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Reasons to be cheerful, pt. 4

By amf - 03/06/2011 03:08 - United States

Today, I got fired via text. The last sentence was, "Wish you the best, take care!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 148

You deserved it 3 349

By Unemployed - 02/06/2011 04:40 - United States

Today, a customer had an allergic reaction to the almonds in the sundae I made for her. We're supposed to put the almonds on unless the customer asks otherwise. She complained to my boss that I'd poisoned her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 005

You deserved it 3 602

By lonelyloser - 04/02/2013 07:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, I hired out a motel room so I could stay there by myself and lie to my mother and grandmother about having friends. This is the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 556

You deserved it 15 569

By Anonymous - 20/05/2015 16:17 - Cyprus - Paphos

Today, a new employee started at our office. She's about 18, barely does any work, chews gum loudly, has no manners, and happens to sit right next to me. She also threatens to report me for harassment whenever I politely ask her to not bash my chair with the back of her chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 867

You deserved it 2 278

By jakeeey - 18/01/2013 01:16 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 212

You deserved it 10 944

Underfunded and underappreciated

By lrn2spel, teach - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Mogadore

Today, I got back the essay I wrote about how my country's education system is fucked. At one point, I made a spelling mistake. My teacher wrote a note about it, basically calling me illiterate, and telling me to pay attention in school instead of whining about it. She misspelled "school". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 092

You deserved it 4 695

By outagrand - 01/08/2009 14:08 - Australia

Today, I gave my mother a pre-prepared deposit envelope with my fortnightly wage in it, in cash. I tell her exactly where the deposit box is and what to do. I'm now desperately calling the bank because my mother accidentely put my $1200 deposit in the little trash can for receipts under the ATM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 967

You deserved it 13 955

By Tooks - 28/07/2009 19:41 - United Kingdom

Today, everyone at work commented on how much better my new haircut looked and how I should keep styling it this way as it's such an improvement over my old style. I was late for work this morning. My new hair style was Bed hair that I didn't have time to sort out... FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 816

You deserved it 8 057

By what did I do? - 25/10/2013 11:54 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months. Afterwards, they had a beer, a long chat, and decided this was my fault and I wasn't worth the drama. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 210

You deserved it 21 393

Friends

By me - 10/11/2012 19:49 - United States - Bend

Today, my dad agreed to let me borrow the car to go rock climbing with my friends. He'd just filled it up with gas, which is how I realized halfway back home that one of my "friends" had siphoned well over half the gas straight out of the tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 914

You deserved it 2 265

Just a prank, bro

By unlucky dudebag - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my brother and father thought it would be a good idea to wake me up by turning on a chainsaw while wearing hockey masks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 335

You deserved it 4 753

By reject - 21/01/2011 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, when taking a group picture with my closest friends, a passing parent congratulated us on getting into the same university for next year. She's wrong. They're all going to Cambridge, except for me. I was rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 094

You deserved it 5 931

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 22:52 - United States

Today, thanks to Grand Theft Auto, I found myself seriously thinking about holding up an armored bank truck when I saw it in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 699

You deserved it 38 599

By Chedder - 26/06/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 051

You deserved it 3 507

By Soakedandbroke - 26/01/2016 17:05 - United States - Houston

Today, I was walking to class. While waiting at the crosswalk, a guy cat-called me from his car. I guess he was pissed that I didn't respond, because he purposely drove through a puddle and completely soaked me and the expensive textbook I was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 008

You deserved it 1 791

By married and hates - 19/12/2010 18:51 - United States

Today, I got a call from an ex, demanding to know why my Facebook relationship status was set as married. I got married a few months ago, and I quietly explained this to her. My wife overheard and now thinks I've been cheating all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 411

You deserved it 5 647

Now we cook

By JAdams - 13/08/2012 00:49 - United States - Newkirk

Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 674

You deserved it 2 953

By Anonymous - 14/10/2014 18:57 - United States - Sebastian

Today, I got called to the guidance office, only to be told my boyfriend broke up with me. He wasn't sure how to break the news to me, so he made my guidance counselor do it for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 611

You deserved it 3 485

By Mark - 09/09/2011 04:51 - United States

Today, a car backed into mine. I thought that was pretty bad, until another car backed into me right after I'd finished taking the first guy's info. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 437

You deserved it 2 197

Stalker vibes

By porkieworkie - 21/04/2009 12:44 - United States

Today, after getting off the phone with a girl I'm interested in, I parked on campus and ate my lunch in the car. As I was sitting there, she appeared out of nowhere and walked to her car. I was parked directly behind her car, sitting there like a creepy ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 770

You deserved it 9 292

By WIno - 01/09/2010 02:46 - United States

Today, I have discovered things not to do while drunk. Like shaving my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 282

You deserved it 40 968

By thiswouldonlyhappentome - 31/05/2011 00:33 - Aruba

Today, I finally found out what that weird smell in my apartment was. My ex-boyfriend had been breaking into my apartment and hiding rotting fruit all over the place. I found this out when a ceiling panel fell and a swarm of fruit flies attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 463

You deserved it 4 092

By Username - 20/07/2010 04:57 - France

Today, I had the rehearsal for two of my friends' wedding. My ex-husband is also in the wedding, and I just found out we have to walk down the aisle together 'for height reasons'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 888

You deserved it 3 896

Ticked off

By Sarah220 - 12/07/2010 04:31 - United States

Today, I woke up to a pain on my eyelid. I stumbled into the bathroom to find a huge tick attached to the edge of my eyelid. My dad used tweezers to pull it off, only the head stuck. I had to go to the doctor and sit there for 15 minutes so she could pull the rest out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 601

You deserved it 3 309

By what even - 14/05/2015 22:17 - United States - Athens

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he was dating me. He replied, "Well, there's not a lot of options at this college." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 646

You deserved it 4 857

By Noname - 20/02/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, in class my friend played a joke on me by pulling my seat from under me while i was about to sit. I fell and everybody laughed at me. During the next class, I did the same thing to him. He broke his arm. He was the star of the basketball team. Nobody laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 206

You deserved it 25 134

By IntimidatorStag - 06/02/2009 23:54 - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 354

You deserved it 30 592

By Anonymous - 09/12/2013 05:57 - United States - Spokane

Today, I discovered that my stepbrother has been telling his friends that I'm his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 551

You deserved it 3 377

We meet again

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my daughter brought her new boyfriend over for dinner. I realize now why she said we would get along great… we graduated high school together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 768

You deserved it 3 769

By mallcop - 14/02/2010 05:07 - United States

Today, while I was working security at the mall, someone shat his pants. The shit dripped all over the floor and escalator. I was the one who had to stand near the poop so no one stepped in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 823

You deserved it 2 641

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The Top

Today, my mom screamed in my face that if she could go back in time, she’d rather have put up with the 3-minute pain of being fucked in the ass like her boyfriend wanted, because then she wouldn’t have had 13 years of pain raising me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 021

You deserved it 352

Today, like every evening, our place is literally shaking with banging noises from the apartment below. Are they raising ponies down there? Wrecking the furniture? Taking out some walls? No, it's just my landlord's six-year-old. Playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 565

You deserved it 156

Today, my mom said my boobs are finally getting bigger and that I've finally hit puberty. I'll be celebrating my 31st birthday next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 164

You deserved it 1 108

Today, I found out that on Wednesday, when I have 2 exams, I'm called to testify in court. If I go to court, I cannot make the exams. If I take the exams, I'll be held in contempt and arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 205

You deserved it 5 938

Today, I had to try to explain to my stepsister that it's inappropriate to ask to borrow my mother's wheelchair to dress up 'like a cripple' on Halloween. When I told her my mother would need the chair on Halloween anyway, she suggested we just carry her around for the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 751

You deserved it 230

Today, my cat regurgitated his food right on top of a heating vent located on my floor. Now the whole house smells like hot vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 072

You deserved it 2 126