Miscellaneous: Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout...

By immovingout - United States - Huntington Station

Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57042

You deserved it

4724

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Season finale

Modern student life sucks

The bird

By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, while working the graveyard shift at my hotel, it felt a little chilly, so I grabbed a blanket out of the box we usually store old blankets in. 20 minutes later, the live-in maintenance man casually remarked that those blankets are all infected with bed-bugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47923

You deserved it

7233

Favorite

By ugly me - United States

Today, I was sitting on a plane waiting for everyone to get on. A cute guy around my age had the option of sitting next to me or an old guy. He gave me a horrified look and immediately sat next to the old man. I got to sit next to his mother. She evil eyed me the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29316

You deserved it

3602

Favorite

By amorousintx - United States

Today, my grad student husband was unusually frisky in the middle of the day. I took the opportunity and we had an enjoyable afternoon romp. Afterward, I asked him what had gotten him in such a good mood. He replied, "I'd do just about anything to get out of doing my homework." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28229

You deserved it

4147

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Winter Park

Today, I walked 6 miles to see my girlfriend. After 5 and a half miles, she broke up with me because I never visit her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40557

You deserved it

3937

Favorite

By JLD - United States

Today, I came home from a four day trip. Apparently, my cat thought I was gone for good and is now very unhappy that I'm home. I know this because she has been positioning herself between me and my husband all night, and hisses every time I try to touch him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34007

You deserved it

5098

Favorite

By bfall74 - Canada

Today, I was stood up by a blind date. After calling and texting her about being a horrible person, she called me from the hospital. She was in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13766

You deserved it

61197

Favorite

By Username - Singapore

Today, the elevator in my apartment building broke down. I live on the 30th floor and am still climbing the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38142

You deserved it

4373

Favorite

By KS - United States

Today, at the end of a really long day my boyfriend was rubbing my back. I told him I appreciated how sensitive he was being. His response? "I was just trying to figure out how to unhook your bra." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49164

You deserved it

8918

Favorite

By naagodinho - Portugal

Today, I applied to a new gym. Now I have a hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22829

You deserved it

4741

Favorite

By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I was at a bar. A fat guy looks at me for a while and sits down next to me. He turns and I expect that he'll hit on me. He then buttons down his shirt, presses his man boobs together and say to his friends “Look, I’ve got bigger tits than than the girl next to me!" His friends agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62972

You deserved it

6106

Favorite

By baconbxtch - United States - Orlando

Today, I got rejected for a job because they claimed I faked my entire resume. Their excuse? I'm too pretty to be smart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53881

You deserved it

4699

Favorite

By qtpieo1 - United States

Today, I was at the pool with two boys I baby sit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41403

You deserved it

9703

Favorite

By scarredforlife - Canada - Edmonton

Today, after taking my little niece out onto the balcony of her family's new apartment to enjoy the view, we watched as a man jay-walked across the street down below and was run over by a car. My niece is pretty much traumatized for life now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25252

You deserved it

1619

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/2/2021 20:01

At last

Today, on the third of February, my mom finally relented and let us take the Christmas decorations down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

662

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML

I agree, your life sucks

54077

You deserved it

6344

Favorite

By why - United States

Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This would have been fine, but her boyfriend is my little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57361

You deserved it

5482

Favorite

By StungAlot - United States

Today, I got stung by jellyfish. As I was writhing in pain on the beach, my dad comes up and asks me to be quiet and that I'm embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27308

You deserved it

2719

Favorite

By RevolutionLove - United States

Today, at a gynecologist's appointment, I was privileged to have 7 co-ed nursing students stare at my vagina for 25 minutes as part of their training. At one point the doctor apologized for having to "open me up more than usual", but said she wanted everyone to get a good view. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48308

You deserved it

5343

Favorite

By Tag - Australia - Sydney

Today, a male friend of mine tried to kiss me. When I shoved him away and demanded to know what the fuck he was doing, he said he didn't think I was really a lesbian because I went on a date with a guy. Once. Over 15 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28141

You deserved it

2740

Favorite

By can’t sleep - 17/6/2020 17:04

Get it on, bang a gong

Today, and for the fourth time in a week, my 60-year-old neighbors have woken me up by having obnoxiously loud sex. Complete with over the top moaning and the headboard smashing against our shared wall. When I asked them nicely to quiet down, they laughed and called me jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1758

You deserved it

295

Favorite

By Anonymous - Ukraine - Poltava

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I have no sex drive, but faked it to avoid hurting his feelings. It was after he confessed he is not attracted to women, but forced himself to have sex with me because he didn't want to admit he is gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24951

You deserved it

3553

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57520

You deserved it

17030

Favorite

By fyreangel - United States - Warren

Today, I replaced my dating apps with food apps cause at least someone will show up after I use the food apps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9273

You deserved it

948

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend starts fights with me over text because apparently, when I'm arguing with someone, I stop speaking in "annoying shorthand" and am grammatically correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11136

You deserved it

38612

Favorite

By iNearlyHurled - United States

Today, my laptop got hit by a Trojan. Not the malware, but a used condom thrown from a car driving past as I sat on a street bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37853

You deserved it

2796

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was laying in bed with the covers over me, when I got an itch on my leg. It felt really good to scratch it so I got really into it. At that very moment my mom walked in, saw me doing a back and forth motion under the covers, gave me a look of disgust, and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30815

You deserved it

5843

Favorite

By thatoneperson - United States

Today, I discovered that you can't always assume your little brother is kidding when he says that you have a spider on top of your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27336

You deserved it

5882

Favorite

By CantWin - United States - Provo

Today, after finally applying myself and busting my butt all semester, I found out the school is accusing me of cheating because they couldn't believe I could have gotten near-perfect grades considering my grade history. If this is how society rewards academic turnarounds, why do I even bother? FML

I agree, your life sucks

17844

You deserved it

1165

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Dearborn

Today, as always, I'd be so incredibly happy if my girlfriend loved me even half as much as she loves her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12055

You deserved it

1864

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/10/2020 12:02 - Canada - Ottawa

It wasn't me

Today, my mom blamed me for her family knowing about my dad cheating on her. She has forgiven him after multiple affairs with different ladies, yet she blames me that her family found out because they question her decision to be with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1097

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous

FML Uncensored

Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain down stairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6394

You deserved it

839

Favorite

By godzilllla - United States - Bothell

Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22274

You deserved it

11665

Favorite

By nabru

Today, I automated a task at work and a day-long procedure ran in a few hours. My boss was completely unimpressed because "I'm not paid to automate stuff, I'm paid to work". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3645

You deserved it

284

Favorite

By ribx - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, despite feeling healthier than ever, losing fat, gaining muscle and having perfect blood results, my morbidly obese relatives keep telling me that my new vegan diet is "unhealthy". FML

I agree, your life sucks

11664

You deserved it

1408

Favorite

By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37880

You deserved it

2344

Favorite

By you ripped them off ages ago - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47958

You deserved it

16241

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Markham

Today, my brother finally paid me the $60 he owed me. I later found out that he'd stolen those $60 from my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49006

You deserved it

3843

Favorite

By Macy - Italy

Today, I found cigarette butts at the bottom of the toaster. My mother has been dropping them in there for I don't know how long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35860

You deserved it

3369

Favorite

That's a mother

Today, my mom and I got into a fight about a topic we agreed on. Seems like we're destined to never get along. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2469

You deserved it

301

Favorite

By Kendal - Canada

Today, I was baking cookies. I stared at them for 15 minutes and finally asked my dad, "Why are these taking so long?" He looked up at the oven and replied, "It might help if you turn the oven on." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11145

You deserved it

49692

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By DocBastard | 38

#5478746 - Sunday 5 May 2013 3:11

If you see her trying to duct tape a banana to the cutout's crotch, I suggest you find somewhere else to sleep for a while.

By Catkam623 | 27

#5478738 - Sunday 5 May 2013 3:10

Isn't that grounds to be locked away?

COMMENTS

By Catkam623 | 27

#5478738 - Sunday 5 May 2013 3:10

Isn't that grounds to be locked away?

Charmillionaire | 10

#5478752 - Sunday 5 May 2013 3:12

The fact that she likes him is enough.

bbozic2 | 6

#5478795 - Sunday 5 May 2013 3:28

She's got that Bieber fever!

By Curtar2 | 18

#5478741 - Sunday 5 May 2013 3:11

kill her. kill her with fire.

Blackcatluck | 19

#5478760 - Sunday 5 May 2013 3:15

Why don't you do it bulbacharmander!

Sekkaichi | 12

#5478799 - Sunday 5 May 2013 3:30

@11, Pokemons don't talk silly. Remember, you're a charmander.

gracehi | 31

#5478860 - Sunday 5 May 2013 4:11

11, I think you mean "squirbulbamander."

Zimmington | 21

#5478878 - Sunday 5 May 2013 4:26

22- Meoth, Slowking, Psyduck, & MewTwo(technically)

Sekkaichi | 12

#5478953 - Sunday 5 May 2013 5:40

I remember that Meowth, Slowking, and Mewtwo talking in the anime, but not Psyduck. Well, I don't watch the anime anymore after Hoenn.

chosha_fml | 25

#5479625 - Sunday 5 May 2013 18:10

Might be easier to kill the cutout with fire.

By tootsie68 | 22

#5478742 - Sunday 5 May 2013 3:11

Time to move out - which judging by your username, you are already on your way there!

slacker_69 | 6

#5478962 - Sunday 5 May 2013 5:52

I wonder if that is a coincidence or she planned that?

NoDontKillMe | 19

#5479618 - Sunday 5 May 2013 18:06

^ You would know if you posted FMLs.

By DocBastard | 38

#5478746 - Sunday 5 May 2013 3:11

If you see her trying to duct tape a banana to the cutout's crotch, I suggest you find somewhere else to sleep for a while.

Welshite | 39

#5478765 - Sunday 5 May 2013 3:17

That mental image is almost too horrific to comprehend.

You see these tears, Doc? Yeah, you caused them.

skyeyez9 | 24

#5478798 - Sunday 5 May 2013 3:29

Doc, lets be realistic here. This is Justin Bieber, so she needs to tape a baby gherkin pickle to his crotch. That is more realistic than a banana.

lilhellian | 26

#5478812 - Sunday 5 May 2013 3:37

No, she needs to cut out a hole and put on a gherkin.

PenguinBitch | 43

#5478815 - Sunday 5 May 2013 3:39

That reminds me of an Internet photo of a girl with her arse against a Beiber cutout. Smh

mikuxxhatsune | 31

#6301852 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 10:32

Haha

By KareBear7364 | 5

#5478750 - Sunday 5 May 2013 3:12

You should take it and burn it! In a safe place of course ;) And just tell her that he had a high fever, and didn't make it...

skyeyez9 | 24

#5478879 - Sunday 5 May 2013 4:27

And explain to her that he died from a rare condition called Spontaneous Bieber Combustion.

By doumtabarnack | 12

#5478753 - Sunday 5 May 2013 3:12

You better put a little something in her glass before bed just to make sure she doesn't wake up in the middle of the night to stare at you

By Blackcatluck | 19

#5478756 - Sunday 5 May 2013 3:13

I wouldn't suggest that, i think she will take the blow instead of the cutout....wait a minute that would make an awesome FML!

By CaptMurdock | 25

#5478767 - Sunday 5 May 2013 3:17

Maybe you could "accidentally" set it on fire.

gracehi | 31

#5478864 - Sunday 5 May 2013 4:15

Oh no! I accidentally poured gasoline all over your Justin Beiber cut out, then pointed this flame thrower at it and pulled the trigger. My bad.

7yzzFML | 17

#5479208 - Sunday 5 May 2013 12:41

Yep. Burn it.

By groovycrazyjoe | 18

#5478775 - Sunday 5 May 2013 3:19

Baby Baby Baby Oh!!!! lol

wjh100 | 13

#5478859 - Sunday 5 May 2013 4:09

thank you that song is now running through my head just what I wanted on my anniversary

hryffff | 11

#5478891 - Sunday 5 May 2013 4:38

That sounds very wrong

EVnIAS | 13

#5478925 - Sunday 5 May 2013 5:09

I can safely read this comment and not be afraid to get the song stuck in my head cause to this day I have never heard any of his song! I feel proud!

CaptMurdock | 25

#5479820 - Sunday 5 May 2013 21:51

You are a truly lucky man #42

By RoseBlack123 | 37

#5478776 - Sunday 5 May 2013 3:19

Run. Now.