403

You deserved it 1 283

By Clutz - 25/10/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, after I had finished vacuuming, I ripped the cord out of the outlet and it hit me in the face cutting both my top and bottom lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 413

You deserved it 35 869

mike3775 35

Monday 2 January 2023 22:32

You seriously expect people to believe this was an accident?

Anderling 32

Monday 2 January 2023 21:19

I’d suggest not doing that again because that’s how you end up in the hospital with a story about how you just happened to fall onto the vacuum cleaner

Comments

Anderling 32

Monday 2 January 2023 21:19

I’d suggest not doing that again because that’s how you end up in the hospital with a story about how you just happened to fall onto the vacuum cleaner

JackWood 19

Monday 2 January 2023 21:32

I am never using a car wash vacuum again.

mike3775 35

Monday 2 January 2023 22:32

You seriously expect people to believe this was an accident?

RichardPencil 30

Monday 2 January 2023 23:04

Best quarter you've ever spent! Probably risky to stand there until you jack off, but when you're in the moment.

BurnInDemonFire 33

Tuesday 3 January 2023 1:11

Imagine explaining that to the owners. "Excuse me, I just came in your vacuum but it's still stuck on my ****. Little help?"

Vesi 29

Tuesday 3 January 2023 1:59

OK this legit made me laugh.. what a mental image!

RawrXD 4

Tuesday 3 January 2023 3:34

Doofy, Mom said for you to stop sticking your dick in the vacuum cleaner

LimpyBiscuit 1

Tuesday 3 January 2023 5:14

How do you “accidentally” get sucked off by a car vacuum in public.. oops my pants and underwear came off, I’ll keep cleaning my car.. oops the vacuum fell on my p****. I’ll just enjoy myself.

LimpyBiscuit 1

Tuesday 3 January 2023 5:15

How do you “accidentally” get sucked off by a car vacuum in public.. oops my pants and underwear came off, I’ll keep cleaning my car.. oops the vacuum fell in my pants. I’ll just enjoy myself.

Ubehage 30

Wednesday 4 January 2023 1:05

"Accident"

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Sunday 8 January 2023 23:25

My husband has a question - why was OP's dick out? I mean, those vacuums are super powerful, but they don't go THROUGH clothes, do they? So how did the dick go INSIDE the vacuum? I don't know, I'm laughing so hard I'm in hysterics.