Intimacy: Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over...

By homersgirl - 30/09/2009 08:28 - United States

Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over and stares lovingly into my eyes, puts his hand on my cheek caressing it tenderly... and says "Who's a good piggy?" in his best Homer Simpson's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 343

You deserved it 5 130

Summer: Sun, Sea and Blunders
Summer anecdotes where the sun shines... and blunders are never far away! More…

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Same thing different taste

By ch4nny - 29/08/2014 01:47 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 249

You deserved it 5 686

And they say romance is dead…

By BaconBreathBlonde - 30/10/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 036

You deserved it 7 726

By Anonymous - 30/05/2009 14:19 - Australia

Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 305

You deserved it 21 490

By Anonymous - 02/06/2012 10:24 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 248

You deserved it 32 727

By nick - 27/06/2016 03:44 - United States - Highland Park

Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 463

You deserved it 2 106

Woof woof

By kjdhfakjs - 20/05/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 422

You deserved it 6 700

By Anonymous - 01/04/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 730

You deserved it 36 356

Sore loser

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 02:15 - Australia - Picton

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because, "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 032

You deserved it 5 876

By isoheartcaitlin - 25/08/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 371

You deserved it 6 162

By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 06:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling and telling eachother nice things. The nicest thing he could think of to say to me was "Well, I see you shaved your mustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 690

You deserved it 6 398

thatpianoguy612 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:12

That. Is. Awesome.

dacho 7

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:14

Sex SESSION? What, you pay him for sex, or?

Comments

Bloodknight 22

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:08

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

turkishjew 0

Monday 25 July 2011 4:21

bloodknight thinks that cuz he never been laid

missonedirection 6

Friday 6 April 2012 18:50

ahahahaha 75, clever ! lol

crazytiger16 8

Wednesday 29 August 2012 6:57

Doesn't matter, had sex!!! :D

melkymac101 17

Tuesday 18 March 2014 3:23

Whoever this is, I love you

blakehilli8 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:09

first

degco44 0

Thursday 1 October 2009 0:01

You're the second, smart one. Epic fail.

pittspens 0

Thursday 1 October 2009 2:35

HAHA. EPIC.

blakehilli8 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:11

fourth

thatpianoguy612 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:12

That. Is. Awesome.

blakehilli8 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:13

sixth

dacho 7

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:14

Sex SESSION? What, you pay him for sex, or?

blakehilli8 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:14

eighth

blakehilli8 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:16

ninth

blakehilli8 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:18

tenth bitch

youaresofucked 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:18

What made it amazing? Just to clarify....

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend of 4 months confessed that she purposely lied and told me she was on the pill when she wasn't so she could get pregnant (she now is). All websites call tampering with birth control reproductive coercion and abuse, but ONLY when a man does it to a woman. When she does it to me, it's a romance book plotline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 169

Today, I discovered that when they remove your cancerous prostate, your penis will shrink by the exact length of the removed prostate back up into your body. So not only do I now need pills to get a boner, my boner has shrunk from a respectable 5 inches to just under 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 332

You deserved it 160

The Top

Today, in an effort to get active, I swam some laps at my school pool. Afterwards, I noticed that someone had broken into the locker I was using. Thankfully nothing was stolen except for my shoes and socks. I had a full day of classes to go to, barefoot, in December and an hour bus ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 242

You deserved it 608

Today, we were supposed to go on a weekend camping trip with our Scout troop. On Thursday I wasn't feeling well but I made it through school okay. Dad forced me to pack up immediately after school, even though I felt worse. I threw up on the porch on the way out. Dad thinks I did this on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 54

Today, my supervisor gave me a grand introduction as I met the CEO for the first time. He introduced me as, "Employee number zero." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 629

You deserved it 808

Today, I came down with sudden diarrhea while at taekwondo practice. I discreetly called my dad for a pickup, but on our way out, he told my instructor that I had to go because I was "shitting my pants with fear". He did this in front of all my classmates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 456

You deserved it 2 841

Today, my drill sergeant found out it's my birthday. I spent the rest of the day scrubbing large, filthy pots for the entire base of 2000+ and scrubbing grime off of bathroom walls. Happy birthday to me! FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 538

You deserved it 1 577

Today, my mother was trying to have yet another "helpful" conversation about how to fix my anxiety. My sister's insightful comment? "I think your problem is that you need to get laid." My mom agreed with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 650

You deserved it 4 224

Same thing different taste

And they say romance is dead…

Woof woof

Sore loser

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