Intimacy: Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over...

By homersgirl - 30/09/2009 08:28 - United States

Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over and stares lovingly into my eyes, puts his hand on my cheek caressing it tenderly... and says "Who's a good piggy?" in his best Homer Simpson's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 338

You deserved it 5 128

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By ch4nny - 29/08/2014 01:47 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 248

You deserved it 5 686

And they say romance is dead…

By BaconBreathBlonde - 30/10/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 034

You deserved it 7 724

By Anonymous - 30/05/2009 14:19 - Australia

Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 298

You deserved it 21 484

By Anonymous - 02/06/2012 10:24 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 245

You deserved it 32 721

By nick - 27/06/2016 03:44 - United States - Highland Park

Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 460

You deserved it 2 106

Woof woof

By kjdhfakjs - 20/05/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 417

You deserved it 6 699

By Anonymous - 01/04/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 727

You deserved it 36 347

Sore loser

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 02:15 - Australia - Picton

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because, "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 022

You deserved it 5 869

By isoheartcaitlin - 25/08/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 368

You deserved it 6 161

By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 06:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling and telling eachother nice things. The nicest thing he could think of to say to me was "Well, I see you shaved your mustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 688

You deserved it 6 398

thatpianoguy612 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:12

That. Is. Awesome.

dacho 7

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:14

Sex SESSION? What, you pay him for sex, or?

Comments

Bloodknight 22

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:08

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

turkishjew 0

Monday 25 July 2011 4:21

bloodknight thinks that cuz he never been laid

missonedirection 6

Friday 6 April 2012 18:50

ahahahaha 75, clever ! lol

crazytiger16 8

Wednesday 29 August 2012 6:57

Doesn't matter, had sex!!! :D

melkymac101 17

Tuesday 18 March 2014 3:23

Whoever this is, I love you

blakehilli8 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:09

first

degco44 0

Thursday 1 October 2009 0:01

You're the second, smart one. Epic fail.

pittspens 0

Thursday 1 October 2009 2:35

HAHA. EPIC.

blakehilli8 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:11

fourth

thatpianoguy612 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:12

That. Is. Awesome.

blakehilli8 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:13

sixth

dacho 7

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:14

Sex SESSION? What, you pay him for sex, or?

blakehilli8 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:14

eighth

blakehilli8 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:16

ninth

blakehilli8 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:18

tenth bitch

youaresofucked 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:18

What made it amazing? Just to clarify....

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I realized that whenever I use emoticons, I tend to make the same face in real life. My coworkers gleefully showed me various pictures with my tongue out, face scrunched up, and so on, while staring at my phone. They've already made their way around the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 005

You deserved it 21 832

Today, according to my husband of many years, he was actually planning to ghost me after our boring first date. It was only the fact that I shagged him senseless that night that kept him around long enough for us to actually get to know each other. Hooray for me being a "loose slut" back in 1998. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 561

The Top

Today, I was going to put up wallpaper in my bedroom, so I asked my stepdad to switch off the electricity as there was an output on the wall. I started to cut out the wallpaper to fit and accidentally stuck my finger in there. The power was not off. An ambulance had to come check my heart rhythm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 996

You deserved it 472

Today, while taking to-go orders at my restaurant, a customer called saying he wanted his food well done. He even said, “Burn it to a crisp.” Which is what I told the kitchen. When he came to pick it up, he opened his food, inspected it and screamed, “Not this burned, you damn retard!” and threw it at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 137

Today, it’s a rather wet summer and everything in our house is prone to mould. No, I’m not exaggerating when I say “everything”: I just found mould growing on the plates in the cupboard. And, no, we did not accidentally put them away unwashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 77

Today, I looked at a girl's profile on a dating website, and it told her I'd visited it. Later on, she sent me a message. It said: "Don't even think about it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 656

You deserved it 3 798

Today, I was showing my unique new tattoo to my friends when a man approaches me with his digital camera and asks if he could take a picture of the tattoo for his website. I agreed. I find out later that it's a site about ugly tattoos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 049

You deserved it 44 686

Today, I went to a New Year's party with my boyfriend. Later into the night, he got drunk, and left me there to go to another party with his friends. I have no car, and no way to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 712

You deserved it 3 600

Same thing different taste

And they say romance is dead…

Woof woof

Sore loser

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