Love: Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke....

By IntimidatorStag - 06/02/2009 23:54 - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 348

You deserved it 30 580

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Same thing different taste

By H-B - 28/04/2009 08:53 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 605

You deserved it 88 991

By Anonymous - 02/01/2015 22:14 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 128

You deserved it 10 280

By Chedder - 26/06/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 034

You deserved it 3 507

By sandyhome - 11/04/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a girl. We drove separately and met at the restaurant. Over the course of two hours she drank a gallon and a half of beer, then her boyfriend picked her up because she was too drunk to drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 791

You deserved it 6 277

By Anonymous - 01/09/2009 15:09 - United States

Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 578

You deserved it 69 644

By random guy - 30/03/2016 06:49 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 3 years. She responded by drinking all the alcohol in sight, falling unconscious and pissing herself. Six hours later, she said that I was too immature and that's why it would never work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 144

You deserved it 1 868

By justafriend - 28/05/2017 00:00

Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 266

You deserved it 390

On the sauce

By drinkdrankdrunk - 27/09/2013 07:33 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I woke up from a night of heavy drinking to find my girlfriend dumped me. Apparently I drunk-called her last night and told her that someone as beautiful as her could be with someone way better than me. She agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 278

You deserved it 17 930

All over the place

By nemi - 31/08/2010 22:33 - Norway

Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 685

You deserved it 8 850

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 402

You deserved it 37 722

whiskeydick 0

Saturday 7 February 2009 18:52

who gets anything off of one beer anyway? if she was any more of a lightweight she'd float away.

dan81892 2

Monday 13 July 2009 18:10

it means that she thought she was drinking something alcoholic, and her being "drunk" was all in her head, although she still managed to do something stupid like crashing the OP's car.

Comments

lewalrus 4

Saturday 7 February 2009 5:54

hahahahaha, funny.

jazziue 0

Thursday 4 March 2010 3:54

at least u know she van be easily manuipulated

LegitDGK 0

Saturday 15 May 2010 18:23

lol that's wut I do with my lil bro

My2864 1

Sunday 4 July 2010 12:37

yeh i love to play people like that i once told someone i had the best kind of weed for him ... it was just tabacco but he had a awesome trip

martialart1st18 19

Friday 14 February 2014 4:05

Your girlfriend is a ******* dumbass

greenman_fml 0

Saturday 7 February 2009 7:04

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

iloveyou1266 4

Friday 19 August 2011 16:30

What's with you and rufies ?!

Timmytwofinger 0

Saturday 7 February 2009 8:42

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

whiskeydick 0

Saturday 7 February 2009 18:52

who gets anything off of one beer anyway? if she was any more of a lightweight she'd float away.

NotSprinkles 0

Tuesday 10 February 2009 10:40

Yea, non-alcoholic drinks still have alcohol just a lesser amount....if someone hasnt had much alcohol before then they could get a bit drunk off it...