Love: Today, I realized that the only boy that shows up at my door...

By mapleleafs34 - 17/01/2010 19:24 - United States

Today, I realized that the only boy that shows up at my door is the pizza boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 182

You deserved it 7 286

Love

Mother of the year

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

PMS PSA

By dmachin - 08/02/2010 19:30 - France

Today, I visited my grandmother who has dementia. She thought I was my father, and told me that I should never have married my mother, let alone have had children with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 079

You deserved it 2 118

By hottygirl905 - 24/04/2012 11:50 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I found out I have a kidney infection. Now I'm forced to drink at least 4 glasses of water before going to bed. I also have to be woken up every two hours to be told to, "GO PEE BEFORE YOU DIE!" by my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 140

You deserved it 2 265

By Boltz719 - 23/08/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 502

You deserved it 3 853

By waterballoons - 27/07/2009 08:35 - United States

Today, it was a pretty nice day so I decided I would take a walk through the park to get to work instead of driving. Healthier and better for the planet, right? Wrong. Some little bratty kids were bored apparently and decided to hide behind trees and peg me with water balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 231

You deserved it 4 026

By atsukobo - 10/03/2012 06:04 - United States

Today, I was half asleep and tried to cuddle my husband as we slept. Still dreaming, he yelled for me to leave his money alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 609

You deserved it 4 815

By anon - 08/12/2012 05:33 - United States

Today, when my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I got a nose bleed. He gave me a shirt to plug it with and kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 346

You deserved it 5 409

By Anonymous - 18/08/2013 20:13 - Germany - Koblenz

Today, after an argument with my wife, I stormed out of our bedroom through the sliding doors to the balcony. Only there was no balcony, because it still hasn't been replaced yet. I'm now laid-up in hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 048

You deserved it 16 879

Sorry, man

By Lii - 24/03/2015 01:04 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 018

You deserved it 15 375

By Anonymous - 01/11/2012 23:11 - United States - Danby

Today, at my school they were having a carnival to raise money. One of the patrons suggested that if they wanted to make money, they should have people pledge money to make me cover my ugly face with a bag. The school got over $500, and I had to wear a bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 516

You deserved it 2 701

By Cheyenne - 11/07/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, I found out I'm the only one in my family to wash their hands after they use the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 234

You deserved it 3 689

Uber karma

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 17:01 - Australia - Kenwick

Today, I dropped off my visibly-upset Uber passengers off at a funeral. I absentmindedly said, “Good luck, have fun!” as they got out. Needless to say, I got my first 1-star rating today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 979

By Anonymous - 02/01/2013 07:28 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I got fired from my job because I "look too grumpy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 455

You deserved it 10 187

By Anonymous - 19/05/2011 23:05 - Canada

Today, I took my 6 year old son to meet our new neighbours. When we got home he packed his bags and headed for the door. Once he reached the door, I asked where he was going. He replied, "To the neighbours'. They have a bigger television." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 563

You deserved it 4 957

By Nathan - 17/01/2009 22:31 - United States

Today, I printed my 10 page econometrics problem set questions out on $15/100 sheet ivory resume paper that I'd accidentally left in the paper tray on my printer. It turned out to be the wrong assignment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 666

You deserved it 18 520

By wow kid just leave me alone - 15/09/2012 00:03 - United States

Today, after math class, the resident creepy kid approached me and asked me out. I've only spoken to him twice before, so I was creeped out, and I politely declined. He totally lost it, and shouted that I'm a "friend-zoning bitch" before storming out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 577

You deserved it 3 697

By anonymous - 10/08/2011 04:31 - United States

Today, I was dragged to the food store with my mom. While we were shopping, the fire alarm went off. My mom pushed the cart at me, nearly knocking me over, and sprinted for the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 252

You deserved it 2 620

By Phantommajik - 10/05/2011 16:08 - United States

Today, I was stuck at the airport overnight waiting for my flight for about 5 hours. I then went and looked at the departures board. It said that my flight had already departed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 748

You deserved it 20 299

By wtf - 03/02/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 655

You deserved it 15 471

By Ames - 23/05/2009 16:07 - United States

Today, after being diagnosed with cat allergies, I explained to my cat-loving boyfriend that the doctor strongly recommended not allowing the cat in the bedroom. At 1:30 am my boyfriend got out of the bed to go sleep in the spare room because: "the cat is sad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 407

You deserved it 8 927

Congratu…

By Anonymous - 10/06/2015 16:13 - United States - Inez

Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he'll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn't expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, "Why can't you keep your fucking legs closed?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 042

You deserved it 8 459

By Anonymous - 27/12/2009 22:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me how he used to collect little things when he was younger. He then decided to tell me about his current big toe nail collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 308

You deserved it 3 557

Thanks, but no thanks

By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 02:01

Today, I got fired from the community service I was doing out of kindness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 272

By Anonymous - 19/06/2015 19:51 - United States - Seattle

Today, a cute guy asked me if I was single. When I said yes, he said "Yeah, you look like the type", and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 107

You deserved it 2 439

By ET - 21/12/2015 23:30 - United States - Glendale

Today, I was at a small secret Santa with a group of friends. Everyone got each other some amazing gifts, the first person got a homemade self portrait, the second person got some professional grade playing cards, the third person got an album of past memories, and I got a pack of pens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 485

You deserved it 1 717

By Anonymous - 21/08/2019 14:00 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I got run over. Not by a car, but by a lady in a wheelchair. Am I really that invisible? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 548

You deserved it 145

By Jojo - 08/05/2019 16:00

Today, after months of planning, my boyfriend told me he's changed his mind and doesn’t want to move with me to where I got a job. Why? He doesn’t want to live that far away from his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 829

You deserved it 250

By doggylove - 13/11/2015 03:57 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I realized my boyfriend's dog is more excited to see me than he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 565

You deserved it 2 211

By rattledwife666 - 21/01/2017 14:00

Today, when I asked my husband to join me in the shower to "save water", he said, "Let the environment suffer, not me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 417

You deserved it 953

By Alex - 05/02/2016 22:55 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 033

You deserved it 2 954

By Meowit - 07/09/2014 03:06 - United States - Livonia

Today, it's my birthday, and everyone, family and friends, forgot. Except my dog who left me a present on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 582

You deserved it 3 191

Stranded

By Anonymous - 27/12/2020 01:01 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, my husband found out that not only has he tested positive for influenza A, but also has tested positive for Covid 19. My work won't let me return until I have isolated for 14 days from someone with Covid. Our house is really small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 116

Romantic gesture

By Anonymous - 19/01/2020 18:00

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 255

You deserved it 252

By Anonymous - 14/12/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, my parents held an intervention for me. Apparently they think I'm turning into a goth. All because they saw me re-lacing my shoes with black shoelaces instead of white ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 977

You deserved it 3 056

By fuuuuck - 28/01/2010 00:27 - Canada

Today, I had a very important test. Last night, I'd had such bad leg pains that I couldn't sleep, so I took two very strong painkillers and went to sleep pain-free. I apparently accidentally overdosed, because when I woke up, I couldn't see properly or even stand up. And I missed my test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 995

You deserved it 8 689

More reasons to stay at home

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 16:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my local pub has now closed so now the only bar within staggering distance of my house is an entertainment centre. So now, if I want to drink myself blotto, I can no longer do it in peace and quiet, I have to do it to the background noise of some cartoon monkey and 100 rotten kids screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 1 051

By tiredoffamilydinners - 12/01/2012 05:00 - United States

Today, my mom and siblings got into a fight. Being generally quiet and non-confrontational, I stayed out of it. Shortly thereafter, I was yelled at by my mother for being "ungrateful" and "disrespectful." I still don't know what I did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 540

You deserved it 2 533

By Anonymous - 27/05/2009 16:18 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend who lives in China contacted me and told me she'd been harassed by a guy and was thinking about pressing charges. The guy is someone I know from college - he promised me he would say "hi" to her for me while he was in Shanghai. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 063

You deserved it 5 232

DIY FML

By Anonymous - 03/05/2021 02:02

Today, after spending hundreds of dollars on parts and tools, and hours of research to teach myself how to perform the work, I upgraded my bike. It was also today that I made it 4 blocks from my house on my first ride before I hit a curb and broke my collarbone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 132

By Username - 16/04/2011 08:39 - United States

Today, I went on my first official date I've been on since my divorce. Things were going great until he ordered his fourth 32oz beer; he got hammered and became a horny octopus. Oh, and he farted whiled trying to give me a goodnight kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 862

You deserved it 4 677

By KarateKid76 - 05/12/2013 03:19 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 444

You deserved it 6 333

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Top comments

jessxoxo28 5

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Monday 18 January 2010 2:24

get his #

MoobyTheCow 2

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Monday 18 January 2010 2:25

YDI for not ordering Chinese.

123e3 0

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Monday 18 January 2010 2:22

FAIL

Sirin_fml 46

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Monday 18 January 2010 2:22

This sounds like the setup for a cheesy porn flick (-:`,

lubby_fml 0

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Monday 18 January 2010 4:00

giggity...

Sirin_fml 46

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Monday 18 January 2010 4:06

Giggity-goo.

gingersnapper 0

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Monday 18 January 2010 19:55

Seriously, OP. Time to put on a slutty negligee and some really bad disco music the next time you answer the door.

pwincessa23 1

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Friday 10 September 2010 8:18

go out some more Hun.

amiracle 0

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Monday 18 January 2010 2:23

...really?

Mustardnight 3

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Monday 18 January 2010 9:25

Serves you right for being a maple leafs fan!!! Go habs!! Colis d'ostie.

Dukaness 0

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Monday 18 January 2010 17:40

Its more of an FML for being a leafs fan.

jessxoxo28 5

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Monday 18 January 2010 2:24

get his #

extrasnipes 22

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Wednesday 26 March 2014 12:46

it's probably on her speed dial

Person1233 12

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Monday 18 January 2010 2:24

OP, I think we can change that ;D

superHydrate 4

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Monday 18 January 2010 2:25

that's one sad fml!!

izzy21_fml 0

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Monday 9 August 2010 1:51

maybe the cause of this is ordering to many pizzas making you gain weight therefore the only boy to ever show up is the one delivering pizza

MoobyTheCow 2

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Monday 18 January 2010 2:25

YDI for not ordering Chinese.

Venumsucker 0

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Wednesday 20 January 2010 23:45

actually im white and thats all im interested in they're just so shy

jamieleigh_315 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 4:51

# 43 lmao aww it's okay

renots4206 0

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Monday 18 January 2010 2:27

Call for some chineese food and you can have a party!

ensemble_coeur 0

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Monday 18 January 2010 2:27

mapleleafs34? YDI for liking the Toronto Maple Leafs

Trilogy 1

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Thursday 13 October 2011 5:15

#9 I agree compleatly

davidhasmorefun 0

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Monday 18 January 2010 2:28

maybe instead of eating you should go to the gym

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 8

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 982

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 1 141

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