Animals, Dogs, Awkward and Cops: Crime scene - FML

Crime scene

By xTRYSOFTx - 07/03/2020 03:00 - United States

Today, I called the police because I thought a burglar had broken into our house. I found out the strange noise was just my dog fucking about, so I smashed a small window and kicked down a door so I wouldn't be embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 2 205

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Same thing different taste

By Mumbling Mutt101 - 15/08/2011 06:23 - Australia

Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 483

You deserved it 5 882

Stuck

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 362

You deserved it 5 257

Guilty until proven innocent

By Anonymous - 29/08/2022 14:00

Today, when looking through my home surveillance camera footage, I realised I was almost burgled. Two men broke in, looked around for a few minutes, and on the audio I clearly heard them complaining that I didn’t have anything worth stealing, so one of them pissed on my armchair. I'd blamed my dog for that damp patch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 133

By Alaska - 29/10/2015 03:35 - United States

Today, I was taking a poop when I heard a window in my house break. Then, I heard things dropping upstairs. I decided to stay in the bathroom, which has a lock, and called the cops. Turns out it was just a bird that was trying to get at my fish in the fish tank that I have in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 887

You deserved it 2 524

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 11:40 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I woke up to noises from downstairs. I practically pissed my pants and called the cops. Turned out it was just my cat being a dickhead in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 742

You deserved it 5 820

By avocadotoe - 14/11/2016 06:52 - United States - Big Bear Lake

Today, my boyfriend and I were house sitting. We were a little on edge because we'd heard noises. We were starting to get intimate, and suddenly the house alarm started going off. We locked ourselves in the room, called the police, and they told us that we were the ones who'd set it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 212

You deserved it 3 126

By GoodDog - 09/09/2009 13:21 - United States

Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 856

You deserved it 51 907

By FailedEngineer - 20/10/2009 21:31 - Australia

Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 276

You deserved it 35 674

Thug life

By secretagentsam00 - 31/03/2020 23:00

Today, I found out my dog is a felon. He broke into a neighbor's house by breaking in through the screen door. He also vandalized their property by shitting on their carpet. Our neighbors are now considering suing us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 635

You deserved it 566

Ratatouille

By Anonymous - 16/10/2020 08:02

Today, after my house almost got broken into last week, when I heard some noises in the kitchen I went to investigate. I saw a huge rat run across my floor, and nearly peed myself thinking it was an intruder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 179

Next

Top comments

carrs2154 9

Saturday 7 March 2020 4:32

Honestly. What the hell?

WistayShlaio82 13

Saturday 7 March 2020 3:21

I hope your insurance doesn’t read this

Comments

WistayShlaio82 13

Saturday 7 March 2020 3:21

I hope your insurance doesn’t read this

krray 7

Tuesday 10 March 2020 18:38

Insurance!? How about the police... What you just did is a felony now.

jc1015 25

Sunday 15 November 2020 9:20

I'm hoping the opposite he would totally deserve it

Itsheragain 9

Saturday 7 March 2020 3:43

😑

carrs2154 9

Saturday 7 March 2020 4:32

Honestly. What the hell?

mackdeezy 22

Saturday 7 March 2020 8:15

You know, instead of counting your blessings for being lucky, you go and do this shit. The police would have understood if you were upfront with them.

Wadlaen 23

Saturday 7 March 2020 8:23

Fully understandable! A lot of us would have done the same!

ViviMage 39

Saturday 7 March 2020 8:47

911 responders would rather you are safe and it's just the cat or dog making noises but confirmed the house is ok! You won't get in trouble for calling in good faith you were scared with strange noises! Well good luck on your 7 years bad luck!

hdisnfjs91 21

Saturday 7 March 2020 13:58

good job at commiting to avoid looking silly

AmbrosiaFan 18

Saturday 7 March 2020 15:02

Filing a false police report. Stay classy.

grayy 2

Saturday 7 March 2020 21:21

filing a false police report wow, next you will blame someone innocent is that it?!

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I agree, your life sucks 9 632

You deserved it 2 005

Today, on a train, I nearly choked while sleeping with my mouth wide open. The little old lady sitting opposite me was entertaining herself by throwing little pieces of balled-up tin foil into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 988

You deserved it 7 766

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I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 198