Intimacy: All in the family - FML

All in the family

By notasgood - 12/01/2010 23:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend dumped me so he could sleep with my mom without feeling guilty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 412

You deserved it 3 318

Mother of the year

BO Central

Stop talking!

By mooselord - 05/12/2013 17:41 - United States

Today, I was driving home, when a truck overtook me. Two of the Christmas trees it was carrying fell off straight into my bumper. The car behind me pulled over, but instead of seeing if I was okay, he just went to see whether or not either of the trees was in good enough shape to take home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 937

You deserved it 2 826

By Anonymous - 18/05/2011 04:38 - Australia

Today, I went to the doctor for a sore throat. The doctor wasn't wearing any shoes. He said that he doesn't believe in pharmaceuticals and that it's 'all about vitamins', and he gave me a flyer for a vitamin mail order company. Then he showed me photos of his holidays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 705

You deserved it 4 345

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 08:07 - Canada

Today, a telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 466

You deserved it 8 692

The '80s called

By Anonymous - 20/03/2021 13:59

Today, I received 3 phone calls and 3 long and rather monotonous messages on my answering machine. Literally monotonous. As in, repeating the same tone over and over. The caller was a fax machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 75

Report card

By Jussy - 26/01/2021 17:01

Today, while assisting my kindergartener with distance learning, it became apparent what an incompetent bumbling mess his teacher is. In-person learning resumes next week, and I'm terrified to leave my child in a classroom with this man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 107

By Frustation - 30/07/2012 13:00 - United States

Today, I started my new job, and was introduced to my colleague. She seemed old and quite experienced, so I thought she was going to teach me. I was wrong. It turns out I'm a replacement for her daughter, who used to secretly do all of her work for her because she has no idea how to do it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 805

You deserved it 1 785

By Anonymous - 26/04/2018 01:30

Today, my boyfriend decided to fart in our bathtub to see if it would echo. It wasn’t a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 419

You deserved it 387

Toxic masculinity FTW

By Anonymous - 02/07/2021 18:01 - South Africa - Bryanston

Spicy

Today, I found that my boyfriend and his friend sends nudes of other girls to each other and then comment on them. When I confronted him, I was told that I was wrong for being upset "because this is just what men do". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 157

You deserved it 185

By Anonymous - 09/01/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, my sister and I bought new cell phones. We both wanted the same phone in red, but the guy told us that there was only one red phone left. Flirting with him, I said "You should give the prettier sister the red phone." My new phone is black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 174

You deserved it 44 301

By craZycatLady - 20/04/2015 18:06 - United States - Mission

Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 266

You deserved it 3 605

By shockedgirl - 16/01/2010 07:17 - United States

Today, I spent the day studying with one of my classmates whom I've just met. While studying, she kept bragging about her boyfriend and decided to show me a picture of him. It was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 111

You deserved it 2 705

By depressed - 03/09/2013 21:43 - United States - Yorktown Heights

Today, my new creative writing teacher informed the class that we should consult him before writing anything "dark or disturbing." I only took the class because my therapist recommended that I join the class so I could freely express my darker thoughts without her help or a fear of being judged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 173

You deserved it 3 057

By uglychick - 05/09/2009 17:29 - Canada

Today, my brother came out of the shower and sat with my mom and me on the couch. He then says he liked the idea of the extra toothbrush in the shower, it helps him clean between his toes. I have been using that to brush my teeth for the last two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 706

You deserved it 9 711

By Noname - 19/02/2009 06:51 - United States

Today, I decided to try this new cardio workout video I got. As I was obnoxiously bouncing around my room I heard a noise behind me. Turns out there were three boys outside my window watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 060

You deserved it 29 057

By young grandpa - 17/06/2013 22:49 - United States - Statham

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 031

You deserved it 40 768

By Anonymous - 10/03/2013 00:40 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I received an email from my friend in South Africa, with whom I'll soon be staying for 2 months. She was telling me that she had bought me a few things so I would be prepared for my stay. What did she buy me? A taser and some pepper-spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 935

You deserved it 5 543

By blinkme - 28/08/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I was at a concert and the guy who was selling the drinks tripped and fell down the stairs, landing on the floor next to me and the drinks went all over. I went to make sure he was okay and helped pick up the drinks. After assuring me he was okay, he gave me a free soda. It exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 625

You deserved it 13 781

By Anonymous - 25/04/2015 07:57 - United States - Helena

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she'd leave me for her ex in a heartbeat. Tomorrow is, or should I say "was", our wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 914

You deserved it 2 388

By Anonymous - 02/08/2014 00:20 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, my dad was doing FaceTime with a friend. He turned his iPhone towards my sister and said "There's my daughter..." He then turned it to me and said "...and there's my ugly son", then walked away. I'm still not sure if it's a joke or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 255

You deserved it 3 870

By Anonymous - 10/02/2013 01:39 - United States - Decatur

Today, I came home from a two-week vacation. When I walked into my house, I found cat poop everywhere. It took me several hours to clean it all up, and the house still smells terrible. The worst part is that I've never owned a cat in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 380

You deserved it 2 385

By Grubendol - 15/12/2011 17:30 - United States

Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 559

You deserved it 5 987

By Anonymous - 28/01/2017 14:00

Today, it's the 8th day in a row that my mother-in-law has made me drink laxative tea. I still haven't pooped yet and I'm terrified of what's to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 395

You deserved it 630

By awkwardpineapples - 08/01/2015 03:13 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I found my sister licking all of the silverware and putting it back in the drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 794

You deserved it 2 612

Bottom of the list

By Anonymous - 19/01/2021 07:59

Today, after my boyfriend used to tell me that, with his demanding job, he just didn’t have the time or energy for a meaningful conversation with me. Thanks to COVID, he works 90% less now, finding time for online college, cooking and new furniture, yet didn’t invest even one extra minute into our couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 211

By anonymous - 09/10/2014 22:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while arriving to a date for the first time in a couple years, the first thing out of his mouth was, "I'm only dressed up because I had court today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 251

You deserved it 3 950

By JurassicHole - 22/04/2012 03:27 - United States

Today, while landscaping my backyard, I was pulling a big weed out of the ground. After the last tug, the soil came free, but ended up with me punching myself full force in the nuts. I think my future children are already filing for parental abuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 071

You deserved it 4 440

By Anonymous - 17/12/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU", it really means, "If you so much as flinch I'm going to shoot and 50,000 volts will be directed through your nose and groin." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 816

You deserved it 12 473

Without me

By CrescentSelene - 23/12/2019 20:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I saw my mom's Facebook profile picture for the first time. It had all of my family members in it. I was cropped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 224

You deserved it 230

Lazy comeback

By Anonymous - 17/07/2020 02:01

Today, I was doing my job and trying to teach a lazy bunch of 16-year-olds. A girl entered the room just 15 minutes before class ended, so I snapped, "Someone had better have died for you to be this late!" She immediately burst into tears. Turns out, someone had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 2 539

By Anonymous - 04/07/2015 03:41 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had to lie to my coworkers about me and some guy beating the absolute shite out of each other in a bar fight, all to avoid admitting my black eye was from my 7 year old son punching me in the face the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 089

You deserved it 6 455

By fmljae - 20/01/2011 09:11

Today, I rented a 4x4 to take my wife to a secret secluded beach for our anniversary. I got as close as I could to the spot and parked on the beach. After a few romantic hours we returned to find the car half way up the windows with water. I forgot it was king tide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 802

You deserved it 30 725

By sadgirl - 24/08/2019 09:00 - United States - Edmond

Today, I brought my boyfriend home to meet my family. The first thing my mom said to him was, “Oh, you can do so much better. Like a paint huffer or a crack whore.” She was serious, and my entire family nodded in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 805

You deserved it 164

By ohno - 14/09/2010 23:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I took my girlfriend of 3 years out to where we had our first date. I proposed to her. She breaks down in tears as she tells me she's been sleeping with her co-worker for the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 452

You deserved it 3 204

By fucked by sex ed - 29/03/2013 17:18 - United States - Manchester

Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 762

You deserved it 16 934

By CryoSpectre - 11/05/2015 04:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I made my mom cookies for Mother's Day. My brother took all the cookies to work as a snack, because I didn't specifically tell him that the homemade "MOM" hearts weren't meant for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 774

You deserved it 2 321

By anonymous - 14/06/2012 14:54 - China - Nanjing

Today, I found out that my wife and two teenage daughters' periods are all one week after the other. I am living in hell almost every single day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 107

You deserved it 4 716

By anon - 06/01/2015 00:15 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I spent hours cooking an amazing dinner for my family, who had just gotten home from a trip, so we could spend some time together because I'd started to miss everyone. When they got home, they saw it all laid out and just took plates to their room, without even telling me they were home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 188

You deserved it 2 487

By Anonymous - 24/08/2016 12:16

Today, my dad's psycho ex broke in and had a meltdown about how he's dating another woman now. She's barely 100 pounds, yet it took me and my brother several minutes and one smashed shin to finally manage to drag her out of the house, all while my dad called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 455

You deserved it 965

By Anonymous - 28/12/2015 23:26 - United States

Today, I found out that when my parents said they couldn't afford gifts for us kids, what they really meant was that they weren't buying a gift for me. I found this out when I overheard my father telling my uncle about the things he got my siblings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 361

You deserved it 1 332

By terrible kenny - 30/01/2011 09:24 - United States

Today, as I went into my calculus class, the teacher announced that someone had received a negative grade on the test we were getting back. I laughed and said, "Which f*cker managed to get a negative?" Turns out I'm the dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 135

You deserved it 60 549

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Top comments

Anonymous874598 0

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Wednesday 13 January 2010 9:36

Actually its good news. Now he has dumped you, you can sleep with his father.

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Wednesday 13 January 2010 9:42

well if you liked him enough to date him the. your definitly going to love him as a step father <3 yay u win :)

Comments

myinitialsarecoc 0

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Wednesday 13 January 2010 9:15

Yea.. I laughed haha that is just hilarious

cheergirly789 4

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Friday 2 July 2010 11:08

your moms a hoe and your boyfriends a man whore sorry OP

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Tuesday 10 August 2010 6:27

postive + postive = negative :P ...but maybe not in this situation O.0

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 8:06

lol.

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Wednesday 13 January 2010 9:24

Good times

22cute 17

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Monday 12 March 2012 4:51

Creepy

Anonymous874598 0

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Wednesday 13 January 2010 9:36

Actually its good news. Now he has dumped you, you can sleep with his father.

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Saturday 23 January 2010 13:33

go sleeep with his father (if he's cute). if not then sleep with his bro. if that still doesn't happen then go get your dad, if they're still married, and walk in on your bf and mom doing it.. he will prob get shot :D

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Thursday 18 February 2010 21:58

her parents are most likely divorced her bf is sleeping with her mom

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Wednesday 21 December 2011 7:46

Lol

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Wednesday 13 January 2010 9:41

today my daughters boyfriend dumped her ao he could sleep with me mlig

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Monday 28 March 2011 8:01

Wtf lol

Pinkkmissymoo 7

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Friday 8 July 2011 18:38

The spelling in this is atrocious.... WTF. /:

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Wednesday 13 January 2010 9:42

well if you liked him enough to date him the. your definitly going to love him as a step father <3 yay u win :)

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Wednesday 13 January 2010 10:12

I love this. your boyfriend is living one of my fantasies. my girlfriends mom is so hot (think shyla styles with a nice round ass). I flirt with her all the time

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Wednesday 13 January 2010 11:53

wheres the dad?

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Saturday 13 February 2010 20:19

my ex is freakin hott i met her sis the first day we dated and im like i want a threesome then her mom got home and she is a milf her whole family is hot(chics tht is)

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 19:14

Shyla styles? Really? That would be EPIC!

dragonrider1959 18

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Tuesday 24 June 2014 0:06

You are an asshole! If your girlfriend knew that, she would dump you right away!

dragonrider1959 18

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Tuesday 24 June 2014 0:09

I'm a straight guy and even I think you're a huge pig

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Wednesday 13 January 2010 10:54

Sleep with his dad and have a kid. Eff that dude!

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Wednesday 13 January 2010 11:35

At least he didn't cheat on you with your mother.

Red_Wing_Nut44 14

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Monday 5 September 2011 19:35

Wow you're stupid.

I_lost_the_game 25

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Saturday 10 March 2012 0:54

...*facepalm*. Did you read the FML?

cupcakechick 17

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Thursday 9 May 2013 16:51

he right. he dumped her THEN slept with her

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Wednesday 13 January 2010 11:37

well he gets two thumbs up

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Friday 29 March 2013 0:37

So did you.

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Sunday 1 June 2014 19:10

Make it 3

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Wednesday 13 January 2010 13:38

#6 that's horrible! why the he'll are you even dating this girl if you just want her mother?!?! what the hell is wrong with you? I say the same thing bout ur ex darl. he's obviously a dick and not worth ur time

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Monday 18 April 2011 11:27

He dated the girl, met the mother, liked her better, dumped the girl (aka do no longer date the girl).

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 11

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 2 261

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 194