Intimacy: Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated....

By fuck my arse - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53349

You deserved it

19470

Favorite

Intimacy

Triage

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Let's go girls!

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a music festival, watching one of my favorite bands. The security guys were throwing water into the crowd to cool us down. I saw some about to be thrown by another fan, so I stood with my mouth open to catch some of it. I ended up with a face full of hot piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33784

You deserved it

20178

Favorite

By MulticoloredSlug - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12304

You deserved it

1375

Favorite

By unsatisfying - Australia

Countdown

Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26382

You deserved it

15500

Favorite

By Boyufd - 8/6/2020 17:06

Never get involved

Today, my sister told me her ex-boyfriend abused her and I went to go confront him. Turns out, she lied because he dumped her after she cheated on him. I got my ass kicked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1592

You deserved it

522

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/10/2020 02:02

Bass, how low can you go?

Today, I tried to study for my upcoming engineering exam. The class I’m in is notorious for being incredibly difficult and is oftentimes the reason for people dropping out of the major. Too bad the dudes in the apartment next to me have a subwoofer and keep playing music that has way too much bass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

962

You deserved it

Favorite

By middleagednurse

Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1520

You deserved it

3739

Favorite

By dammed - United States

Today, I got a text from my roommate asking me if it was cool that my ex was coming over to console him because he's sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25923

You deserved it

2111

Favorite

By ifpigsflew - New Zealand

Today, I got hit by a Salami log thrown from a car; its metal wire cut my shoulder. I got scarred by a flying hunk of pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29088

You deserved it

2759

Favorite

By ThirteenThirteen - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, I was sent the script to a play I'm participating in at school. After reading it a couple of times, I noticed that my part has been forgotten completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25871

You deserved it

2019

Favorite

By cat whisperer - United States

Today, on my way to Burger King I got into a heated discussion with my wife about our cats. We have 15 rescues, and I've reached my limit. Guess what came running up to my car while waiting in the drive-through. We named him Pickles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48844

You deserved it

10632

Favorite

By embarrassed - United States

Today, my sister set it so all the Yahoo articles I read are published on my Facebook wall. This would have been fine had I not decided to read, "Does the gynecologist care if you shave?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28405

You deserved it

5340

Favorite

By mindlost - United States

Today, I had an argument over whether or not I should buy some flowers. With myself. Out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8227

You deserved it

29364

Favorite

By purrykitty - United States

Today, I tried to spice things up in the bedroom by making love to my husband in a tight leather corset. I ended up passing out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21792

You deserved it

40657

Favorite

By ohmyx3 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house.I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says "we know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74997

You deserved it

9863

Favorite

By Mishti

Today, whilst on the toilet at the mall, I took my new designer sandals off as my feet were blistered. Not even a second later, a hand reached out from under the stall, grabbed my sandals and disappeared. I had to walk home a mile barefoot. In the burning heat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4121

You deserved it

1566

Favorite

By I get the hint

Today, I found a pamphlet for alcohol counseling on my front door today. I think it was from the guys who pick up my recycling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40175

You deserved it

12146

Favorite

By historyrepeats

Today, I woke up to a Swastika, "Go home" and "Trump2020" spray-painted on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2493

You deserved it

288

Favorite

By twitterfailsme - Israel - Rishon Le Zion

Today, I googled myself in preparation for my upcoming job interview. Turns out there's a girl on Twitter with my name and age who tweets nonstop about getting wasted and being on probation. She won't make her profile private. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48914

You deserved it

3523

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, while fingering my girlfriend in the dark, I tried to be sexy and licked my fingers. After we turned the lights back on, we realized that her period had come early. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6424

You deserved it

2073

Favorite

By awkward - United States

Dirty talk

Today, I was having some kinky sex with my girlfriend. When I said "You've been a bad girl", she looked at me wide-eyed and asked very seriously, "What did I do?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

57458

You deserved it

10405

Favorite

By cbrocks - United States

Today, it was the first day of fall break from college, and I was really excited to sleep in and relax the entire weekend. Apparently my boss caught wind of my happiness and scheduled me 8am-2pm each day of break, "seeing how I don't have anything else to do." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33069

You deserved it

3859

Favorite

By Casuallydying

Today, I went into my boss's office to confront her about not consulting me before switching my shifts with someone else. I left in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3897

You deserved it

564

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/7/2020 05:00

What?

Today, I found out that my hearing is average for a 60-year-old. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1107

You deserved it

110

Favorite

By humbug - United States - Broomfield

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been paying her half of the rent by taking my ATM card and getting money from my account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30397

You deserved it

5584

Favorite

By not_fakingit - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I joked with my boss about calling in sick to work tomorrow with food poisoning to avoid taking the Sunday shift. Tonight, I'm sitting on the toilet bowl in agonizing pain with combination diarrhea and vomiting. My shift starts in 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42389

You deserved it

11165

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Wolcott

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47683

You deserved it

9615

Favorite

By Smittynumerouno - United States - Amarillo

Today, I had an old man yell in my face because the boxes in our store only had Spanish words on them. I spent 15 minutes apologizing and trying to explain that the English was on the back side. He stormed out before I could even show him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10670

You deserved it

903

Favorite

By Tressa95 - United States - Belleville

Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise, saw a lady squeezing blood out of used tampons. We made eye contact, she continued, and I ran out in horror. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4563

You deserved it

291

Favorite

By stupidapperently - United States

Today, while checking out a couple at work, I handed them their receipt and wished them a good day. The woman promptly pulled her husband to the side, and whispered to him about how much of a "fucking idiot" I was for making the prices so high. I work at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31598

You deserved it

2393

Favorite

By Anonymous

And now, on Judge Judy

Today, I found out my roommates spent my rent money and told the landlord I never paid. I've paid my rent and theirs the past 6 months. My name's on the lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1710

You deserved it

400

Favorite

By iliku

Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1407

You deserved it

188

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Santa Fe

Today, I went to work and said hi to my boss. He reached towards me. I thought he was trying to give me a hug, so I awkwardly hugged him back. Turned out he was just trying to fix my shirt collar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30111

You deserved it

4445

Favorite

By g'day cunt - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my dog head-butted me in the mouth so hard that my lip split open. Twenty minutes later, I unthinkingly sprayed perfume directly into the wound. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8623

You deserved it

28772

Favorite

By henhouse - Australia - Brunswick East

Today, I lost my virginity. The most memorable aspect of it wasn't the fact that my boyfriend finished after two thrusts, but rather the fact that he first said, "The pilot has entered the cockpit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31923

You deserved it

3641

Favorite

By lmastr64 - France

Today, I sit here in agonizing pain because of a scoliosis surgery. I have a bunch of painkillers that I need to suppress this incredible back pain. Looks like I can't take any. My mom has hidden them from me because she THINKS I need to be taken off them. I wish my doctor were here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37883

You deserved it

2750

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I was outside at a café and looked at my phone. When I did, a woman halfway across the patio started screaming at me, demanding I tell her who I was texting and why. She then sprinted over, furious at me for apparently badmouthing her to somebody. All I did was check the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41764

You deserved it

2931

Favorite

By thanks, my fellow americans - United States - Woodlyn

Today, I was again turned down by a potential host family on a student exchange site. Their reasoning was basically that since I'm American, I might do something to endanger my health, get hurt, and then sue them over my own stupidity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47593

You deserved it

13585

Favorite

By Victoria - United States

Today, I got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding. When he saw I had something in my pocket, he began to ask if it was a weapon. After arguing for a few minutes I was put in handcuffs. I was too embarrassed to pull the tampon out my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10802

You deserved it

48162

Favorite

By cnkk07 - United States

Today, my dad used the stove to boil water. Unfortunately, he turned the wrong burner on, setting the smoke alarm off. What's worse was the smell of burning plastic that came from the coffeemaker being melted down. It's been over an hour, and my eyes still burn like hell when I walk into the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23486

You deserved it

2501

Favorite

By Richard - France

Today, there was a new and extremely attractive girl at youth group, so I decided to introduce myself. Her reply was, "Wow, I've always wanted to meet a gay guy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

37226

You deserved it

4486

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Nyx_fml | 23

#5619526 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:29

Tomorrow, he'll be boasting to his friends that he gave you such a good time you can't even walk.

By soulebelius | 17

#5619525 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:29

But they do it in porn...

COMMENTS

By soulebelius | 17

#5619525 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:29

But they do it in porn...

webbface | 25

#5619623 - Friday 9 August 2013 6:02

Lol, also in porn they tear easily. At least he was being tasteful haha

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5619659 - Friday 9 August 2013 6:21

Op should talk to the guy who provides Hulk Hogan his clothing. His clothes seem to rip way too easily

iBanana | 17

#5619684 - Friday 9 August 2013 6:34

Yeah erm, that would be because his arms are the size of a full grown rhino's quadricep. I can only imagine the size of...

gallaeo | 21

#5619759 - Friday 9 August 2013 7:41

@#37 Well with all the steroids I would imagine you'd be quite disappointed, from all the wonderful steroids properties of...shrinkage in certain departments, that is...

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5619796 - Friday 9 August 2013 8:23

You know what they say. Big things come in small packages...then you take steroids...so they become non-existent?

mbuck87 | 19

#5619867 - Friday 9 August 2013 9:42

I think it's 'good' things come in small packages...

Fluffasuars_Rawr | 15

#5619872 - Friday 9 August 2013 9:46

and my mind went straight to the gutter after the dots...

Krystal3408 | 32

#5619926 - Friday 9 August 2013 11:36

Except his shorts. That shit never tears.

TheNewMirage | 10

#5619937 - Friday 9 August 2013 11:50

I think you're confused with The Hulk... Hulk Hogan is someone else

soulebelius | 17

#5620313 - Friday 9 August 2013 20:05

You've never seen Hulk Hogan rip his tank tops?

By Nyx_fml | 23

#5619526 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:29

Tomorrow, he'll be boasting to his friends that he gave you such a good time you can't even walk.

Damian95 | 16

#5619578 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:42

Well technically he did hurt her in bed.

ViRepz | 28

#5619804 - Friday 9 August 2013 8:33

Im still wondering if she can't walk straight because of the panties getting ripped or because of OP's name.

etoilenuit | 15

#5619913 - Friday 9 August 2013 11:23

Haha funniest comment ^

megstiel | 16

#5626120 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 20:23

I didn't even realize until that comment. ;-;

By Phooey | 22

#5619537 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:31

Sounds like you had a great time! how is this an fml?

Misswildsides | 22

#5619544 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:32

Obviously OP didn't have a good time. He ripped off her panties with such might, she can't walk. I'm sure that's not a pleasant experience.

By Redlawnchair | 9

#5619538 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:31

I think I would be angrier that he ripped potentially expensive panties.
Dear men,
Lingerie is pricey.
Sincerely,
Women everywhere.

CallMeMcFeelii | 13

#5619586 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:44

Damn straight lingerie is expensive. It's the perfect gift for both parties, but it's not too hard spending 40+ bucks on a matching pair of bras and panties. It's always worth the money to see them in it though.

DarthVader77 | 9

#5619594 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:48

Dear Women Everywhere!

Man will be man and will continue to have fantasies and will do all they can to fulfill them. Lingerie is expensive, it is true. Feeling loved an desired is priceless.

Stupid Men Who refuse to be tamed

webbface | 25

#5619626 - Friday 9 August 2013 6:04

Dear woman who buy pricey underwear,
Don't tell your man to tear them off of you. Just get up and take them off seductively. He was not in the wrong for doing what he was told.