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By haleyart - 10/06/2013 16:10 - United States - Shreveport

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We'd been talking about the move where you pick a girl up and kiss, and how romantic that would be, so we decided to try it. When he picked me up, my head slammed against his ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 540

You deserved it 12 664

haleyart tells us more.

haleyart 15

Thursday 3 October 2013 23:30

Hey everyone! Op here! I just wanted to thank the FML staff for posting this and everyone for your very funny comments. To clear things up... No my (now ex) boyfriend is not a midget, he's in fact a giant, I'm the short one. We were going to try it later OUTSIDE but he surprised me by picking me up in his house. No the ceiling fan was not on, thankfully. We had a great laugh about it afterwards and I wasn't mad at him. We actually joked how it was perfect for a romantic comedy. Sorry for answering so late, I JUST got my account verified. Hope this clarifies some things :)

By Timetoloseweight - 11/11/2009 16:03 - France

Today, for my birthday, my friends and family gave me: A Wii Fit, a free year at the gym and a book of diet recipes. They didn't consult with each other. I've asked for "something corresponding to me". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 929

You deserved it 15 390

By harrington61 - 19/05/2013 21:27 - United States - Midland

Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 318

You deserved it 3 926

Declined

By BrewPack - 14/07/2014 02:22 - United States - Slinger

Today, the couple who had written the offer we had accepted for our house withdrew it because apparently when they came by for the home inspection, my next door neighbor's teenage son tried to sell them heroin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 498

You deserved it 3 433

By Wealthyparrot - 10/05/2013 08:24 - United States

Today, a client refused to pay after I mowed her lawn. Her reasoning? I had entered her basement "without permission." I require on-site equipment be provided, and she kept her mower in her basement. I only knew it was in the basement because she'd showed me, and told me where the key was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 649

You deserved it 3 536

By Anonymous - 07/09/2016 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I called my boyfriend and asked if he wanted to come watch a movie. He seemed eager, until I said I needed the company because my period had started. He then went dead silent, waited a few seconds before starting to fake-snore, then hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 486

You deserved it 2 125

The Hangover

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Newark

Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 187

You deserved it 9 982

By bugnose - 16/05/2011 06:26

Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room. After several attempts, I stomped on it with my shoe. I was trying to get a closer look at my victory when it flew into my nostril. Turns out it was just playing dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 950

You deserved it 9 138

By Anonymous - 26/02/2014 21:44 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to give a sexual harassment seminar to my department. Someone put in a complaint that my example made them feel uncomfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 853

You deserved it 4 241

By DeeDee - 04/02/2014 22:08 - Austria - Vienna

Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 761

You deserved it 5 454

By Suzie Leone - 24/01/2012 03:21 - United States

Today, it's "family fun night." We're pulling weeds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 496

You deserved it 2 710

By StabStab - 11/01/2015 13:03 - Belgium

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 365

You deserved it 2 970

By Anonymous - 31/12/2009 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I got out of bed and immediately went to the window as it was supposed to snow today. I saw a man walking his dog and he waved at me. I waved back enthusiastically and realised I was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 132

You deserved it 31 850

By tessisue - 04/01/2016 11:18 - Germany

Today, I visited the hospital with my boyfriend to have an injury checked. When the doctor removed the band-aid, my boyfriend started screaming and passed out. I had to get him out of the room using a wheelchair. The "injury" is a cut in his finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 893

You deserved it 2 229

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, I was eating dinner with a friend when a really hot guy came up and introduced himself. He told us he was vegetarian, and I wanted to impress him so I told him I was too. I was eating a steak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 208

You deserved it 67 231

Our house, in the middle of our street

By Anonymous - 05/09/2011 10:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my parents planning on how to get me to move out of the house. It's my house. They only came to visit and forgot to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 964

You deserved it 3 200

Bunged up

By Anonymous - 28/06/2013 03:57 - United States

Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 716

You deserved it 5 796

By Urgghh - 16/05/2013 21:36 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got a mosquito bite on my chest. Due to a severe allergic reaction it has swollen my left breast a cup size. The first thing my boyfriend said was, "Hey look! I can finally see one of them." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 559

You deserved it 6 436

By anonymous - 17/05/2011 17:34 - United States

Today, I won the lottery. My ex-girlfriend has the ticket. I just broke up with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 828

You deserved it 28 410

Reasoning

By okay then - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Avon Lake

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he found out my birthday is the same day as his, and he thinks we are twins who were separated at birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 694

You deserved it 3 619

By UGH - 31/08/2009 23:48 - United States

Today, my parents decided I was old enough to know that my mother doesnt really have horrible nightmares. She's a screamer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 170

You deserved it 2 929

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk

By annonoymus - 16/03/2010 16:00 - Australia

Today, I was having an in depth discussion with my girlfriend's father about how corrupt journalists are and how our town's paper is the worst paper on the planet. After insulting basically everything about the newspaper, I asked him what he did for a living. He's the editor of the newspaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 750

You deserved it 47 145

By Machine - 19/02/2009 12:18 - Japan

Today, I asked to borrow my fat friend's pants for a semi-formal activity tomorrow. I figured I'd just get a belt to hold the pants up. Turns out, the pants fit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 831

You deserved it 63 561

By wasted time - 19/12/2013 09:09 - United States

Today, I learned, 90 horrifying minutes into a college exam, that my 85-year-old calculus teacher had spent the last three weeks teaching us the wrong chapter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 149

You deserved it 3 178

By icy_in_indiana - 11/12/2013 03:41 - United States - Greensburg

Today, a woman called the store I work for. When she found out it was a wrong number, she started to cry and asked me to stay on the line with her, talking about her dead husband and how she hasn't laughed in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 283

You deserved it 3 229

icy_in_indiana tells us more.

icy_in_indiana 10

Wednesday 11 December 2013 14:46

To those who said I'm selfish for saying FML, I was just following the conventions of the site. Trust me, the situation was awkward for me, but I so feel so much more sorry for the lady who called. She was meaning to call who I assume to be family or a friend to ask for toilet paper, but instead called the grocery store. I stayed on the line for a short while, but since we're not allowed to take personal calls at work, I had to refer her to someone else. I can only hope that she found someone to keep her company.