Kids: Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing... - FML

By The fuck, junior? - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing his oral sex skills on the crotch of one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

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Sorry…

BO Central

Toxic people

By mjayne17 - Canada

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house. One thing led to another, and we were just getting to the good parts when his mom walks in. After a long, awkward pause, she says "I like your socks" and walks out. She is a teacher at my highschool. I have to see her everyday. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to try and seduce my boyfriend of 2 years. He was on his laptop, and while he was on it I took off my shirt and bra, and gave him a hug from behind. What I didn't know was that he was video chatting his father the whole time. FML

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By Mia - India - Mumbai

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get it on. That's when the bell rang. He said, 'I'll just be back'. 5 minutes later, still no sign of him. I wrapped myself in a towel and went to the hall. Turns out his new PS4 had arrived. He said, 'I forgot you were here, sorry' and continued to play. FML

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By rain1 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I had to explain to my parents why it is inappropriate to take selfies at a funeral. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I had to crown the homecoming queen, a responsibility of mine as class president. It just happened to be that the queen is my ex-girlfriend that I still love, escorted by her new boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 17:04 - United States - El Macero

Ding dong

Today, I got an ingrown hair. It wouldn’t be so bad, if it were anywhere other than my penis. FML

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By 6boss - France

Today, in art class, everybody was showing the paintings that we have been working on for weeks. Everyone was cheering and clapping. When mine came up, nobody clapped. FML

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By Rotarius - Canada - Toronto

Today, instead of staying home, I took an hour-long bus ride in the middle of the night to my girlfriend's place because on the phone she said, "I desperately need your body right now". It turned out she was just cold. She is also on her period. FML

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By akward - United States

Today, I began my job as an intern at a high school. I saw one of the students looked very familiar, and I couldn't remember from where. Then I figured it out, I had hooked up with him at a club last week. He's a junior in high school, I'm in my last year of college. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

First time

Today, I had sex for the first time. I realised that I was more satisfied by last night's dinner. FML

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By haaaye - United States

Sounds cosy

Today, my Twitter got hacked, and I can't get it back. Everyone now thinks I live in a trailer and have multiple STDs. FML

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By Rebecca2135

Today, I gave a speech at a charity fundraiser. I didn't realize how close I was standing to the fan, which automatically went on. As soon as I said, "this is why you should pledge," my dress flew up. I then learned how quickly phones can take pictures and emails of my underwear can be sent. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was robbed at work. The guy stole my cell phone, bag, and laptop. Because of the robbery, I had to close the store two and a half hours early. My boss decided to dock my hours. FML

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By baddaddy

Today, my psycho ex is threatening to take me to court on child abuse allegations. How did I abuse them? I “gendered” our children by buying them certain colored clothing and toys... that they’d asked for. FML

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By Cammy - United Kingdom

Today, I was pissed off. I kicked a soccer ball into my wall, and it bounced back, hit my head and knocked me into the wall behind me. My head hurts like hell. Even inanimate objects hate me. FML

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By EpicFail - United States

Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML

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By vickyxanne - United States

Today, I was cleaning out my fiancé's room while he was away so we could move into our new home. Not only did I find a few gay nudie mags, but also some interesting love letters from a nice man named Pablo. Apparently I need to do a lot more than cleaning his room to excite him. Like grow a penis. FML

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By middleagednurse

Stay Safe!

Today, the cruise that I was looking forward to for over a year was cancelled due to the coronavirus. Trying to salvage what was left of my vacation, I booked a hotel for a few days near a local beach. They just announced that the beach was closed and the hotel is refusing to refund my money. FML

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By sagecamreyyy

Today, three days after my "friend" tried to cut all my hair off while I was asleep, she tried to poison me with a random chemical that was under my sink. She then told me she wanted me dead because I touched her senpai. Her senpai is my brother. FML

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By

Glittery letters

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boss fired me because a coworker had seen me reading magazines on the job. That same coworker was the one who offered me the magazine. FML

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By tripb101 - United States

Today, I hinted at getting it on towards my wife (it's been 2 weeks since we last did). She answered with "no I'm to tired", within 2 minutes she said, "I'm gonna go use the treadmill". She got all hot and sweaty for about 30 minutes, but it was with the treadmill. FML

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By fullmoonfml - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to moon people out of my friend's car window. I rolled down the window and mooned a random couple. You should have seen the looks on their faces when I had to get out of the car and pick up my phone and wallet, which were in my back pocket. FML

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By 4lphab3t4

Today, my neighbour almost ran over my little sister, and blamed it on his disability. What disability? He has no sense of smell. FML

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By alipallie - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, after running across London to catch my train, I collapsed, panting, into a seat across from a concerned elderly woman. She leaned over to ask whether I had my inhaler and I smiled and nodded. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I'm not asthmatic, just really unfit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after about a year of keeping it a secret from my girlfriend, I told her about my foot fetish. She said "EWWWWWWWW!" and left. She's ignoring my calls and has changed her relationship status to single on Facebook. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend told me I didn't make enough noise during sex. Then when we had sex again, I made the noises she wanted. She then broke up with me because apparently, when I came, I screamed like a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took a taxi to my hotel. I specifically said that my destination was the Hilton resort. He took me to a bed and breakfast across town. When I finally got to my hotel, I cursed him out and didn't give him a tip. I then realized I'd left my phone in the taxi after he left. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was so excited to play the video game I just bought, I decided to read the manual in the game. I went over the seizure warning and thought to myself, who the hell gets a seizure from playing a video game? Apparently I do. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg

Communication tool

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

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By Just Set Me On Fire

Nope.

Today, while at work, I felt what I thought was a ball of lint on the back of my neck. I reached back and grabbed it only to end up holding the biggest wolf spider I've ever seen. FML

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By ihatelongflights - United States

Today, I was on a flight coming back home. On my right was a fat monk who was snoring very loudly, and on my left there were two old women who were talking about their teenage love lives in detail. The flight was 17 hours long. FML

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By Nearly blind

Today, I forgot my contact solution and used my sister's. When I put them in, my eyes burnt like hell. Apparently my sister has a new solution that is acidic and only gets neutralized after 12 hours in a special container. The warning is on the INSIDE of the bottle label. FML

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By Anonymous - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I got cited for "internet plagiarism" and called to the dean's office. I'd been sitting a closed-book written exam, and my teacher had been breathing down my neck the whole time. FML

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By AccidentalFlasher - Canada - Thornhill

Today, I was chilling in my comfy zip-up sweatshirt when I realized I was running late for an acting class. In my mad panic, I forgot I didn't have a shirt or bra underneath. Later in class, I was performing a scene and started to unzip my sweatshirt. You can figure out the rest. FML

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By Tiana - United States

Today, I asked a waiter at a restaurant if I could go in the kitchen to compliment the chef. She turned out to be really pretty, so trying to be cool, I leaned back onto what I thought was a table. It turned out to be a stove, and my shirt caught fire. FML

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By Artic - United States

Today, I found that the love of my life is 3.5 inches, fully erect. My cell phone is bigger than that. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, an old lady asked me the way to the shopping mall. The shopping mall was not too far away, but I could see that the lady could barely walk so I offered to drive her there. She smacked my car's door into a pole while getting in my car. She didn't even notice that she'd done something wrong. FML

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By newcomer - Canada - Kingston

Today, to treat the family, I cooked something nice in appreciation for sticking it out over the past few tough months. Unfortunately, I chose this one day to not wear my oven mitts when carrying the food to the table, spilling the food all over the carpeted floor. FML

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Top comments

By JustAnotherKid4U | 5

#5567681 - Saturday 6 July 2013 5:06

At least hes making an effort to learn!

By dinosxxrawr | 22

#5567683 - Saturday 6 July 2013 5:07

hopefully he knows real girls won't be that tiny.

COMMENTS

By JustAnotherKid4U | 5

#5567681 - Saturday 6 July 2013 5:06

At least hes making an effort to learn!

Reply

mikailanicole98 | 11

#5567891 - Saturday 6 July 2013 6:52

I hope Ken feels the same way..

Reply

BaselxD | 8

#5568019 - Saturday 6 July 2013 9:47

where else to learn anyways xD

Reply

hemz_fml | 13

#5568263 - Saturday 6 July 2013 16:35

Just imagine how he feels

Reply

phoneYuNOlisten | 16

#5568702 - Saturday 6 July 2013 23:32

Next FML: "Today, I was practicing eating out of a girl by using one of my sister's Barbie dolls. My mom walked in. FML"

Reply

archnarquibquib | 21

#5569034 - Sunday 7 July 2013 5:52

#114- OP is male...

By dinosxxrawr | 22

#5567683 - Saturday 6 July 2013 5:07

hopefully he knows real girls won't be that tiny.

Reply

LissaMccracken | 23

#5567752 - Saturday 6 July 2013 5:26

I should hope that'd be obvious...

Reply

ShyAnn29 | 14

#5567763 - Saturday 6 July 2013 5:33

23, sadly, you never know these days!

Reply

margojill | 13

#5567926 - Saturday 6 July 2013 7:34

Maybe it was one of those life size Barbies?

Reply

emilyjgraham | 34

#5568036 - Saturday 6 July 2013 11:04

Hopefully he knows real vaginas don't look like a mound of skin and nothing else!!

Reply

LeFrogDog | 27

#5568199 - Saturday 6 July 2013 15:55

*takes notes

By BromineAddict | 7

#5567685 - Saturday 6 July 2013 5:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

xlord | 27

#5567758 - Saturday 6 July 2013 5:29

*Looks at #3's picture. PLEASE USE CONDOMS WHEN YOU HAVE SEX.

Reply

fischerxx | 10

#5568663 - Saturday 6 July 2013 22:44

Cotton Hill. That's who.

By Doritozilla | 20

#5567692 - Saturday 6 July 2013 5:09

Why does this remind me of Adam Sandler!?!

Reply

pokemonchick14 | 12

#5567750 - Saturday 6 July 2013 5:24

Uhh, I honestly have no idea. Anybody else?

Reply

GoodLookingGeese | 10

#5568477 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:30

"Are you talking to me? Are you talking to ME?"

By StanSmith2013 | 26

#5567694 - Saturday 6 July 2013 5:10

Gotta start somewhere...right? Hopefully he doesn't have a doll fetish.

Reply

carnage45567 | 10

#5567954 - Saturday 6 July 2013 8:07

Practice makes perfect

By Madzobrk | 3

#5567695 - Saturday 6 July 2013 5:10

hey, he is just curious. im sure his future girlfriend will appreciate the effort

Reply

SkyGuy32 | 17

#5567734 - Saturday 6 July 2013 5:20

Well I think the solution for curiosity about that is porn. Not licking a Barbie doll's crotch.

Reply

emilyjgraham | 34

#5568037 - Saturday 6 July 2013 11:06

Porn is rather unrealistic most of the time so no, don't use it to learn! I know a barbie isn't real or anything but that's better than porn!

Reply

Axel5238 | 29

#5568058 - Saturday 6 July 2013 12:12

To be fair if you take porn with a grain of salt and use some common sense it can be good as a teaching experience. Too many guys try to replicate everything they see and it doesn't work.

By spekledworf | 18

#5567697 - Saturday 6 July 2013 5:10

Give him one of those cream filled chocolate eggs and tell him to lick the filling out. I think he's better off learning that way

Reply

illegalbeagle69 | 23

#5568125 - Saturday 6 July 2013 14:00

Or a pudding cup with no spoon..

Reply

jessBeAqueen | 13

#5568835 - Sunday 7 July 2013 1:51

lmao #8 thats a first for me. I now feel the urge to runnout and get one of those eggs

By summer_2k13 | 8

#5567698 - Saturday 6 July 2013 5:10

Practice makes perfect

By DocBastard | 38

#5567701 - Saturday 6 July 2013 5:11

Wait wait wait, Barbie isn't "anatomically correct"! What the hell was he licking?

I feel sorry for the first girl he actually tries it on. He's going to be shocked when he sees all the different parts.

Reply

Sinistra_Blue | 12

#5568711 - Saturday 6 July 2013 23:45

"Why do you have a hole in there? Is that a birth defect?"

By buddy51 | 23

#5567708 - Saturday 6 July 2013 5:13

Giggity!!!

Reply

ShakeDisPlace | 10

#5567889 - Saturday 6 July 2013 6:50

Don't worry #11 I gave you a thumbs up! haha

Reply

illegalbeagle69 | 23

#5568126 - Saturday 6 July 2013 14:01

Don't worry, I made sure you had the same amount of thumbs down..