Today, my fiancé and I visited his family for dinner. The entire...

By BrisbaneCoop - 4/4/2011 17:13 - Australia

Today, my fiancé and I visited his family for dinner. The entire time I was there, his mother and sister had an in depth conversation about how attractive his ex girlfriends were and how they got along with them so well. FML

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Miscellaneous

Hello everyone!

Peaky Bladders

Get me away from here, I'm dying

By Bunsostriker - 2/4/2015 18:47 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I found out where my stolen car was. It was all the way in Maine. I live in Ohio and I got a $300 fine for illegal parking. FML

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By FMeRight? - 28/12/2016 20:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me in front of his whole family with the ring his mother had helped him pick out. Two hours later, I found emails of nudes from another women that had been sent to him a week prior, on his phone. Our flight for home leaves in a week. FML

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By grannysmack - 11/7/2009 09:10 - United States

Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML

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By crybaby - 1/2/2012 08:19 - United States

Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML

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By Badhairday - 11/6/2015 23:14 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I arrived at the salon to get my hair done for prom. The lady at the front desk insisted I didn't have an appointment. After looking back on my recent calls, it turned out I called the wrong number and whatever asshole was on the other line played along. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2010 03:36 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife named our son after her ex boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2010 04:28 - United States

Today, I proudly gave my grandma a picture I had drawn for her. She didn't seem thrilled with it, and afterwards the rest of my family seemed upset. Nobody could fathom why I drew grandma a picture of a graveyard for her 85th birthday. It was suppose to be a bridge. FML

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By Timetoloseweight - 11/11/2009 16:03 - France

Today, for my birthday, my friends and family gave me: A Wii Fit, a free year at the gym and a book of diet recipes. They didn't consult with each other. I've asked for "something corresponding to me". FML

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By Joplin - 13/9/2010 19:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

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By thenewone - 19/11/2009 20:09 - Brazil

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. Later on, his mom pulls me aside and tells me to back off, saying he will never marry someone like me and he should be with a nice girl like his ex. They broke up after he found her in his bed with his roomate. FML

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By Murlocmurk - 5/12/2012 17:04 - United States

Today, at school, I have to do a 45 minute presentation with a girl who has panic attacks so bad that she cries, runs out of the room, and sometimes passes out. This presentation terrifies her and it's a major part of my final grade. FML

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By Krissy - 25/1/2010 08:36 - United States

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend on the back bumper of my car. After he finished he told me he felt like he was riding a seahorse. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2012 15:02 - Australia

Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML

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By zamwow - 20/12/2013 23:36 - United States - Ridgefield Park

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

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By Amelia - 23/6/2019 00:16

Today, I’ve discovered that even if he brushes his teeth for 10 minutes straight, flosses, and rinses with mouthwash, my boyfriend’s breath still smells like a cross between sewage and rotting fish. I’m running out of excuses for not kissing him. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2014 17:06 - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He's Latino, so I thought he'd like it if I made a bit of noise and called him "papi" while we did it. It freaked him out enough to kill his boner, and now he thinks I have some kind of incest fetish. FML

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By jokersgirl - 21/5/2019 04:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML

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By Rimmy Jobs - 21/8/2012 16:39 - United States

Today, after volleyball practice, I noticed my pants were missing. Now I have to go to work wearing spandex bottoms, all because one of my teammates is a thieving douche. FML

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By dickofbrokendreams - 2/3/2015 05:14 - United States - Waynesville

Today, I discovered that my fiancé consistently thinks about his fear of breaking his penis while we have sex. He's afraid to have sex with me. FML

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By What did I do wrong? - 4/9/2018 18:30 - United States - Manhattan

Today at university, I saw a girl on crutches struggling to make it up the stairs to the dining center. Feeling sympathetic, I politely offered to help her with her bags, and she declined. By declined, I mean she maced me. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2010 10:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of a packed bus station. I'm 21. FML

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By WTFDude - 14/5/2019 10:00

Today, I was punched in the face for wearing a Ramones shirt. The guy who punched me said he was tired of people wearing the shirt without knowing who they were. I've been a Ramones fan my whole life and am the only person I know who has worn the shirt. FML

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By GoDiarrhea - 4/3/2010 18:52 - Argentina

Today, I came down with sudden diarrhea while at taekwondo practice. I discreetly called my dad for a pickup, but on our way out, he told my instructor that I had to go because I was "shitting my pants with fear". He did this in front of all my classmates. FML

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By sorejecteditmakesmewannacry - 29/8/2013 10:44 - France - Poissy

Today, I asked a cute guy for his number but instead he gave it to my gay friend. When my friend later called him, it turned out that he'd given him his number just to get rid of me and wasn't expecting him to call. FML

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By jordigs - 23/12/2009 08:46 - United States

Today, the elderly couple next door asked me to cut down a tree in their yard. It turns out they told me to cut down the wrong tree, and I cut down the tree they got married under. They now hate me and tell me they plan to sue me for damage to property. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/2/2011 21:36 - United States

Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML

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By Username - 4/9/2010 13:24 - France

Today, my email got hacked and sent all my contacts something for Viagra. My husband thinks I really sent it to him on purpose and now won't even talk to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, at work, I was called into the office by my supervisor, on whom I have a massive crush. He called me in to get my password to make some adjustments on my work account and asked me what my password was. I had to hold eye contact with him and tell him my password is his full name. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 08:17 - Australia

Today, I spent two hours researching ways to fake my death, just so I can escape my crazy, overbearing stalker of a mum. FML

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By jesspie - 11/1/2013 02:41 - United Kingdom

Today, the abandoned cat that I took in for the night and during bad weather seems to have spread fleas around my house. They're everywhere. FML

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By Applelover012 - 8/7/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me he was leaving me because we haven't slept together in a few weeks. I just gave birth to our first child and am still recovering from my c-section. FML

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By WhyM3Th0ugh - 10/9/2015 23:21 - United States - Sunnyside

Today, one of my idiot classmates decided it was a good idea to throw his water bottle across the room to his friend. Unfortunately, I was sitting in front of his friend. I now have a very noticeable bruise and bump near my temple along with a headache. Everybody laughed at me. Even the teacher. FML

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By Amazon Ruined My Life - 28/12/2018 14:00

Today, my mother opened her birthday gift in front of my entire family. Two days ago, I ordered an essential oil diffuser and flesh light from Amazon. Guess which one she got? FML

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By The nice guy finishing Last - 27/3/2017 12:00

Today, my mom talked me into going to a funeral since my dad wouldn't go. It was for one of her classmates. When it was our time to view the casket, we paused in front of it for a second before my mom leans over to me and says, "What if I told you that was really your dad?" FML

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By BrokenHearted - 4/7/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years who had taken a job in a new city last month came into town and told me that she had slept with a co-worker last Friday. Last Friday I was incredibly lonely but I turned down a very attractive woman because I didn't want to hurt my girlfriend. FML

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By anon - 5/9/2016 08:17 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I gained the courage to talk to the guy I have a crush on. In a dying part of the conversation, I panicked and ended up asking him if he was gay. He replied no and seemed offended, so I quickly added, "You just seem a little gay sometimes, in a good way." He took more offense and left. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2011 04:22 - United States

Today, after my son graduated from nursing school which I, as a single parent, paid for with blood, sweat, and tears, during his grad party he was asked what his next step was. His response was, "Eh, I kinda realized I hate nursing." FML

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By hatemyjob - 23/4/2013 18:25 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I answered a call at work from a very irate gentleman. After being shouted and sworn at profusely, I ended the call in a slightly less than civil manner. Turns out that guy is one of our company's biggest clients. FML

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By UncleRory - 16/5/2009 09:13 - United States

Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying "I'm good" or "I'm okay", I said "I'm gay". FML

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By terrified - 9/8/2015 03:10 - United States - Forest City

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

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Top comments

By GaryMuzz | 4

#2294910 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:02

yes but don't forget who has the ring :-)

By riceicle1 | 6

#2294906 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:01

Well they weren't saying how unattractive you are but still fyl :/

COMMENTS

By riceicle1 | 6

#2294906 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:01

Well they weren't saying how unattractive you are but still fyl :/

khaya | 9

#2294940 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:06

It means he loves you despite you looking like shrek. Chin up little ogre.

khaya | 9

#2295099 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:26

He loves you despite looking like Shrek, chin up little ogre.

impregnator | 0

#2295621 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 1:08

wear make up , go gym and be nicer

manzanita2121 | 6

#2296662 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 4:23

start dressing more like a lady and less like a dike.

By GaryMuzz | 4

#2294910 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:02

yes but don't forget who has the ring :-)

Glenn_Coco | 0

#2295070 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:23

You do OP ;)

OMG_N3RD | 0

#2296052 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 2:20

Yupp

a_cassie | 4

#2296720 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 4:31

ohhh dannng ;D

EvilPotato | 14

#2317226 - Saturday 9 April 2011 3:53

I forget who has the ring again?

By fmlikecrazy | 0

#2294923 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:04

Just take comfort in the fact that they were talking about his 'EXgirlfriends' and not his 'girlfriends'.

newzealandkiwi | 0

#2295295 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 0:01

I agree.

By Doortje | 28

#2294927 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:05

Sounds like a certain nana I know...

By rebekahah | 7

#2294931 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:05

well your not marrying his mom.

jess6blondie9 | 2

#2294972 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:10

When you marry the man, you marry his momma.

emily14swim | 0

#2296200 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 2:43

not always... but majority yeah

eradonnes | 0

#2297231 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 5:54

is ur username like rebeka hah(like laughing or just rebekahah???sorry just askin

rebekahah | 7

#2297408 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 6:25

84- my first name, my middle initial, and my last initial. :)

xdannyx117x | 0

#2298194 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 10:18

all my xs moms hated me , because i liked fixing cars ??? something about no future in that blah blah blah

ijrnelson | 0

#2298564 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 14:02

they are hos mechanic at least is a proper job

By CateXOX | 0

#2294943 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:07

This might be a time to mention how attractive and friendly your ex-boyfriends' mothers and sisters were.

Isabel312 | 0

#2295401 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 0:21

^ yes!

ubetrwatchBN | 5

#2295474 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 0:40

Or start making out with your fiancé in front of them...What? I'm the only one who'd do that? That's cool.

*runs away*

EvilPotato | 14

#2295481 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 0:41

As Charlie Sheen says winning!

EvilPotato | 14

#2295504 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 0:44

47 haven't thought of that, it could work

T3P33_fml | 0

#2297977 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 8:45

why would you stop after making out?

By _streets_ | 19

#2294945 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:06

Well all that matters is that you're fiancé loves you for who you are, right? Just say "Yeah well I'm here now bitches! So deal with it."

_streets_ | 19

#2294983 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:11

*Fiancé

movingtarget_fml | 4

#2295628 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 1:10

don't tell me you bought into that shit it's the money that matters ;)

By jess6blondie9 | 2

#2294957 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:09

Ah. I bet that was pretty awkward.

By shadow1917 | 0

#2294962 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:09

I feel ur pain chicka...

leearm104 | 4

#2297771 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 7:51

chicka?

T3P33_fml | 0

#2297991 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 8:48

maybe english "chick"+ spanish "Chica"....
or she's just making words up.
or the illuminatis are behind all this and are secretly weakening population with medication and brain washing.
your choice.

By Deadshot108 | 0

#2294967 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:10

At least they didn't say how attractive his other girlfriends are.

jess6blondie9 | 2

#2295036 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:18

I think that 12 was joking... Lol.

Exeedingmango | 0

#2295038 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:18

Actually YOUR the dumbass. Learn to read, they were talking about his ex girlfriends, Not other girlfriends. if he had other girlfriends he would be cheating. Stupid. -__-

rebekahah | 7

#2295061 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:22

ROFL 16 that was the point. ;)

MyNameIsBruce | 0

#2295191 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:40

He said ARE, not WERE. Totally different meaning

leeshxx | 3

#2295199 - Monday 4 April 2011 23:41

this has the stupidest replies.. before calling some one a dumb ass read the fml correctly.. stop for a second.. let it sink in.. then comment. till then please don't make ne dopey slap myself again.. it's beginning to hurt

demonxshadow | 1

#2297137 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 5:41

agreed.

leearm104 | 4

#2297778 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 7:53

try not to be stupid when you call someone a dumbass. you have a nice smile though. why are the pretty ones always so dumb.