Animals: Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did"...

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did" it's better not to confess right away, because sometimes they could be talking about leaving the computer on all night, and not talking about giving the family dog away and telling everyone it ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 122

You deserved it 52 132

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Same thing different taste

Self report

By banana12321 - 02/04/2015 04:40 - United States - Fresno

Today, I thought I had gotten away with throwing a party while my folks were gone the night before. They came home and I was as sweet as possible. I could tell they were not buying it, but I thought I was in the clear. Later, they told me I had drunk-dialled them and spilled the beans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 206

You deserved it 30 482

NDA FML

By Anonymous - 12/11/2021 16:00 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, a coworker told me something I didn't realize was confidential, until later when my boss called me, saying someone may have shared something confidential with me, and me, not thinking so, said I don't think anyone did. We hung up, they called back and elaborated, and it dawned on me now they think I'm a liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 180

It's never a mannequin

By I heart Kevin from JTL - 20/08/2024 12:00 - Canada - Port Colborne

Today, I was watching a crime drama with my parents. During a tense moment, I casually said, "Oh, I know how to hide a body." They both stared at me in horror, and I had to explain that I meant from watching too many true crime videos on YouTube, not from actual experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 358

Brain fart

By jonjon - 13/06/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 961

You deserved it 47 321

The betrayal

By Anonymous - 14/02/2022 16:01

Today, like an idiot, I accidentally included stuff I learned from snooping in my daughter's secret diary during a conversation with her. She's not happy at me right now, so I may have to polish off my old grovelling skills from when I was still married to her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 2 440

Self report

By Anonymous - 25/05/2009 14:55 - United States

Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said, "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 044

You deserved it 5 529

By Anonymous - 20/01/2011 10:55 - Australia

Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you used black magic to fix their computer. Then don't tell the story to your boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 469

You deserved it 38 081

Keep quiet

By PoorAndabroke - 28/05/2022 22:00

Today, I learned that you shouldn’t announce on social media that you’re leaving on vacation for a week. Your house might get broken into, and all your electronics will be missing. They were kind enough to leave a note saying, “If you can afford a vacation, you can afford to replace all this shit. Have fun!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 1 417

By Pooperscooper - 20/07/2009 18:45 - France

Today, I learned when you're babysitting a 5 year old, and you hear the toilet flush and then the words "uh oh", it's already too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 675

You deserved it 6 892

Family secrets

By Anonymous - 22/09/2024 06:00 - United States - Marysville

Today, my sister accused me of hacking into her phone because I helped her connect to a WiFi network a while ago, and she'd completely forgotten about it. I only found that out when my mom accidentally leaked it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 59

somela 0

Friday 27 November 2009 20:11

YDI and you suck I hope your family puts you up for adoption, so you know how your dog felt

studentwoes 2

Friday 27 November 2009 20:09

Don't you watch TV?? Of course you never confess!

Comments

drkwlf 0

Friday 27 November 2009 20:07

Well obviously.. common sense you guilty bastard. :3

studentwoes 2

Friday 27 November 2009 20:09

Don't you watch TV?? Of course you never confess!

_Noon_ 0

Friday 27 November 2009 20:13

White667 0

Friday 27 November 2009 21:52

Yeah, my first thought xD

_Noon_ 0

Friday 27 November 2009 22:07

Hey, my comment said 'I love TV wisdom'.. Wonder why it's blank now :S

moneypenny_fml 0

Sunday 14 February 2010 18:53

**** you for giving away the poor dog. asshole

jonnyplayzaguita 0

Saturday 20 March 2010 7:48

your stupidthe first thing you say is, "whatdid you know that i did?"

LACandyshop 0

Friday 13 August 2010 8:46

you. are a total ********

zendaddy0 0

Friday 11 March 2011 5:37

I leave the computer on when I'm in the bathroom so it burns when I pee

taylove23 1

Monday 9 May 2011 14:58

learn how to hold the water.

Itasan 0

Friday 27 November 2009 20:10

Remember to never confess what you did unless someone actually says it.

nazooer 11

Friday 27 November 2009 22:27

That's what the FML says, dumbass

somela 0

Friday 27 November 2009 20:11

YDI and you suck I hope your family puts you up for adoption, so you know how your dog felt

meorz 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 1:41

Because a dogs life is really as worthy as a human isnt it.

sharon_ellj 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 3:05

Yes.

Anis30 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 16:10

Actually it's more worthy given that animals don't do the kind of horrible things humans do (ie: Child abuse, murder, wars in the name of religion, etc)

digibenho 0

Thursday 2 September 2010 4:35

well... i once saw a dog killing a smaler one... i would qualify this as a murder... and dogs are always having sex... sometimes with human legs... i would qualify this as an abuse...

dubbadee123 5

Sunday 17 July 2011 15:33

yup it is worth more

angeluv_2014 22

Wednesday 31 July 2013 10:18

Everybody on this stream is ******* retarted. For one, the "family dog" could have been annoying as ****. And for two, not all humans do horrible things- some of them do really ******* great things and sone dogs DO do horrible things- including attacking people. And a ******* dog's life more valuable than a humans??? Are you all ****** in the head? Are you telling me that if you only had time to save a dog or a child from getting hit by a car, you would save the ******* dogs? On the off chance that the child may grow up to do horrible things and of course the dog (who most likely otherwise doesn't give a shit about anything but itself) will not... Seriously, something is wrong with you obsessive dog people