Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee,...

By bigjohn106 - 17/7/2011 12:34 - United States

Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML

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Love

Instadrama

Delayed proposal

Headache

By Anonymous - 3/3/2020 18:01 - United States - Springfield

Out of the frying pan…

Today, it's been 2 days since I got over having the flu for over a week, missing work the whole time. I just got food poisoning. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2018 19:00

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and my boyfriend thought it would be cute to carry me to bed. He knocked my head on the door frame and I pretended it didn't hurt because he felt so bad, but I shouldn't have. I was rushed to the hospital hours later with a concussion. FML

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By shortarse - 13/6/2017 02:00 - Australia - Saint Lucia

Today, I finally moved into my own flat - no family, nor messy flatmates. Should be great, except for the fact that I'm so short, I have to climb onto the counter in the kitchen any time I want to reach my shelves. Like a child. I'm going to break my fucking neck. FML

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By the un-loved child - 28/7/2013 22:34 - United States - Salida

Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML

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By Z - 14/11/2012 00:43 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML

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By - 2/1/2020 18:00

Hard to believe

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML

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By wtf - 10/1/2014 16:47 - United States - Delmar

Today, my grandpa took my face in both hands, kissed me on the lips, said "Now you can tell all your friends you've had your first kiss," and walked out of the room. FML

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By imfucked - 26/7/2019 14:00

Today, I found out the paycheck I deposited on Tuesday bounced. This means that the checks I sent to my landlord, the electric and gas company and my mom will also bounce. When I told my boss, we got into an argument over bank fees and he fired me. I had thumped him, though. FML

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By epistaxis - 29/1/2009 02:31 - Australia

Today, my nephew asked me how babies are made. I thought he'd had this chat with his mom, but I went in to it again. After a 20 minute 'discussion', he says "So what about the good stuff - get to the blowjobs and the lesbians." He's 11. FML

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By FMyJob - 6/11/2015 23:59 - Australia - Ashfield

Today, despite having my 5-day-leave approved 2 months ago, my boss demanded I return to work in the middle of it. Why? She wants to go on a vacation and no one else is available at such short notice. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2009 14:36 - United States

Today, my brother had his hot friend over. I decided to make a move because he was staring at me and smiling all night. So I asked him which holiday was his favorite, Christmas or Easter while I batted my eyes and smiled. Thats when he said, "you have lettuce in your teeth." FML

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By KobraKommander - 17/3/2010 11:51 - France

Today, I rear-ended a car while I was texting about the accident ahead which was causing all the traffic. FML

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By frustrated - 22/1/2013 07:20 - Australia - Mittagong

Today, my mother insisted I dress very smartly in suit attire for my first job interview at a hippy-style retail store. My interviewer wore a poncho. I didn't get the job. FML

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By NoNaMe - 4/6/2009 08:07 - Australia

Today, while walking down the street, a homeless man walked up to me. He opened his mouth to say something and I immediately said that I didn't have any spare change because I was late for work. He then said "I was gonna ask you for the time, dickwad". Apparently he wasn't homeless. FML

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By Cherub - 3/5/2009 22:16 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my wedding day. It was meant to be perfect. The bouquet, along with a high pollen count, set my hay fever off. I walked down the aisle in front of 200 people with streaming eyes and a runny nose; I then had a sneezing fit during my vows and blew a large snot bubble. Real attractive. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 00:02 - United Kingdom

Scruffy 'erbert

Today, I was in the garden of my new house when a neighbour came over and told me to clear off or she would call the owner to tell them they were being burgled. When I told her I was the owner, she said I was clearly unsuitable to be living on this street, and to stop lying before she called the police. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2016 14:10 - Australia - Niagara Park

Today, I set up a hidden camera in my room so I could prove that my sister beats me up when my parents aren't home, since they always accuse me of lying about it. When I showed them, they wasted no time accusing me of "provoking" her off-camera. FML

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By Pandy1031 - 9/2/2017 08:00 - United States - Crofton

Today, as I was shampooing my hair in the shower, the power went out. Since my house has well water, no power means no water. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2010 06:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I start work in an office, with my mother. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2014 06:06 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my daughter started speaking with hashtags. I told her to knock it off, to which she replied, "You don't get it, mom - hashtag white girl probs." Hashtag FML

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By pey - 21/5/2020 14:00

Revelations

Today, my boss told me I had to fire my co-worker. I didn't want to do it, but I didn't want to lose my job. I told my co-worker that the boss said we had to let him go. He told me that he had sex with my wife. My wife didn't deny it. FML

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By Scarred for life - 13/3/2020 08:00

Frozen

Today, while volunteering at a senior care center, I witnessed a woman begin to remove her trousers. Then she began tearing apart her diaper. She then began to explore her body. I was unable to stop her. FML

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By Rin - 15/1/2010 08:02 - United States

Today, I found some pictures of the boy I have a crush on online. Not only is he a crossdresser, but he's also a better looking woman than I am. FML

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By bobuhbeartoe - 24/8/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, while showering, I finished off the shampoo bottle. I decided to see if I could shoot it into the trash can over the shower curtain. When I heard the successful "thunk", I got so excited I slipped and cracked my head open. FML

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By regstl - 1/6/2013 06:21 - United States - Beaverton

Today, as I was getting out of my car, an old and obese lady walked up to me and called me an "inconsiderate heartless bitch" for using the last handicap parking spot. I guess she didn't see my wheelchair. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2016 06:40 - United States - Seattle

Today, I dropped my knitting project while I was sitting down, but I managed to catch it between my legs. So my knitting needles also caught me. FML

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By dhskkf - 28/8/2013 00:23 - United States

Today, it was the day of my wedding. I had a massive headache a couple of hours before the ceremony so I decided to take a nap. I told my brother to wake me up an hour before it started. He forgot. Now everyone thinks I ran out on my wife. FML

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By iAMloud - 19/3/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I was riding to a prom with my friends in the middle of a swamp-covered area. I stuck my head out the top and screamed like they do in the movies. My hair, makeup, and mouth were quickly filled with bugs. FML

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By LOLCATS - 13/10/2009 13:45 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife came home from work early and told me she'd been fired. She was really upset so I told her how much she means to me and how much I love her to help cheer her up. She then told me she was caught getting it on with another employee. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2010 20:04 - United States

Today, at dinner, my grandmother informed us that my cousin's newborn baby has been having seizures. My verbal filter did not switch on in time and I replied, "It's not a seizure if you're shaking it." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/6/2012 16:25 - United States - Bucyrus

Today, I told my mom I was finally going on a diet. She let me know how proud she is of me fighting temptation, by making my favorite cookies and dinner. FML

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By a fat fucking shit and proud of it - 28/6/2014 19:09 - United Kingdom - Camberley

Today, it's been less than a week since I finally got a job, after over a year of searching. I just found out that there's about to be a wave of layoffs. I haven't even gotten my first paycheck, and already I'm going to lose my job. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2016 14:52 - United States - Dallas

Today, I made the decision to lighten my hair from dark brown to blonde. I thought the stylist knew what she was doing, but I ended up with my hair fried off and orange. FML

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By nazooer - 22/3/2012 01:50 - United States

Today, I thought I was going to my doctor for a yearly check-up. My father had actually tricked me into therapy. FML

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By onlychild - 12/4/2014 06:22 - United States

Today, my sister is working on her graduation speech. She gives her thanks to one friend for helping support her through school, like, "The sister I never had". FML

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By bl3ur0z3 - 30/9/2019 00:01

The luck of the draw

Today, my supervisor was in a leadership meeting pulling random calls for quality. Mine was chosen. He got excited and told them my stats and how I put him to shame with how I drive my team, that I'm the best and this call is going to be amazing. I was then written up for arguing with a customer. FML

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By aussie worker - 23/3/2017 14:00

Today, it was my first day at a new job as a waitress for a wedding function centre. As I was opening the door to collect dirty plates from the guests, I bumped into a colleague carrying a tray full of full champagne glasses, all of which fell and smashed on the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2016 15:54 - United States - Niles

Today, somebody kicked the crap out of my car and spray painted "CHEATER" on the sides. I've never even had a girlfriend. FML

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By soy_un_perderdor - 13/12/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, it's Saturday. While all my friends go out to have fun, I get my excitement thinking about how I'll be sleeping with a new pillow. FML

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By InsertPopcicle - 22/11/2013 06:53 - United States

Today, I forgot I left my tampons in a grocery bag packed with food that I put into the fridge. I realized two hours later while frantically looking for a tampon. I'm still cold down there. FML

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Top comments

By Symmetry88 | 0

#2915337 - Sunday 17 July 2011 18:47

haha! he sounds like a jackass.
But no need to worry, if her dad doesn't like you, it means she does. (:

By jasminea | 0

#2915312 - Sunday 17 July 2011 18:45

awhh.... but love conquers all(:

COMMENTS

By aleagator | 10

#2915307 - Sunday 17 July 2011 18:45

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

proxxX069069 | 7

#2915541 - Sunday 17 July 2011 19:07

I was glancing through all the comments and I noticed, you look like Angelina from the jersey shore !

Luvarian | 0

#2916220 - Sunday 17 July 2011 21:16

nigggggggeeeeerrr

iSitt | 0

#2917258 - Monday 18 July 2011 1:06

next time he argues you into a corner, faint.

itsgen | 16

#2918190 - Monday 18 July 2011 3:49

I agree!

NeatNit | 32

#2918297 - Monday 18 July 2011 4:17

OP just wants her for the money!

terry0507 | 0

#2944404 - Thursday 21 July 2011 11:46

lawyered

By katymack | 11

#2915309 - Sunday 17 July 2011 18:45

Sucks to suck.

partyfool2011 | 4

#2915620 - Sunday 17 July 2011 19:18

you would know?

2ndSucks | 15

#2916196 - Sunday 17 July 2011 21:13

3- not always. ;)

CanWeMicrowaveIt | 11

#2916472 - Sunday 17 July 2011 22:22

lol your second in this thread 2ndSucks

CanWeMicrowaveIt | 11

#2916478 - Sunday 17 July 2011 22:23

You're* dammit

partyfool2011 | 4

#2925887 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 1:56

At least 2nd gets a medal. what does fourth get? a high five?

By jasminea | 0

#2915312 - Sunday 17 July 2011 18:45

awhh.... but love conquers all(:

codyjeffers97 | 0

#2915344 - Sunday 17 July 2011 18:47

first

Volcano47 | 0

#2915379 - Sunday 17 July 2011 18:48

sombodys father in law doesnt like you(:

jmtmxer | 0

#2915409 - Sunday 17 July 2011 18:50

more like 7th dumbass

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2915435 - Sunday 17 July 2011 18:53

Tell him: "Objection, where is your evidence?"

Symmetry88 | 0

#2915527 - Sunday 17 July 2011 19:04

17 you just made me smile xD
but what if he shows up with a bag of evidence? :O

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2915531 - Sunday 17 July 2011 19:06

-23 Bribe him

cyanne_fml | 7

#2915617 - Sunday 17 July 2011 19:18

someone needs a lawyer~

ssaammiiee | 5

#2916416 - Sunday 17 July 2011 22:10

tough luck

whyXD | 12

#2916515 - Sunday 17 July 2011 22:30

Life sucks.

dolphincheddar | 10

#2916548 - Sunday 17 July 2011 22:39

for you maybe. but uh ya.. wait 72 hours and then do it again. herpderp

dolphincheddar | 10

#2916552 - Sunday 17 July 2011 22:39

for you maybe. but uh ya.. wait 72 hours and then do it again. herpderp

changetheworld | 0

#2916761 - Sunday 17 July 2011 23:43

Haha, you double posted and managed to get one thumbed up and the other thumbed down.

dolphincheddar | 10

#2916786 - Sunday 17 July 2011 23:49

I know i don't know how it happened but I'm confused o.o

spartan522114 | 0

#2917372 - Monday 18 July 2011 1:20

The second gets thumbed down to fix the double post.

xmayne | 0

#2917694 - Monday 18 July 2011 2:20

Objection your Honor, speculation. he is not a doctor there for not qualified to make that statement.

mr_miyagi | 0

#2918198 - Monday 18 July 2011 3:53

saying yes to a marriage proposal isnt legally binding anyway though

sylverdrag_fml | 9

#2918250 - Monday 18 July 2011 4:06

It's "Objection, your honor".

humorizer | 14

#2919038 - Monday 18 July 2011 6:24

"HOLD IT! Show me exactly where on the state or federal penal code it says that her statements in the next 72 hours are not legally blinding? Click on court records and show the evidence that proves it."

EvilPotato | 14

#2919054 - Monday 18 July 2011 6:30

As she gets whisked away ask for a lawyer.

jasminea | 0

#2925865 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 1:52

wait... I don't get why my comment for moderated...

lonewolf999 | 1

#2943627 - Thursday 21 July 2011 8:47

@#17:

Or he could drop ace attorney Phoenix Wright a phone call. ^^

By KillerABN | 9

#2915318 - Sunday 17 July 2011 18:45

He might be doing you a favor

spacemanspiff78 | 7

#2915776 - Sunday 17 July 2011 19:45

Indeed, you might want to think twice about having a lawyer for a father-in-law. Or, even worse, an ex-father-in-law

CommonSenseKarma | 17

#2916427 - Sunday 17 July 2011 22:13

Or, maybe, if OP truly loved this woman, and he wanted to be with this woman forever, he shouldn't give a shit about her father being a lawyer.

~More than just Common Sense.