Today, my boyfriend brought me a bunny for a house present for...

By bluebelle - 19/10/2015 11:10 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend brought me a bunny for a house present for moving into our first house. She escaped her cage and bit through the electrical wires, cutting out all our power and electrocuting and killing herself. FML

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Animals

Headache

Great speech, thanks!

Basic Instinct

By ehcanadianeh - 13/12/2015 20:04 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found $20 under my car seat, so I put it in the cup holder, only for it to fly out of the window while going down the highway. FML

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By itsnotthatIhatecharity - 26/8/2017 23:15

Today, I found out that because I, like many others, don't read the terms and conditions, I accidentally donated £200 to a charity because of a non-refundable payment on a volunteering trip. It's my parents' money. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 01:23 - United States

Today, my own boyfriend admitted that he can't name one single thing he likes about me without naming something "physical." FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2013 14:05 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

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By SKG95 - 22/8/2019 16:00

Today, I had a flight to Philadelphia, but it got canceled due to bad weather. I booked another, which got delayed. After waiting for almost 12 hours at the airport, I boarded, just to have a super annoying toddler kicking my seat from behind. FML

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By soaked - 25/2/2013 19:16 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was babysitting, and I had to pee really, really badly. I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid toilet lock off, and ended up pissing myself. As I stood in the bathroom in tears, their child screamed, "No, no, pee-pee in the POTTY!" FML

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By ladylol - 24/11/2012 13:54 - United Kingdom - Towcester

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he'd rather play the new Assassin's Creed game or have a night of sex with me. He started crying from indecision. FML

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By SalonGirl - 10/3/2009 11:55 - United States

Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML

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By loner - 7/6/2009 12:28 - United States

Today, I was sitting in class when the most popular girl in my grade came up to me holding birthday invitation cards. I've never been invited to a birthday party, so I was so excited when she handed me a card only to hear her say, "Mary is on your bus, will you give this to her?" FML

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By bruh - 28/3/2017 20:00

Unexpected

Today, I asked my girlfriend to prom. Instead of saying yes, she broke up with me. FML

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By areyoukiddingme - 2/11/2015 05:54 - United States - Marion

Today, my roommate blocked my phone number and won't speak to me. All because I mistakenly used her hand soap, thinking it was mine. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2016 21:06 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from my dad's house. He'd shaved her head bald. "For a laugh." FML

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By jigglypluff - 19/11/2014 05:27 - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

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By quitfuckingalready! - 4/9/2020 08:00 - United States

Let me go

Today, my request to move apartments was once again denied. My next door neighbor’s constant marijuana smoke wafts over every day, and the woman upstairs is pregnant with her sixth child. It’s like a herd of elephants living above me. They won’t let me out of my lease unless I pay a huge amount. FML

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By mortifiedgrandchild - 9/1/2012 18:53 - United States

Today, I came across a picture of my grandpa taking a hit off a bong, while wearing nothing but a Playboy shirt. FML

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By LoveDrug - 17/2/2010 10:49 - Ireland

Today, the only guy showing slightly any interest in me is a Nazi-obsessed psychopath. He uses lovely pick-up lines such as, "Hey, do you know how much it hurts to staple your hand?" FML

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By anyoi - 25/4/2012 22:43 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2012 13:53 - Australia - Perth

Today, I offered an elderly man my seat on the train. He thanked me by winking and offering me a seat on his lap. FML

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By helloimkylieee - 25/1/2016 01:04 - United States - Tracy

Today, I had to convince my parents to shut the door when they have sex. They have done this on multiple occasions. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2012 13:29 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my boyfriend of three years, whom I recently got engaged to, asked me to take a photo of my mother's boobs while she was sleeping so that he could see what mine would look like when I got older. FML

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By - 27/2/2019 20:00

Today, one of the customers at work shat all down the side of the toilet and on the floor. They didn’t even try to make it in the bowl. Guess who had to clean it up. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2012 09:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years accidentally admitted to me that he settled for me because he doesn't think he can do any better. FML

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By Anna - 2/12/2012 08:03 - United States - Monroe

Today, my guy friend kept complaining that no one had asked him to the dance, so he probably wasn't going to go. I suggested that we go together. He laughed until his face was bright red and said, "I don't think I'll ever get that desperate." FML

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By FarisH - 31/5/2010 09:15 - Jordan

Today, I went to my orthodontist where I was informed that I'll going to the prom, to my brother's wedding, and maybe to university with braces in my mouth. FML

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By effyou - 10/2/2011 05:16 - United States

Today, my best friend decided to start dating my ex. We broke up yesterday. She also thinks I'm crazy because I'm upset about it. FML

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By niiiiiiiiiikki - 8/1/2011 20:35 - United States

Today, I had to point out the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" sign at my work to an extremely old, seemingly intoxicated man wearing an ill fitting speedo. FML

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By - 14/6/2020 02:02

Risky business

Today, I went to get insurance and I have a non-fault third party claim and yet my insurance has gone up. I wasn't even in the car when someone hit it. Why have I got penalised? They claim I'm now "statistically more likely to get in an accident." My car was parked. FML

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By Vanessa8221 - 26/6/2018 14:30 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I gave a sexual harassment seminar, explaining how important it is to not do anything that makes co-workers uncomfortable. Someone joked, "Like telling you your fly is open?" I tried to zip up, but it got caught on my underwear. There were 20 minutes left in the program. FML

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By sparkynobe - 30/12/2016 08:24 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, a co-worker asked me what meat we use for the drumsticks. We work in a chicken factory. This co-worker also thought that spreading out the chicken wings more evenly in the tray would increase the overall weight of the product. FML

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By 43_clothespins_later - 21/11/2013 00:12 - United States - Richmond

Today, I fell asleep at my bus stop following a long day at work. I woke up to a homeless man giggling after he had clipped dozens of clothespins to my clothes, shoes, and hair in my sleep. FML

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By anonymous - 5/9/2014 16:17 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend was about to sneeze. To avoid getting his new tablet wet, he chose to sneeze right into my face instead. FML

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By Bree - 15/8/2012 15:15 - United States

Today, my father tried to secretly follow me all day, because he doesn't believe that I have any "real" errands to run or friends to meet with. He's actually convinced that I'm living some secret double life with another family. FML

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By Gbeat411 - 25/6/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I went to boxing and this hot chick asked me if I was wearing a sports cup. I replied yes, when I wasn't. I thought she was going to check with her hand and feel. She checked with her knee. FML

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By titsmcgee - 11/2/2015 21:51 - United States - Oak Brook

Today, the CEO of my company leaned over and said, "Hey, I've been meaning to thank you…" I thought he was going to thank me for all of my hard work, but he continued, "…for wearing that shirt today. I can totally see your boobs." FML

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By fuck - 16/12/2014 21:04 - Norway - Slemmestad

Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

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By fuckingdonuts - 18/5/2015 02:54 - United States - Edmond

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

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By mandy - 5/9/2009 02:19 - United States

Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML

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By Isabell - 6/2/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 07:11 - United States

Today, I was taking a leak in the mall bathroom. A kid no older than thirteen strolled in and paused next to me at the urinals. He took one look and laughed, "I feel sorry for your wife, man." All I could do was stand there as he casually disappeared into one of the stalls. FML

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By creepedoutmom - 17/5/2015 16:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took my family to Disneyland. My husband had more fun than my five year old daughter. He was hitting on the princesses. FML

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Top comments

By kibster9 | 20

#6439471 - Monday 19 October 2015 23:01

The bunny discovered that electricity is quite shocking

By smileyemsen | 19

#6439457 - Monday 19 October 2015 22:50

Poor little bunny :(

COMMENTS

By smileyemsen | 19

#6439457 - Monday 19 October 2015 22:50

Poor little bunny :(

MasterTron | 24

#6439544 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 0:05

I guess we know who is not going to be the next energizer bunny

beefsupreme78 | 16

#6439572 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 0:32

It seems to me like we just found out.

By airforce987 | 20

#6439458 - Monday 19 October 2015 22:50

I'm sorry, that's hare-ible.

Rinat_fml | 26

#6439493 - Monday 19 October 2015 23:16

Wish I could say the same about your pun!

HoboRain | 15

#6439532 - Monday 19 October 2015 23:58

But it is.....

higgysaurus | 18

#6439617 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 1:17

would t-rabbit-sty work better? Its a stretch I know

heftysmash253 | 6

#6440333 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 23:48

Maybe it's in-hare-ably tragic, just like #2's attempt.

By DaRito | 25

#6439461 - Monday 19 October 2015 22:53

This is extremely saddening

nityasomaiya | 46

#6439874 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 10:17

Are you sure it escaped...and nothing else? o_O

By Anti_Sora | 31

#6439462 - Monday 19 October 2015 22:53

Op I hope you didn't get attached to that bunny really fast because I remember gerbils doing the same.

xx000o | 27

#6439922 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 12:30

Welsh rarebit pairs wonderfully with a nice burgundy.

By Bgreen94 | 12

#6439463 - Monday 19 October 2015 22:54

FYL

DogeDogeDoge | 13

#6439492 - Monday 19 October 2015 23:16

There's a button for that.

By laxtax | 19

#6439465 - Monday 19 October 2015 22:58

That bunny was a sleeper cell

By Attackofthebeans | 14

#6439467 - Monday 19 October 2015 22:59

well i hink ive done enogh reafing for one day....

XxDanno316xX | 27

#6439509 - Monday 19 October 2015 23:28

And typing.

Lalala579121 | 27

#6439511 - Monday 19 October 2015 23:29

Done enough reefer for one day, maybe.

aimbug | 42

#6439580 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 0:43

Time to work on spelling! (:

By kibster9 | 20

#6439471 - Monday 19 October 2015 23:01

The bunny discovered that electricity is quite shocking

TacoPeps | 14

#6439764 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 5:17

This is not the time for puns

metalhead4740 | 14

#6439839 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 8:19

Jesus that was savage

APHPrussia | 19

#6440147 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 18:33

Very savage but amazing all the same.

By SexyQueen0905 | 24

#6439472 - Monday 19 October 2015 23:01

Aaaand now I'm depressed for the rest of the day.

Lalala579121 | 27

#6439513 - Monday 19 October 2015 23:32

Time to go watch Bambi and Old Yeller.

Myo_fml | 20

#6439573 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 0:33

And Fox and the Hound.

Violenna | 14

#6441465 - Thursday 22 October 2015 4:12

And read Hachiko and Where the Red Fern Grows for good measure.

By Tripartita | 44

#6439474 - Monday 19 October 2015 23:02

I'm sorry, OP. This happened to me once. The wires just looked so tasty…