The Top

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Where's my explanation?

By wishyouweremeds - 30/10/2019 06:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after two and half years at my company and after recently being promoted, I was told by my boss the business doesn't feel it needs me, and invited me to find another job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 867

You deserved it 138

Time for a beer

By Nope - 17/12/2023 20:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I tried making homemade bread, just for fun. My girlfriend started yelling that we had perfectly good bread from the store, "but noooo, my boyfriend just HAS to make his own bread!" She ended up ruining the experience, so I just threw the dough in the garbage and went to get drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 192

Crime scene

By xTRYSOFTx - 07/03/2020 03:00 - United States

Today, I called the police because I thought a burglar had broken into our house. I found out the strange noise was just my dog fucking about, so I smashed a small window and kicked down a door so I wouldn't be embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 2 223

Old Thug Life

By The Bad Guy - 09/03/2020 02:00 - Ireland

Today, an old lady came up to me and asked me to break a fifty for her. I gave her two twenties and a ten. I later used the fifty. It was counterfeit. I was conned by a pensioner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 576

You deserved it 404

Bear of a man

By Marcus Whitfield - 14/03/2020 15:00

Today, I came to the unsettling realisation that the 2XL jacket that was originally 3 sizes too big for me is now a perfect fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 516

By BrokeAsHeck - 23/03/2018 15:00

Today, for the second time in a year, I am a victim of bank fraud. All my money was in there, and I move today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 399

You deserved it 331

Spin on this

By foreveralone - 21/03/2020 06:00

Today, I had my first kiss. It would have been great if I wasn't playing spin the bottle as a 23-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 401

Odd one out

By fun_gal - 25/03/2020 17:00

Today, my family said that we're all in this together, so I headed over to their house before the stay-at-home orders go into effect. When I arrived, my brother came out to stop me in the driveway to say they were practicing social distancing. From me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 831

You deserved it 260

Is this dude a puma?

By Anonymous - 04/04/2020 02:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 1 569

By keep_your_eyes_on_the_sidewalk - 25/06/2018 15:00

Today, a girl with her eyes glued to her phone bumped my arm going in the opposite direction on the sidewalk. She dropped her phone, chased me to the bus stop, and told everyone that I broke it. She threatened to call the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 197

You deserved it 237

End of the road

By Anonymous - 31/03/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, my wife of 21 years fell asleep while we were about to have sex for the eighth time this month. Turns out she can't and won't have sex with me because she has hickies all over her tits and she'd consider it cheating on her new boyfriend, who she just met. I tried to jack off but she fell asleep on my penis, and that was that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 453

Don't yuck peoples' yum

By I hate him - 06/10/2025 15:00

Today, my husband bought a Pokémon game and started playing it in bed. It's like I'm married to an eight year-old boy. Why can't I have a normal man, who reads books or even plays normal games for an adult? I can barely look at him without feeling ashamed for settling with such an overgrown child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 1 133

Never get involved

By Boyufd - 08/06/2020 17:06

Today, my sister told me her ex-boyfriend abused her and I went to go confront him. Turns out, she lied because he dumped her after she cheated on him. I got my ass kicked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 744

You deserved it 607

IT'S ALL TOO MUCH!

By scott - 10/06/2020 20:08

Today, my daughter had an anxiety attack. Why? Because I told her she needs to be making her bed every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 372

You deserved it 396

He goes to a different school

By Anonymous - 15/12/2022 18:00

Today, at work during lunch, a bunch of the girls were talking about their husbands and boyfriends and sex stuff. I unfortunately got involved and basically made shit up and lied my ass off because no way would they believe I’m a virgin at 37, who last had a boyfriend in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 501

Call the waaaambulance!

By boiled ladybits - 25/06/2020 14:02

Today, I was in the shower having a little fun with the detachable shower head. I didn’t know anyone else was home until I heard a toilet flush and scalding hot water flooded my cooch. I think I need to go to the ER, but I’m too embarrassed to ask for a ride there. I can’t walk or sit properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 612

You deserved it 641

Brotherly love

By Anonymous - 07/10/2021 11:00

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex with the girl from next door, whom I’ve been in love with for years, but alas she isn’t a lesbian. She’s entitled to date whoever she likes, but my brother knows how I feel about her and seduced her anyway in our shared flat, which was a real douche move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 569

Chemistry

By Anonymous - 21/01/2023 10:00

Today, I got my boyfriend's pants down for the first time and turns out my thumb is bigger than his erect penis. I already know he has weak tongue technique, but this is an extra slap in the face I do not need. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 266

You deserved it 387

By Anonymous - 27/09/2018 13:30

Today, my husband hooked up with his classmate in the school I talked him into going to. I helped him pass classes to get there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 036

You deserved it 281

One joke too far

By Anonymous - 17/12/2021 14:01

Today, after spending 5 years working towards my dream job, getting it, and while in training telling a risqué joke, I got suspended the next day, lost the job, and I'm now in a shitty admin job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 1 904

By Anonymous - 30/10/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a haunted hayride with my crush and friends. I got scared and screamed so he put his arm around me and hugged me. I took this as a good sign and leaned in. Turns out his friend was handing him something and he wasn't putting his arm around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 021

You deserved it 367

Tardy

By Anonymous - 10/03/2023 20:00 - Australia

Today, I had to tell my daughter 7 times to get ready for school. I packed her lunch, made her breakfast, got her clothes ready for her, and yet it still took her half an hour to get dressed, making me just under an hour late for work due to peak hour traffic. Traffic I would have beaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 681

Bye bye love

By Anonymous - 04/10/2020 14:01

Today, according to my emotionally distant boyfriend, stopping by a whorehouse on his way home several nights a week for a quick blowjob isn’t cheating, because it involves cash and no intimacy afterwards. Dumped his ass real quick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 951

You deserved it 207

Now hireable

By Anonymous - 03/01/2022 19:59

Today, I rage-quit my job because my manager put me in a situation between putting my kids or my career first. I obviously chose my kids, but I’m now an unemployed single mom of two in the middle of a pandemic, with no one hiring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 182

You deserved it 411

By crazycatlady1890 - 03/05/2019 00:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I finished a full marathon and just wanted to relax and get pampered by my husband afterwards. Instead, I spent the evening taking care of him and his back because he had a spasm. Don't worry, he feels much better now. Meanwhile, I can’t move my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 784

You deserved it 465

Change my mind

By Anonymous - 27/01/2022 01:59

Today, my wife and I had zero interest in being parents, so she's on the pill and I always wear a condom, but now, with my vasectomy less than a week away, she somehow got pregnant and decides she wants to keep it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 616

You deserved it 402

By Big Baby - 28/01/2017 00:00

Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 482

You deserved it 818

Fire hydrant

By Chad - 06/11/2020 16:54 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was sleeping after having worked 76 hours over the last week on night shift, only to be woken up by a fire alarm in the hotel I'm staying in. I rushed to put on some clothes and head out, but couldn't hide my morning wood, which would not go away. People took pictures as we were waiting to be let back inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 149

By Anonymous - 28/07/2019 00:01 - United States - Pomona

Today, I held the door open for someone and he said, "Thank you!" I said, "Thank you!" back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 469

Lrn 2 Read

By in love with a nerd - 02/09/2019 22:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend refuses to talk to me because of a misread text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 260

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The Top

Today, I received the honorary title of "Student of the Month," because I'm the only quiet kid during class. Truth is, I just have no friends. I was given an award for being socially awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 821

You deserved it 2 518

Today, I was taking a bath after a long day at work. I closed my eyes and listened to music. My cat thought this was the perfect time to come out of his hiding spot and jump in the bath. Once he realized it was filled with water, he freaked out and dug his claws into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 812

You deserved it 2 332

Today, my girlfriend and I were waiting for the bus. The weather had been cold and snowy recently, and I realized I'd forgotten my transit card. She nonetheless got on the bus without me. I had to walk it alone in the snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 376

You deserved it 9 024

Today, feeling festive, I sent everyone on my phone's contact list a holiday message. Almost everyone replied back "who's this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 509

You deserved it 4 810

Today, whilst singing at school in front of 300 visiting primary school children I forgot the second verse to my song and let out an F*** word with the microphone still up to my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 374

You deserved it 39 599

Today, while on a weekend away, my boyfriend and I went for a walk. I now get to tell everyone the story of how my boyfriend got down on one knee into a pile of cow shit while proposing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 356

You deserved it 604