Miscellaneous: Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new... - FML

By Lilragu97 - 26/07/2012 05:14 - United States - Exeter

Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 301

You deserved it 2 379

Dementia or hate? You decide

Triage

All over

What a tit

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 10:59 - United States - Farmingdale

Today, I stabbed myself in the nipple with scissors trying to cut an opening in the supposedly hands-free pumping bra I just bought. I breastfeed my 5-day-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 297

By stressedmom36 - 13/08/2015 23:50 - United States - Tampa

Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 301

You deserved it 2 751

By Anonymous - 08/03/2017 09:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, the new security guard of my apartment building tackled me for "suspicious behavior" while I was taking a bag full of dirty kitty litter to the trash chute. He broke my arm and cause the trash bag to explode. When I got back from the hospital, I was fined for littering in the hallway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 678

You deserved it 286

By sleepwalker - 14/09/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in my math class. Turns out I sleep walk. I woke up at the front of the room with chalk in my hand, scribbles on the board behind me, and the whole class laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 552

You deserved it 8 359

Classic cat

By Anonymous - 09/10/2021 19:58 - Germany - Norden

Today, our cat wrote me a story: "This is where I caught a mouse. This is where I ate the mouse. This is where I puked the mouse." Unfortunately, she wrote it as a graphic novel on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 23/12/2015 09:06 - United States - Pomona

Today, I was bitched out by my shrew of a mother for getting engaged, to a man. She's not homophobic, but rather pissed off because gay marriage is "trendy" and she wants me to be "above that nonsense". Hurray for love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 882

You deserved it 3 710

By squirrels69ing - 22/05/2011 01:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 703

You deserved it 6 211

By Fresca11 - 29/06/2011 00:51 - United States

Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend. We'd just got our food when my dad walks in, comes up to our table and says, "I didn't say you could leave, you're too young to be dating him", then drags me out of the restaurant. We are both 15, and it was my first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 424

You deserved it 14 013

Be reasonable, people

By SailorVenus93 - 20/03/2020 06:00

Today, at work, I was told at the beginning of my shift that we would be enforcing a 4-item limit on hand sanitizer, toilet paper, etc. Not even 20 minutes later, I had 2 customers bitch me out. This is going to be a long shift, if not year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 024

You deserved it 118

By smallpaycheck - 16/08/2009 00:49 - United States

Today, I was working at a shoe store and was helping a dude try on shoes. He looked like trouble and I wanted to finish with him. When he finally picked his shoes, he abruptly stood up and ran out of the store with the shoes on. The cost of them was deducted from my salary. $240. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 947

You deserved it 4 044

By lamelifeguard - 19/04/2013 05:07 - United States - Morrison

Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 645

You deserved it 4 381

By Ginna - 29/10/2010 18:29 - Canada

Today, my dad planted and "discovered" a pack of cigarettes in my backpack to distract my mom from his gambling problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 135

You deserved it 2 614

By Fangirl#1 - 29/10/2018 22:10

Today, students were permitted to wear costumes at my school, but only about half of us did. In 4th period a guy asked me, "What are you supposed to be?" I wasn’t wearing a costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 454

You deserved it 305

By CatLover - 06/11/2014 18:30 - United States - Bartow

Today, my mentally-unhinged mother reached a new level of psycho - she threw a tantrum and raged at my father, accusing him of cheating on her with our cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 421

You deserved it 2 774

By Anonymous - 07/03/2018 09:00 - United States - Stamford

Today, my boss entrusted me with his car to run an errand, as I usually take the bus. I managed to get there and back safely before someone slammed into me while I was re-entering the lot, causing major damage. It was his wife, who thought I was a car thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 776

You deserved it 272

By Anonymous - 27/11/2013 17:51 - United States - Poquoson

Today, I was visiting a family member at a women's prison. The staff wanted to search me, basically claiming that my breasts looked suspiciously disproportionate, implying I was smuggling something in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 327

You deserved it 4 219

By Angie - 12/09/2015 21:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and filmed it, because it would "be a big hit on YouTube." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 144

You deserved it 1 965

EXPLAIN YOURSELF!

By khamiya - 18/05/2021 13:59

Today, as always, I'm not allowed to like anything, be it a food, type of music, TV show, book, video game, or even a color, without my parents asking me to explain why I like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 87

By Jograd - 25/09/2012 17:13 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my roommate decided to turn off all appliances in the house to "save" electricity. This included the refrigerator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 774

You deserved it 1 672

By kill the audience - 10/11/2016 17:51 - United States - Lewes

Today, I was sitting in the restaurant waiting for my blind date to come. I had sat for an hour until I finally got fed up and went to leave when at the same time the guy at the table next to me stood up to leave too. I noticed he had been sitting alone. Turns out he was my date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 375

You deserved it 1 979

By Anonymous - 21/08/2019 04:00

Today, I noticed I have more alcohol in my fridge than I do actual food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 1 546

By notsosexygirl - 21/02/2009 09:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I was doing my usual routine at the gym which consists of working out on the treadmills right in front of my ex boyfriend to make him feel bad. Whilst doing this, I tried to be cool and do that thing where as the treadmill slows down you turn around and just walk off the end. I fell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 054

You deserved it 68 422

That caffeine rush

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 14:02

Spicy

Today, whilst getting ready, I decided to have a strong coffee. Followed by the runs. My hook up arrives in half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 345

By Cat lover - 23/12/2017 01:30

Today, after 25 years living with my dad, who is highly allergic to cats, I was finally able to adopt two kittens to live in my new place, just like I have always wanted. Guess who else is highly allergic to cats? Me, it seems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 444

You deserved it 960

By good friend - 27/12/2013 06:35 - United States - Missoula

Today, my friends and I had our Christmas party. I ended up being the only one sober, and had to drive each and every person home. There were 15 of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 451

You deserved it 5 799

By Helpful Smile - 26/01/2016 02:56 - United States - Bettendorf

Today, my boss used our communal notebook to bitch out our entire department for not leaving a note notifying her that one of the machines was down. She wrote it on the same page as the note I left saying that one of the machines was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 660

You deserved it 1 213

Hangry dude

By Anonymous - 07/08/2021 20:01

Today, I accidentally bit so hard on my fork that I cracked my tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 207

#1 Mom

By Eden - 14/07/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, my tonsils swelled to roughly the size of golf balls. My mom refuses to take me to the hospital because she's convinced I got it from kissing someone, and until I "fess up", she's not budging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 886

You deserved it 3 141

By Anonymous - 16/05/2012 21:56 - Sweden - V?llingby

Today, I woke up after a long night of drinking with my friends. I vaguely remembered visiting a tattoo parlour, but nothing prepared me for the sight of the words "YOLO" and "MOFO" tattooed across the fingers of my left and right hands. Now I'm officially a bandwagoning douchebag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 181

You deserved it 39 598

By AlexK - 18/06/2009 23:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I was browsing my computer to find naked pictures of my ex-girlfriend. I decided it'd be funny to photoshop a penis onto one of the pictures. I'm straight and the new picture turned me on more than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 151

You deserved it 65 271

By ChildhoodTerror - 26/12/2016 06:40

Today, my cousin left her undisciplined demon-child at my house for Christmas. This child destroyed the other children's gifts and made so much noise that the neighbors called the police. The adults can't really discipline her while her mother is away, so all we can do is apologize in this child's wake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 528

You deserved it 1 505

By Anonymous - 02/11/2015 08:01 - United States - San Jacinto

Spicy

Today, while at a party playing Truth or Dare, I found out my best friend fantasizes about having sex with my 51 year old mother. The rest of the guys at the party then nodded in agreement and thus spawned a group conversation about how "screwable" my mom is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 539

You deserved it 3 520

Get away from me

By Jinthebar - 06/05/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone" in a seductive tone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 075

You deserved it 7 929

By APersonSomewhere - 31/03/2019 18:00

Today, it’s my 21st birthday. The people I invited over spent most of the time talking about their LARP group which I am not a part of and so could not participate, talked over what I wanted to watch, and then it ended with an intervention by them for me because they were upset that I was upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 947

You deserved it 247

By gotnogame - 31/01/2011 03:13 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl I like. After a movie, we went to McDonald's. There was this couple making out. The girl I was with remarked about how lame it would be to go to McDonald's on a date. I thought we were on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 013

You deserved it 37 854

By wtf - 31/07/2010 23:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got married. During the reception my husband got drunk and told 200+ people that we met at a dingy bar and that we "totally banged" all night. I don't know what's worse, the fact he embarrassed me in front of everyone I know, or if it was that that was not how we met. Not even close. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 800

You deserved it 3 946

Furry family

By crazy dog lady - 02/11/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend got evicted for having too many dogs. She expects me to let her and all 5 dogs live in my one-bedroom apartment. When I told her no, that I’d get evicted too, she said that should be a sacrifice I’m willing to make for “our family” if I really loved her. They aren’t even my dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 213

My lovely horse

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 08:01

Today, after we managed to find a horse that was completely healthy and problem-free, we took her home. Now she keeps getting thinner because she's stressed and scared. Of what? Of having too much space to move around in, and occasionally seeing deer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 99

By always-the-responsible-one - 03/01/2010 08:42 - Canada

Today, I just spent half an hour cleaning up my little brother's puke after he got drunk for the first time. All the people who bought him drinks are still out partying and having a good time, while all I can smell is whiskey, Chinese food, and whatever else was in his stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 565

You deserved it 3 098

By alynna007 - 02/01/2013 10:31 - United States - Lakewood

Today, I overheard my mother telling my sister that she expects my marriage to fall apart any day now. Apparently, I have no concept of what "marriage" really means. My husband and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary, while my mother is planning her 5th wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 274

You deserved it 2 300

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Thursday 26 July 2012 12:20

Don't you knock? He could've spill hot soup on his penis! Jesus!

Betz 10

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Thursday 26 July 2012 12:20

Well that was a series of unfortunate events.

Comments

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Thursday 26 July 2012 12:19

That must of hurt but it could of been worse he could of been standing up.

Betz 10

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Thursday 26 July 2012 12:22

*have x3 Sorry, I had to.

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Thursday 26 July 2012 12:43

Completely fine. I forgot about that grammar rule.

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Thursday 26 July 2012 18:30

^It's not a rule; it's a way of life.

mbusey 20

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Thursday 26 July 2012 18:49

Yes, and you got buried for forgetting it.

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Thursday 26 July 2012 12:20

Don't you knock? He could've spill hot soup on his penis! Jesus!

allthatandmore 0

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Thursday 26 July 2012 12:30

Chicken noodle soup for the soul...

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Thursday 26 July 2012 12:32

Chicken noodle soup for the middle-aged testicles was my favorite one.

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Thursday 26 July 2012 13:59

I pictured him leaving the door open for some reason

Betz 10

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Thursday 26 July 2012 12:20

Well that was a series of unfortunate events.

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Thursday 26 July 2012 12:21

Agreed.

music_woman1 11

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Thursday 26 July 2012 12:25

Definitely I simply don't understand how some feel that this is a YDI

Deeznutzhairy 7

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Friday 27 July 2012 0:00

Fuck those books .

music_woman1 11

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Thursday 26 July 2012 12:21

A dent in the wall?!

everydayFML2121 5

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Thursday 26 July 2012 16:43

No shit. A dent in op's head would most likely kill her.

music_woman1 11

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Thursday 26 July 2012 16:49

I meant frickin ouch!

xXxIracebethxXx 14

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Thursday 26 July 2012 17:44

#78 - Not necessarily. I have a dent on my head when I accidentally fell right on the corner of the table (this was a couple years ago). I'm still alive, as you can see. So don't be an ass 'cause it can go either way.

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Thursday 26 July 2012 20:46

hey now, he isn't being an ass. you've said and proved that a dent in your head could go either way; you survived your head dent but others have not. don't be so rude

nancyschmancy 9

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Thursday 26 July 2012 12:21

He eats on the toilet? Your mom has a keeper! FYL

pillowsarecomfy 2

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Thursday 26 July 2012 13:04

I agree! Eating on the toilet kind of defeats the purpose of being on the toilet in the first place.

greenalleycat 4

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Thursday 26 July 2012 13:57

It's all about maximising the efficiency of the recycling process

rattusrattus 18

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Thursday 26 July 2012 15:33

Nah, it's to torment the soup with the knowledge of its eventual resting place.

vocaloidtiger 12

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Thursday 26 July 2012 23:04

Did anyone else read 'eating soap' first?

hunterjumper88 8

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Friday 6 March 2015 0:31

I did, 112 XD

patrickalamo 47

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Thursday 26 July 2012 12:22

Which hurt worse your head or eyes.

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Thursday 26 July 2012 15:04

My stomach, actually.

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Thursday 26 July 2012 12:22

Hmm this one sounds a bit to much and out there to be true. If it did happen wow what a messed up chain of events.

loloalltheway 23

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Thursday 26 July 2012 12:23

I Would be in a huge shock also if that happened to me ....

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Thursday 26 July 2012 12:50

Are you sure its huge shock and not small shock? Could it even possibly be average shock?

loloalltheway 23

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Thursday 26 July 2012 13:32

Now that i think about it it's more of an average shock, not the kind of shock when you fall off stairs ... thanks For helping me clear that up !!!:p

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Thursday 26 July 2012 12:24

That must hurt physically and mentaly and on every scale you might think of..BUT why to eat in the bathroom!!!! just why-eww!!?

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Thursday 26 July 2012 12:26

You clearly haven't read the FML properly.

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Thursday 26 July 2012 12:27

Soup*! Wow!! Still weird..

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Thursday 26 July 2012 12:24

Bowl of soup to help you feel better?

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 48

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 146

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 47