By Sinnersinner - United States - Ontario

Power in Christ

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48798

You deserved it

7556

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Intimacy

Our house, in the middle of our street

BO Central

Compassionate dad, huh?

By Kathryn - United States

Today, I went to my favorite all you can eat buffet. The cook tapped my shoulder and told me to stop eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31355

You deserved it

15798

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By drunkennight - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night out at the bar, immediately remembering that I had lost my cell phone, my ID and somehow spent $100. Feeling like shit already, my friend then goes on to tell me that I flashed the entire bar, and ran around the hotel naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8963

You deserved it

42209

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By PharmSlave - United States - Marysville

Today, my boss told me I ask too many questions and that's why they cut my hours in half. Officially, I'm a "Pharmacy Technician in Training", which means I'm trying to teach myself how to do the job without killing someone. All from on the job experience and an outdated textbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30954

You deserved it

2577

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By pikapikafuckyou! - 19/7/2020 08:01

Fucknut

Today, my overly religious fucknut of a cousin called me, ranting about my daughter trying to corrupt hers. They were chatting on a kids' messenger app when my 5-year-old sent her 7-year-old a Pokémon sticker. Apparently, Pokémon in satanic and we ought to know better. Now she won’t let them talk to us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1751

You deserved it

146

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By wtf - United States

Today, I was jamming out and playing some air guitar. I somehow managed to knee myself directly in my left eye socket. I now have a hideously swollen face and a black eye. When people ask me what happened, I'll be hesitant to tell the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10798

You deserved it

24443

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By joking0303 - United States

Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46027

You deserved it

6435

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By Al - United States

Today, while attempting a DIY pest removal, one of our tenants lit a skunk on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25895

You deserved it

2905

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By OUCH - Canada

Today, while going for a run in my neighbourhood I was hit by a car not once, but twice. The second car, closely following the first, stopped and then drove forward to see if I was all right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51349

You deserved it

3219

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By Helseac

Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2639

You deserved it

419

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By Katsura - United States - Perrysburg

Today, my boyfriend wanted to get into an open relationship. He has no romantic feelings for me anymore, but he didn't want to separate from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14063

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1361

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By poopydaddy - Canada - Oakville

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53753

You deserved it

5641

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By Miami6and3 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I asked my mom if I was ugly. She said, "Ask your girlfriend." I said I don't have one. She said "Exactly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

53384

You deserved it

5297

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By badboyfriends - United States

Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28102

You deserved it

47338

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By Anonyme - Switzerland - Geneve

Today, I was trying to seduce a really good-looking girl, when all of a sudden she leaned in towards me and said, “Sorry, I’m not drunk enough to make out with you.“ FML

I agree, your life sucks

13657

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3356

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By Anonymous - 4/11/2020 11:02

Good luck out there…

Today, my father said I only voted for Biden "because I watch the news." He's a hardcore Trumpster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1002

You deserved it

457

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By Anonymous - 8/3/2021 01:59

Deception

Today, I found out my husband was faking his leg injury. I caught him out and about walking just fine, hand in hand with another woman. I’ve been caring for him, holding down the bills and taking him to a "at home" chiropractor for the past 7 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1397

You deserved it

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By RoyallyGrossedOut - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't been to the dentist in two years and definitely doesn't plan on it because, "That's just how the government steals more money." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43289

You deserved it

5744

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By rmo1776 - United States

Today, I went to a very nice reception at a hotel. I glanced inside the ballroom and saw that no one else was in there and, not wanting to be the first one there, I walked past and into the stairway. Turns out, I had walked into the emergency exit stairs and had to set off the alarm to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12980

You deserved it

48917

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a man dancing to a Britney Spears song in his Volkswagen Beetle. I started laughing hysterically until he got out. He was huge. I was stuck in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13644

You deserved it

35841

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By couch potato

I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike

Today, I argued with my mom that I deserved enough independence to ride my bike to school. Halfway there, I realized I was so out of shape that I had to call her for a ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks

490

You deserved it

1688

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By Anonymous

Today, I had a few drinks with a female friend after having a bad week. I got so wasted that I wound up ending the night by giving my boyfriend a rimjob. He thoroughly enjoyed it and thinks it's going to be a regular thing now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2506

You deserved it

6957

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By AstralLuna - 5/3/2021 08:01 - United States - Sacramento

Keep up!

Today, I, a demigirl struggling with her identity, have decided to change my name. When I told my dad in therapy (of all places) that I was a demigirl, he struggled to understand me. When I told my mom I was changing my name, she yelled at me and refused to call me it. And she wonders why I don't trust her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

560

You deserved it

932

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By dmvfail - United States

Today, I went to the DMV for my second attempt to get my license. I did everything perfectly, stayed at the speed limit, did my three-point turn flawlessly, and parked nicely. The lady failed me because I wasn't using the stick shift right. My car doesn't have a stick shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36256

You deserved it

2948

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my iPod to Walmart to replace the battery. They tell me to call Apple. I go home again and call Apple. They tell me to call Walmart. I call Walmart. They tell me to bring it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35703

You deserved it

3957

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By airrinw_33 - United States - Greenwood

Today, my boyfriend's mom bought us matching purity rings. FML

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34001

You deserved it

5719

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he can't keep an erection while we have sex is that I'm not attractive enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32723

You deserved it

4690

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2020 20:02

Live from Salt Lake City

Today, I’m in a polyamorous relationship with my husband and another woman. She has anger issues and has been very abusive to me, and finally told my husband she wants to break up with me. Not him... just me. She’s still sleeping in our bed with him, and I’m sleeping on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1447

You deserved it

2505

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 20:02 - Canada - Windsor

Not likely in 2020

Today, I’m stuck not being able to sleep, because the thought of someone actually caring about me occurred. FML

I agree, your life sucks

727

You deserved it

141

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By Santa - Canada

Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42959

You deserved it

4396

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By usarmywife

Today, at the ripe old age of 27, I dislocated my hip while making love to my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6040

You deserved it

570

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I shaved my beard off. Turns out the skin under my beard is six shades lighter than the rest of my face. I look completely ridiculous. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43211

You deserved it

14142

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By Citivolus - 11/5/2021 11:00 - United States

Druggies

Today, I found out my brother and his girlfriend stole my wedding ring, my checkbook and my disabled son's iPad to fuel their drug habit. I'm $600 overdrawn and have no food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1062

You deserved it

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By abrooks88 - United States

Today, I got denied a job. They told me I was unreliable because I didn't show up for my third interview. This is the same interview they called and cancelled this morning. FML

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29864

You deserved it

2037

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By BirthdayBoy - United States - Madison

Today, I was uninvited from my own birthday party. FML

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32902

You deserved it

3127

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By Lonely_Army - Qatar

Today, I realised that I've been deployed for far too long, when I caught myself looking down the cleavage of a mannequin wearing a bathing suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26449

You deserved it

3129

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By FreeToFly3733 - Canada

Today, I finally found my cellphone when I heard WHACKWHACKWHACK inside the washing machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17009

You deserved it

29243

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By OnPlanetVenus - United States - Hallam

Today, I discovered that when my husband agreed to donate sperm so an infertile friend and his wife could have children, there was nothing "artificial" about the insemination. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71286

You deserved it

6125

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By DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE - United States - Schertz

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27689

You deserved it

1947

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By kmyltd - Australia - Mount Eliza

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I remembered I had a Reese's Krispy Kreme doughnut in the car. I orgasmed while thinking about a doughnut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13787

You deserved it

3540

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By Anonymous

Today, my apartment was robbed. The police report said my apartment was ransacked. No it wasn't, that's how looks everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3877

You deserved it

2314

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Top comments

By weveallbeenthere | 30

#6070676 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:27

were u screaming Oh God. he heard you and responded.

By Enslaved | 36

#6070679 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:29

"I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to GOD"

COMMENTS

By weveallbeenthere | 30

#6070676 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:27

were u screaming Oh God. he heard you and responded.

ladytigerhunts | 20

#6070808 - Sunday 21 September 2014 22:30

"Oh God, oh God--"
*the crucifix slices her eyelid open*
"Oh my God!"

trex454 | 21

#6070824 - Sunday 21 September 2014 22:40

leave room for Jesus!

originaljosh | 11

#6071302 - Monday 22 September 2014 13:14

I'm not sure if I'm the only one but if that would've happened to me I would've grabbed my stuff and ran.

patrickalamo | 47

#6213182 - Wednesday 25 February 2015 2:13

And the Holy Ghost.

yankesik | 16

#6442798 - Saturday 24 October 2015 1:32

"Oh God!"
"Shut up!"

By Enslaved | 36

#6070679 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:29

"I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to GOD"

saraitkddh | 47

#6070717 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:57

Closer by NIN m/

nevergetsfirst | 11

#6070831 - Sunday 21 September 2014 22:53

"You can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings, you can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything" now I have it stuck in my head -_-

Marebare23 | 17

#6071017 - Monday 22 September 2014 4:13

I don't know who you are, what gender you are, or how old you are, but I love you! Nine Inch Nails dude!!!!!

relaxedninja | 18

#6071553 - Monday 22 September 2014 19:38

Such an amazing song!!

Mauskau | 35

#6071702 - Monday 22 September 2014 23:15

Now I just need to listen to them, it's so difficult to suppress my love for Trent's voice :x

DesignerVagina | 4

#6125061 - Saturday 22 November 2014 6:21

I love that song

By Googolman | 29

#6070680 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:30

God's wrath is upon you.

lexiieeex3 | 32

#6074310 - Friday 26 September 2014 7:48

Well yes, now she knows that 'God is always watching.'

By rocker_chick23 | 27

#6070681 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:30

I always knew God was a pervert. Watching you two fucking, no doubt enjoying it.

tantanpanda | 26

#6071341 - Monday 22 September 2014 14:17

Well, I guess god is a sadist then if he derives more pleasure from seeing a girl get her eyelid sliced open than them having sex.

daughternature | 7

#6073396 - Thursday 25 September 2014 3:50

Think about what you just said, people watch porn and enjoy it are they pervs too?

Funkshin | 5

#6388654 - Saturday 22 August 2015 8:02

yes we are

By supersquirel500 | 10

#6070682 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:30

He has spoken!

By gracehi | 31

#6070683 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:31

Jesus is watching you. O.O

swagstatic | 16

#6070692 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:33

No he isnt. He's dead idiot

tournamentdecide | 33

#6070695 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:34

No, God is watching OP.

King_Nero | 15

#6070703 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:43

It's a joke you fucking jackass. Don't start a comment war over if there is a god or not.

rocker_chick23 | 27

#6070704 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:45

#13: Gracehi was doing a joke. Chill the fuck out and get a sense of humor

Mortoli | 30

#6071426 - Monday 22 September 2014 17:06

It always feels like somebody watching. Lol

By bayy1432 | 14

#6070684 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:31

I don't know whether this is ironic or just karma but it's okay OP we all have urges

rocker_chick23 | 27

#6070686 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:32

I think it was God being jealous since the guy can get some, but he can't.

Lct1196 | 31

#6070696 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:34

I really don't see how this would be karma... there is nothing wrong with sex with someone (unless OP is already in a relationship).

scooterdude720 | 19

#6070705 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:45

Karma is a Hindu concept... I don't see how God would be using it

MidnaLink | 32

#6070710 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:48

Karma may be a Hindu concept, but it is universal and can be applied to anyone.

scooterdude720 | 19

#6070712 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:50

Anyone except God (lol)

gracehi | 31

#6070739 - Sunday 21 September 2014 21:17

I don't think Karma applies because Karma, as already pointed out, is a Hindu belief, and OP was hit in the face with a crucifix, which is a Christian symbol.

Googolman | 29

#6070749 - Sunday 21 September 2014 21:26

16 - The Christian religion is generally against sex before marriage.

zecton | 5

#6071981 - Tuesday 23 September 2014 6:25

Christianity does have a something similar to karma. it's called the law of the harvest. you reap what you sow.

By Googolman | 29

#6070687 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:32

Another thing, why wouldn't he take off his crucifix before engaging in sexual intercourse with you?

Enslaved | 36

#6070701 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:41

Because he thought it would help him after hearing rumours about the-- Second cuming of Christ.

scooterdude720 | 19

#6070709 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:47

No please stop

cadillacgal79 | 32

#6070735 - Sunday 21 September 2014 21:13

Don't stop the thread before it gets good -_-

Silver7827 | 14

#6070744 - Sunday 21 September 2014 21:21

I don't know about you, but I never take off my necklace, it has a pendant of jesus, and though I'm not religious, it has sentimental value to me, so I just keep it on

weveallbeenthere | 30

#6071663 - Monday 22 September 2014 22:50

thought there would have been more after the second cumming

By garrett_8614 | 14

#6070688 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:32

Pretty sure that's not what you wanted when you were saying "Oh God!"

By worldclassrager | 39

#6070689 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:33

I think next time take off the jewelry...