Health: Today, two days after leaving hospital with a broken left leg,... - FML

By fucking har har, dad - Australia

Today, two days after leaving hospital with a broken left leg, I tripped and fell heavily on the floor. My dad quickly asked if I'd broken my other leg. When I reassured him that I hadn't, he disappointedly muttered that it would've been a hilarious story to tell his friends at work. FML

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Messed up

I CAN HEAR YOU

That took a dark turn…

By NoRespect - United States

Today, I spent an hour setting up a delicate display stand at work. Not five minutes later, a woman barged in with her little kid, who immediately went up to the display and tipped the whole thing over. When I called attention to the mother, she just scoffed, "Isn't this your job?" and left. FML

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By evil - United States

Today, at my school, the student council is trying to raise $5000 for Haiti. They are doing so by playing the song from High School Musical in the hallways and cafeteria everyday until they get the money. FML

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By Chad - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I made lists of what celebrities we're interested in. The first one she listed wasn't a celebrity - it was my brother. He's spending the weekend with us. FML

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By Stingraybeemonster - Thailand

Today, I was snorkeling when a stingray suddenly appeared when I thought I was just looking at sand. It startled me, so my heel made contact with a sea urchin so that then startled me, and my other foot hit another one. FML

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By mushroomless - United States - Thayne

Today, I got yelled at in a grocery store by a customer who recognized me from the pizza place where I work. Apparently, I forgot mushrooms on her pizza earlier this afternoon. I had the day off, but thanks for the verbal lashing, lady. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after I'd remembered to start writing a list of my PTSD symptoms for my shrink, because I'm extremely forgetful, it finally took me three days to remember to write down forgetfulness. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML

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By unemployable - United States

Today, I had an important job interview. The interviewer really seemed to like me. Instead of hiring me, he asked me out on a date. FML

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By Discouraged - United States - Rockville

Today, my little brother got his crush to go out with him by impressing her with his level 500 FarmVille. This is the next generation. FML

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By WTF - United States

Today, my bank overdrafted my account to pay a bill that isn't due until next month. When I called them, they said they would fix the mistake, but I have to restore the account to zero before they'll give me my money back. So, I have to pay for my own money with the money they won't give me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while buying Red Dead Redemption 2, the cashier spoiled the ending. FML

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By singlemam - United States - Akron

Today, while at the park, my 3 year-old ran up to a lady, grabbed her chest and loudly asked, "Are these your breasts? Are they private on you too?" FML

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By coffeeburns - United States

Today, I was at a Starbucks drive-thru and was grabbing a hot coffee when I got rear ended and my car hit the vehicle in front of me which deployed my airbag. Hot coffee can really burn when it hits your face at a high rate of speed. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Romulus

Today, while working as a barista, a customer yelled about her muffins and butter not being ready since she only had a "short time to eat". There were 7 tip giving customers ahead of her, but I rushed her order. She gave no tip and stayed for over an hour. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy, when suddenly he pulled out and told me that "he had another fat chick meeting him in twenty minutes." FML

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By Spoopy Flame III - 18/11/2020 17:02

Academia ain't for everyone

Today, after dropping a class for the first time ever in college in order to focus on raising my grades, I failed the test that I dropped another course to study for. By not finishing on time. After 3 days of studying. FML

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By friendless - United States - Spokane

#rude

Today, I invited my only friend to my birthday party and she said no, not because she couldn’t go, but because she didn’t want to. FML

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By DeeDee - Austria - Vienna

Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML

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By Bridget - Canada - Orangeville

Today, I found out I have something in common with three other girls. We all have the same boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ypsilanti

Today, I did the "walk of shame" sixteen blocks. It wouldn't have been so bad if the sidewalks and streets weren't completely covered in ice. Somewhere along the way I lost what little dignity I had left, along with my left shoe. FML

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By kmjlevesque - 3/6/2020 02:00

Bye bye clothes

Today, I ran out of moving boxes so I used a few garbage bags to pack up my clothes. My new roommate decided to be helpful by putting those green garbage bags in the dumpster. It was garbage day. FML

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By caliibbyy

Today, I found out my best friend has a massive head lice infestation. It wasn't until after I'd used her hairbrush to brush my hair that I figured it out. FML

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By howtobesingle - Norway - Oslo

Today, I listened to my best friend complain, again, about the two guys she's seeing, and how she doesn't know which one to choose, because they're both perfect. Meanwhile, I'm cleaning up my dog's loose stools, haven't had a date in over three years and I'm also sharing a room with the very same best friend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was late to a sold out movie in the theater, so I had to shuffle in during the previews in the dark. I sat down in what I thought was the last vacant seat, but I'd really just sat in a small woman's lap. She was not happy. FML

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By Fwick - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend for the last time for two years. When we got back from dinner, we sat in his truck for a little while to talk. A few minutes later, my mom comes flying out of my house screaming, "Satan is here, and he is tempting you!" That is the last memory he will have of me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me by finding orange panties in my closet. His excuse was "they're a Christmas gift." Thanks honey, I get panties that won't fit, and have little brown streaks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dallas

Fair enough

Today, my long-term boyfriend insisted on me going down on him. When I asked what he would do in return, he said, "I was thinking McDonald's." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandfather kept on asking me questions about my girlfriend and was obviously proud of the things he remembered about her. The only thing he couldn't remember is that we broke up. I had to talk with him about our 'great relationship' for over an hour. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was informed that my boyfriend's mother would be joining us on our Valentine's dinner. I'm not sure if this momma's boy thing is going to work out. FML

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By hellogoodbye - Canada

Today, at work my arms were full. I needed to get the door open, so instead of pushing the swing door open with my shoulder, I kicked it open with my foot. Right into my manager's face. FML

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By Pants-Girl - Canada

Public surprise

Today, I was out walking downtown. A woman walking behind the thought that my pants were hanging too low. She came over to me and yanked my pants up. FML

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By Jo - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to the Apple store to try and figure out what's going on with my iPhone. After an hour of speaking to three different geniuses and waiting around, their solution was to "Google it." FML

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By Baby - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I was having sex with an ex when he whispered in my ear, "Who's my baby?" I, being very bad at dirty talk, said, "You." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was at a wedding reception with loud music. A guy told me that his sister couldn't be there because she "went home to be with her boy." I said, "That's too bad, she's missing a great party." He paused and repeated, "She went home to be with her LORD." FML

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By TuT - France

Today, I found my husband in the bathtub, which was filled with blood-red water, motionless and staring blankly at the ceiling. I started screaming and crying, and he burst into laughter at his "hilarious" prank. He only seemed regretful that his video camera hadn't been recording properly. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend where he went to lunch. He said he went to Wendy's. I teased him and asked if he got tired of eating burgers and Frosty's all the time. His response? "What? No, I mean at Wendy's. You know, the hot girl from work?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received a "get well soon" card in the mail, which I found just a little odd, since I was feeling completely fine. Not an hour later, I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, our 6-month-old is finally sleeping through the night. We thought we'd finally get a good night sleep ourselves, until my dumb husband fell asleep with the tv on and our 5-year-old ended up watching Saw 3 by herself. Now the 5-year-old wakes up with nightmares. FML

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By Champion the wonder horse - United States

Today, a bunch of guys at work chased me down a corridor with a Febreze spray for smelling like I'd been "sleeping in a hollowed-out horse's carcass" and having "the personal hygiene of a billy goat." FML

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Top comments

By daliagrande | 17

#5010392 - Saturday 6 October 2012 5:41

At least you didn't break your other leg.

By gibby1235 | 6

#5010402 - Saturday 6 October 2012 5:42

Your dad was most likely just playing don't take it to heart. Be thankful you didn't break anything.

COMMENTS

By daliagrande | 17

#5010392 - Saturday 6 October 2012 5:41

At least you didn't break your other leg.

Reply

DrDilllonReese | 12

#5010407 - Saturday 6 October 2012 5:42

Just go exile yourself

Reply

Dixbfloppin | 11

#5010432 - Saturday 6 October 2012 5:46

Yeah, that was already mentioned in the FML, #1.

Reply

astoryofroses | 9

#5010446 - Saturday 6 October 2012 5:48

wow, what kind of father says that?

Reply

GypsyRover | 0

#5010519 - Saturday 6 October 2012 5:58

I would have broken my good leg off in his ass! At least that's what I would be thinking. Not everything I think comes out my mouth.

Reply

kyleekay | 25

#5010529 - Saturday 6 October 2012 5:59

5- You need to relax a little bit. Take a deep breath, and find your happy place. We'll get through this together.

Reply

Zebro_fml | 6

#5015436 - Sunday 7 October 2012 19:58

Funny dads

By asfan2081 | 2

#5010396 - Saturday 6 October 2012 5:42

am i the only one who pees on the side of the toilet seat to make less noise?

By gibby1235 | 6

#5010402 - Saturday 6 October 2012 5:42

Your dad was most likely just playing don't take it to heart. Be thankful you didn't break anything.

Reply

chell1894 | 13

#5011495 - Saturday 6 October 2012 14:21

I mean, it would have been a funny story.

Reply

stingray112 | 24

#6226914 - Monday 9 March 2015 20:33

Yeah it was a just a joke chill out

By thethatoneguy_21 | 4

#5010404 - Saturday 6 October 2012 5:42

Adds a whole new meaning to break a leg

Reply

Schizomaniac | 24

#5010418 - Saturday 6 October 2012 5:44

How exactly does it do that?

Reply

kyleekay | 25

#5010500 - Saturday 6 October 2012 5:55

8- I believe they were referring to the good luck gesture for performers, when people tell them to "break a leg". Though it would be more significant if OP was a performer who broke their leg on stage... but I get what they're saying.

Reply

deBlobX | 12

#5010768 - Saturday 6 October 2012 7:02

いいえ

By daliagrande | 17

#5010411 - Saturday 6 October 2012 5:43

I'm pretty sure he was joking around.

By bluepenguins | 0

#5010413 - Saturday 6 October 2012 5:43

Your dads a inconsiderate asshole..

Reply

NashyzzleTheN | 10

#5010479 - Saturday 6 October 2012 5:52

I wouldn't call him that for one little thing he said..

Reply

ihasbrains | 10

#5010668 - Saturday 6 October 2012 6:36

An*

Hehe.

Reply

starbursty | 0

#5010785 - Saturday 6 October 2012 7:07

Your an asshole for saying that

Reply

Pandacupcakelove | 26

#5010987 - Saturday 6 October 2012 8:52

49 *You're
Sorry :/

Reply

chatoyant_fml | 12

#5011132 - Saturday 6 October 2012 10:57

Funny you can call him out on just a text. He probably just joked.

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#5013848 - Sunday 7 October 2012 4:48

dad's*

Idiota.

By Tdrizzzzzly | 19

#5010421 - Saturday 6 October 2012 5:45

Hell, it's a story your grand kids could have laughed about!

By kvdfan | 7

#5010423 - Saturday 6 October 2012 5:45

Trip the jerk so YOU can have a hilarious story for your friends. "How you like me now!"

Reply

kyleekay | 25

#5010511 - Saturday 6 October 2012 5:57

Damnit. Thanks to your comment, that country song "How Do You Like Me Now" is stuck in my head.

Reply

kyleekay | 25

#5010659 - Saturday 6 October 2012 6:28

Obviously the only remaining option is to hold a country-themed FML Karaoke event.

Does anyone have a cowbell?

Reply

DerrickJames | 33

#5010800 - Saturday 6 October 2012 7:10

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

Reply

kyleekay | 25

#5010945 - Saturday 6 October 2012 8:32

52- BUT cowbell makes everything better. ;)

Reply

kittenvks | 11

#5011035 - Saturday 6 October 2012 9:27

It definitely needs more cowbell

Reply

ShyAnn29 | 14

#5011274 - Saturday 6 October 2012 12:24

*hands kyleekay a cowbell*

Reply

MarkEternal02 | 19

#5011427 - Saturday 6 October 2012 13:50

Christopher Walken reference there, 71?

By abrons | 0

#5010424 - Saturday 6 October 2012 5:45

Well that would be a good story... But yes fyl

Reply

graffitied_love | 20

#5010933 - Saturday 6 October 2012 8:21

Because he made that comment OP has a good enough story to be posted on FML. Its not all bad :)

By MURIKKA | 11

#5010426 - Saturday 6 October 2012 5:46

Hit him in the head and ask him if he lost his other brain cell.

Reply

TheOath | 12

#5012173 - Saturday 6 October 2012 18:02

Hit and run. Erm.. In your case, hit and limp?