Kids: Today, while babysitting, the little boy explained to me why... - FML

By owned - 24/01/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, while babysitting, the little boy explained to me why I was single, reasons such as 'unattractive' and 'not the girlfriend type'. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 376

You deserved it 4 410

Batman

Dementia or hate? You decide

Looking for a job?

Be better, people

By Unwelcome - 29/11/2020 11:02

Today, I went to my fiancé’s family’s house for dinner. They put pork and/or alcohol in EVERY. SINGLE. DISH. Including putting bacon grease in the desserts. They know I’m Muslim and his mom insisted I was being rude for only drinking water. We ended up leaving with me in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 341

By that girl has a beard - 04/08/2015 07:33 - Canada

Today, I went to the movies. A really cute girl sat beside me. I tried to strike up a conversation with her until she turned to look at me and I realized he was a guy. I couldn't even finish the movie because I felt his judging eyes burn holes into me the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 682

You deserved it 6 696

By Fauna - 09/05/2019 04:00

Today, I started to make a protein shake to have a healthy breakfast. It exploded. Turns out, my mom lost the rubber gasket and put the blender back, so it looked ready to use. By the time I cleaned it all up, it was time for me to leave for work. I'm now eating chips from the vending machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 151

By Beefballs - 29/07/2009 06:22 - Canada

Today, I just found out my dad got remarried a year ago. The woman is officially living with us, I got to have lunch with her alone today. I found out she is only 22, with a 14 year old little brother. My dad's 47. I'm 17, now with a 14 year old uncle and a mom that can pass for my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 258

You deserved it 3 077

By Unsuspecting - 16/04/2016 12:23 - United States

Today, I started my period almost a week earlier than I expected to. I also happened to be at the beach with a guy that I really liked when it started. He was the one who noticed, and he informed me by saying that we couldn't go back in the water or we would be eaten by sharks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 473

You deserved it 1 720

By iliku - 01/06/2019 02:00

Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 192

By Anonymous - 03/09/2012 09:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend noticed that I looked upset and asked me what was wrong. I told her I was sexually frustrated. Her response? "What are you telling me for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 665

You deserved it 5 688

By Shianna - 28/05/2012 22:00 - United States - Holden

Today, my son was fired from his new job, which was going to support us since I recently lost mine. His excuse was, "Conflict of interest." He was a mascot for a fast-food restaurant and refused to dance around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 998

You deserved it 13 630

By Nikki - 05/04/2009 03:40 - United States

Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 751

You deserved it 67 329

By phlyingphuck - 31/08/2009 12:44 - United States

Today, my mother finally pressured me to wear my old helmet while riding my bike. Halfway through my ride, 3 spiders came crawling out of it and onto my face, causing me to lose control of the bike and crash head-first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 575

You deserved it 7 861

By Anonymous - 08/03/2015 16:42 - United States

Today, I decided to show up early for work and really try to get off my manager's shit-list. On my way to work, my manager called to bitch me out for already being 30 minutes late. Yeah, I forgot about Daylight Savings Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 100

You deserved it 12 371

By wheel 4 - 01/12/2017 05:00

Today, I went out with my best friend, his girlfriend, and a girl they've been wanting to introduce to me. I thought they wanted to set us up, but it turns out they're a throuple and wanted me to be the first to know. I think I'm the first fourth wheel in history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 231

You deserved it 363

By poorgirl - 17/05/2016 13:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was reminded what poverty is like when I had to choose between buying food and buying pads. Now, I have to take constant bathroom breaks and wipe off my pad. I don't get paid until after my period ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 180

You deserved it 1 675

By Anonymous - 24/07/2015 11:58 - Germany - Paderborn

Today, I asked my boyfriend to go to the airport with me, to see me off for my three-month stay abroad. He said no because the two-hour drive is "too boring". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 546

You deserved it 2 533

By loveless - 24/09/2009 04:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with U2 tickets. Still no action. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 120

You deserved it 33 357

By Saddoc - 26/07/2013 07:58 - Australia - Dalkeith

Today, I attended an elderly patient's funeral. He died of a heart attack after his daughter, as his carer, stopped all of his meds in favour of a half-cup of garlic a day. Apparently she'd "read an article" about the healing power of garlic, which trumped my 6-year degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 207

You deserved it 2 962

By annonymous - 18/06/2012 01:57 - United States

Today, my dad approached two girls at a store and told them I'd crashed into their car. They didn't find it funny either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 287

You deserved it 2 027

Protection

By Anonymous - 03/07/2020 08:01

Today, I went on my first date in a year or so. It was going great, but after we left the restaurant, we went back to her place, where I was quickly chased out of the house by her two daughters, and her grandfather with a shotgun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 135

Can we be friends?

By lonely - 22/03/2021 05:01

Today, my fiancé told me that I need to get out of house and be with my friends. I have no friends here, and my own family doesn’t ever want to go do anything either. I guess I’m not a likable person if even my fiancé is trying to get me out of his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 157

Red flag

By Anonymous - 12/01/2021 20:01

Today, I tried therapy to talk about my problems without feeling like i am harassing anyone. After messaging a therapist for over 2 hours, I felt way better and finally understood. It turned out I'm in such a bad mental state that I'm a danger to myself and others. Police were called by the therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 223

By bellerz14 - 23/12/2011 02:58 - United States

Today, I saw my dad sitting in the car alone, blaring classical music, blowing up beach balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 935

You deserved it 4 196

By Sarah - 25/08/2009 16:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 531

You deserved it 10 378

By fail - 21/12/2010 09:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, an attractive guy told me he wanted to get to know me and see me again. When I told my boyfriend, in hopes of stirring up some jealousy, he said "he'll regret it when he finds out what you're like in bed, trust me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 009

You deserved it 43 109

By anonymous - 14/05/2012 10:31 - United States - Havelock

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend started laughing during sex because my boobs are slightly different. He then broke up with me after I pointed out that his nuts aren't exactly even either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 500

You deserved it 6 394

By anonymous001 - 08/01/2013 19:58 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to the movies with my crush, who had asked me out on a date. Assuming he'd pay, I left my money at home. When the time came to buy the tickets, he only bought one for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 891

You deserved it 68 711

By snotface - 23/04/2009 19:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 336

You deserved it 8 798

By FailedTraveller - 04/07/2018 15:00

Today, I took a long distance train across country. Early on I had an urgent need to use the bathroom. As I went to flush away the nasty, the preflush water violently projected my diarrhoea onto my pants before clearing the rest down the gurgler. I have 8 hours left on the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 574

You deserved it 339

By TehUglyLife - 29/07/2013 19:11 - United States - Jacksonville Beach

Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 851

You deserved it 14 130

By Oopsie - 27/05/2019 20:17

Spicy

Today, I accidentally sent a screenshot of my Tinder conversation to my mom, instead of my friend. Yes, it was dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 2 123

By Diesel - 03/05/2011 14:23 - Belgium

Today, my motorcycle was stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, the thief drove past me. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 377

You deserved it 4 572

By Sunny - 18/09/2013 22:59 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, every time I write the word "analyst," I can't help but giggle because it begins with "anal." I'm 24, and studying to be a conflict analyst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 484

You deserved it 34 048

By cloudberry - 27/05/2012 08:00 - United States - Astoria

Today, I told my mom I was going out to hang out with some friends. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Don't lie to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 707

You deserved it 2 697

By unlucky - 31/05/2016 19:05 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I went to a party. After asking several people about the ingredients in a cake, I took one bite and ended up in the hospital with a severe reaction to the nuts that "definitely weren't" in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 414

You deserved it 908

By twatstick - 21/08/2013 17:30 - United Kingdom - Worksop

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 683

You deserved it 3 351

By Anonymous - 28/12/2014 18:41 - United States - Flower Mound

Today, I got a gift-wrapped package in the mail from my racist mother-in-law. She's always hated me, so I thought it was a bit strange. Inside was a squirt gun and a note telling me to take my "black ass" for a walk around a police station with it, followed with a smiley face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 615

You deserved it 3 303

By becca - 29/10/2012 03:39 - United States

Today, I woke up to a gift from my boyfriend: a Playboy magazine with a Post-It note that said, "Just a reminder that you're easily replaceable." I think he's still mad at me for beating him on X-box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 966

You deserved it 3 687

By michellemoyah - 25/02/2012 05:04 - United States

Today, I went to a dance with the boy I like. To my delight, he tried to pick me up. To my dismay, he couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 308

You deserved it 6 873

By Anonymous - 25/08/2013 18:21 - Canada - Grand Falls

Today, I was at the beach. I'd recently decided to try the "life hack" where you empty out a bottle of lotion and hide small valuables in it, to avoid them being stolen. I'd put the bottle in my bag. Instead of stealing stuff from inside it, though, someone just stole the whole bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 416

You deserved it 10 573

By not a brain cell in sight - 16/06/2013 20:20 - United States - Muskegon

Today, my best friend called me a moron for disputing her belief that Canada is in South America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 214

You deserved it 4 273

By HiRveryone - 05/03/2018 19:08 - United States - Centre

Today, I had to be the designated driver for my mom and aunt. While driving them home, my aunt threw up on the car floor and my mom peed her pants, leaving a puddle in the seat. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 902

You deserved it 369

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Monday 25 January 2010 9:37

=| no need to cry! He's just a kid, he doesn't understand adult attraction.

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Monday 25 January 2010 9:28

O.o dont worry.. its just a kid :)

Comments

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Monday 25 January 2010 9:28

O.o dont worry.. its just a kid :)

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Monday 25 January 2010 18:09

Why was the little boy baby sitting? I'm assuming you're much older than the baby sitter.

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Monday 25 January 2010 18:10

your stupid

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Monday 25 January 2010 18:36

His stupid what?

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Monday 25 January 2010 23:22

his stupid mom

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 5:43

Dang it Sublime; you stole my comeback!

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Friday 29 January 2010 4:32

Haha #44 I love you.

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Tuesday 8 June 2010 10:00

#40 your dumb as fuck . lols O__o

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Friday 30 March 2012 11:23

Can people seriously stop calling others dumb when they don't know the difference between "your" and "you're"?

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Monday 25 January 2010 9:37

=| no need to cry! He's just a kid, he doesn't understand adult attraction.

synix 0

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Monday 25 January 2010 18:13

He sounds an awful lot like Eric Cartman when Nanny 911 comes to look after him and put him in line.

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Monday 25 January 2010 19:23

Yeah lol. She eats her crap at the asylum haha.

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Monday 25 January 2010 9:37

Agree with #1... He was probably joking or something. Little kids are like that.

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Monday 25 January 2010 9:38

naww ); its just a kid, he probs doesn't know what he talking bout lol

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Monday 25 January 2010 9:53

Wrong. Kids are naturally brutally honest.

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Monday 25 January 2010 10:00

Agreed, they truely are very cruel and honest

chicken_lover 2

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Monday 25 January 2010 23:59

the kid was most likely just trying to get rid of her though. depending on his age he either may not feel he needs a babysitter, wants his parents, or just hates her. op, don't listen to him. and even if you are unattractive, you can get a boyfriend. there's this really ugly awful bitch who went to my high school and i hate her, not because she's ugly or anything but because she's really really mean, and she has a boyfriend who loves her. if she can get a boyfriend, you for sure can. haha. just be nice. and don't forget to shower because that would be gross. hahaha

randomaccountnam 0

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Monday 25 January 2010 9:47

YDI for not being the girlfriend type.

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Monday 25 January 2010 10:21

win

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 7:48

you sir, are a douchebag.

xmars 0

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Monday 25 January 2010 9:49

Why, do you want to date the kid?

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Monday 25 January 2010 23:25

If i were you i would

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Monday 25 January 2010 10:01

Here's another reason to add to the list: You use "proceeded."

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Monday 25 January 2010 11:51

Also you listen to kids, are you 12 or something? unless the kid is banging a different girl every week and smoking a cigar, I'm guessing his opinion doesn't matter much. Now that I read my comment and the FML, I want to hang out with this kid, he seems pretty awesome, and he made you cry, which is always entertaining

Back_In_Action 18

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Monday 25 January 2010 15:20

So his opinion would be much more valid if he was a cigar-smoking man-whore? That's some messed up logic right there.

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Monday 25 January 2010 19:29

#22 Win That is the funniest thing I have read in months.

TheTragicReturn 0

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Monday 25 January 2010 21:53

Thank you. MLIA has made me despise the word "proceeded."

CyclonePsycho 1

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 5:51

I thought I was the only one. I could hardly focus on the fml because I was too busy wondering what was the point of even using the word 'proceeded' here. It's so out of place, and I thought the trend was long dead by now. ;_;

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Monday 25 January 2010 10:11

If nothing else, craigslist ads show that there's someone for everyone. Don't worry about a little kid's opinion. Just focus on finding someone if that's what you want to do. And never let a child you're sitting see you cry. Lose all authority that way.

containsnosoy 0

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Monday 25 January 2010 10:17

Has anyone noticed how many girls get told why they are single by the kids that they are babysitting (and then feel the need to post it as an FML)? OP, are you telling this boy your relationship problems? At least kids are honest, because you know what? You could go years without knowing the real reason and no one would be willing to tell you. Stop whining and gain some self-respect. No one wants to date someone with such low self esteem anyways.

waterynuggets 0

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Monday 25 January 2010 11:06

Yep. Typing babysitting into search, plenty comes up. Seriously, OP, why do you give a shit what some little kid has to say about your love life?

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Monday 25 January 2010 10:25

well atleast he was honest

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 170

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 2 744