Miscellaneous: Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new... - FML

By Lilragu97 - United States - Exeter

Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML

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Proactive

Family values

What a tool

By BrokeAsHeck

Today, for the second time in a year, I am a victim of bank fraud. All my money was in there, and I move today. FML

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By mj - United States

Today, my wife announced that she wanted a divorce. She'd actually started dating another man a few months ago, but she wanted to drag our marriage out as long as possible just in case her new relationship fell through. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my desk is perfectly placed so that my boss can shoot me with a Nerf gun from his office. FML

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By walker - United States

Today, I went over my girlfriend of 3 months' house for the first time. As we walked through the door, I was greeted by a little girl whose first words to me were, "Are you my daddy?" FML

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By hopelesscollegechick - United States - Alexander City

Today, I gave a presentation about how teachers don't intervene enough when students are being bullied. Afterwards, I was practically bullied by my teacher for "not choosing a serious topic." FML

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By Heyhey - France

Today, I met someone with the same name as me for the first time ever. I'm 20 years old, he is 97. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, my teacher told the class that we had better like the people at our table because we would all be working together for the final group assessment. Everyone looked at me, stood up, and moved. FML

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By RiceSickle - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I received the $30 parking pass that I ordered over 4 weeks ago. My class is only 4 weeks long, and next week is the last week. FML

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By Flutie

Today, I went to a haunted house with my fiancé. A few minutes in, I saw someone following us so I turned and screamed. She ran off and my fiancé explained that she wasn't an actor, just a lady with a pigment disorder. I can never go back there again. FML

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By 4yrldkicker - United States

Today, I was at the mall and someone peeked their head under the door of my dressing room while I was half dressed. Not knowing who it was, I kicked him in the face just out of instinct. Its was a 4 year old kid looking for his mother. FML

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By sarahh38 - Canada

Today, I went on a blind date. We had agreed on meeting in front of a park. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother and aunt got into an argument about who had gotten groped more times in public. I don't know what's more disturbing, that my own mother would brag about getting groped, or that she won the argument, at 34 times. FML

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By rick - United States - Roanoke

Today, I held the door for an elderly woman. As she walked through, she looked at me and told me I was a very handsome man and that I should meet her grandson. The woman was my grandmother, and yes, I'm straight. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Mordialloc

Today, I met my boyfriend's adoptive family. There was his mom and several brothers, one of whom tried to hit on me. They tried to convince my boyfriend to break up with me, and his mom told me I'll probably get knocked up by the brother who hit on me. FML

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By divorced - United States

Today, my wife put divorce papers in my birthday card. FML

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By La Guigne - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I was in the break room with my colleagues and our awful boss. As ever, he was talking trash, convinced that his jokes were actually funny. The window was open, and it was chilly. As he walked by it, I mangled my words and said, "Cedric, could you please shut your mouth?" FML

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By ok cool - United States - Fayetteville

Today, while I was in the bathroom my mom walked in and tried to have a conversation with me about my bowel movements. I'm 23, and this is a regular thing. FML

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By dirtytoes - United States - Houston

Today, I found a diaper in the parking lot. It's been raining all morning. This was the wrong day to wear flip-flops. FML

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By H…… - 20/11/2020 20:08

Are you sure you're OK?

Today, my roommate and I were talking about how much better my dog has gotten at not peeing in the house, and how I was doing better at not losing my temper when he did. A few hours after this conversation, the dog pissed all over the floor and I screamed so loudly that now my throat hurts. FML

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By gonkc - United States

Today, to remind myself to write a check for my speech and debate team (Lynbrook Speech and Debate), I wrote "LSD money" on the back of my hand. The Vice Principal saw it, dragged me to the office, and called my parents. FML

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By preggo eggo

MAKE UP YOUR MIND

Today, after months of my fiancé begging me to have a baby with him, I found out I’m pregnant. He doesn’t want a baby anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2020 17:00

Every little helps

Today, I found out that my grandmother desecrated my grandfather's grave. 14 years after his death, she dug up his body and had him cremated so that she could sell his plot back to the cemetery for money. I was the one who found out so I had to tell the rest of the family. FML

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By kam3221 - United States

Today, I got in the shower, washed my hair and shaved because I wanted to look great for a big date. I got out, brushed and dried my hair and spent an hour putting it up in the perfect hairstyle. Running late, I quickly put on my new dress, looked down and realized i had only shaved one leg. FML

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By 20 - Australia

Today, after buying over $300 worth of food and alcohol, I found out all my friends aren't coming to my New Years party but headed to the BIG party at the local club. The one which I sold my ticket to after my friends convinced me to throw a party instead. FML

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By ABD

The system is broke!

Today, I found out that when I go on Medicare in January, one of my medicines will go from $45 per month to $3000 for the first month, then $425 per month for the rest of the year. I need this medicine to stay alive. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Long Beach

Today, at the exact moment that I leaned over to show my dad a picture on my phone, my boyfriend texted me: "I'm no weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight." FML

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By tardspawn - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML

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By Sodapop40 - 21/6/2020 05:05

"Tubular Bells" by Mike Oldfield starts playing…

Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Daytona Beach

Today, a guy called customer support, claiming his internet wasn't working. I asked for his customer details, and he gave his name as Mike Hunt. I recognized the old joke, called him an idiot, and hung up on him. It turned out that was his real name. I'm now on suspension. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Victoria

Today, my wedding celebration came to an awkward pause when my dad slapped my mom across the face and called her a whore after she admitted to having an affair. FML

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By schoolkiddo - Australia

Today, my dad and his girlfriend left for a 10-day vacation. They booked an expensive beach-house. I'm an A grade student and just last month, he stopped paying my school fees because he 'couldn't afford it.' Oh, and he's making me feed the dog while he's away. FML

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By lonelyboy101 - United States

Today, I was at a club with my girlfriend of a year. A guy starts hitting on her while I'm sitting right next to her. He then asks her to go back to his place for some fun, I start laughing thinking that there is no chance she would even consider this. I walked home alone. FML

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By Serire - United States - Monroe

Today, my boyfriend couldn't go on a date with me because his mom said no. He's 23. FML

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By Anonymous

Because of my dog

Today, I opened the door to a delivery girl with a towel around my waist as I was just out of the shower. My dog was going crazy at the courier, and when she handed me the touchpad to sign for the package, my dog decided it would be a good idea to pull my towel off. FML

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By Chris Altenbach - United States

Today, I got off from work and noticed that the weather finally warmed up after the recent snowstorm. I hopped into my car and rolled down the windows. When I opened the sun roof, a foot of snow came falling into my car. FML

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By whoopsiedoodle - Canada

Today, we went out to dinner to a family restaurant, and I was wearing a skirt since it's so warm out. My 4 year old scooted under the table to sit next to his brother. When he popped up on the other side, he exclaimed, "Mommy! You forgot to put on your underwears!" People were staring. FML

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By pinpin - France

Today, I helped my son do his maths homework. He got a C and won’t talk to me anymore. FML

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By Margaret - United States

Today, I was flying back home from college with my Mom. At the airport, the ticket agent tells us she only has one ticket listed for Margaret. My mom and I have the same name. American Airlines thought a Margaret had bought two tickets by mistake, so they cancelled one of the transactions. FML

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By anx133 - China

Today, I daringly tried that fish-bath thing, where all these fish come and eat all of your skin's dead cells. I got into it, and after 15 minutes of being a human buffet, at least 20 of the fish died. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Landenberg

Today, I downloaded Grindr to my phone. It also downloaded to my mom's phone, my dad's phone, and my brother's phone. FML

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Top comments

By chrisbravo | 4

#4735319 - Thursday 26 July 2012 12:20

Don't you knock? He could've spill hot soup on his penis! Jesus!

By Betz | 10

#4735321 - Thursday 26 July 2012 12:20

Well that was a series of unfortunate events.

COMMENTS

By noelykins1 | 19

#4735314 - Thursday 26 July 2012 12:19

That must of hurt but it could of been worse he could of been standing up.

Reply

Betz | 10

#4735330 - Thursday 26 July 2012 12:22

*have x3
Sorry, I had to.

Reply

noelykins1 | 19

#4735428 - Thursday 26 July 2012 12:43

Completely fine. I forgot about that grammar rule.

Reply

awagh666 | 14

#4736038 - Thursday 26 July 2012 18:30

^It's not a rule; it's a way of life.

Reply

mbusey | 20

#4736064 - Thursday 26 July 2012 18:49

Yes, and you got buried for forgetting it.

By chrisbravo | 4

#4735319 - Thursday 26 July 2012 12:20

Don't you knock? He could've spill hot soup on his penis! Jesus!

Reply

allthatandmore | 0

#4735368 - Thursday 26 July 2012 12:30

Chicken noodle soup for the soul...

Reply

IOmnomHard | 10

#4735380 - Thursday 26 July 2012 12:32

Chicken noodle soup for the middle-aged testicles was my favorite one.

Reply

MikeonFML | 17

#4735618 - Thursday 26 July 2012 13:59

I pictured him leaving the door open for some reason

By Betz | 10

#4735321 - Thursday 26 July 2012 12:20

Well that was a series of unfortunate events.

Reply

krewer21 | 1

#4735325 - Thursday 26 July 2012 12:21

Agreed.

Reply

music_woman1 | 11

#4735347 - Thursday 26 July 2012 12:25

Definitely
I simply don't understand how some feel that this is a YDI

Reply

Deeznutzhairy | 7

#4737043 - Friday 27 July 2012 0:00

Fuck those books .

By music_woman1 | 11

#4735323 - Thursday 26 July 2012 12:21

A dent in the wall?!

Reply

everydayFML2121 | 5

#4735889 - Thursday 26 July 2012 16:43

No shit. A dent in op's head would most likely kill her.

Reply

music_woman1 | 11

#4735902 - Thursday 26 July 2012 16:49

I meant frickin ouch!

Reply

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#4735968 - Thursday 26 July 2012 17:44

#78 - Not necessarily. I have a dent on my head when I accidentally fell right on the corner of the table (this was a couple years ago). I'm still alive, as you can see. So don't be an ass 'cause it can go either way.

Reply

Llamacod | 11

#4736424 - Thursday 26 July 2012 20:46

hey now, he isn't being an ass. you've said and proved that a dent in your head could go either way; you survived your head dent but others have not. don't be so rude

By nancyschmancy | 9

#4735327 - Thursday 26 July 2012 12:21

He eats on the toilet? Your mom has a keeper! FYL

Reply

pillowsarecomfy | 2

#4735498 - Thursday 26 July 2012 13:04

I agree! Eating on the toilet kind of defeats the purpose of being on the toilet in the first place.

Reply

greenalleycat | 4

#4735615 - Thursday 26 July 2012 13:57

It's all about maximising the efficiency of the recycling process

Reply

rattusrattus | 18

#4735739 - Thursday 26 July 2012 15:33

Nah, it's to torment the soup with the knowledge of its eventual resting place.

Reply

vocaloidtiger | 12

#4736749 - Thursday 26 July 2012 23:04

Did anyone else read 'eating soap' first?

Reply

hunterjumper88 | 8

#6222624 - Friday 6 March 2015 0:31

I did, 112 XD

By patrickalamo | 47

#4735332 - Thursday 26 July 2012 12:22

Which hurt worse your head or eyes.

Reply

CrazyManNo9 | 29

#4735704 - Thursday 26 July 2012 15:04

My stomach, actually.

By marisadc79 | 0

#4735337 - Thursday 26 July 2012 12:22

Hmm this one sounds a bit to much and out there to be true. If it did happen wow what a messed up chain of events.

By loloalltheway | 23

#4735339 - Thursday 26 July 2012 12:23

I Would be in a huge shock also if that happened to me ....

Reply

Michael_92 | 20

#4735454 - Thursday 26 July 2012 12:50

Are you sure its huge shock and not small shock? Could it even possibly be average shock?

Reply

loloalltheway | 23

#4735562 - Thursday 26 July 2012 13:32

Now that i think about it it's more of an average shock, not the kind of shock when you fall off stairs ...
thanks For helping me clear that up !!!:p

By Meme1988 | 18

#4735341 - Thursday 26 July 2012 12:24

That must hurt physically and mentaly and on every scale you might think of..BUT why to eat in the bathroom!!!! just why-eww!!?

Reply

matthew3 | 2

#4735356 - Thursday 26 July 2012 12:26

You clearly haven't read the FML properly.

Reply

Meme1988 | 18

#4735361 - Thursday 26 July 2012 12:27

Soup*! Wow!! Still weird..

By matthew3 | 2

#4735344 - Thursday 26 July 2012 12:24

Bowl of soup to help you feel better?