By Sinnersinner - United States - Ontario

Power in Christ

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48790

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7555

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Intimacy

There's no helping some people

Headache

Mind your own beeswax, Amanda

By Kallian - Australia - Sydney

What happened?

Today, I walked home and found a massive branch had fallen into my parking space. My first thought, "Thank God my car wasn't hit!" My second thought, "Where's my car?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2326

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114

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By lalala - United Kingdom

Today, I started undressing in front of my boyfriend. He politely said, "Excuse me, please" because I was blocking the T.V. FML

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33900

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By BadLuck - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I went to the doctor to see why my walking pneumonia wasn't getting any better. It had. I've just somehow managed to also contract mono... while sitting home, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41810

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2766

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By Check Writer - United States - Oceanside

Today, I was notified that the company did not give me a raise two months ago like I thought. The increase was a typo. Two months ago I wrote a thank you for the raise email to my boss. Now I get to write a check to the company to pay back my "raise." FML

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39641

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3202

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By poopEVERYWHERE - United States

Today, I heard my dad screaming in the hallway. Thinking he was having a heart attack I ran to the hall without looking where I was going. I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned out to be a mass quantity of diarrhea from one of my two dogs. He was screaming because he stepped in it. FML

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40864

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By Poem - United States

Today, I spent hours delicately writing out what seemed to be a beautiful poem to my girlfriend. After I sent it to her, I kept eyeing my phone to see her surprised message. No, my only response was "you may want to use a spellcheck." FML

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13998

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to class with my bag packed for a weekend trip when it began to vibrate violently. Stopping mid-lecture, the professor approached me and asked politely if I could turn off my cell phone as I was disturbing the other 150 pupils in the class. It was my personal vibrator. FML

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12444

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By Taylor - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wear makeup much. Expecting him to say something about my natural beauty, I replied with an honest "no." His smiled softly, gently squeezed my shoulder, and said, "Maybe you should." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28266

You deserved it

3714

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By prettysmellingbedroom - United States

Today, I wanted to freshen up my room, so I bought some Febreze. Standing on my bed, I began to spray, not noticing that the air vent directly across was turned on. The spray came directly back at me. The doctor says that the irritation in my eyes may last for several days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13031

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25094

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By tortilla - 28/11/2020 16:58 - United States - Petaluma

Rite of passage

Today, I got punched after telling my 11-year-old cousin that her period is "coming for her." FML

I agree, your life sucks

228

You deserved it

1085

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By Jessie - United States

Today, I drove to a party after getting my car back from the shop. A thunderstorm started as I made my way there and upon arriving, the power went out. The guests decided to watch the storm from the front windows when someone mentioned how funny it would be if a tree fell on my car. Seconds later, one did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67191

You deserved it

3509

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By Awkward - Bahrain

Today, while lighting a cigarette, I learned the hard way that the amount of styling mousse I used to get my curly hair to become manageable, is the roughly same amount that causes it to become highly flammable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11952

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By Anonymous - Canada - Vancouver

Today, it's day 9 of my honeymoon. It's also day 8 of my period and day 7 of food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31948

You deserved it

2069

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By bethanygirl - United States

Today, I had to cancel my birthday party because of snow. It's October. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32618

You deserved it

5030

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By jlee0000785 - Australia

Today, the guy I have been seeing left town to visit his family for three weeks. A few hours later, he called me from the airport to say he is never coming back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27962

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2191

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By Anonymous - Canada - Sudbury

Today, I received a $20 gift card to Tim Horton's as a prize, and decided to use it. At the register, I was told that I'd essentially won an empty gift card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46966

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4106

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I slipped and fell in mud while running from the car to inside to avoid getting wet in a torrential downpour. I was running from the limo, in my wedding dress, to the church for my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62393

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By Anonymous - 7/3/2020 23:16

You just don't understand art

Today, I walked in on my roommate with his pants down at his ankles, taking a picture of his poop. This would've been less disgusting if we'd been in the bathroom, not the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1638

You deserved it

100

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my mother why she had me in the first place, as we never get along. She replied because my father wanted me. So, I called my father to ask him the same question, he said he only wanted to have me to keep my mother around, and that didn't work, so I was a waste. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47239

You deserved it

4487

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By Anonymous - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26938

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By strayy - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my mother told me I should volunteer in Africa, because I might "get lucky, catch malaria and come back skinny". FML

I agree, your life sucks

27514

You deserved it

2320

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By beezybees - United States

Today, I lost the beautiful necklace my boyfriend gave me for Valentine's day. I looked everywhere, and couldn't find it. My sister held the bag while I dug through the stinking trash, then after I cleaned everything up, took it out of her pocket and said she was pretending it was lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33208

You deserved it

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By ProFesser

Today, while heading outside to go to work, I slip on my driveway and my coffee thermos-mug ends up flying out of my hand, and smashes my next door neighbor's brand new truck window. The thermos-mug broke and splashed hot coffee all over his seats too. He's a hard-ass military dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4448

You deserved it

678

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By floppy - Australia

Today, my house caught fire and almost burned down. My neighbour, who has always hated me, came up, patted me on the back, and said, "That sucks for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1637

You deserved it

110

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By Raela - United States - Fort Lee

Today, I learned that toddlers cannot fully digest raisins. I learned this first-hand when my 15-month-old began pooping them whole. In the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23659

You deserved it

7557

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By Anonymous - Australia - Redland Bay

Today, my grandpa was visiting. My neighbors started blasting out rap music, as they've done nearly 24/7 for months, telling me to fuck off when I complain. He went over and screamed he'd gut them like fish if they didn't pipe down. They did. He's 68 and still more intimidating than me. FML

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25471

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By egged - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I had this really high fever and my sister decides I'm hot enough to fry an egg on. So I'm lying in bed now, still terribly feverish but smelling of the egg she cracked on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41206

You deserved it

3626

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By NoToBombs - United States - Santa Fe

Today, I got a new roommate. I thought he was pretty cool until he mentioned how everything around us was a conspiracy. Then he asked if I knew how to make a bomb. FML

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35268

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By je_regrette_tout - France - Livry-gargan

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

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24135

You deserved it

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By screwed - United States

Today, my dad came home from Vegas. Today, my college savings account is down by $64,000. FML

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45056

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3179

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By Cassandra - United States

Today, my mom took a bright red sharpie and drew a red circle just above my breasts. She said, "If I can see this, ever, your shirt is either too low cut or too see through and it will be thrown away." FML

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32536

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12179

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By That1FamousWRX - 7/2/2021 05:01 - United States

Whatcha doin' up there?

Today, I went to pull a nose hair out, only to end up pulling a spider out by its legs. FML

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1084

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By Anonymous

Caddy Shack

Today, I've had people calling the golf course just to ask what the weather's going to be like tomorrow. I’m a golf professional, not the weather man. FML

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1328

You deserved it

146

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I accidentally dropped my phone while I was crossing the road. Luckily, it survived the fall. Not so luckily, an oncoming bus steamrolled it into oblivion. FML

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26141

You deserved it

3841

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Harrow

Today, my shoes were rubbing against my heel so much that one heel started to bleed. Not having any plasters, I stuffed some tissue down my shoe. When I walked off the train, a wad of blood-stained tissue fell out the back of my shoe. The guy behind me didn't think it came from my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44768

You deserved it

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By xXfloatingshitlogXx - Norway - Jessheim

Today, my extremely overweight roommate decided to not only be a nudist, but also to get in shape for his new lifestyle. He's been doing naked lunges in our room for the last twenty minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28983

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2146

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By brokeforever - Latvia - Riga

Today, I found out how much those tiny dogs cost when my German Shepherd ate one. FML

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35506

You deserved it

12226

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By Okay_Then - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, a customer started a conversation by telling me how smart he'd heard I am, and finished it by explaining his theory that only smart people commit suicide. He then gave me a knowing look and said, "Just something I thought you should think about," and left without buying anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39006

You deserved it

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By Blah - United States

Today, I had to go to my son's school for career day, I explained what a banker does and then I asked if anyone had a question, one boy raised his hand and asked "When are all the cool parents gonna come?" FML

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58615

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By Anonymous - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, I finally found out why my new co-worker has been shooting me dirty looks, being rude to me, and generally trying to avoid me. It's because I have blonde hair and blue eyes, and she thinks people like me are Nazis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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Top comments

By weveallbeenthere | 30

#6070676 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:27

were u screaming Oh God. he heard you and responded.

By Enslaved | 36

#6070679 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:29

"I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to GOD"

COMMENTS

By weveallbeenthere | 30

#6070676 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:27

were u screaming Oh God. he heard you and responded.

ladytigerhunts | 20

#6070808 - Sunday 21 September 2014 22:30

"Oh God, oh God--"
*the crucifix slices her eyelid open*
"Oh my God!"

trex454 | 21

#6070824 - Sunday 21 September 2014 22:40

leave room for Jesus!

originaljosh | 11

#6071302 - Monday 22 September 2014 13:14

I'm not sure if I'm the only one but if that would've happened to me I would've grabbed my stuff and ran.

patrickalamo | 47

#6213182 - Wednesday 25 February 2015 2:13

And the Holy Ghost.

yankesik | 16

#6442798 - Saturday 24 October 2015 1:32

"Oh God!"
"Shut up!"

By Enslaved | 36

#6070679 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:29

"I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to GOD"

saraitkddh | 47

#6070717 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:57

Closer by NIN m/

nevergetsfirst | 11

#6070831 - Sunday 21 September 2014 22:53

"You can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings, you can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything" now I have it stuck in my head -_-

Marebare23 | 17

#6071017 - Monday 22 September 2014 4:13

I don't know who you are, what gender you are, or how old you are, but I love you! Nine Inch Nails dude!!!!!

relaxedninja | 18

#6071553 - Monday 22 September 2014 19:38

Such an amazing song!!

Mauskau | 35

#6071702 - Monday 22 September 2014 23:15

Now I just need to listen to them, it's so difficult to suppress my love for Trent's voice :x

DesignerVagina | 4

#6125061 - Saturday 22 November 2014 6:21

I love that song

By Googolman | 29

#6070680 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:30

God's wrath is upon you.

lexiieeex3 | 32

#6074310 - Friday 26 September 2014 7:48

Well yes, now she knows that 'God is always watching.'

By rocker_chick23 | 27

#6070681 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:30

I always knew God was a pervert. Watching you two fucking, no doubt enjoying it.

tantanpanda | 26

#6071341 - Monday 22 September 2014 14:17

Well, I guess god is a sadist then if he derives more pleasure from seeing a girl get her eyelid sliced open than them having sex.

daughternature | 7

#6073396 - Thursday 25 September 2014 3:50

Think about what you just said, people watch porn and enjoy it are they pervs too?

Funkshin | 5

#6388654 - Saturday 22 August 2015 8:02

yes we are

By supersquirel500 | 10

#6070682 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:30

He has spoken!

By gracehi | 31

#6070683 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:31

Jesus is watching you. O.O

swagstatic | 15

#6070692 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:33

No he isnt. He's dead idiot

tournamentdecide | 33

#6070695 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:34

No, God is watching OP.

King_Nero | 15

#6070703 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:43

It's a joke you fucking jackass. Don't start a comment war over if there is a god or not.

rocker_chick23 | 27

#6070704 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:45

#13: Gracehi was doing a joke. Chill the fuck out and get a sense of humor

Mortoli | 30

#6071426 - Monday 22 September 2014 17:06

It always feels like somebody watching. Lol

By bayy1432 | 14

#6070684 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:31

I don't know whether this is ironic or just karma but it's okay OP we all have urges

rocker_chick23 | 27

#6070686 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:32

I think it was God being jealous since the guy can get some, but he can't.

Lct1196 | 31

#6070696 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:34

I really don't see how this would be karma... there is nothing wrong with sex with someone (unless OP is already in a relationship).

scooterdude720 | 19

#6070705 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:45

Karma is a Hindu concept... I don't see how God would be using it

MidnaLink | 32

#6070710 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:48

Karma may be a Hindu concept, but it is universal and can be applied to anyone.

scooterdude720 | 19

#6070712 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:50

Anyone except God (lol)

gracehi | 31

#6070739 - Sunday 21 September 2014 21:17

I don't think Karma applies because Karma, as already pointed out, is a Hindu belief, and OP was hit in the face with a crucifix, which is a Christian symbol.

Googolman | 29

#6070749 - Sunday 21 September 2014 21:26

16 - The Christian religion is generally against sex before marriage.

zecton | 5

#6071981 - Tuesday 23 September 2014 6:25

Christianity does have a something similar to karma. it's called the law of the harvest. you reap what you sow.

By Googolman | 29

#6070687 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:32

Another thing, why wouldn't he take off his crucifix before engaging in sexual intercourse with you?

Enslaved | 36

#6070701 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:41

Because he thought it would help him after hearing rumours about the-- Second cuming of Christ.

scooterdude720 | 19

#6070709 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:47

No please stop

cadillacgal79 | 32

#6070735 - Sunday 21 September 2014 21:13

Don't stop the thread before it gets good -_-

Silver7827 | 14

#6070744 - Sunday 21 September 2014 21:21

I don't know about you, but I never take off my necklace, it has a pendant of jesus, and though I'm not religious, it has sentimental value to me, so I just keep it on

weveallbeenthere | 30

#6071663 - Monday 22 September 2014 22:50

thought there would have been more after the second cumming

By garrett_8614 | 14

#6070688 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:32

Pretty sure that's not what you wanted when you were saying "Oh God!"

By worldclassrager | 39

#6070689 - Sunday 21 September 2014 20:33

I think next time take off the jewelry...