Intimacy: Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated....

By fuck my arse - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML

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Intimacy

The smell detective is on the case

Out of it

I don't need to see this

By catherine - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped my camera into water. The good news is that it's waterproof. The bad news is I dropped it off London Bridge. All the pictures and videos of my four-month trip around Europe were on it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Big Lake

Today, I asked my grandmother to hem my prom dress for me. I'm her oldest granddaughter so I thought she'd be happy to do it. She said no. Her occupation is a seamstress. FML

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By LacrosseFAIL - United States - Schaumburg

Today, after a long day at work, I walked into my room with the lights off and jumped on my bed. At least I would've if I haven't rearranged my room and instead face-planted onto my desk. FML

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By SlowLane - United States

Today, I got 4 "photo enforced" speeding tickets in the mail. It was from the car that was stolen from me three weeks ago. FML

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By Chin... uh.... - United States - Phoenix

Today, I've learned two things. One, my Chinese cousins don't know much about the USA, and two, they now believe it's proper manners to shout, "FREEEEDOM" before ending a call with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2020 20:00

More issues than Vogue

Today, my wife is grumpy because our son has his first girlfriend and she feels like she’s been replaced. Our son is 32 and surely it’s about damn time. FML

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By BubbaYoshi117 - United States - Kirkland

test light

Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must have spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML

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By dusty bean

Fartmageddon.

Today, I held in an explosive fart during a co-worker's rant and waited a few seconds after he left the room to release the Kraken. Forgetting something, he returned mid-fart. Before either of us could say anything, our boss came into the room. FML

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By njh - Ireland

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

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By krisest1988 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend came home from a two week vacation and told me I need to move. FML

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By dear god help me. - United States - Ewa Beach

Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my dad's psycho ex broke in and had a meltdown about how he's dating another woman now. She's barely 100 pounds, yet it took me and my brother several minutes and one smashed shin to finally manage to drag her out of the house, all while my dad called the cops. FML

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By wrongman

Today, at the public pool, my boyfriend dived from one side to the other. I jumped in to reward him underwater, kissing him everywhere and grabbing his crotch, until I noticed his shorts were different. I surfaced to see that my boyfriend was still far away. FML

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By Anonameow - United States - Freeland

Today, after lots of overcast weather, we opened the blinds to the children's section in the library, to let in the beautiful sunshine. Fifteen preschoolers were greeted by the sight of a used condom plastered against the window. FML

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By KaYLa_LoUiSe - 8/8/2020 08:03

Narcissistic parents FTW

Today, I told my mom I wasn't doing very good mentally and I was looking for some support. She decided to remind me of all of the things I still haven't paid her back for. I'm now an unpaid loan, not her daughter. FML

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By Disney dashed

Not so Magic Kingdom

Today, I fulfilled my lifelong dream of going on a family trip to Disneyland. Less than two hours in the park, my kids have been scared shitless by every single character, they don’t want to ride any rides, my husband is drunk and the mouse ears headband gave me a vomit-inducing migraine. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

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28488

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2021 20:01

Stuck

Today, my grandma and her neighbor compared their sports bras in front of me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I offered to let my niece and brother stay at my apartment, as my brother was going through a rough divorce and had lost his job. After coming home from work, I found my niece had snapped all of my pencils and had ruined over ten years worth of artwork. FML

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By FlatFoot - United States - New York

Move, bitch! Get out the way!

Today, my dad ran over my foot with his work truck. FML

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2867

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By "crazycrochetlady"

Today, I'm 7 weeks pregnant. For the first time in a week I feel well enough to eat something that isn't cheerios, a bagel, or crackers . I woke up 2 hours after going to bed with the shits. I'm almost convinced this kid hates me already. FML

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By vidzgrl - Canada

Today, I was feeling sick, so I called my boyfriend who lives down the street to come and keep me company. He replied with, "no, I can't come over, I'm busy, I'm playing xbox." FML

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By apowell5 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to try and get answers about the numbness and tingling in my right leg. The Dr told me I was too fat for my pants, and I pinched a nerve. FML

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By Sam - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We were starting to get intimate, and I thought it would be kinky to tie his hands to his bed so he'd be more turned on. Suddenly his mom called us for dinner, but I couldn't untie him fast enough. I had to sit there, embarrassed, while his mom undid the rope. FML

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By hunter168647 - United States

Today, I bought an otter box. While setting up my iPhone, I dropped it and it is now shattered. FML

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By Sal - United States

Today, I found out I have to give my father-in-law back the football tickets he gave me for my birthday. Why? His girlfriend decided she wanted to go. He didn't get me a different gift. FML

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29266

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By snowman - United States

Today, my city got almost a foot of snow. When I went out to my car, it was covered in snow with a layer of ice underneath. I went to open the trunk to get the window scraper, when the snow that had collected on the top of my back window slid into my trunk. My laptop was the recipient of most of the snow. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2021 20:01

Wake up Boo!

Today, my work made us all get up at 3 a.m. to head to the airport for our 7 a.m. flight, only for us to get to the airport and find out the flight is cancelled. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I failed my driving test. I've been a legal driver in my home country for 8 years, but can't pass the test here. FML

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By Huge A Hole - United States

Today, a girl I've had a huge crush on for a long time told another friend of ours to get a life. I, in my infinite genius responded that her mom needed to get a life. She ran out of the room bawling. I got slapped in the face and informed that her mom had died not long ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I decided to have a midnight snack. I figured I knew my own house well enough to leave the lights off so my mom wouldn't wake up. Chuckling at the brilliance of my plan, I walked straight into a doorframe and bust up my nose. FML

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By Money Shot

Today, I was sunbathing by my pool, totally naked. After a while I got a boner and decided to jerk off. As I was about to finish, I rolled over to cum on the deck, but when I rolled back, my elderly neighbor yelled, "Don't do that in the open if you won’t give up the money shot." FML

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By NoPainNoGain - United States

Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, the girl next to me slipped and went flying back against the wall. Indecisive whether to get off and help her or to just keep going, I lost my focus and footing and flew back next to her. FML

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57357

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By EaglEye

Today, I found out that even though I suffer from insomnia most days, I can sleep within 5 minutes of studying Solid Mechanics, especially when I have an end term the next day. FML

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9298

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By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my step mom sat me down and told me that she doesn't think that my dad is my biological father because she hasn't gotten pregnant from him. I don't think she quite understands the concept of being a step mom. FML

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By CANTTAKEMORE - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I seriously considered stepping in front of a car so that I could miss a few days of work. FML

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By gmac0417 - United States

Today, I found out my husband has been talking to another woman on Facebook. His only defense was "I thought I deleted the messages." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

Today, a girl who's in charge of a group project that I get graded on, asked if Bill Gates was a Founding Father. She was totally serious. I'm screwed. FML

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Top comments

By Nyx_fml | 23

#5619526 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:29

Tomorrow, he'll be boasting to his friends that he gave you such a good time you can't even walk.

By soulebelius | 17

#5619525 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:29

But they do it in porn...

COMMENTS

By soulebelius | 17

#5619525 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:29

But they do it in porn...

webbface | 25

#5619623 - Friday 9 August 2013 6:02

Lol, also in porn they tear easily. At least he was being tasteful haha

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5619659 - Friday 9 August 2013 6:21

Op should talk to the guy who provides Hulk Hogan his clothing. His clothes seem to rip way too easily

iBanana | 17

#5619684 - Friday 9 August 2013 6:34

Yeah erm, that would be because his arms are the size of a full grown rhino's quadricep. I can only imagine the size of...

gallaeo | 21

#5619759 - Friday 9 August 2013 7:41

@#37 Well with all the steroids I would imagine you'd be quite disappointed, from all the wonderful steroids properties of...shrinkage in certain departments, that is...

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5619796 - Friday 9 August 2013 8:23

You know what they say. Big things come in small packages...then you take steroids...so they become non-existent?

mbuck87 | 19

#5619867 - Friday 9 August 2013 9:42

I think it's 'good' things come in small packages...

Fluffasuars_Rawr | 15

#5619872 - Friday 9 August 2013 9:46

and my mind went straight to the gutter after the dots...

Krystal3408 | 32

#5619926 - Friday 9 August 2013 11:36

Except his shorts. That shit never tears.

TheNewMirage | 10

#5619937 - Friday 9 August 2013 11:50

I think you're confused with The Hulk... Hulk Hogan is someone else

soulebelius | 17

#5620313 - Friday 9 August 2013 20:05

You've never seen Hulk Hogan rip his tank tops?

By Nyx_fml | 23

#5619526 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:29

Tomorrow, he'll be boasting to his friends that he gave you such a good time you can't even walk.

Damian95 | 16

#5619578 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:42

Well technically he did hurt her in bed.

ViRepz | 28

#5619804 - Friday 9 August 2013 8:33

Im still wondering if she can't walk straight because of the panties getting ripped or because of OP's name.

etoilenuit | 15

#5619913 - Friday 9 August 2013 11:23

Haha funniest comment ^

megstiel | 16

#5626120 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 20:23

I didn't even realize until that comment. ;-;

By Phooey | 22

#5619537 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:31

Sounds like you had a great time! how is this an fml?

Misswildsides | 22

#5619544 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:32

Obviously OP didn't have a good time. He ripped off her panties with such might, she can't walk. I'm sure that's not a pleasant experience.

By Redlawnchair | 9

#5619538 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:31

I think I would be angrier that he ripped potentially expensive panties.
Dear men,
Lingerie is pricey.
Sincerely,
Women everywhere.

CallMeMcFeelii | 13

#5619586 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:44

Damn straight lingerie is expensive. It's the perfect gift for both parties, but it's not too hard spending 40+ bucks on a matching pair of bras and panties. It's always worth the money to see them in it though.

DarthVader77 | 9

#5619594 - Friday 9 August 2013 5:48

Dear Women Everywhere!

Man will be man and will continue to have fantasies and will do all they can to fulfill them. Lingerie is expensive, it is true. Feeling loved an desired is priceless.

Stupid Men Who refuse to be tamed

webbface | 25

#5619626 - Friday 9 August 2013 6:04

Dear woman who buy pricey underwear,
Don't tell your man to tear them off of you. Just get up and take them off seductively. He was not in the wrong for doing what he was told.