Miscellaneous: Today, my fiancé and I visited his family for dinner. The entire...

By BrisbaneCoop - 04/04/2011 17:13 - Australia

Today, my fiancé and I visited his family for dinner. The entire time I was there, his mother and sister had an in depth conversation about how attractive his ex girlfriends were and how they got along with them so well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 211

You deserved it 3 070

Miscellaneous

Age difference

Working from home rules!

A new enemy

By treegirl - 26/07/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121 830

You deserved it 39 696

Spreading

By Bubbilility - 26/12/2020 20:02 - Australia

Today, my mother called me from the other side of the world to tell me she's got Covid. She got it from a friend, who later told her that they had attended anti-mask rallies. She's only been visiting her friend because she needs internet to keep working and can't get it where she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 112

Rod Stewart was wrong

By WTF Lady? - 08/04/2020 20:00

Today, I was walking down my street when a girl came up behind me and started yelling about me being a slut. When she saw I was the wrong person, she continued to yell at me because I have blonde hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 796

You deserved it 139

By knickersdontfit - 26/01/2011 17:44 - United States

Today, I was doing my grocery shopping, absent-mindedly wondering if my new diet was working. I got my answer when my panties fell down around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 841

You deserved it 8 063

By Anonymous - 21/12/2009 09:33 - Australia

Today, I got my first tip. It was a Mentos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 672

You deserved it 5 657

By Anonymous - 30/01/2011 06:21 - France

Today, I received a text message from my wife who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends: "Have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you tomorrow morning." His? FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 590

You deserved it 4 482

Bad encounter

By Anonymous - 29/02/2020 05:00

Today, while finishing shopping with my kids, my female best friend and I were accosted by a called street preacher. He screamed that we were an abomination, having biracial children was a sin against nature and we were ruining America. Not only we are not gay and he made my kids cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 317

By boogery - 26/01/2015 19:17 - United States

Today, after putting a bag of dirty laundry in the laundry room to wait for an open washer, I came back to find a "free stuff" sign on all of my expensive jeans, new towels, and favorite sweatshirts. The bag was over half empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 630

You deserved it 13 476

By meantowheels - 21/06/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, while walking in the mall, I had two people race past me in wheelchairs. Thinking they were racing, I started rooting for the one guy that was ahead. Turns out his wheelchair was malfunctioning and the other was chasing after to help. He then slammed and fell into the water fountain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 230

You deserved it 20 061

By mainlineloser - 28/11/2014 05:25 - United States - Narberth

Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 387

You deserved it 3 325

By greenblue90 - 14/06/2010 13:50 - United States

Today, my husband purposefully said something to upset me. When I asked why he would do that, he told me it was to test my Prozac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 762

You deserved it 4 236

By Durrrrrr - 24/01/2009 01:03 - Canada

Today, I went to a "party" with the boy whom I am interested in. It was the first time I met his friends. Turns out he and all his friends are hardcore Christians who don't drink and are celibate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 037

You deserved it 11 628

By missmolliss - 25/06/2015 20:59 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I keep getting calls from companies that I applied to for interviews. The thing is, I moved 1,000 miles away a week ago because I couldn't find a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 096

You deserved it 3 360

By ilovemom - 21/01/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, holding my newborn baby and yearning for some affection from my mother, I asked my mom what the best day of her life was, hoping she would say the day I was born. Her answer? "The day you moved out." She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 191

You deserved it 6 633

By Anonymous - 15/09/2010 21:20 - United States

Today, in marching band, the guy in front of me backed up too far. As we turned, the back of his trombone hit mine, smashing it into my lip. I had to finish the song, sending blood down my horn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 622

You deserved it 4 143

By JellicleCat - 24/04/2019 19:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I met the man of my dreams. Insane click. He’s just as in love with me. He’s also got a condition I research in my job. It’s literally unethical for us to date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 407

You deserved it 312

Paternity test before the rest

By Anonymous - 26/01/2021 23:01 - United States

Today, after always laughing when my mom told me to avoid dating any guy with green eyes and thinking it was some weird prejudice, she told me the truth. My father cheated and had at least six other kids. They all have green eyes and look alike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 50

By ehwat - 26/11/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that since I lost my job I can't afford a Christmas present for him, or anyone. He said trying anal would be fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 764

You deserved it 12 730

By yeah_im_mad_bro - 24/09/2011 00:32 - Canada

Today, it's been a week since my little brother took up his new hobby of posting "cool story, bro" in reply to almost every Facebook status and comment that I make. Not only do I already want to smash his face against a brick wall, my parents will ground me if I defriend any family members. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 151

You deserved it 5 448

By omfgfmlife - 05/07/2011 14:32 - United States

Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 249

You deserved it 3 044

By anonymous - 18/09/2009 17:48 - France

Today, I wasn't feeling too good, and took my temperature. I had a fever, which I told my boyfriend who was laughing hysterically when I told him. I asked him what was so funny, turns out he's been using the thermometer to take our dog's temperature sometimes. Rectally, of course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 491

You deserved it 5 559

By Anonymous - 20/12/2009 19:57 - Canada

Today, in the middle of having sex, my boyfriend of two years got a call. After taking the call, he said, "It's an emergency," and that he has to go. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me is wife is going into labour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 430

You deserved it 6 004

By Ouchhh - 25/05/2010 06:54 - United States

Today, I leaned back and bumped into one of my mom's plants in the window. The good thing was that I caught it before it fell and shattered. The bad thing was that my mom likes to keep cactii in the window. I can still feel thorns I haven't managed to pluck out yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 850

You deserved it 4 534

By Crog - 11/02/2009 11:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally kicked a child down a set of steps. I work in a kids play area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 794

You deserved it 31 773

By Caroline1812 - 24/04/2015 23:58 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, while getting ice cream with a friend, her car got broken into. Nothing was taken except my backpack, which contained assignments making up 50% or more for grades in four separate classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 076

You deserved it 2 897

By WickedRene - 02/08/2014 01:57 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 877

You deserved it 8 201

By dr mamour - 30/01/2013 21:57 - France - Paris

Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 970

You deserved it 4 066

The geyser

By Anonymous - 15/05/2020 23:00

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 260

You deserved it 314

By smarty - 16/10/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, I bought a safe. I put all of my most prized possessions in it, including all of my jewelry, family heirlooms and important papers. Oh, and just before I locked it up, I put the key to the safe in there too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 592

You deserved it 50 160

By musicmaniac13 - 18/03/2011 19:08 - France

Today, I performed in my school's choir concert. The girl next to me started to pass out, and I grabbed her so she wouldn't hit her head. After we were done performing and the curtains closed, my choir teacher dragged me off stage and said I was getting an F for "creating a distraction". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 623

You deserved it 3 347

By ugh - 21/04/2012 05:12 - United States - Athens

Today, while driving home after the legal curfew, I narrowly avoided a police roadblock and backtracked a mile to drive home another way. I then ran out of gas a mile away from my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 964

You deserved it 30 812

Remember when conspiracy theories were fun?

By ET. - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my wife is totally convinced that she was abducted by aliens last night, all because she fell out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 936

You deserved it 2 693

By lonely - 08/09/2018 22:00

Today, my boyfriend blocked me from every form of contact. He told my friend that we broke up, but never told me. I still have his clothes in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 102

You deserved it 194

By pissedchick - 07/08/2019 14:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me. We're in the middle of nowhere and have a 4-hour drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 825

You deserved it 118

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 19:09 - United States

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. I presented her with an oil painting of her that I'd been working on for over a month, and she started to cry. I thought it was because she liked it, until she asked if she really looks that ugly and disproportionate in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 927

You deserved it 3 850

Mixed signals

By Brianna Michelle Ferrell - 21/09/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a fancy dinner. Halfway through, he said he wanted to break up. I started crying, but the whole restaurant thought he'd proposed, and started clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 097

You deserved it 141

By higgles15 - 05/06/2012 19:42 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I got a bikini wax. They said it wouldn't hurt too badly, and that it would just sting. My friend heard me screaming from all the way down the hall in the waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 204

You deserved it 19 983

By Anonymous - 18/01/2015 16:34 - Ireland

Today, after the longest time, I went to the gym. I ran and ran and ran on the treadmill for an eternity, beating myself up for getting so overweight. Then I tripped and fell off, sweating and sobbing for being so useless. When I looked up, I saw I'd been on the machine for barely 2 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 890

You deserved it 20 638

By unluckybirthdaykid - 11/09/2017 23:15

Today, my birthday, was going great until my boyfriend received a text from a girl saying he gave her chlamydia. Now I have no boyfriend, but at least I have the chlamydia keeping me company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 440

You deserved it 391

By smoothies14 - 06/11/2015 17:29 - United States - Weatherford

Today, I was studying on a bench outside my dorm when the leg snapped. I decided to do the right thing and let administration know what happened. After assuring me it wasn't my fault, and having me fill out an incident report, they billed me $400. I can't enroll for next semester until I pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 356

You deserved it 2 417

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Top comments

GaryMuzz 4

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:02

yes but don't forget who has the ring :-)

riceicle1 6

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:01

Well they weren't saying how unattractive you are but still fyl :/

riceicle1 6

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:01

Well they weren't saying how unattractive you are but still fyl :/

khaya 9

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:06

It means he loves you despite you looking like shrek. Chin up little ogre.

khaya 9

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:26

He loves you despite looking like Shrek, chin up little ogre.

impregnator 0

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 1:08

wear make up , go gym and be nicer

manzanita2121 6

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 4:23

start dressing more like a lady and less like a dike.

GaryMuzz 4

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:02

yes but don't forget who has the ring :-)

Glenn_Coco 0

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:23

You do OP ;)

OMG_N3RD 0

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 2:20

Yupp

a_cassie 4

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 4:31

ohhh dannng ;D

EvilPotato 14

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Saturday 9 April 2011 3:53

I forget who has the ring again?

fmlikecrazy 0

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:04

Just take comfort in the fact that they were talking about his 'EXgirlfriends' and not his 'girlfriends'.

newzealandkiwi 0

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 0:01

I agree.

Doortje 29

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:05

Sounds like a certain nana I know...

rebekahah 7

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:05

well your not marrying his mom.

jess6blondie9 2

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:10

When you marry the man, you marry his momma.

emily14swim 0

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 2:43

not always... but majority yeah

eradonnes 0

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 5:54

is ur username like rebeka hah(like laughing or just rebekahah???sorry just askin

rebekahah 7

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 6:25

84- my first name, my middle initial, and my last initial. :)

xdannyx117x 0

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 10:18

all my xs moms hated me , because i liked fixing cars ??? something about no future in that blah blah blah

ijrnelson 0

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 14:02

they are hos mechanic at least is a proper job

CateXOX 0

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:07

This might be a time to mention how attractive and friendly your ex-boyfriends' mothers and sisters were.

Isabel312 0

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 0:21

^ yes!

ubetrwatchBN 5

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 0:40

Or start making out with your fiancé in front of them...What? I'm the only one who'd do that? That's cool. *runs away*

EvilPotato 14

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 0:41

As Charlie Sheen says winning!

EvilPotato 14

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 0:44

47 haven't thought of that, it could work

T3P33_fml 0

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 8:45

why would you stop after making out?

_streets_ 19

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:06

Well all that matters is that you're fiancé loves you for who you are, right? Just say "Yeah well I'm here now bitches! So deal with it."

_streets_ 19

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:11

*Fiancé

movingtarget_fml 4

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 1:10

don't tell me you bought into that shit it's the money that matters ;)

jess6blondie9 2

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:09

Ah. I bet that was pretty awkward.

shadow1917 0

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:09

I feel ur pain chicka...

leearm104 4

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 7:51

chicka?

T3P33_fml 0

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 8:48

maybe english "chick"+ spanish "Chica".... or she's just making words up. or the illuminatis are behind all this and are secretly weakening population with medication and brain washing. your choice.

Deadshot108 0

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:10

At least they didn't say how attractive his other girlfriends are.

jess6blondie9 2

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:18

I think that 12 was joking... Lol.

Exeedingmango 0

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:18

Actually YOUR the dumbass. Learn to read, they were talking about his ex girlfriends, Not other girlfriends. if he had other girlfriends he would be cheating. Stupid. -__-

rebekahah 7

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:22

ROFL 16 that was the point. ;)

MyNameIsBruce 0

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:40

He said ARE, not WERE. Totally different meaning

leeshxx 3

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:41

this has the stupidest replies.. before calling some one a dumb ass read the fml correctly.. stop for a second.. let it sink in.. then comment. till then please don't make ne dopey slap myself again.. it's beginning to hurt