The Top

OP here. it was late when i sent the text, and wasnt really focusing on what i was doing. because the text was about my date, i was thinking about her, and subconciously went to her name instead of my friend's. its all good though. i explained the situation to her, and she understood.

Great parenting, Patricia

By HeMayHaveSomeIssues - 28/02/2014 20:01 - Denmark

Today, I left for work. Halfway to my car, my neighbour's son jumped out and emptied a bucket of water all over me. The little pissant screamed with laughter and ran back to his house. His mum's reaction was essentially, "Kids will be kids" and slamming the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 448

You deserved it 3 681

By pigeons_suck - 11/05/2011 21:17 - United States

Today, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus. More specifically, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus from being hit in the face by a pigeon that was deflected from the windscreen of a van moving at about 35mph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 442

You deserved it 2 809

Third, fourth, and fifth wheel

By Unwanted - 10/06/2010 12:54 - Australia

Today, I was in a car with my housemate and friends after a long day of studying, when we pulled up at our place. Thinking that we were all going to hang there, I waited for everyone to start getting out. No one did. Turns out they were just waiting for me to get out so they could then leave and go out together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 084

You deserved it 3 971

By swtkiss1 - 18/02/2009 22:26 - United States

Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 939

You deserved it 58 672

By SLOMan90 - 26/01/2011 07:45 - United States

Today, my college professor handed every student a note card and told us to rate his looks from 1 to 5. Is this what I pay $20,000 a year for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 361

You deserved it 3 785

By Asian - 07/02/2016 19:03 - United States - Clover

Today, I was asked to prove that I was Chinese by translating the phrase, "Ching chong ming chang ho". I'm not even Chinese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 970

You deserved it 1 871

By Char - 09/09/2012 17:02 - United Kingdom - Falkirk

Today, I walked downstairs with a couple of bags full of stuff, in preparation for a sleepover at my friend's house. My nine-year-old cousin looked at me and said, "Where're you going? Fat camp?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 586

You deserved it 4 059

Gaslighting

By -__- - 11/08/2013 16:26 - Greece - Athens

Today, my girlfriend discovered subliminal messaging. She thought that whispering, "You want to shave your beard" under her breath while I'm not looking at her, then denying ever saying it, would eventually make me shave my alleged upper-lip hair FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 015

You deserved it 5 742

By Chan - 26/09/2011 01:57 - United States

Today, I spilled hot coffee all over this man at work. I tried apologizing and saying it was an accident, but he then complained, which resulted in me being unemployed. The man I spilled coffee on was my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 211

You deserved it 3 148

By Sansa - 22/10/2014 21:30 - Netherlands - Velp

Today, I had sex for the first time with my first boyfriend. We broke up 6 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 559

You deserved it 10 593

Sansa_fml tells us more.

Sansa_fml 38

Thursday 23 October 2014 22:26

OP here. Just wanted to make clear that I wasn't drunk and he wasn't either. I still like this guy. Every time I see him I'm falling in love again. Point is that I'm really affraid this wil not work out (I hope it does, but still) And i'm not the type of girl who has sex with anyone this easy, so I'm really confused what to do with it. I guess I'll find out.

By Anonymous - 16/05/2009 13:06 - Canada

Today, I was selected to give my speech to the entire school. I was later told it had to be censored because it was inappropriate, even though I was just trying to make a point. My speech was on political correctness. My speech on political correctness was censored for political reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 046

You deserved it 5 110

By JasonThorn - 17/12/2016 13:21

Today, my father gave me and my sister $50 each because he got a bonus and wanted to spread it around. Then he asked for our report cards. My sister did well, but I didn't, barely scraping by on C's. After seeing my report card, he told me to give the $50 back. So, love is conditional, Dad? FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 358

You deserved it 9 769

JasonThorn tells us more.

JasonThorn 20

Monday 26 December 2016 15:22

OP here. I am glad that a lot of people understood that it had been meant as a gift with no strings attached, only to have then attached later as a reward for performance. My dad never specified, "This is what you get for doing well." It was, "I had a great day and I want to share it with everyone." The truth is, if he had said he was disappointed in me but felt I should keep the $50 and hoped I would do all I can to improve, I would have respected him and listened to him. It's not about the money. It could have been $5 and I would have reacted the same way. I now understand that gifts are conditional and I have to continually earn every favorable reaction from him, on the off chance he intends to give one.

By Fuck you, Dad. Fuck you. - 19/06/2014 21:05 - Sweden - Sundbyberg

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to see the photos of my wedding, which he didn't bother to come to. Reply: "What the fuck, are you gay or something? Keep that homo stuff to yourself." My wife started laughing so hard she was crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 838

You deserved it 5 405