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By Anonymous - 14/12/2015 03:23 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was volunteering at a gift-wrapping booth to raise money for autism, and helping others takes my mind off the fact that my mom died at Christmas. While carefully wrapping a present, offering bows, ribbons, and a gift tag, a snobby bitch said to me, "You're not doing a very good job." FML

agreeclassic 26 154

vote type 1 2 149

Bullet dodged?

By Guy - 28/09/2015 18:49 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after I told her I found out I have diabetes. She thought it was an STD and I had cheated on her. So I explained what it really was and she dumped me again because she didn't want her future children to inherit my fucked up DNA. FML

agreeclassic 30 725

vote type 1 2 080

By Anonymous - 18/05/2012 11:49 - United States

Today, I sat down on a chair after my very large boss sat on it all day. When I got up, my pants were damp. FML

agreeclassic 28 078

vote type 1 2 754

By hcfan - 14/04/2009 11:18 - Australia

Today, a customer came in to the Pizza store where I work and complained that the food they had purchased had a strand of black hair in it. After some deliberation, my boss decided to fire me. He is the only staff member there with black hair. I shaved my hair 2 weeks ago. FML

agreeclassic 86 421

vote type 1 3 563

By Anonymous - 25/04/2013 19:37 - United States - Norcross

Today, I had a formal complaint filed against me for being outrageously rude to a customer. All I did was tell a customer that she couldn't use food stamps at the movie theater. FML

agreeclassic 49 651

vote type 1 2 916

By Jesse - 10/05/2012 21:22 - United States - Bothell

Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML

agreeclassic 25 083

vote type 1 2 423

By fired - 13/05/2014 14:29 - United States - Millis

Today, my boss fired me after chewing me out for the horrible date he had with my mother. FML

agreeclassic 51 747

vote type 1 4 477

By Queensland - 17/07/2015 04:12 - Australia

Today, I witnessed the most awful park job ever. Without thinking, I found a piece of paper and wrote on the back, "Nice park, asshole". Turns out it was an old airline boarding pass, and my name, address and phone number were neatly displayed with the message. FML

agreeclassic 12 371

vote type 1 38 791

Queensland app_comment_confession_title

Queensland 27

Sunday 19 July 2015 0:58

Hey guys OP here. No stabbings or death threats as of yet, but still keeping low for a few days. Additionally, I highly doubt that the vehicle owner would come to my house as this happened in Sydney and I live in Brisbane! When I get back home, however, I assume I'll have a letter or two... :) I'm not too worried though. The idiot is a Subaru driver, he'll probably pussy out. P.S. Up the maroons!!

By Cass - 29/03/2012 02:03 - Australia

Today, I got the feeling that my phone smelt of cigarettes and B.O. I smelt it, realised that it was my hands that smelt, then got confused and thought maybe it was my nose piercing that smelt. I then realised my psychology class was watching me trying to smell my own nose. FML

agreeclassic 7 816

vote type 1 28 773

Catch!

By Jaxter - 18/03/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I was walking up to girlfriend's house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic, I surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and I watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriend's mom in the face. FML

agreeclassic 81 140

vote type 1 15 031

By calamityjosie - 18/09/2009 17:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting for a delivery between 9am-8pm. At 7:30 pm, I finally decided to have a 3 minute (desperately needed) shower. During which time the delivery man came. I ran down the street in a towel that barely covered me. He was driving away looking at me in the mirror laughing. FML

agreeclassic 38 884

vote type 1 11 218

calamityjosie app_comment_confession_title

calamityjosie 0

Saturday 19 September 2009 9:15

Yeah, fair enough, OR 1). If I didn't run after the parcel it would have been sent back to the depot (in Bristol!) And would have gone back to America after 1day there! I would have had to pay extortionate posting for it to come back again! 2). Was being picked up at 8 - so yes I absolutely did have to have a shower! 3). If you'd been waiting all day getting restless would you not panic, given that you wouldn't expect out of a 13 hour slot - the parcel comes during the three minute shower you need?! And yes, it is my own stupidity - that's why it's funny, that I clearly have absolutely no common sense...hence the FML! To be honest I'd join FML too if all I had time to do with my day was leave criticisms on other people's jokes. :)

By Missy - 09/09/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, I was sitting on a park bench with my very elderly grandfather while listening to music at a low volume. Suddenly, he turned to me and said very loudly, "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD AIDS!" I received strange looks from everyone because he mistook my ear buds for a hearing aid. FML

agreeclassic 42 952

vote type 1 4 625