Transportation: Today, I was on a plane when I suddenly felt the need to use... - FML

By Anonymous - 04/09/2010 19:16 - United States

Today, I was on a plane when I suddenly felt the need to use the toilet. I didn't make it in time and I had to spend the remainder of my trip in soiled clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 774

You deserved it 16 230

Dementia or hate? You decide

Late term

Dysfunctional

News to me

By Anonymous - 18/04/2020 20:00

Today, my dad told me he liked men. While he was making a drunken speech. At my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 791

You deserved it 151

By 4fucksake - 18/07/2010 23:26 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend showed me how he gives himself a semi-erection before he goes into the men's showers after training so his penis will look bigger in front of all the guys. I find it worrying that he won't have sex with me, but has no problem walking around in front of men naked with a semi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 251

You deserved it 4 673

By crappygirlfriend - 10/01/2010 07:59 - United States

Today, I was trying to show my boyfriend how to shake my iPod to shuffle songs. When I went to shake it, it flew out of my hand and hit him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 899

You deserved it 28 509

Shoulda, woulda, coulda

By Anonymous - 12/01/2021 02:02 - United States

Today, I found out about bitcoin around 2012 when it cost $20. I had about $40k of money to invest at the time. That would be about 2,000 BTC. If I'd just bought and held onto it until now, it would be worth $60,000,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 701

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 16:22 - United States - Union

Today, while in class, I had to sneeze. Not wanting to make a lot of noise, I held it in, only to instead let out a huge, long fart. Everyone, including the teacher, turned and stared at me intently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 293

You deserved it 8 074

By bunkbed - 30/08/2011 16:45 - Canada

Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 977

You deserved it 3 861

By rtrim29 - 26/12/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I was told by 'Seventeen' to add liquid highlighter to my foundation for an all-over glow. Little did I know that liquid highlighter is an actual makeup product. I now have an awful rash due to applying the ink from a highlighter pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 713

You deserved it 93 571

By Anonymous - 25/09/2014 15:52 - United States - Red Oak

Today, as I was opening the door for my boyfriend, I pressed my boobs against the glass to make him laugh. I didn't see his dad standing just behind him at first, but he certainly saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 317

You deserved it 10 869

By StellarSapience - 22/05/2009 01:18 - United States

Today, I was at work at an office store. I was instructed to put together several tape-free cardboard boxes. I then realized that I can disassemble and reassemble a computer with my eyes closed and one hand behind my back, but I was outsmarted by a cardboard box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 579

You deserved it 8 420

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, my husband invited a couple of his college friends over for dinner. While we were in the middle of eating, one of them asked loudly, "Hey, whatever happened to that fat bitch you dated in your third year?" We've been dating since his second year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 588

You deserved it 3 851

Catwalk

By Anonymous - 18/07/2021 02:01

Today, I was trying to walk in heels. My mom then started cracking up, saying I looked like a baby giraffe learning to walk just after coming out of the womb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 189

By UGGGH that was my 2nd attempt too - 04/09/2013 21:14 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I took my driver's test. The woman administering it wouldn't even look at me, so trying to be friendly I said the first thing I could think of: "It must be scary getting in the car with someone you don't know!" She failed me for "excessive chatting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 987

You deserved it 5 016

The struggle is real

By Sally - 26/12/2011 11:48 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my friend told me how depressing it is that she hasn't had sex in two weeks. I haven't had sex in 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 543

You deserved it 5 813

By Blueberrypicc - 13/08/2010 01:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 229

You deserved it 37 960

By Anonymous - 12/08/2009 02:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text saying to call him. When I did, it went straight to voicemail. It was a recording of him breaking up with me. He broke up with me over the phone, without even talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 701

You deserved it 3 268

By Tygastyle - 23/06/2009 17:37 - United States

Today, at the bank, I went to get some coffee from their machine. I gave it my money and pressed the buttons but nothing was happening. After banging on the machine for ten minutes and calling a teller over, a little boy reached up on his tippy toes to press the giant green START button for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 494

You deserved it 63 143

By Anonymous - 03/05/2013 00:50 - United States - Acworth

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 870

You deserved it 10 067

By hiii. - 16/03/2010 02:27 - United States

Today, I was so bored I googled the word "bored." The results were boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 309

You deserved it 40 744

By Foureyes - 23/08/2009 13:29 - Australia

Today, my mother and father are insisting that I go on a date with a German exchange student they met at the weekend. Why? Because we have similar glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 583

You deserved it 3 865

By ShanghaiSam - 17/05/2017 04:00 - China - Shanghai

Today, I found out half of the staff at work have been spreading rumours I'm sleeping with my boss. The other half are spreading rumours I'm sleeping with my subordinate. In reality, every night I go home to an apartment so empty that I don't even have condiments, to sleep alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 122

You deserved it 359

By BigLove - 05/02/2014 02:25 - United States - Stoneham

Today, Facebook put something out that shows a video of your entire life on the website. A part of it showed your most popular status update. Mine was from when I got dumped at Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 409

You deserved it 5 285

By Patrick - 14/10/2012 04:39 - United States - Sulphur

Today, I brought my new puppy home. I saw her sniffing around, so I took her outside to do her business. She simply played in the grass for ten minutes, so I brought her in. She walked in the door, squatted, and shit. She has diarrhea. This is the fourth time today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 485

You deserved it 4 030

By itsnotthatIhatecharity - 26/08/2017 23:15

Today, I found out that because I, like many others, don't read the terms and conditions, I accidentally donated £200 to a charity because of a non-refundable payment on a volunteering trip. It's my parents' money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 005

You deserved it 3 073

By almost_a_pro - 23/04/2015 13:43 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I was home alone and tried to make some popcorn so I could watch a movie. Thirty minutes later, my parents came home and found me talking to the firemen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 035

You deserved it 9 032

By GnarCarBar - 12/09/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 724

You deserved it 4 644

By Sad elf - 15/12/2016 13:42 - Australia - Brookfield

Today, after weeks of tirelessly organising a Secret Santa with work colleagues, we finally exchanged gifts. I got a stapler, which had been stolen from my desk the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 836

You deserved it 647

By Anonymous - 19/11/2010 19:38 - United States

Today, after three weeks of my boss telling me how much he appreciates my hard work and has submitted my name up for a promotion, he called me into his office to announce I'm being laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 093

You deserved it 2 337

By AngerManagement - 29/09/2011 08:04 - United Kingdom

Today, after being in the UK for 2 months, I learned that when saying, "I'm about to blow off and kill someone", to the British "blow off" means "fart." This was pointed out to me in an open-space office after a particularly loud rant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 498

You deserved it 24 340

By mperh - 28/05/2011 12:46 - United States

Today, it's memorial day weekend. The cops are all over the place watching for speeders and drunks. Some complete dickhead decided to spray paint "cop killa" on the side of my car. It won't come off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 818

You deserved it 3 228

By Anonymous - 10/04/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my chemistry class when a sick girl behind me asked "Can I go to the bathroom?" My teacher, being smart said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?" Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 204

You deserved it 3 552

By Forever Alone - 14/06/2016 09:26

Today, I was talking to my mum about how I'd quite like to have kids someday. She responded: "Well, nowadays they let singles adopt as well, don't they?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 461

You deserved it 1 364

By Emily - 21/08/2011 04:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally lost my virginity. In my boyfriend's racecar bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 671

You deserved it 42 507

By Spudzy - 11/04/2012 16:46 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, I tried hitting on the new receptionist at work. After a few flirtatious comments and subtly hinting that I thought she was bangable, she informed me that she's married to our boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 408

You deserved it 44 756

Double standards

By onlywantuanyway - 05/09/2014 22:59

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend again told me how he wants to have an open relationship. Of course, this means he can do what he likes with anyone, but if I so much as kiss someone else, I'm a cheating slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 799

You deserved it 8 264

By kitkat1740 - 17/11/2015 00:21 - United States - Concord

Today, I called my boss to ask if my paycheck had been deposited yet. He said no, that my grandmother came in to work and picked it up. Confused, I called her. She is holding it ransom until I start calling home every day. I do, but she gets so drunk, she doesn't remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 145

You deserved it 1 898

Thanks for all the help

By Anonymous - 08/05/2020 08:29

Today, I found the Facebook album my sister took with her kids by the pool and out on boats while back in our hometown. My problem? I'm our dad's carer since his stroke and she had planned the trip as a mission to help me take care of him, but due to her kids being "sick", she only visited briefly. Twice. In 5 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 680

You deserved it 110

By shitday - 27/01/2013 23:47 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, a cyclone hit my city. Though everywhere else is flooding, my house is fine. Well, that was until the toilet decided to overflow and regurgitate the entire town's sewerage. So now my only bathroom is covered in sewage, and I can't go anywhere else because of the flooding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 487

You deserved it 2 222

By vampire - 16/06/2011 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was yelled at by my mum for not wanting to get a spray tan for my cousin's wedding because if I don't, I will "shine like a beacon of disrespect" among the other attendees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 307

You deserved it 3 549

More proof the system is broken

By Anonymous - 27/06/2020 20:04

Today, my younger sister, who lives at home and worked 1 day a week at the gym, got her unemployment card. I work at a hospital, on the frontlines, with COVID-19 patients. I don't get hazard pay. She now makes more than me in a week by sitting at home watching Netflix, while I risk my life every day to help people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 365

You deserved it 178

By Anonymous - 24/08/2015 21:28 - Italy - Genova

Today, I got stuck in the elevator at work. When I was finally let out, my boss decided I shouldn't get a lunch break, because I'd already had over an hour off work while in the elevator. I had to starve through 5 more hours of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 695

You deserved it 1 769

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Top comments

pinkdottedbow 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 23:38

Wear a diaper?

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Saturday 4 September 2010 23:48

how does that even happen?! 0.o

Comments

pinkdottedbow 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 23:38

Wear a diaper?

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Saturday 4 September 2010 23:38

dats nastyyy

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Saturday 4 September 2010 23:39

well at least you didn't have to worry about anyone wanting to sit next to you ????

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Saturday 4 September 2010 23:41

irritable bowel syndrome?

KingDingALing 9

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Saturday 4 September 2010 23:47

Did you piss yourself to, OP?

w2z1 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 23:52

I'm sure your seat neighbors had a great time too.

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Sunday 5 September 2010 0:00

blame it on the guy next to you?

unidentified_sta 5

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Sunday 5 September 2010 0:00

This would be attractive... To scat fetishists, fortunately they are not around

xWTF_FML_FTWx 1

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Sunday 5 September 2010 0:04

to use (to) toilet? you mean the?

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Sunday 5 September 2010 0:15

that's why I fly first class. one or two bathrooms located close by for just a few people lol

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Sunday 5 September 2010 0:18

Shitty.

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Sunday 5 September 2010 0:26

Control yourself, woman! Damn comment bug 

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Sunday 5 September 2010 1:18

yyuuccckkk

hippiechick96 3

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Sunday 5 September 2010 2:16

f the guy next to you's life.

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Sunday 5 September 2010 3:18

Reminds me of a joke: a person asks an old man whether he wears boxers or briefs. The old man replies "Depends." hah.

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Sunday 5 September 2010 3:48

whomp

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Sunday 5 September 2010 3:51

Uh oh. Here comes a flock of wah-wahs!

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Sunday 5 September 2010 4:13

hello miss Smelly. 

MagneticGuitar 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 4:14

Nervous eh?

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Sunday 5 September 2010 6:03

ydi for crapping your pants

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Sunday 5 September 2010 6:56

Now thats just nasty (Cleveland voice).

graceguerrero 6

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Sunday 5 September 2010 7:44

peachy wear a diaper lols fyl

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Sunday 5 September 2010 8:03

Lmao @99

TransitionCovery 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 8:24

"Today, I was on a plane when I suddenly felt the need to use the toilet. I didn't make it in time and I had to spend the remainder of my trip in soiled clothes. FML" YDI.

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Sunday 5 September 2010 15:34

there are bathrooms that are near to economy too ya kno it doesn't matter

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Monday 6 September 2010 2:51

hahaha

Sprinkle_Donuts 1

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Friday 10 September 2010 1:01

that's why u should were depends then u can talk on the phone and piss all u want

OopsieDaisies 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 23:38

That sucks!

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Saturday 4 September 2010 23:40

that is si slack imma need u to do betta

JillianlikesVogu 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 23:39

Probably because you were so fat you got stuck in your chair.

I_have_no_clue 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 4:24

What a stupid thing to say 

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Monday 6 September 2010 0:37

haha #4

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:47

Okay, OP may TDI, but how/why do you know/think OP is fat?

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Wednesday 8 September 2010 11:52

Dude your French sucks so hard you made like 4 mistakes in your biography :P stop showing off saying you are French "j'aime le vogue" is totally false :D and I am French so I know what I talk about.

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Saturday 4 September 2010 23:39

Ewww... I'm guessing there wasn't any clothes in you're carry on?

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Sunday 5 September 2010 1:51

Yeah, I was just thinking that-- don't people normally have carry-ons? She probably didn't even think of changing into carry-on clothes, if so YDI.

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Sunday 5 September 2010 8:42

sometimes you have to take really little bags like on propellor planes and you can't fit clothes in there. but yeah if they did have clothes I think they would have changed.

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Saturday 4 September 2010 23:41

Ydi for not going b4

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Sunday 5 September 2010 17:28

But she didn't have to go at the airport!!! Bahahahs I said that once. :3

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Saturday 4 September 2010 23:43

Soiled ground is fertile :)

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Saturday 4 September 2010 23:44

if you shit yourself often, just buy some diapers.

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Sunday 5 September 2010 4:54

#11, your cute and that sucks OP! I feel bad for you.

musicmaniac925 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 5:00

number 11 is really cute

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Sunday 5 September 2010 5:06

thank you ladies

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Sunday 5 September 2010 6:00

Youre welcomeee (:

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Saturday 4 September 2010 23:45

Sucks for the people next to you

KylAisAmazingG 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 1:13

I agree.

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Sunday 5 September 2010 1:40

hahahaha and you were making fun of that Indian girl for having big eyebrows, Kyla, lamoo..

MarkerofMagic 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 4:50

ahahahahah woahh.

tayl 0

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Thursday 9 December 2010 14:42

yea that's what I was thinking hah

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Saturday 4 September 2010 23:48

how does that even happen?! 0.o

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Sunday 5 September 2010 9:25

hahahahaha agreed!!

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Tuesday 21 June 2016 6:06

IBS

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Saturday 4 September 2010 23:52

for me, puke happend..,

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 111

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 292