Health: Today, in class my friend played a joke on me by pulling my seat... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 66

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 34

20/02/2009 00:17

Today, in class my friend played a joke on me by pulling my seat from under me while i was about to sit. I fell and everybody laughed at me. During the next class, I did the same thing to him. He broke his arm. He was the star of the basketball team. Nobody laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 084

You deserved it 25 056

And today, on Dr Phil…

Good kid

Age difference

01/06/2019 20:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend let it slip that he thinks of my best friend when he masturbates because he like to have the "freedom and variety." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 092

You deserved it 236

30/06/2015 16:02

Today, my docile gerbil was startled by a car alarm. He dove into my tank top and bit straight through my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 981

You deserved it 2 741

What did you say?

By What? - 22/01/2013 19:00

Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 567

You deserved it 4 089

27/06/2012 20:48

Today, I was babysitting a four-year-old girl, when I came across a toy that sang the Macarena. For fun, I decided to teach her the dance. When she showed her parents, instead of putting her hands on her backside and turning, she decided to bend over and moon them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 141

You deserved it 3 040

18/04/2009 18:09

Today, my blind friend bragged to a group of people that she knew all of us by smell. We all took turns standing in front of her, and she would tell us who we were. When I got in front of her, she thought I was my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 501

You deserved it 10 155

07/05/2009 14:50

Today, I told my students that I would be absent tomorrow because my wife was giving birth. They burst into applause... not to congratulate me on the new baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 197

You deserved it 13 651

27/01/2009 19:36

Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 988

You deserved it 23 241

10/02/2009 20:46

Spicy

Today, I was on the internet with my Dad looking up information about allergies. I began to type 'allergies' into the Google Search Box and as I typed 'a', the phrase 'amazing sex positions' popped up as a search I had already looked up. My Dad asked me if any of the positions worked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 817

You deserved it 48 529

This is us

By Anonymous - 15/06/2020 17:04

Today, after 14 years of relationship, him forgetting every anniversary and birthday, and being disloyal several times, my boyfriend offered to buy us friendship rings. Because I according to him, I seem to care for such gestures, and it would fix our problems. 14 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 2 267

30/06/2015 20:26

Today, while alone in the childcare centre I work at, one of the children farted bad enough to trigger my morning sickness. Because I was alone, I couldn't leave the room, which resulted in me throwing up into a 2-year-old-sized toilet, while 12 toddlers either watched or ran wild. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 830

You deserved it 1 837

Serial killer

By bananapie69 - 29/05/2020 23:00

Today, during my staff Google Meet conference, I forgot to mute my mic when I joined and I was still listening to a true crime podcast. I started to notice people's confused looks and realized they were all hearing the details of the bodies found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 957

What? It's just helpful advice because we know better.

By Moimoi78 - 01/02/2017 05:00

Today, I introduced the concept of 'mansplaining' to my husband. Ever since, he's been deliberately mansplaining every single thing to me. All. The. Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 120

You deserved it 5 068

30/06/2015 20:31

Today, I went on a Segway tour in Budapest. The Segways have an automatic speed limiter, and to release it and get back to normal speed, you have to brake. Unfortunately, I forgot my speed limiter was on and so, while trying to brake, I instead returned to normal speed and crashed into a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 349

You deserved it 4 672

30/10/2013 00:41

Today, I got my cats a new scratching post. They completely ignored it and tore apart the new felt on my pool table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 109

You deserved it 5 069

06/10/2009 21:08

Today, I met my new roommate. I also met her stuffed animals, who introduced themselves to me. My roommate makes inanimate objects talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 150

You deserved it 4 316

05/07/2012 04:01

Today, my brother thought it would be funny to pretend my tampons were "dynamite" and run around the house throwing them at my friends and family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 249

You deserved it 2 567

Heavy sandwich, man

By Anonymous - 07/06/2021 22:01

Today, I was sitting on park bench eating a sandwich when suddenly the bench broke and I fell and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 85

02/08/2018 05:00

Today, I learned that my (ex) boyfriend has a breastfeeding fetish. How did I learn this? I found him sneaking pictures of my breastfeeding sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 457

You deserved it 247

27/02/2013 18:27

Today, after scouring my apartment for quarters to do laundry, I found the correct amount of change. The change got jammed in the washing machine. I now have no more quarters, and my clothes are caked with soap from washing them in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 207

You deserved it 3 924

28/08/2009 18:30

Today, I was feeling sick and I farted so loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 666

You deserved it 6 881

24/09/2011 16:15

Today, my mom and I heard a thump from inside the coat closet. I opened the door, and something fell on me. My mom, who was behind me, screamed, closed the laundry room door, and ran into the garage, leaving me to face the alleged attacker. It was the vacuum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 213

You deserved it 2 851

Say my name, say my name

By Anonymous - 28/08/2020 23:01

Today, after being unemployed for over four months, I got a call from a company I've wanted to work for for over 2 years. After they were about to set up an interview, they called me by a different name. After correcting them, they hung up on me. Turns out they had the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 997

You deserved it 157

01/07/2015 02:21

Today, I learned I don't have a yeast infection. I have herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 004

You deserved it 8 790

14/03/2015 11:04

Today, I worked up the courage to tell my girlfriend that I love her. She made a face like she'd just sucked on a lemon and said, "Um... yay, I guess...?" and awkwardly left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 262

You deserved it 3 025

05/09/2014 16:17

Today, my boyfriend was about to sneeze. To avoid getting his new tablet wet, he chose to sneeze right into my face instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 920

You deserved it 3 876

03/07/2009 20:09

Today, I was helping my friend with her little sister's birthday party. We were playing a game where you get up and switch seats if you've done a certain thing. One girl said to switch if you've kissed a boy. I watched as 18 12-year-olds switched seats with each other. I stayed sitting. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 035

You deserved it 9 035

23/02/2016 20:39

Today, the officers of my archery club forgot to check if anybody was behind the targets looking for arrows. I got hit in the leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 576

You deserved it 1 994

16/11/2009 05:30

Today, feeling like I needed to relax, I ordered room service at my hotel. When I was finished I went to put the tray outside not thinking about needing a key to get back in. I locked myself out of my room wearing happy face underwear in a $250 a night hotel. I had to go to the lobby to get a new key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 280

You deserved it 26 896

15/04/2018 06:00

Today, I was in a car accident with my dad. A wheel slammed into my door, dislocating my arm and breaking it in three places. Later on, the people who hit us came over and gave my little sister a gift basket. She wasn't even in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 444

You deserved it 225

14/10/2010 02:13

Spicy

Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 077

You deserved it 10 270

10/09/2012 12:48

Today, while trying to change my visiting cousin's opinion about our state being "redneck and white trash", we stumbled upon a proposal/celebration in a Walmart. So much for changing her opinion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 844

You deserved it 3 964

Choose your family

By family is bullshit - 06/06/2021 08:01

Today, I've been guilt tripped, ranted at, called names, ostracized and told what a horrible person I am for, "turning my back on family." My former brother is in jail for unspeakable crimes, yet somehow I’m the bad guy for not standing by and supporting him or offering to help pay for a lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 192

You deserved it 58

27/12/2013 06:35

Today, my friends and I had our Christmas party. I ended up being the only one sober, and had to drive each and every person home. There were 15 of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 447

You deserved it 5 799

11/10/2010 01:38

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 599

You deserved it 4 257

14/12/2009 21:21

Today, I was at my 10 year high school reunion. I saw the girl I used to have a BIG crush on, so I decided to go over and say hi. She screams when she sees me. Then, she starts hitting me, looking panicked. I control her and ask why she's hitting me. She says 'Everyone thought you were dead!' FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 371

You deserved it 2 760

11/11/2015 12:18

Today, I woke up at 7, got to college by 7:40 to receive an email that my 8:00 a.m. class got cancelled. I stayed there until 12:00 p.m. for my second class, to then find out that the cancelled class was the one at 12:00, not 8:00. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 679

You deserved it 5 852

24/10/2014 05:02

Today, I got approached by a lady while eating at a fast-food restaurant who asked if I could spare five dollars. Confidently, I pulled out my wallet to show her that I had no cash, only to reveal a perfectly crisp five dollar bill that I had completely forgotten about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 104

You deserved it 17 735

Pants on fire

By Bun - 11/10/2020 23:01

Today, I found out that while I was attending AA meetings to help understand how to help my boyfriend of 7 years when he got back from rehab, that he was not in rehab at all. He was on vacation. With his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 139

The wrong end of the stick

By poodlesoup - 21/12/2020 22:58

Today, I actually feel good about my decisions and my life. I've even started running to improve my health, and recover from self harming. My girlfriend is convinced I'm running to hurt myself, and won't let me near any health food or the treadmill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 71

29/11/2011 19:29

Today, it's cold and rainy. I would like nothing more than to drink hot chocolate and watch a movie with the woman I love; the same woman who cheated on me and took the TV with her when she left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 298

You deserved it 4 001

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Friday 20 February 2009 16:14

happened to me at a pool party. this girl pushed me in with all my clothes on and everyone thought it was the funniest thing ever. later i pushed her in with her bathing suit on and she fell and cut up the whole back of her leg and needed to wrap it

nobody_special 0

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Friday 20 February 2009 10:16

that sucks. next time, stick with the whoopie cushions!

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nobody_special 0

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Friday 20 February 2009 10:16

that sucks. next time, stick with the whoopie cushions!

kee_breezy32 34

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Wednesday 20 November 2013 4:09

the irony!

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Monday 9 December 2013 16:10

Don't worry about it! Must've been a skinny kid if he broke his arm.

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Friday 20 February 2009 10:18

you got him good, didn't you? do you go to a big ten school or something? or is basketball a big thing where you're at? further more, do you have one of his coaches as a teacher/professor for anything? if so, i'd love to be sitting in the next class you have with one of them. that would be great.

dsbs 9

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Sunday 28 October 2012 21:27

Boo hoo he cant play basketball, it's the end of the world.

Amkii 0

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Friday 20 February 2009 10:37

Ha! Nicely done! Now, hopefully, he won't be pulling that trick on anyone again soon. Well, he wouldn't even be able to, but... yeah. lol! I did something like that to my sister once, and everyone got sooooo mad at me, even though she was fine! People are weird.

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Friday 20 February 2009 12:13

That'll teach 'im! However, don't let the stupidity of other people drag you down!

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Friday 20 February 2009 13:24

Lots of bad things happen to you eh?

takemeaway_fml 0

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Friday 20 February 2009 16:00

he deserved it...definitely not your fault

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Friday 20 February 2009 16:14

happened to me at a pool party. this girl pushed me in with all my clothes on and everyone thought it was the funniest thing ever. later i pushed her in with her bathing suit on and she fell and cut up the whole back of her leg and needed to wrap it

know_your_role 0

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Friday 20 February 2009 19:58

that's his bad for being so brittle. he shoulda been injured long time ago if he couldnt take a spill.

Edmund_Dantes 0

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Friday 20 February 2009 21:34

there are a lot of bitter nerds here. You're not only a dick, you're an unoriginal dick.

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Wednesday 9 May 2018 3:05

All he did was do what his friend did to him. How was he to know he was gonna break his friends arm

NotoriousMandog 0

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Saturday 21 February 2009 1:29

Who breaks their arm when they miss their seat sitting down?

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Sunday 5 July 2009 3:49

Exactly #28! How in the world did he manage that? The basketball star must be really uncordinated.

Pixelatedpotato 28

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Friday 29 January 2016 19:53

Only thing I can think of is him sitting on his arm... Why though is my question.