Poopoo peepee, Dad jokes and Health: Enough with the puns

Enough with the puns

By fuckmuppet - 27/05/2014 17:04 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 722

You deserved it 7 477

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Same thing different taste

By shroooms - 28/07/2011 20:37 - Slovenia

Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 714

You deserved it 3 069

By amandapurple - 22/02/2009 19:02 - United States

Today, I finally won an ongoing battle with my family to go to a restaurant I like, rather than a restaurant I hate with a passion. Now I'm throwing up, and my back is killing me. I'm the only one who got food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 739

You deserved it 12 366

Toilet training

By Anonymous - 22/04/2012 17:12 - United States - Houston

Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 343

You deserved it 2 767

Barf

By rawr_ily96 - 24/05/2020 08:00 - United States

Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 318

You deserved it 218

By AW - 10/01/2011 12:48

Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 645

You deserved it 3 031

By GoDiarrhea - 04/03/2010 18:52 - Argentina

Today, I came down with sudden diarrhea while at taekwondo practice. I discreetly called my dad for a pickup, but on our way out, he told my instructor that I had to go because I was "shitting my pants with fear". He did this in front of all my classmates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 443

You deserved it 2 836

By Anonymous - 28/05/2010 23:51 - United States

Today, I went out to eat to celebrate getting over the stomach flu. I hadn't eaten solid food in over a week, so I was really excited and ordered my favorite dish. It gave me food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 857

You deserved it 4 774

By Anonymous - 18/05/2011 07:26 - United States

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 353

You deserved it 9 320

By K.. - 07/05/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 840

You deserved it 3 719

By green and not with envy - 13/06/2014 20:17 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 760

You deserved it 5 797

laurenlovesjb 20

Tuesday 27 May 2014 23:14

I was recently on a 2-week Europe tour with my Rotary Exchange District and got food poisoning the first day. Our trip chaperone kept making pregnancy jokes at me the whole time on our way to the doctor's. I know your pain. Also, we practically lived on a bus...

JustinKirby 20

Tuesday 27 May 2014 23:18

Make a complaint to the restaurant that their food made you sick, hopefully they don't just try to give you a new meal free ending you up in the same situation.

Comments

laurenlovesjb 20

Tuesday 27 May 2014 23:14

feelingold 18

Wednesday 28 May 2014 0:35

Does OP's dad post comments on FML? That material sounds mighty familiar! And yes I know this is a #1 post hijack but let's be honest, you were bored by the time you got to the word 'rotary'....

J3R3MYY 14

Wednesday 28 May 2014 3:31

Hey it's one of my beliebers!

incoherentrmblr 21

Wednesday 28 May 2014 5:48

The title is epic, and as for the ending, all I can think of is the Tick, "Spooooonnnnn!!!..."

mutantproudish 16

Tuesday 27 May 2014 23:15

Wow, that sucks. Where'd you eat?

jerryj 27

Tuesday 27 May 2014 23:16

Good thing I had my shovel in my hand already. Who wants to join in the burying? EDIT: Good save #2 with editing the comment.

chickenfeet223 11

Wednesday 28 May 2014 4:52

Little mean don't you think ?

domking1315 20

Wednesday 28 May 2014 5:01

Makes me wonder what the original comment was

Pingvinai 37

Wednesday 28 May 2014 5:09

But...what was the comment?

jerryj 27

Wednesday 28 May 2014 5:48

The original comment contained an unspeakable word that numbers 8, 15 and 17 used below.

9echo 17

Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:03

Somebody dodged a bullet there.

mutantproudish 16

Friday 30 May 2014 7:46

I know my original comment was terrible, so glad I changed it.

FrenchMixer 9

Tuesday 27 May 2014 23:15

Ton pere est donc un gros encule Voila la conclusion que j'en tire salope :D hahaaa

AustinDenton 22

Tuesday 27 May 2014 23:15

Your dad is awesome.

ohcheriecherie 20

Wednesday 28 May 2014 1:36

if OP's dad was on FML, he would get downvoted.

Respect101 17

Wednesday 28 May 2014 5:32

I would give him thumbs up, he is just attempting to make light of a bad situation. As long as others were laughing with him and not him by himself.

Fmlsea 28

Wednesday 28 May 2014 8:16

well obviously he was going overboard since it drove op to the point of wanting to hurt him.so im guessing the only one getting a laugh was the dad.

thesinginguy 18

Tuesday 27 May 2014 23:16

That's shit luck you have there.

JustinKirby 20

Tuesday 27 May 2014 23:18

Make a complaint to the restaurant that their food made you sick, hopefully they don't just try to give you a new meal free ending you up in the same situation.