Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated....

By fuck my arse - 8/8/2013 22:15 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53339

You deserved it

19462

Favorite

Intimacy

Dangling modifier

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

The Summoner

By horriblefashionsense - 26/9/2013 15:20 - United States - Winter Garden

Today, I went in the diner I always pass by and ordered a sandwich. When I asked how much it was, the waitress replied, "Don't worry, honey. We give free meals to the homeless on Thursdays." I was too ashamed to deny it, so I just said thank you and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47465

You deserved it

6233

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/8/2019 16:00 - United States

Today, I had a really important meeting for my career. The guy I was supposed to be meeting was driving from across the state, and it was supposed to begin at noon. It's now 4. What if I leave and he shows up after having driven across the state? I don't dare move. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1676

You deserved it

140

Favorite

By The Dishwasher - 7/6/2017 15:00 - Canada - Guelph

Today, I started work at catering company. I was aware that I'd be cleaning dishes, but they forgot to warn me how many. Needless to say, after polishing 527 glasses, my hands hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3607

You deserved it

1066

Favorite

By NotHungryAnymore - 1/3/2016 15:46 - United States - Rochester

Today, my boss is now so comfortable with me that she doesn't even try to hide the fact that she goes digging for gold in her nose through every conversation we have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18712

You deserved it

1315

Favorite

By Misky - 2/7/2012 02:51

Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10558

You deserved it

28337

Favorite

By Deep Sigh - 14/8/2017 23:15

Deep Sigh? More like Deep Throat

Today, I wanted to get my mind off my ex, so like any other guy I decided to watch some porn and jack it. I see one video with a familiar looking room so I click on it. Guess who I saw getting it from some dude? So much for forgetting about my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5268

You deserved it

546

Favorite

By ForeverAGirlfriend - 13/6/2016 04:40 - United States - Aliquippa

Today, while vacationing with my boyfriend of 9 years, he started writing "Wi" in the sand. I instantly hoped he was going to propose by writing, "Will you marry me" on the beach. He spelled out "wiener" instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13945

You deserved it

3156

Favorite

By GTR - 2/6/2011 01:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a car. After just ten minutes, my hub caps had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32165

You deserved it

3316

Favorite

By notastoner - 19/6/2011 06:38 - United States

Today, I left early from a trashy dance and bought a soda at a Shell station. The clerk asked me if I had been smoking weed. When I replied "No", he said "You mean you always look like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35513

You deserved it

5576

Favorite

By why me? - 11/3/2014 07:21 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I came home from a long day from work, only to find a strange woman in my apartment. She explained that my roommate told her it was OK to spend a few days here. I guess he forgot that the room was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40543

You deserved it

3339

Favorite

By future walmart employee - 21/5/2013 04:10 - United States - Clarendon Hills

Today, I had my first job as a wedding planner. I'd spent a year making sure everything was right. After the wedding my friend comforted me by saying, "You had to have known it wasn't going to be perfect." I knew that it wouldn't be perfect, but I had expected the groom to at least show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47339

You deserved it

3153

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50487

You deserved it

2493

Favorite

By steph - 15/7/2018 09:00 - United States

Cropped Out

Today, my cousins cropped me out of a picture of all 6 of us at a wedding, then captioned it, "We have such a good-looking family!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

3784

You deserved it

252

Favorite

By aricababyy - 29/12/2016 05:09 - United States - Winchester

Today, I had my very first interview and pretty much got hired right away. Then I found out I have to drive 2 hours away for training. I don't have a car, license, or money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4706

You deserved it

567

Favorite

By fatman - 14/12/2009 18:49 - United States

Today, I was on a plane. The person sitting next to me was using the plane's wifi, and was on Facebook. They joined the group 'I hate sitting next to fat people on airplanes'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39632

You deserved it

11755

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/8/2019 00:01

Today, I spent five hours in the back seat of a car with two dogs. Both had been sprayed by a skunk earlier in the day. One had a gas problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1623

You deserved it

143

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/7/2019 20:00

Today, at work, we ran out of receipt paper. Someone paid for $3 in gas and asked for a receipt. I explained that the company we order our paper from sent us toilet paper, not receipt paper. He got mad and said that he was never coming back. Twenty minutes later, he was back to get $3 more in gas, wanting a receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1688

You deserved it

113

Favorite

By imma ture - 10/8/2015 17:04

Today, I was involved in a debate. Things got out of control, insults were hurled, and by the end friends were lost. The subject of the debate? Whether snot has enough calories in it to be nutritional. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21820

You deserved it

6034

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/3/2013 11:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was outside at a café and looked at my phone. When I did, a woman halfway across the patio started screaming at me, demanding I tell her who I was texting and why. She then sprinted over, furious at me for apparently badmouthing her to somebody. All I did was check the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41744

You deserved it

2929

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/1/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, my husband invited a couple of his college friends over for dinner. While we were in the middle of eating, one of them asked loudly, "Hey, whatever happened to that fat bitch you dated in your third year?" We've been dating since his second year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40529

You deserved it

3842

Favorite

By junior - 11/4/2010 08:11 - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend, thinking we were alone in the house. Her little brother found us having sex on the couch, took a pic and said, "You are now both my slaves." He ran upstairs and locked his bedroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20198

You deserved it

46227

Favorite

By gali-ma - 7/2/2015 12:52 - Australia

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook of me at a club with some friends. The first comment it got was "Just got a stiffy. 10/10." Thanks for that, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32377

You deserved it

3585

Favorite

By Some Guy - 12/10/2015 00:54 - United States - Allen

Today, I was babysitting a 2 year old. He was messing around with a silver fork and I told him it was dangerous. He then got mad at me and started crying and stabbed me right in my foot. Be warned, even though they're little, they can still cause a lot of pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23091

You deserved it

2719

Favorite

By Starving Student - 17/5/2012 03:42 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I got a ticket for panhandling to get gas money so that I could both drive out to a job interview AND still have enough gas to pick up my dad. Apparently, these particular cops had nothing better to do than harass me for standing quietly next to a freeway entrance with a silly sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10050

You deserved it

28695

Favorite

By BassGuy - 18/5/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, I went onto my band's MySpace just to check if we had any new comments or anything like that and I noticed that I was listed as a past member. Nobody ever told me I was replaced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62139

You deserved it

4770

Favorite

By Saucy - 26/6/2009 22:03 - United States

Today, I got marinara sauce on my new white shirt. I went in my desk for my Tide-To-Go pen and started using it on the spot. Turns out orange highlighters look a lot like Tide-To-Go pens when you don't look closely enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19532

You deserved it

50445

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/9/2009 06:58 - United States

Today, my brother thought he would take my key and steal my shoes from my football locker while I was at practice. What he didn't think about was him leaving my locker unlocked for the 3 hours of practice. Someone stole my iPod, my cell phone, my wallet, and all of my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47056

You deserved it

2809

Favorite

By I fathered a pussy. - 14/6/2013 22:12 - United States - Lakeland

Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45865

You deserved it

4896

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/7/2011 14:05 - United Kingdom

Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24748

You deserved it

3002

Favorite

By youredisgusting - 3/10/2014 07:00 - United States - Merced

Today, my roommate yelled at me yet again for using the dishwasher because it's "unsanitary." This is all while a mountain of her dishes were going mouldy in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33948

You deserved it

2663

Favorite

By adopted apparently - 23/3/2019 12:00

Today, I found out the joke I’ve been telling for 15 years is true. I am adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2230

You deserved it

328

Favorite

By beepbeep - 22/8/2018 03:30

Today, after being kicked out of my racist family, my boyfriend and I moved across the country to rent an apartment with my sister. My mother hates us so much she offered to buy my sister a new car to not take us in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3181

You deserved it

506

Favorite

By MotherNatureMustDie - 27/10/2009 12:32 - South Africa

Today, my telephone line was hit by lightning. I discovered that not only will lightning fry a router, it will also destroy any PCs connected to that router via network cables. I also discovered that a $10 phone line surge protector would have saved nearly $3,000 worth of PC equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14918

You deserved it

38453

Favorite

By IB6UB9 - 28/11/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66023

You deserved it

6940

Favorite

By eringoBRA - 6/5/2011 14:07 - United States

Today, I walked out of my house, waved at my neighbors, walked through my front yard and into the side yard to turn off the sprinkler. It wasn't until I was back into the house that I remembered I wasn't wearing a top. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18129

You deserved it

52676

Favorite

By cfaul001 - 29/2/2012 17:41 - United States

Today, I got extremely wasted and decided to take a shower with my boyfriend. What seemed like a good and sexy idea turned into us falling and getting wedged in the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12147

You deserved it

27608

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/4/2012 04:44 - United States

Today, I yet again heard a friend say "YOLO" as if it's a word. It was so annoying that I had to restrain myself from punching him in the face and offering him the chance to suck on one of my turds, since apparently "YOLO." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22841

You deserved it

5753

Favorite

By AboutToBeHomeless - 3/11/2016 13:16

Today, I received a letter from my landlord's attorney. It said my landlord is terminating my "verbal" lease with him. Ten years ago, the deal began as rent to own. My landlord is my grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9780

You deserved it

718

Favorite

By Tjop - 15/4/2011 11:50 - South Africa

Today, my girlfriend of 3 and half years broke up with me, just after I fixed-up her house that took me about 3 and a half years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46567

You deserved it

6008

Favorite

By Gretchen - 25/2/2011 01:56

Today, I went to see my banker. As we were finishing everything up, I leaned forward to sign something. As I went back to sit down, my 2 year old pulled the chair out from under me, and I crashed down to the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28239

You deserved it

5647

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Nyx_fml | 23

#5619526 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:29

Tomorrow, he'll be boasting to his friends that he gave you such a good time you can't even walk.

By soulebelius | 17

#5619525 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:29

But they do it in porn...

COMMENTS

By soulebelius | 17

#5619525 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:29

But they do it in porn...

webbface | 25

#5619623 - Friday 9 August 2013 6:02

Lol, also in porn they tear easily. At least he was being tasteful haha

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5619659 - Friday 9 August 2013 6:21

Op should talk to the guy who provides Hulk Hogan his clothing. His clothes seem to rip way too easily

iBanana | 17

#5619684 - Friday 9 August 2013 6:34

Yeah erm, that would be because his arms are the size of a full grown rhino's quadricep. I can only imagine the size of...

gallaeo | 21

#5619759 - Friday 9 August 2013 7:41

@#37 Well with all the steroids I would imagine you'd be quite disappointed, from all the wonderful steroids properties of...shrinkage in certain departments, that is...

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5619796 - Friday 9 August 2013 8:23

You know what they say. Big things come in small packages...then you take steroids...so they become non-existent?

mbuck87 | 19

#5619867 - Friday 9 August 2013 9:42

I think it's 'good' things come in small packages...

Fluffasuars_Rawr | 15

#5619872 - Friday 9 August 2013 9:46

and my mind went straight to the gutter after the dots...

Krystal3408 | 32

#5619926 - Friday 9 August 2013 11:36

Except his shorts. That shit never tears.

TheNewMirage | 10

#5619937 - Friday 9 August 2013 11:50

I think you're confused with The Hulk... Hulk Hogan is someone else

soulebelius | 17

#5620313 - Friday 9 August 2013 20:05

You've never seen Hulk Hogan rip his tank tops?

By Nyx_fml | 23

#5619526 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:29

Tomorrow, he'll be boasting to his friends that he gave you such a good time you can't even walk.

Damian95 | 16

#5619578 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:42

Well technically he did hurt her in bed.

ViRepz | 28

#5619804 - Friday 9 August 2013 8:33

Im still wondering if she can't walk straight because of the panties getting ripped or because of OP's name.

etoilenuit | 15

#5619913 - Friday 9 August 2013 11:23

Haha funniest comment ^

megstiel | 16

#5626120 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 20:23

I didn't even realize until that comment. ;-;

By Phooey | 22

#5619537 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:31

Sounds like you had a great time! how is this an fml?

Misswildsides | 22

#5619544 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:32

Obviously OP didn't have a good time. He ripped off her panties with such might, she can't walk. I'm sure that's not a pleasant experience.

By Redlawnchair | 9

#5619538 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:31

I think I would be angrier that he ripped potentially expensive panties.
Dear men,
Lingerie is pricey.
Sincerely,
Women everywhere.

CallMeMcFeelii | 13

#5619586 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:44

Damn straight lingerie is expensive. It's the perfect gift for both parties, but it's not too hard spending 40+ bucks on a matching pair of bras and panties. It's always worth the money to see them in it though.

DarthVader77 | 9

#5619594 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:48

Dear Women Everywhere!

Man will be man and will continue to have fantasies and will do all they can to fulfill them. Lingerie is expensive, it is true. Feeling loved an desired is priceless.

Stupid Men Who refuse to be tamed

webbface | 25

#5619626 - Friday 9 August 2013 6:04

Dear woman who buy pricey underwear,
Don't tell your man to tear them off of you. Just get up and take them off seductively. He was not in the wrong for doing what he was told.