I want Jesus to come inside my heart

By Weirdo - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML
I agree, your life sucks 12 927
You deserved it 40 829

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I would tell you to kneel and pray, but I'm afraid you'd get confused while you're down there.

May The Lord be with you


May The Lord be with you

And with your Spirit

friedpwnadge 25

And also with you

KingCeltic77 18

25- You do know they changed the responses, right? I'm guessing you don't go to church that often.

Rosie_Posie43 12

25- I just wanted to say I like your photo. That is all.

38 There is private messages for a reason...

They've only changed it recently. Give them a break, #36.

They changed the responses? What are they now??

Epsilonyx 15

8 said it, 65- "And with your spirit."

#25, That response still works in my Lutheran church.

In Latin Domisc vobiscom Et cum spirito tuo

Oh... The proper response isn't "And also in you"? That explains all those odd looks...

eatthemcows 4

I'm Lutheran and we still say "And also with you." .....

Epsilonyx 15

Also, the change was one specific to Catholic Mass.

25 is right for almost all Christians don't thumbs him down cause he was the second comment

at my Presbyterian Church we say that... I don't think many people here know what you are talking about...

ters19 10

That joke was bad and you should feel bad!

ryanebk 7

Yea my parents church says that. My church we don't use weird phrases

And also in you.

We say that every Sunday at my church. We're Episcopalian. I guess you shouldn't just assume things.

aliyourpally 12

Want to turn some water into sex?

And how exactly would you suggest doing that?

Well duh! The power of Jesus Christ..

I laughed at the poor construction and absurdity of your attempted joke. So you succeeded in being humorous, just not in the way you intended.

dirton89 7

Bless you, fair child That's quite interesting

DarkHelmet 10

Hell's fires await OP lol

OP: "Oh my God! Don't stop!" Jesus: "I will if you keep saying my father's name."

59: BEST COMMENT EVER! I know in going to hell for laughing at that, but it's worth it! :D

I always found the image of a crucified person, Jesus or not, to be a little disturbing. That's why I don't go to church anymore.

He was turned on not disturbed.. Although he may be slightly disturbed..

I'm not saying she was disturbed. I'm just saying I usually have the opposite reaction as OP.

O I misread. Sorry.

4- "Jesus or not". I'm curious, what other people have you seen depicted as crucified?

Duojet 2

Completely missing the point, but Saint Peter? At least he was crucified in a more entertaining way.

I don't go to church because the bible is a load of iniquitous money-grabbing drivel.

Not all church's are riddled with statues :)

69-Monty Pythons life of brian. Always look on the bright side of life:)

That's a very unique fantasy. But don't worry lots of people have weird and wacky fantasies.

hahaawkward 3

Nope. Just you

That's some more old fashioned bondage for you!

You wanted some of that holy bread.

She wanted him to put his bread in her oven.

Then put it to 220 degrees for 15 minutes. Oooohhh yeeeeaaah....

93- That temperature isn't adequate for holy bread. Holy bread needs to be cooked at a much higher temperature then that. If it's too low it will go flat. On a similar note, if it's too high it will become unholy bread and upon cutting it you will be cast into the fiery bowels of hell for all eternity. Hope this helps! Happy baking.

NoahEibon 11

Mmh! That delicious bread!

punjabtimelord 18

220 degrees is perfectly adequate if it's in celsius...

Tali147 16

I do believe Christians frown upon that sort of behavior.... Synagogues have no Jesus statues though

Tali147 16

You can borrow my Menorah if you just have a thing for religious objects...

Pretty sure a menorah and a man cannot be grouped into one fetish. Of course this is Earth so I could be wrong.

Tali147 16

You are probably right, I just grouped them together because it was a statue and a menorah. Both objects. Although, I've NEVER heard anyone call my Menorah sexy.

Those nice curves, that nice, long rod, the way it glows, and you have the nerve to say it isn't sexy?

What the crap is a menorah?

Google it. If you do not know what Google is then I cannot help you.

robo_thunder 13

You were that turned on by a statue?

Yes, I think that's what OP's saying

robo_thunder 13

I was noy actually asking for confirmation. I am surprised and my tone was more mocking.

Tone is conveyed so well through text!

robo_thunder 13

Your rude tone is coming across quite well.

I'm pretty sure that 62's tone was more sarcastic than rude...

Sarcasm totally isn't rude...

What's worse, sarcasm or mocking? At least the sarcasm was funny.

OP you want to feel the power of the Christ inside you.

lelo007 11

She wants some of his holy water.

I would tell you to kneel and pray, but I'm afraid you'd get confused while you're down there.

Schizomaniac 24

You know he gives you wood sometimes, Doc. A damn good carpenter he was.

stormstarcj 12


Sir_ND_Pity 35

Is it bad to say "she's on fire for the Lord"?

the_smart_way 10

Y'all need some Jesus in you

That was gold, Doc, I have to say. I'm in stitches here.