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Hey guys!! I'm surprised that this got published. I didn't dye my hair a weird color or anything. I went from a dark blond to just brunette because my sister actually suggested it months ago. She's been unbearable throughout this whole thing, but it's okay. I'm still going to the wedding, but as a guest now. :/

The Patriarch

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Mentor

Today, my daughter got her first period. Nobody was home but my husband. He didn't know what to do, except give her a sponge to put in her underwear. FML

agreeclassic 41 556

vote type 1 4 358

By Anonymous - 24/07/2009 09:32 - India

Today, I finally got the courage to ask out the guy I've liked for a long time. He's a cashier at a grocery store. It was about 1am and I was his last customer, everything seemed just right. Just when I was about to ask him to the movies, a drunk girl stumbles in and asks him out. He said yes. FML

agreeclassic 50 689

vote type 1 6 975

By Anonymous - 31/10/2011 04:12 - United States

Today, while in the car with my mom, she gave me a lecture about how bad of a driver I am. During that process she ran a red light and hit a car. FML

agreeclassic 32 284

vote type 1 2 654

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 21:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I was shaving my underarms, when I heard a noise. I quickly turned my head to see what it was and got the razor caught in my hair. I'm now sporting a very attractive bald patch. FML

agreeclassic 24 874

vote type 1 8 417

By FalloutScrolls - 13/11/2015 14:49 - United States - Eau Claire

Today, I got several angry messages on Facebook, demanding to know how I could cheat on my wife. They didn't believe me when I said I had no idea what they meant. Turns out my wife made a sarcastic post about my "new mistress". She was talking about Fallout 4. FML

agreeclassic 30 338

vote type 1 3 022

FalloutScrolls app_comment_confession_title

FalloutScrolls 25

Saturday 14 November 2015 2:18

Hey guys, OP here. So the actual FML character limit doesn't allow for part 2 of this story. My wife actually did mention Fallout in the post, but because it was rather lengthy and the punchline was towards the end, people knee-jerk overreacted to what they saw, and didn't notice that the long post was abbreviated on Facebook with a "read more" link. Several messages later, all is cleared up, and we're laughing about it now.

Look out!

By station - 05/05/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was walking out of the train station when an old man grabbed me. I started screaming, yelling, "HELP" like a madwoman and tried pushing him away - that's when I saw the golf cart rush past me. He was trying to push me aside from getting run over. Everyone started laughing. FML

agreeclassic 14 956

vote type 1 57 250

By stupidoldcar - 16/11/2009 02:59 - United States

Today, I finished installing a brand new engine in my old car. It cost just over $6000. Later, I was waiting at a red light and an uninsured drunk driver smashed into it head on. It's completely totaled. I got to drive it 5 miles. The car is worth $1000, even with a new engine. FML

agreeclassic 34 291

vote type 1 4 410

By unforgettablee - 29/04/2013 07:08 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

agreeclassic 51 759

vote type 1 13 053

Bad timing

By amya - 17/10/2009 08:39 - Canada

Today, I had a phone interview for a job I've had my eye on forever. I was dumped a few hours before the interview, but was okay until I was put on hold with music playing. Me and my boyfriend's song came on and I started bawling. I could hardly talk when they took me off hold. FML

agreeclassic 35 391

vote type 1 9 958

By MaKaDa - 23/09/2009 11:28 - United States

Today, I realized that my coach doesn't close the door and the blinds to perform half-naked body checks (to make sure his team is in shape) on anyone else but me. FML

agreeclassic 49 724

vote type 1 4 837

Functioning

By Violet - 19/04/2011 09:50 - Australia

Today, I realised that what I had thought was my dad's default state for the past 17 years is actually his drunken state. FML

agreeclassic 32 319

vote type 1 3 401

By Darbstar101 - 08/04/2015 13:00 - Australia - Lawnton

Today, I found out just how much my dog likes ice-cream when she tackled a little girl at a park for hers. FML

agreeclassic 31 267

vote type 1 4 257

Darbstar101 app_comment_confession_title

Darbstar101 19

Thursday 9 April 2015 0:02

OP here, yes the girl was fine and laughing when I ran up to her to see if she was okay. My dogs just a very large, very excitable english mastiff puppy and the girl loves dogs so it worked out fine after I bought her another ice-cream. And my puppy wasn't on a leash because we were at a dog park playing with other dogs and she was very fired up. The little girls parent saw what happened and were very understanding :)