The Top

It was a Greyhound, and I'd been up for 2 days. He didn't say a word to me about it. After I was told by the lady behind me, I apologized profusely, and he said "it's alright. I figured you must really need the sleep." Super nice guy, but I wanted to die.

By Juicy12Jham - 09/09/2011 03:30 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with Microsoft Customer Service for about a total of two hours. That's the longest I've ever talked to anybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 127

You deserved it 4 464

Mamma bird

By Gribby - 27/06/2013 23:56 - United States - Branson

Today, I was accused of shooting up drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tucked into my arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 616

You deserved it 8 812

By Anonymous - 14/10/2010 08:19 - United States

Today, I found out that the blind man I've been helping for months at the grocery store by carrying his shopping around and stuff was actually faking his blindness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 102

You deserved it 3 771

By Lady Vulva - 19/09/2015 02:56

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 056

You deserved it 3 090

By the lannisters send their retards - 17/06/2014 20:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my coworker was telling me about his mom, when he asked about mine. I told him that I've never met my mom, because she died during my childbirth. It's a very painful subject for me, but all the same, my coworkers have decided they'll now only address me as "Tyrion". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 360

You deserved it 4 564

By Anonymous - 04/03/2013 22:24 - United States

Today, my coach held a BBQ for the whole team. He told us to eat up, because we wouldn't be working out today. He lied. After eating the equivalent of a Thanksgiving dinner, we had to do team relays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 422

You deserved it 4 866

By conley19 - 15/09/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, at work a little girl wanted a slushie. Instead of pushing the tab in, she lifted it up and broke the machine, spilling slushie all over the floor. I was the only one working, so I had to clean it all up. I spent the rest of my shift covered in red slushie and smelling like cherry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 285

You deserved it 4 814

By wtfiswrongwithher - 07/05/2011 13:56 - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife has a YouTube channel dedicated to 20 second videos of her wearing a fake mustache and making weird sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 770

You deserved it 7 530

Traumatized

By Anonymous - 09/09/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, for the first time ever, while I was driving I ran over a squirrel. It was in front of three little girls at their lemonade stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 701

You deserved it 5 908

By notmyday - 25/02/2009 23:26 - United States

Today, we were fooling around and I was just about to orgasm when she looked at my clock and said, "I have to go, 'Lost' is on in 20 minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 102

You deserved it 8 973

Double down

By Dani_Rich - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was pulled over by a motorcycle cop for speeding in a 25 MPH zone. As the cop was walking towards my car, I flicked my cigarette butt out of my window. So, the cop did me the pleasure of writing me two tickets instead of one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 040

You deserved it 174 637

By elevatorFAIL - 10/08/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. After ringing the alarm bell consistantly for 10 minutes, I called someone I was staying with. She went down to the front desk and said that there were people stuck in the elevator. Front desk- "Is that what that is? I thought it was some kids messing around." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 974

You deserved it 2 952

elevatorFAIL tells us more.

elevatorFAIL 0

Wednesday 12 August 2009 2:49

To clear this up: it was mainly because the people in the hotel were not helpful at all and this was just one of the last straws. The FML part was the guy at the front desk of the hotel in New Orleans was like the most unhelpful person ever. And it's also kind of akward if you don't exactly get along with the person you're stuck with. And no, I am not usually claustrophobic, but in extreme cases, like such, it is rather disconcerting. As for the cell phone service in the elevator, we were only about 4 inches up from the ground floor. And if FML let me post a longer story, it would have been entirely different. If the girl I called had posted, it would have been mainly about the fact that the hilarity of this whole situation caused here to piss herself. Especially with the fact that our adult leader used force to open the elevator doors...

By Craigslist is Evil. - 24/09/2013 18:12 - United States - Dickson

Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 351

You deserved it 5 485